


Parallelism Between the Effects of Changed Conditions of Life

by lesbian_geek_spiral



Series: Seizing Our Bodies [1]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Romance, non-consensual & invasive medical procedures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-04-21 05:22:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 85,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4816643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbian_geek_spiral/pseuds/lesbian_geek_spiral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Katja had never managed to tell Beth about the clones? The North-American clones would be blissfully unaware. Cosima would still live in San Francisco, far away from her sisters. Delphine will still be assigned to monitor Cosima, but the circumstances are a little different.</p><p>This is my take on what would happen to Cophine if Cosima had not been self-aware...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Delphine +218

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will alternate between Cosima and Delphine's pov and there will be a large flashback. So in each chapter title you can find the name of the first person as well as the number of days before or after Cophine first met.
> 
> The mature rating is for swearing, sex, drugs and some non-consensual (sometimes invasive) medical procedures. This is most times not in graphical detail. In some chapters there will be details, I will give you a warning in the chapter notes when this is the case.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, all comments are very welcome.
> 
> A huge thank you to [suyurisan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/suyurisan) for beta-reading this. Thank you for your help and encouragement buddy!

Delphine sat at the table, staring out of the window. The sun had just risen above the buildings across the streets. Despite the early hour, the city was buzzing. Through the thin windows came the sound of traffic and voices. 

She pushed a few curls out of her face and yawned. They had gone to sleep so very late last night. The two of them had spent the evening on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms. They had shared a bottle of wine and talked about their plans for this summer. Both of them had managed to arrange a two-month break from working on their dissertations.

Together they would go on a road-trip across the western states. Cosima insisted that Delphine should see the country she lived in. Secretly Delphine was relieved that Cosima hadn’t suggested that they would visit France. She had no idea how she would explain her girlfriend to her family.

In the bathroom, the shower was turned off. Delphine faced the bowl of granola again; she was not very hungry this early morning. She shoveled a few bites into her mouth. In about an hour she was supposed to be at work, and of course she would be hungry by the time she got there if she did not eat.

“Morning,” Cosima entered their living room, which also functioned as a kitchen, dining room and study. The apartment they shared was ridiculously small, yet somehow neither of them minded being cooped up so close together. 

“ _Bonjour_ Cosima.”

Cosima walked over to Delphine. “I was afraid you’d already left.” She was wearing nothing but the small towel, which left very little to the imagination. Cosima ran her hand through Delphine’s hair, gently pulling her head back. She pressed a tender kiss to Delphine’s lips, effectively splashing Delphine with her wet dreadlocks. 

When Cosima lifted her head, Delphine said, “In a minute. I made you some coffee.” She pointed at the cup across the table.

“Awesome, thanks.” Cosima took a quick sip and grinned her approval at Delphine. “Do you have a busy day?” asked Cosima.

Delphine shook her head; she had to TA only one course this semester. The rest of her time she spent on her dissertation, or so Cosima thought. “No, I have a lot of samples to analyze, so I’ll be in the lab all day.” Delphine cleaned the last few bites out of her bowl and finished her tea.

“Okay, cool,” said Cosima, “Maybe I’ll come say hi.”

Delphine smiled. One of them always managed to drop by the other when they were working. Sometimes it was for a long lunch break, sometimes just a quick hello. Either way, these moments brightened Delphine’s days. “I’m looking forward to it.” Delphine got up from the table and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

When she returned to the living room, Cosima was sipping the coffee while scrolling through some article on her laptop. She coughed as she looked up at Delphine sitting down on the couch to zip up her boots.

Delphine looked back at her when she was finished with her boots, “Perhaps you should smoke less.”

“You would say so,” answered Cosima, “It’s just a cold.”

“Maybe, but you’ve had that cold for a while now,” Delphine said as she pulled her coat on. She gave Cosima one last peck on her lips. “Please consider it, _ma chéri_.”

“Bye, darling,” answered Cosima, completely ignoring her request. She watched with a toothy grin as Delphine slung her laptop bag over her shoulder and left with a small wave.

Cosima would not stop smoking pot, and Delphine knew it. But she also knew that stopping smoking would not help with that cough. She gently closed the front door behind her. She could still taste the bitter coffee mingled with the fresh minty toothpaste. The combination was not entirely unpleasant. 

\---

Almost an hour later, Delphine entered her office. She pulled her laptop out of her bag and opened it. While her computer was starting, she slid off her coat and hung it on the hook next to the door. She ran her hand through her hair again, taking in the room in front of her. On her left hand was her own desk, covered in neat stacks of papers and books. The bookcase next to it contained various well-ordered folders and more books. A few plants stood in the windowsill, and on the wall above her desk was an old educational poster of a lymphocyte. It had been a gift from Cosima, who had said that Delphine’s office was far too empty and sterile.

The right side of the room was empty, save for a desk with a chair and bookcase. Simple PhD students did not get their own office, but no one had been assigned to share this office with the future Dr. Beraud. Of course this was no coincidence; many strings had been pulled to make sure that Delphine had the room to herself. 

With a sigh, Delphine sat down in her chair. She pushed her laptop to the back of the desk and seized a pile of papers and a red pen to do some grading. Just as she was in the middle of the second essay, a buzz came from her laptop. In the corner of her screen she saw a small request for a Skype call. He was exactly on time, as always.

Delphine accepted the call and moved the laptop a bit closer, “Good afternoon, Aldous.”

“Good morning, Dr. Cormier.”

“How are you?” 

“Wonderful, how are you?”

“Fine,” answered Delphine politely. It was their usual ritual of small talk before their move on to the reason of the call.

“And how is 324B21?”

Delphine frowned, “Cosima still has that cough,” she said.

“It will not disappear, Dr. Cormier.” Aldous answered. He was sitting in an office she recognized from their many conversations over Skype. Delphine had never actually been to his office in Toronto. They would talk once every fortnight on Skype, and she sent him weekly reports regarding Cosima’s health and behaviour. Most of the data she collected, Delphine would analyze herself. Which was the reason a private office was so convenient.

“Have you received my latest report?”

Aldous nodded, “Yes, the high lymphocyte count is worrisome. 324B21 has been showing early signs of the defect for a while now.”

“Cosima also has an elevated CRP along with a high ESR. Her levels have been increasing rapidly,” said Delphine. She tapped the papers with the latest results in front of her.

Aldous nodded. He already knew this of course. Dr. Leekie was always completely informed of her latest reports. “We have to proceed to the next step.”

Delphine frowned, what next step? There was no next step; there was no cure for the clone disease. It had already killed a clone in Canada, and several others were in various stages of illness without the promise of a cure.

“Tonight we will move the subject to a facility in which we can observe her better and try some experimental treatments our colleagues have been working on,” said Dr. Leekie.

“What?” She must have heard wrong, “Cosima doesn’t want to move.”

Aldous sighed at her ignorance. “What the subject wants does not matter. You still have some sleeping pills left, right?”

“Yes.” Did he mean what she thought he meant?

“Tonight some of my men will come by to pick her up. Make sure your subject is sedated.” Aldous looked firmly at Delphine, “324B21 will be transported to a suitable facility and if we can’t cure her, at least she will be able to educate us. Her batch is a prototype after all.”

Delphine bit her lip, holding back a series of profanities, “That’s absolutely inhumane!”

“You are biased, Dr. Cormier,” said Aldous.

“Yes I am,” Delphine snapped back at him, “I love her Aldous. I do”

Aldous rubbed his nearly bald head, “You were supposed to just be her friend. This emotional involvement with your subject is unprofessional.”

“Cosima is not a subject, she is a human being.”

“She is a clone, an experiment, nothing more. And you’d do well to remember that.”

Delphine bit her lower lip; he was not to be convinced. “Can’t I just talk to her? I’m sure she would cooperate if she was aware of the situation. You persuaded Jennifer to voluntarily come into the institute for treatment.”

On her screen Aldous sighed. “We want her safe inside the institute, and 324B21 is too intelligent to not ask the right questions. We do not want her to become self-aware.” Dr. Leekie hesitated for a moment before he continued, “And it’s not just the defect, someone has been hunting the other subjects.”

Frowning, Delphine leaned forward, “What do you mean hunting?” Aldous had never mentioned this before.

“Some religious fanatic is assassinating the European clones,” said Aldous, “You don’t need to worry about that. Just make sure Cosima is unconscious tonight.”

Delphine gasped, shocked, she looked up at the ceiling. “And what if she is not?” she asked the ceiling.

“Our men will take her by force.”

Delphine looked back at her screen. “I see. So I do not have a choice.” 

“Dear Delphine, don’t you see. Your fieldwork days are done. You will be promoted to our facility in Frankfurt.” Aldous had his fingertips pressed together and was smiling at her with that condescending look. “You will be free of Cosima. You can find yourself a decent man.”

“I do not want a promotion.” Delphine pressed the red pen she had been using to grade the papers into her desk, choosing not to comment on his final remark. Oh, how she loathed that man and the power he held over her. “If you’re going to take Cosima, I’m coming with her. I want to be the one working on her treatment.”

If they were going to take Cosima, and they would, at least she would be there to make sure she was treated right. 

Aldous tried to talk her out of it. He offered her a generous salary, her own lab and some substantial benefits if she took the job in Germany. Delphine refused, she argued that Cosima might be more willing to cooperate if Delphine was with her. She told him that she knew the clone better than anyone else; she would be able to spot any signs of the disease before anyone. Besides, Delphine was more than qualified to work on the clone disease; she would be much more useful close to her subject.

Eventually he gave up, if she would rather be a glorified babysitter for a sick clone, so be it. “Fine, if you really wish to babysit Cosima, I won’t be in your way. Just make sure she is asleep and your bags are packed before midnight,” he said.

“Fine.” Delphine closed her laptop angrily.

She swirled her chair so she could look out the window. Pulling her bottom lip between her lips she considered her options. 

The clone’s only chance of a cure was with DYAD, Delphine knew that. And if Cosima would be locked up as a lab-rat, the least Delphine could do was be the one to experiment on her. Cosima would hate her; it would be the end of their relationship. But Delphine knew she would be gentler to her subject and much more invested in finding a cure than most of her colleagues. 

Delphine also knew that DYAD might never let Cosima go once they had her locked up. If she told her girlfriend the truth and managed to convince her to run, Cosima would maybe live another six months before the disease caught up with her. Whatever she did, she would lose Cosima.

Delphine turned back to the papers; she would finish grading them before she left today. Her students deserved that at least, whatever she decided today would be her last day at UC Berkeley. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, Delphine picked up the red pen and got back to work.


	2. Cosima +218

Cosima was practically skipping through the empty corridors. Her heels were clicking on the floors, her dreadlocks swaying around her head with every step. She had only just arrived at the campus, bringing lunch for two. 

All morning she had been working on her dissertation from home, finding it easier to focus without people around her. Only when she had started to feel peckish, she had put her notes down and packed her stuff in her messenger bag. Cosima had stopped on the way to campus to pick up something to eat and walked directly to the lab where she had expected to find a certain immunologist.

When she had not found Delphine in the lab, Cosima had frowned and turned to check her girlfriend’s office. Delphine’s office was all the way on the other end of the building. 

The door was slightly open, through the crack Cosima could see Delphine sitting hunched over the desk. Smiling, Cosima knocked with her free hand. 

Delphine reacted immediately to the metallic sound of Cosima’s rings. She turned her head as she straightened her back. Delphine’s hair twirled in the sunshine when she spun her chair around. “Cosima!”

“Hey,” Cosima pushed the door further open and entered the room. “I couldn't find you in the lab.” She sat down on the edge of Delphine’s desk, crossing her legs in such a way that her bare legs rubbed against her girlfriend’s.

“Mmm,” Delphine murmured, distracted by Cosima’s legs, “I have all these papers to grade.” Cosima observed Delphine’s slim fingers sliding up her thigh, her fingertips coming to a standstill just underneath the edge of the short skirt.

Cosima looked up at Delphine, she was staring at her hand. Her eyes were sad, and her brow creased. “Are you okay, Delphine?” Cosima asked.

“Huh?” Delphine looked back at Cosima, pulling her lip between her teeth, “Yes, I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.” With her free hand she gestured at the piles of paperwork.

Nodding, Cosima jumped off the desk. Delphine was obviously not in the mood. Cosima held out a hand for her girlfriend, pulling her up from the chair, “Lets go outside.” With her other hand she picked up their lunch.

\---

They sat down in their favourite spot, under a large oak in the grass. Most of the students had returned inside after their lunch break, leaving the area oddly quiet. It was much warmer than it had been earlier this morning. Cosima kicked off her shoes and stretched her bare legs out in the sun. 

Delphine sank down next to her, leaning back against the tree. Their shoulders were touching lightly as they sat next to each other in silence for a moment.

Cosima looked over at her girlfriend. Delphine was twirling a leaf between her fingers, observing it as it spun around. She was unusually quiet today; surely it was more than just work related stress. Cosima frowned; it was not like her girlfriend to sulk. Briefly she wondered if she should ask again what was wrong. Cosima decided that Delphine would tell her what was bothering her when she was ready.

Nudging Delphine with her shoulder, Cosima offered her one of the salads she had brought with her. 

“ _Merci_ , Cosima.” 

The way Delphine said her name, with that French accent, drawing each syllable out, still made Cosima weak in the knees. She smiled at Delphine, who had dropped the leaf and was already digging in the salad.

They shared the meal quietly. Cosima was famished and had finished her lunch in a matter of minutes. As she took a bottle of water from her bag, she noticed that Delphine had barely eaten. She was playing with her food, taking a tiny bite every once in a while. 

Noticing that Cosima was looking at her, Delphine smiled apologetically. “Sorry, not very hungry today.”

“That’s totally fine,” Cosima said, not taking the lack of appetite as a personal offence. Instead she decided to distract her girlfriend with a summary of an article she had found this morning. 

While Cosima was enthusiastically telling Delphine about an article on carcinogenesis she had found this morning, her arms flailing about trying to express her enthusiasm, a smile returned to Delphine’s face. The distraction seemed to help, Delphine managed to eat almost her entire lunch.

After Delphine had finished eating, they both got up without a word. Gathering their things and walking back towards the building that contained Delphine’s office, they continued their discussion only stopping when they reached the entrance. Cosima had to be in another building, this was where they usually said goodbye.

“ _Je t’aime_ ,” said Delphine.

“I love you too,” Cosima answered. After giving her girlfriend a quick peck on the lips, she started to walk in the opposite direction.

Delphine tugged on her hand. Did she want another kiss? Cosima was running late for a meeting with her supervisor and really had to run. She turned back to face Delphine, who was standing there, with her large pleading eyes. 

Looking intensely at Cosima, Delphine said, “I love you, Cosima.” She squeezed Cosima’s hand while she bit her lower lip, “You know that, right?” 

Cosima ran her thumb over Delphine’s hand, “Of course I know that.” She smiled, hoping that her grin would be able to convince her brilliant, beautiful girlfriend, who could be so insecure sometimes. “And I love you too. But I have a meeting like five minutes ago with Dr. Harper and I have to run.” Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed another kiss on Delphine’s lips, this one lasting a little longer than the previous one. “I’ll see you tonight, ‘kay?” Cosima gave Delphine’s hand one last squeeze and ran off to her meeting.

\---

The meeting with Dr. Harper lasted the entire afternoon. She very much appreciated his input on her dissertation and she usually couldn’t wait to get back to working. Today was no exception; Cosima was already going over tomorrow’s work in her head while she raced up the stairs to their apartment two steps at a time. If everything had gone all right, she would be able to take her samples out of the incubator tomorrow morning.

Their apartment smelled divine when Cosima got home. Delphine was standing at the stove, cooking supper. She had changed into a more comfortable outfit; a pair of loose shorts and a tank top.

Delphine looked up, “Hello Cosima.”

“Hey,” Cosima closed the door and walked over to Delphine. She ran her hands over her girlfriend’s hips and pushed her up against the countertop. Delphine pulled Cosima into a sweet tasting kiss. As they moved their lips together, their bodies relaxed into one another.

With a sigh Delphine pulled back, resting their foreheads together.

Cosima opened her eyes to glance at her girlfriend, whose eyes were still closed. Delphine was biting her lip, in the way she usually did when she was worried. Over the course of their relationship Cosima had perfected reading Delphine’s body language, especially the different ways she bit her lips. There is the gently tugging of her lower lip when she is turned on, and the longer biting of her lip when Delphine is in deep thought. But the way Delphine was forcefully biting her lip right now, told Cosima that there was something worrying her girlfriend.

With the tips of her fingers, Cosima rubbed soothing circles over Delphine’s hips. “You’d tell me if something is wrong, right?” she asked.

Delphine’s eyes opened reluctantly, finally meeting Cosima’s gaze. “Nothing is wrong!” she said fiercely.

“Okay.” Cosima stood up on her tiptoes and kissed Delphine again. If Delphine wasn’t ready to tell Cosima what was bothering her, she could wait. “But if there was something, you’d tell me?”

“ _Bien sur_.”

Figuring she would not get a more elaborate answer, Cosima gave Delphine one last kiss and went into the bathroom to freshen up. When she returned into the main room, Delphine had set the table and dinner was finished. During the meal they continued the discussion they had ended prematurely when Cosima had to run to her meeting after lunch. 

Once they had finished eating and had cleaned the dishes, Cosima pulled her notes out of her bag. She sat cross-legged on the floor, her laptop and notes spread out on the coffee table. Going over her notes and a few articles Dr. Harper had recommended, Cosima started outlining the next chapter of her thesis.

Meanwhile, Delphine turned on some music and sat down on the couch with a book. Her hand dropped to the edge of the couch to toy with Cosima’s dreadlocks. The next few hours were spent like this, enjoying each other’s company without speaking much. The only sound was the music, the occasional remarks or questions Cosima asked Delphine and the sound of pages turning.

When Cosima had finished her plan for the experiment she would do tomorrow, she dropped her pen and stretched her arms. She suppressed a cough, knowing that her overbearing girlfriend would tell her to quit smoking again. Cosima turned around, she had not heard a page turning in a long time. 

Delphine was sitting with her legs tucked under her, staring at the page in front of her. It had gone dark a while ago, and neither of them had bothered turning the light on. Cosima was able too see enough by the light of the laptop, but there was no way Delphine could read in the dim light. She was biting her lower lip again, seeming to have the world on her shoulders. 

Pushing herself up on the coffee table, Cosima got up and turned on the lamp standing behind the couch. She sat down on the opposite end of the couch. 

Delphine was no longer pretending to read. Instead she was watching Cosima.

“So, do you wanna go to Yellowstone first?” asked Cosima. She reached underneath Delphine and gently pulled her feet onto her own lap. Perhaps a foot rub would sooth Delphine’s mind. When they were taking about their upcoming vacation yesterday, Delphine had been so enthusiastic. Tonight she had barely said three words. “Or should we drive south to LA?” Cosima wondered whether Delphine was having second thoughts about their vacation, perhaps the French woman would rather see her family. Delphine rarely talked about her family, and aside from a weekly phone-call she didn’t seem to be in touch with her parents. Perhaps she should suggest they go to France during their break. 

Shifting into a more comfortable position, Delphine took a moment to think about it. “As long as I get to see the Grand Canyon, I don’t care where we start.”

“Obvs. We’re going to the Grand Canyon,” said Cosima. She rubbed circles into the sole of Delphine’s right foot with her thumbs.

Delphine nodded. She looked over at Cosima’s laptop, checking the clock in the top right corner. It was almost eleven, which was why Cosima had stopped working. She hoped that they would go to bed early.

“Would you like a glass of wine?” Delphine asked Cosima.

Stopping her work on her girlfriend’s left foot, “Sure,” said Cosima, moving to get up.

“ _Non_ , no. I’ll get it,” Delphine said. She tenderly pushed Cosima back into the couch and walked over to the kitchen area. Picking two glasses and a bottle of red wine out of one of the cupboards, Delphine turned her back on Cosima while she filled the glasses.

“What are you reading?” Cosima picked up the book Delphine had dropped on the floor next to the couch. She inspected the cover and tried to read the summary at the back of the book. She scratched at her dreads; after all this time, her French was still embarrassingly bad.

“ _Le Parfum_ ,” Delphine answered. She passed Cosima one of the glasses, and sat down. “It’s about identity and what makes a human being. Have you never read it? It’s a classic.” She took a long drink from her glass, staring at the novel in Cosima’s hands.

Cosima turned the book back over. “Nope, doesn’t sound familiar.” Frankly she had never been very interested in reading for leisure. Cosima preferred fact over fiction. Delphine had received a much more classical education at her European boarding school, she was not only familiar with classical literature, she enjoyed revisiting those stories. 

Handing the book back to Delphine, Cosima gestured at her girlfriend to put her feet back into her lap. She took a sip of the wine, allowing herself to taste it thoroughly before swallowing. One of the many perks of having a French girlfriend was the exquisite wine that accompanied said girlfriend.

Getting back to kneading Delphine’s left foot, Cosima continued their earlier conversation. Alternating sipping the wine and the massage she slowly moved her hands up Delphine’s legs. 

By the time Cosima was sitting between Delphine’s knees, both of them were yawning. Cosima’s head was swimming, despite the fact that she had only had one glass of wine. Her vision was blurry and her arms were getting heavy. Every once in a while she would get really drowsy after only a few, or sometimes even a single drink. 

“Shall we move this to the bedroom,” Cosima tried to say seductively, but failed miserably as she yawned directly into Delphine’s face.

Delphine tenderly brushed her fingers over Cosima’s cheek. “That sounds wonderful, _ma chérie_ ,” she answered.

In a haze they stumbled towards the bedroom, turning the lights off as they went. Stripping each other of their clothes, they tumbled into the bed. Before they had even pulled the covers up, Cosima was sound asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Bien sur._ = Of course.


	3. Delphine -19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we get started on the super angsty stuff, there will be fluff first. This chapter is the beginning of the flashback, which will mostly be fluffy. Enjoy and as usual please let me know what you think!

The rain was pouring down. It was late autumn and Delphine was hurrying along the almost desolated streets of Paris. The cold rain was keeping most people inside their warm homes. Delphine wished she could curl up with a good book and a glass of merlot. Instead she was on her way to a dinner meeting with her boss. 

Generally, Dr. Leekie was located in Canada or Germany. He rarely paid a visit to the small research facility DYAD maintained in Paris. Whenever he did visit, he would make sure to arrange a more private meeting with his most promising pupil. Despite Delphine’s aversion to Aldous, the science that accompanied him was far too tempting to avoid meeting with him. She gracefully endured his disturbing advances, just so she could be part of top-secret, cutting-edge research.

Every time they met, Aldous promised that soon she would be working on actual clones. Yet so far, all she ever received were ID tags, tissue samples and a never-ending stream of medical data. Delphine spent her days analyzing the data and samples she was given, trying to find the cause of a respiratory defect encountered in some of the clones.

Delphine entered the small restaurant where she usually met with Aldous. He was sitting in a corner, his back towards the door. The cozy venue was surprisingly full; almost all the tables were occupied despite the fact that it was not tourist season.

A waiter took Delphine’s umbrella and helped her out of her coat. After Delphine told him that she was here to meet Dr. Leekie, he accompanied her to the table.

“Dr. Cormier, how lovely to see you,” Aldous said. He stood up and grasped her right hand between both of his hands. 

“Dr. Leekie,” said Delphine. She pulled her hand back, and sat down in the chair the waiter was offering her. “How are you?”

“Wonderful, how are you?”

“Fine,” Delphine said, while she leaned back a little so the waiter could fill her glass. Aldous must have ordered before she had arrived. Ordering for her was one of the many ways Aldous liked to show his power over her. 

Delphine decided that she would keep this dinner as short as possible; she was not in the mood for his games. After working for DYAD for almost two years, she knew that whatever she would do to please Aldous, he rarely came through on his promises. Granted, she was working on a human cloning experiment. But after all Delphine had done, she had not even been allowed to see a photograph of one.

They continued to exchange polite pleasantries. Aldous asked her how work was and Delphine in turn asked how his wife was doing. While sharing a meal they discussed the book Dr. Leekie had published a little over a month ago. Despite his manipulating and condescending behaviour, Dr. Leekie did possess a brilliant mind and Delphine intended to take full advantage of that.

\---

The table had been cleared long ago. Both of them were reclining in their seats, enjoying the last of their drinks. Their earlier conversation had stilled. This was usually the part of the meeting where Delphine would ask Aldous for more information about the clones, anything at all to understand more of the marvelous science she was working on.

He always managed to dismiss her request, promising she would find out more in the near future, which she never did. And then he would proceed to invite her up to his hotel room.

“I have something for you,” said Aldous with a sly smile, interrupting Delphine’s thoughts.

He pulled something small from within his jacket and handed it to Delphine.

She took the smooth piece of paper and turned it over. On the other side was a picture of a young woman from the shoulders upward. She was posing for what, judging by the size of the photo and the background, what appeared to be a passport photo. The woman was wearing glasses, with elaborate eye make-up and a nose ring. On her head seemed to be dreadlocks, though it was hard to see the small image in the dim light of the restaurant. Despite the brunette’s odd attire, what captured Delphine’s attention was the cocky grin of the woman in the picture.

“Who is she?” asked Delphine, not looking up from the image.

“This is Cosima Niehaus,” Aldous answered. “You know her as 324B21.”

Delphine nodded when Aldous confirmed her suspicion. This was one of the many clones she had been working on. The woman in the image was nothing like she had expected them to look like, and at the same time she was absolutely perfect. “Why are you showing me this?” Delphine asked, still unable to tear her gaze away from the oddly familiar face.

“She needs a proper monitor.” Aldous reached into the briefcase standing next to his chair. “324B21 has been rejecting all potential monitors we sent for her.” He handed her a folder and said, “Since you're so eager to work with our subjects, I’ve decided to give you a change. As you know our usual approach is to assign a choice of suitable boyfriends to the clone.” 

Delphine nodded, placed the picture on top of the folder and looked at Aldous. She was not sure why he would ask her to monitor a clone. Sure, she knew plenty about the clones, but she had absolutely no experience as a spy. Delphine raised her eyebrows and waited for Aldous to elaborate.

He folded his hands under his chin. “324B21 is a brilliant young biologist, and she does not seem to have the time for boyfriends. All medical information we have on her has been acquired via her GP.”

Again Delphine nodded. This happened more often, sometimes a clone was without a monitor for a while and DYAD would have very little data available for however long it lasted. Usually this was not for a long time and the lack of data was supplemented with their general medical files and observations from a distance.

“Usually this is not problem, but it has lasted for far too long. You have found an elevated lymphocyte count in her latest blood sample.” Dr. Leekie leaned back in his chair, looking intently at Delphine. “I want her under close observation.”

“I see,” Delphine said. She looked down at the photo in front of her. Could this girl really be ill? And how was she supposed to infiltrate the life of a complete stranger?

Before she could voice her concerns, Aldous said, “She studies Evolutionary Development at Berkeley. You will be the brilliant and exotic exchange student in desperate need of a friend.”

“Evolutionary Development, really?”

“Yes,” said Aldous, “This is another reason for concern. I’m afraid she might have unraveled her origins. Aside from monitoring her health, you will have to find out whether she is self aware or not.”

Delphine pushed her curls out of her face. This was the opportunity she had been waiting for, and now that it had arrived, she was not sure she could do it. 

“In the folder you will find some background information on Miss. Niehaus, read it. It also contains a passport of Delphine Beraud, who will start her PhD in Immunology at Berkeley in two weeks. A plane ticket and an apartment have been arranged for you as well.”

This was all going very fast, two weeks to prepare for another PhD program. Delphine wondered briefly where Berkeley was located, somewhere in the USA, but which city she wasn't sure. Suddenly she realized that a new study or strange city was not her biggest problem. She was not an actor or a spy, how was she going to convince this woman to be her friend? “What makes you think she has time for a friend, if she doesn’t have time for a boyfriend?”

“You will approach her as a fellow intellectual. As I mentioned before, 324B21 is highly intelligent and has plenty of friends,” said Aldous. “I’ll personally accompany you to San Francisco for a guest lecture on Neolution and possibly set up an introduction to 324B21. You will meet her there and befriend her. We do not know if this approach might work, but there is no harm in trying.” He threw her a stern look, “Please, do not waste this chance, Dr. Cormier.”

“No harm in trying…” Delphine pondered, tapping her fingers on the folder. “I should go home. I have to prepare,” she said while getting up from her chair.

Aldous got up as well, “I take it that means that you accept the assignment?”

“Of course,” answered Delphine. Refusing had never been an option. She was both too curious to say no and too involved in this illegal experiment to decline. Closing the gap between them, she kissed Aldous on his stubbly cheeks as she was so accustomed to do. “ _Bonsoir_.”

He followed her to the door and helped her put on her coat. “Will you not join me in my hotel room for a nightcap?” he asked her, with a smile that was probably supposed to be charming, but it made Delphine slightly nauseous.

“No, thank you,” Delphine said. She knew very well what that meant and was glad she had a good excuse. “You gave me plenty to do already. _Au revoir_ , Aldous.”

Aldous handed her the umbrella and said, “Very well. I will e-mail you with further details of your assignment. Success with your preparations and I will see you in San Francisco.” He held the door open for Delphine, who exited swiftly.

\---

Delphine was sitting on the edge of her bed wearing a fluffy sweater and flannel pyjama bottoms, her wet hair wrapped in a towel. She had just gotten out of the shower after a cold walk home. On her lap was the folder Dr. Leekie had given her, with the small photo of 324B21 lying on top.

“Cosima,” Delphine said softly, while she lifted the picture to take a closer look. She should stop thinking of the clone as a subject with a serial number and start thinking of her as a person. The inviting smile of the young woman in the photo told her that it wouldn’t be very hard. She looked like someone with a vibrant personality. And at least Delphine knew they would have something in common; their shared passion for biological science should give them plenty to talk about.

She placed the photo on her nightstand. While she reclined against the pillows and tucked her cold feet under the blankets, she practiced the name a couple of times. “Cosima. Co-si-ma. Cosima.”

And odd name, not one Delphine had ever heard of before. What was the clone’s last name? Where did she come from? Not that it mattered; the Original had been British, so technically the clones were British too. Though they had been distributed all over the world, and possessed different nationalities.

Delphine opened the folder, the first thing she noticed were a couple of photos. These were all larger, and portrayed Cosima at various stages of her life. The first showed an adorable baby held by her mother. Next was a toddler with big brown eyes petting a cat, followed by a five year old girl with pigtails and a backpack on her first day of school. The next dozen or so pictures showed Cosima posing for yearly school photos. After the image of a short haired Cosima with an American graduation cap, there were only two photos left. The first was a selfie with a blonde man Delphine did not recognize. The date scribbled on the back of the photo was from almost five years ago. Biting her lower lip, Delphine turned to the last photo, it was an enlarged version of the picture Dr. Leekie had shown her in the restaurant.

Careful not to mess up their order, Delphine laid the photos down on the pillow next to her. She pulled a thick pile of paper, stapled together, out of the folder. A quick scan told her that these were all of 324B21’s medical files and the reports of previous monitors. The last one was dated about four years ago, which would explain Dr. Leekie’s desperate attempts to get another monitor close to the clone. Delphine put the reports aside; she would read them in detail later. 

Right now she was more interested in the next bundle of papers. On top was a brief summary of Cosima’s life. After reading it, Delphine proceeded to the copies of official documents; birth certificate, school reports and college degrees. When Aldous had said Cosima was intelligent, he had not exaggerated. A quick Google search on the American grading system told Delphine that Cosima’s grades were almost perfect.

The last couple of things in the folder were the passport and plane ticket Aldous had promised her, as well as a single sheet of paper with an address and instructions on her assignment. Turning it over, Delphine inspected the back. Nothing.

Yawning, Delphine put all the information back into the folder. Tomorrow she would read up on her subject, she would not need to go to work anyway. She had a whole week before she had to move to San Francisco, plenty of time to pack and come up with a plan. Playing the lonely, confused yet brilliant exchange student might work, Delphine thought. At least the lonely and brilliant part would not pose any trouble.

Delphine placed the folder on the floor beside her bed and laid back down, pulling the covers up to her chin. Before she turned off the light, she took a last look at 324B21, at Cosima.


	4. Cosima 0

Scratching her head, Cosima stared into the microscope. She had been looking through the glass since the lab opened at six a.m. this morning. Her eyes were dry and sore from the constant strain of focusing on the tiny images.

Silently, she cursed herself for procrastinating so much. Now she had to do all of this routine lab-work at the last moment. The data for her microbiology class was due before noon, today. At least it wasn’t complicated work, just a lot of it. 

Once she was done with this batch, she was finally finished. Stretching her back, Cosima scribbled her last results down.

By now, the lab had filled with grad-students working on their assignments. Some of them were chatting while they worked and others were working silently. This morning Cosima had been the first in the lab, enjoying the quiet room. Now the people around her were increasingly distracting Cosima with their noises.

Someone was making a phone call at the next table. She could not understand the words, it sounded French, but the woman sounded like she was arguing. Frowning, Cosima put her glasses back on.

Sometime in the past hour or so, a gorgeous blonde had sat down and somehow Cosima had not noticed. Glancing at the woman, Cosima wondered how long she had been sitting there without Cosima noticing. She had the most stunning, wild curls and an angelic face; she was a sight for sore eyes. And she was in the post-grad microbiology lab, wearing a lab coat, so she had to be smart.

It really was a shame Cosima dropped French in favour of Spanish in high school, now she was unable to eavesdrop on the conversation of the foreign student. Cosima tilted her head, trying to decipher what the blonde was saying. She seemed upset about something. Cosima wondered if she should say something to comfort the blonde. 

Mesmerized by this woman, who could be so beautiful while she was so clearly upset, Cosima continued to stare at her. Suddenly the woman noticed Cosima staring and ended her conversation by throwing her phone onto the table. She mumbled something Cosima could not quite understand.

She looked right back at Cosima. “I am sorry,” she said with a French accent. Somehow, despite whatever had made her so distraught, she was still apologizing for the nuisance her phone call might have caused.

Cosima shook her head, dismissing the apology with a small wave. Whatever was wrong, she didn’t mind the beautiful distraction from the boring work. Before Cosima could get up and walk over to ask the blonde if she was okay, the woman was stuffing her papers into her bag and ran off.

Noticing that the blonde had left a piece of paper on the table, Cosima got up to check if it was important. As soon as she unfolded it, Cosima saw that it was a transcript of the blonde’s grades. She felt her jaw drop; most of the grades were perfect, and those grades that weren’t perfect were very good. The woman was not just smart, she was bloody brilliant!

At the top of the page was a summary of the woman’s data; she was indeed French and apparently she had just transferred to Berkeley. 

Figuring that the poor woman would probably need the transcript for some administrative purposes, Cosima decided that she should catch up with her to give the paper back. She packed her own things into her laptop bag and cleaned her working space.

\---

It didn’t take Cosima long to find the blonde, she was leaning against the wall right outside the lab. As she came closer, Cosima noticed that the woman was crying. She was wiping her tears away with her sleeve, sniffing. 

Looking around her, Cosima hesitated; the tall blonde probably did not want to be disturbed. A particular loud sniff convinced Cosima that perhaps the upset woman might welcome a bit of distraction. Carefully, Cosima reached out to touch her arm, “Hey.”

“Hhm,” the blonde woman sniffed as the turned to see who tapped her elbow.

“Sorry, you just forgot this in the lab,” Cosima said as she handed the paper over. She made sure to smile her brightest smile. “Sorry,” she repeated, while she turned to walk away.

The blonde stuffed the paper in her bag, “Thank you.” 

“Full disclosure,” Cosima turned back around waving her hand, “I um, I did peek.” She could not resist the temptation of trying to cheer the sad beauty, “You’re French. You have killer grades.”

The other woman nodded and chuckled. “Thank you,” she said with a lovely smile. “Uhm, oh God.” She wiped the tears from her eyes with her right hand, clearly embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. I’m not usually like, like this,” she said while gesturing at herself.

“Oh, uhm.” Cosima gestured, “Bad breakup?” she guessed.

The blonde nodded, “Yeah, well. We’re an ocean apart, so…” she shrugged. It was hard to imagine that she had been so upset less than a minute ago. Her tears had stopped and instead she was smiling a gorgeous smile.

“Yeah.” Cosima rolled her eyes while shaking her head, “Long distance never works.” She stared ahead for a second, realizing that her goal had been to distract the blonde, and now they were talking about breakups. Changing the subject, Cosima asked, “You’re in microbiology too, right?”

“Yes.” Gratefully, the tall woman jumped into the new topic, “Uhm… Immunology, I study host-parasite relationships.”

“Oh, cool!” said Cosima. The stunning blonde really was brilliant and into the really hard sciences. Cosima was definitely interested. With a nervous grin, Cosima said, “Yeah, I’m evo-devo.”

This seemed to confuse the other woman, her eyes narrowed and then it suddenly hit her. “Evolutionary development,” she said.

“Yeah, yeah!” Cosima waved her hands, trying to contain her excitement. “That's, that’s what we call it here,” she stammered in her attempts to convey to the foreign student that it was totally okay that she did not recognize Cosima’s abbreviation. 

“Hmm,” nodded the stranger. Again she smiled at Cosima, she seemed to have completely forgotten about her breakup.

“Yeah,” said Cosima. Twisting her hands, not knowing what else to say.

The other woman did know. She grasped Cosima’s hand in her own soft, yet firm right hand. “Delphine,” she said.

“Cosima.”

“ _Enchantée_ ,” Delphine answered in French.

With a huge grin, Cosima repeated the French greeting. This was one of the few French words she did remember.

“Uhm, I have to go. I have to hand this to the student registration.” Delphine gestured at her bag, containing the paper with the list of grades.

“Oh, okay.” Disappointed, Cosima nodded. “Do you know where to find their office?”

“Yes, thank you.” Delphine smiled at Cosima. She seemed to hesitate before she asked, “Will I see you again?”

Happily, Cosima bounced on her heels. “Yeah, totes!”

“I’ll see you around then.” With a small wave, Delphine turned around and walked away.

“Okay.”

\---

That same afternoon, Cosima was sitting in the library, working on her lab-report. She still had a whole week to write a short paper about the data she had collected this morning. Since Cosima had nothing better to do, she decided to get an early start. She kind of did not want to deliver last-minute work again. 

Cosima scanned the book in front of her for useful references. From the corner of her eyes she could see the tall blonde from the lab this morning. Delphine, she had said her name was. 

Delphine was sitting a few tables to Cosima’s right, several books open in front of her. She was engrossed in her studies and did not seem so upset about her breakup anymore. 

Bored with her report, that was not due for another week, Cosima abandoned her books to walk over to Delphine. There was no harm in checking up on her, Cosima thought. Delphine had said she wanted to see her again after all. Besides, if she moved her only recently, Delphine could probably use a friend. Or perhaps even more than just a friend.

“Hey Delphine,” Cosima whispered as she stopped next to Delphine’s chair.

“Heey,” Delphine whispered back. smiling when she saw who was standing next to her. She leaned back into her chair, “ _Bonjour_ Cosima.”

The way the French woman pronounced her name, drawing each syllable out, made Cosima weak in the knees. She definitely wanted to be more than just friends. Realizing that she had not made up a reason to talk to Delphine, Cosima said, “I’m bored.” 

It was a strange excuse to talk to the stunning blonde, but Delphine fell for it. “Well, you know, there is this lecture today that I was going to see,” she said. “Wait.” Delphine was digging through the piles of paper in front of her, “Where is it?” She found what she was looking for in one of the folders.

“I was going to, if you want to come with me,” Delphine said, as she handed a flyer to Cosima.

Cosima looked at the flyer. It was an advert for a guest lecture, this afternoon, on self-directed evolution. “Neolutionism?” she wondered out loud. Eugenics was generally frowned upon in the biological sciences; most scientists considered it unethical. “Really?” Cosima asked.

“You’ve… you’ve heard of it?” stammered Delphine, looking up at Cosima from her seat.

“Yeah,” Cosima looked around. Not wanting to offend the stranger, she said, “It’s kind of fringe, don’t you think?”

“Well I think that, as a Darwinist, it would interest you,” Delphine answered. “And this Dr. Leekie is a really, really interesting speaker. I saw his Ted talk online and…” Delphine ended the sentence with a strange sound and a gesture, which Cosima assumed was meant as a positive description of the scientists speaking abilities. 

“Hmm,” she said. Perhaps self-directed evolution could be interesting. It would surely connect to the subject of her upcoming dissertation. At the very least, it would be an opportunity to get to know Delphine a little better. Cosima took a closer look at the flyer.

“Sooo?” Delphine leaned towards her, waiting for an answer.

The sight of Delphine waiting for her answer convinced Cosima. With a half-smile she said, “Sure, why not?”

Delphine radiated with happiness as Cosima agreed to come to the lecture. Even if this lecture would not be as interesting as Delphine promised, at least Cosima would be hanging out with her this afternoon. After saying goodbye to Delphine, Cosima gathered her belongings and left the library.


	5. Delphine 0

Nervously, Delphine bit her lower lip. She was sitting in the front row of the lecture room, her bag on the seat next to her, saving it for Cosima. Most of the people in the room were still walking around, chatting and looking for places to sit. Aldous was standing next to the computer in front of the room, trying to get his presentation to start.

When she had entered the room, Delphine had given him subtle thumbs up. She had not wanted to risk Cosima walking in while she was talking to Aldous. They were still not sure whether the clone knew of her origins. Dr. Leekie was worried that 324B21’s choice to study evolutionary development was not just coincidence.

The plan, as far as Aldous had explained it to Delphine, was for her to befriend Cosima and to gain her trust. So far, that part seemed to be surprisingly easy. The second step was to see if Cosima was aware of her origins, starting by seeing if she recognized Leekie or the DYAD institute. Whether 324B21 was aware or not, her health needed to be monitored. This was Delphine’s primary concern, and the most difficult part of her assignment since it meant that they would have to become very close friends as fast as possible.

Worried, Delphine looked around to see if Cosima had arrived yet. The lecture was scheduled to start any minute now and Delphine had no idea what to do if Cosima did not show up. She looked at Leekie; he was looking increasingly irritated. Silently, Delphine berated herself for not asking for Cosima’s phone number. Without it, she would have to casually run into the clone again. Aldous would not be pleased if he could not meet Cosima today.

Delphine left her seat, gathering her coat and bag, taking one last look around the room. She was still not here. Delphine waved at Leekie, hoping he understood that she was going to search for Cosima. 

While she crossed the room, Delphine wondered if she had misunderstood Cosima. She had not seemed too enthusiastic about the lecture. Maybe saying ‘why not’ was a polite American way of saying ‘no thank you’. 

Delphine was half way across the room when she spotted a familiar face entering. Relieved, she almost ran towards the woman in a bright red coat. “Cosima!” 

The clone was looking around, seeming a bit lost in the crowd. As soon as she recognized Delphine her face lit up, “Hey,” she answered when Delphine stood next to her.

“I’m so glad you came,” Delphine told Cosima.

Cosima’s answer consisted of a distracted mumbling, as she was scanning the crowd surrounding them.

“You won’t be disappointed.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Cosima said, referring to the oddly dressed people in the audience.

“Yeah,” Delphine laughed nervously, she made sure to stand a little closer to Cosima. Physical intimacy should promote the release of oxytocin, which stimulates happiness. Delphine knew she was not the best at making new friends, but she knew plenty about brain chemistry and would make good use of her knowledge. She almost messed up this morning by not asking for Cosima’s number; she could not afford to make another mistake. 

“Dr. Leekie attracts diverse thinkers,” Turning the attention back to the lecture that was about to start, Delphine said, “Come.” She took hold of Cosima’s hand and pulled her towards the front row.

Aldous must have noticed that Cosima had entered, because he started his lecture as soon as they had reached their seats. 

Delphine had attended several of Dr. Leekie’s lectures. He was a very good speaker, but the lecture was always the same. Delphine could probably do the entire lecture in his place; she knew the text word for word.

So instead of paying attention to Leekie, she made use of Cosima’s diverted attention to observe her. The clone appeared to be captivated by Dr. Leekie’s lecture, but there were no signs to tell Delphine that Cosima recognized him. When Aldous interacted with 324B21 during his usual example of glasses as an evolutionary development, Cosima retorted with a very clever comeback, but she did not seem to know who Leekie really was. 

When Leekie continued his lecture, Cosima’s attention was completely seized with his words, allowing Delphine to continue her observations. She made sure to laugh at the appropriate moments, and to not look directly at Cosima, while she admired her features.

It was hard to imagine the woman sitting next to her was the result of a scientific experiment almost thirty years ago. 324B21 was staring at Leekie with a glimmer in her eyes, fascinated by his words. She had a functioning brain, a consciousness and a personality. Cosima was able to understand the complex biology Leekie was talking about, she was able to sit upright and she was able to interact with Delphine. The woman sitting next to her was a scientific miracle and she was completely unaware of it.

Cosima glanced over at Delphine, catching her looking. With a smile, Delphine quickly turned her face back to Aldous. Cosima probably thought she was very strange. How do people normally make friends, Delphine wondered. She had never been one to have a booming social life, she preferred a few intimate friends. Looking back, Delphine had no idea how she had acquired friends in the past. Definitely not by staring at them creepily during a lecture she had invited them to on the day they met.

Not being able to resist, Delphine took another glance at Cosima. Her tongue was poking out between her teeth. Her head was slightly tilted and she was wearing that same cocky grin she was showing in the photo Delphine had. Before Cosima could catch her staring again, Delphine faced the front of the lecture room. During the rest of the lecture, Delphine looked straight ahead, trying not to become too overwhelmed with the miracle she was sitting right next to.

\---

Leekie had told Delphine to make use of their mutual interest in biology to befriend 324B21. So far it seemed to be working very well, they were standing in the middle of the lecture room, discussing the ethical concerns regarding self-directed evolution.

“No, no. Neolution is not eugenical,” said Delphine. She was glad she knew Leekie’s lecture by heart, because she had been too distracted by the proximity of the actual clone to pay any attention to Leekie’s words. 

“Okay, so what is it?” Cosima retorted, gesturing wildly and almost spilling her wine. “Is it utopian?”

“Neotopian, maybe?” Delphine wondered. Dr. Leekie was glancing at them from the front of the room. He was waiting for them to come over to talk to him. He wanted to meet 324B21 in person before he left San Francisco. Delphine was supposed to initiate a meeting between the two.

“Cosima. Oh my God, look. There he is,” she said. Pretending to be a star struck fan of Dr. Leekie’s work would perhaps enthuse Cosima to meet the man. “I would just love to meet him,” Delphine almost whispered to Cosima, as if she was confessing a big secret. 

The clone wasn’t as amazed by Dr. Leekie as Delphine had hoped. She shook her head, whispering back at Delphine, “Come on.” As if she couldn’t believe that someone was interested in meeting the Neolutionist.

“What?” Delphine said, pretending it wasn’t a bit strange that she was so enthusiastic about meeting Dr. Leekie. She turned around and walked straight towards Aldous, hoping Cosima would follow.

“Hello,” she greeted Aldous, acting as if she did not know him already.

“Hi,” he answered politely. “Did you enjoy the lecture?” Aldous asked.

Delphine gave him a confirmative answer, and asked a question she already knew the answer to. Cosima had still not joined them. She was standing where Delphine had left her, observing from a distance. Delphine gestured for her to come over.

He smiled; Cosima must be on her way over. They continued their conversation until Cosima was standing next to Delphine. “Ah!” Aldous pointed with his marker at 324B21, “ _C’est mon adversaire_ ,” he teased her.

“ _Oui_ ,” Delphine answered for Cosima. The clone was unusually quiet, allowing Delphine to do the talking. “You speak French?” Delphine asked. She already knew the answer, of course.

“ _Oui_ ,” Aldous said, looking around as if to check whether people were eavesdropping. He leaned towards them, whispering, “I have a neurolingual chip.”

Without skipping a beat, Cosima said, “Bullshit.” Suddenly she didn’t seem so shy anymore.

“Good, a skeptic.” Aldous wasn’t shocked by Cosima’s bold outburst. “Neural implants are something we’re exploring.”

Delphine tried to contain her laughter; the whole casualness of the interaction between the clone and the scientist seemed ridiculous. And Cosima was not at all impressed with Leekie’s authority, she was grinning and casually sipping her wine. Delphine tried to turn the conversation, so that she could figure out if Cosima had heard of her makers. “At the DYAD Institute,” she said to Aldous.

“You’ve heard of us,” said Aldous, pretending to be surprised.

“Yes.”

“Are they from the DYAD Institute?” Cosima asked, pointing towards the oddly dressed people they had laughed at earlier.

While Aldous explained his fan club, Delphine made use of the distraction to observe 324B21. Cosima was listening intently to Dr. Leekie, still showing no signs of recognition to the DYAD Institute.

Once Aldous was done talking, Delphine steered the conversation back to the science. “Well, I enjoyed your lecture very much.”

“Oh, thank you so much.”

“You know, I’m in immunology,” Delphine said.

“Hmm.” Aldous was not hiding his lack of interest in Delphine very well. He immediately turned to Cosima and asked, “and you?”

“Evo-devo,” Cosima said. She used the same abbreviation that Delphine had pretended not to recognize earlier today. “So, whenever somebody talks about the future, I always say: ‘Show, don’t tell’.” Cosima was obviously getting a kick out of challenging Dr. Leekie. She grinned at him all sweet, but Delphine saw the mischief in her eyes. Befriending the clone would be much more fun than Delphine could have anticipated.

Aldous nodded at her, still not offended by 324B21’s boldness. “I’m sure you will see.”

This wiped the smile right off Cosima’s face; she frowned at Dr. Leekie.

“ _Adieu_ ,” said Dr. Leekie before she could ask for an explanation. He turned around and walked away, to be cornered by another pair of Freaky Leekies.

“You are such a brat,” Delphine told Cosima. 

But the clone wasn’t listening. She skipped over to the table with food and drinks and exchanged her empty glass for two full bottles of red wine. With a huge grin, Cosima wiggled her eyebrows at Delphine while she ran back towards her.

“No!” Delphine whispered at Cosima. The boldness of a grown woman stealing two bottles of wine in a full room shocked Delphine. It felt so wrong, even if they could not get into trouble for it. 

“Come on.” Cosima pushed one of the bottles in Delphine’s hands. “Let’s get out of here!” she said, running out of the room.

Delphine quickly put her glass down on the nearest table and hid the bottle under her coat. She exchanged a last look with Leekie, who looked amused. The assignment may have been to bond over science, but partners in crime would be a whole other way to bond with the clone. Whatever worked best, Delphine decided.

Laughing, she ran after Cosima, not looking back at Aldous. Delphine caught up with her subject before they left the building, together running into the grassy field of the campus. Cosima had taken hold of Delphine’s hand when they left the building, laughing as they ran.

“Did we lose them?” Delphine asked when Cosima finally stopped under a large oak tree.

They looked back, of course no one had followed the two laughing women running across campus. Even if someone had seen them steal the bottles of wine, Aldous would have stopped anyone from going after them.

“Yes!” Cosima yelled, panting and laughing. “Okay, let’s steal some bikes,” she pretended to run off again, but Delphine pulled her back by their still joined hands.

“Oh, no, no, no!” Delphine shook her head. “That’s too much crime for me.”

Cosima pouted and said, “Oh, come on.” The grin on her face suggested that she was joking.

“I have a class to T.A.” Delphine said. Aside from monitoring the clone, she had to keep up an appearance as a PhD student. Between teaching a class, doing her research and writing a dissertation, Delphine didn’t know when she would have the time to do the job she was paid to do.

“Oh, okay.” Cosima leaned back against the large tree. “Alright.”

Delphine smiled at Cosima, she really didn’t want to leave her already. She had a few minutes left before she had to get to class. “You know what's a very French thing to do?” Delphine said, while she hiked her bag up her shoulder.

“What?”

“After a jogging like this, we like to smoke a nice little cigarette.” Delphine showed Cosima a pack of cigarettes. She could use a cigarette, and nothing bonds two strangers better than sharing a smoke.

Cosima didn’t react to the cigarettes. Instead she said, “Did you say, ‘a jogging’?”

“Yes.” Delphine smiled at Cosima. Even without trying, she was playing the part of a foreign exchange student very well; her English was somehow getting worse in the presence of her subject. 

“You did,” Cosima said. “Okay, just checking.” She looked up at the bare branches of the tree, good-naturedly laughing at the French woman’s English skills.

If it had been anyone else, Delphine would have been offended. Despite her accent, she was rather proud of her ability to speak fluent English. But Cosima’s laugh wasn’t unkind, so Delphine offered her a cigarette. “You smoke? Do you want one?” 

“No, just pot for me.” Cosima waved the offered cigarette away.

With the cigarette between her lips, Delphine asked, “Ooh, really?”

Cosima nodded, “Yes, we’re in San Fran, so…”

“Ooh.” Delphine pretended to be surprised, but in reality she had already known that the clone smoked marijuana on a regular basis. The only surprise had been that she wouldn’t smoke regular tobacco, which was probably better for the clone’s weak lungs. Delphine inhaled deeply, feeling the soothing effect of the tobacco immediately.

“I am going to get you so baked one day,” Cosima stated bluntly. She had the same grin on her face as when she had grabbed the bottles of wine a few minutes earlier.

“Hmm,” Delphine pretended to think about it. “Okay, one day.” Getting stoned with her subject had not been part of the job-description, but Delphine didn’t doubt that Aldous would want her to say yes.

“Okay.”

Delphine figured that she would somehow have to make it clear to Cosima that she really wanted to be her friend. The clone might have offered some sort of future plans, but Aldous would want some sort of verbal confirmation she had succeeded in befriending her subject. “It's, um, it's really nice to make a friend in the Brave New World,” Delphine said, playing her part of a lonely exchange student.

The cheeky grin on Cosima’s face transformed into a sweet smile. “Yeah,” Cosima said, looking up at Delphine. 

“I have to go,” Delphine said, remembering her class. She was probably already late.

“Okay,” Cosima said nodding, “Yeah.”

Delphine leaned down to her subject’s level, pressing a kiss to each cheek. When she pulled back, she saw the slightly shocked look in Cosima’s eyes. Kissing someone was not an American custom, Delphine knew that, but it had seemed like a good idea to play the innocent and overly affectionate exchange student. Now she was afraid that she might have overdone it. It was too late to do anything about it, so Delphine took a step back and said goodbye. 

“Bye,” answered Cosima. When she didn’t move from her spot next to the tree, Delphine turned around and quickly walked towards the buildings.

As she entered the building, she realized that she had forgotten to ask Cosima for her number. In between stealing wine and not getting the clone’s phone number, Aldous would not be very impressed with her monitoring skills. Delphine looked at the bottle tucked under her arm; she would have to figure out a subtle way of getting in touch with Cosima before she had to meet with Aldous tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _C’est mon adversaire,_ = It's my opponent,


	6. Cosima +7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting so late, I completely forgot. Hopefully you like this chapter anyway.   
> As usual, please let me know what you think!

Frantically, Cosima typed a quick e-mail to her teacher. She was leaning over the mess on her desk, trying to hand in her lab-report on time. Despite the fact that she had had more than a week to write a brief, five-page report, Cosima had not finished it until just a few minutes ago.

Cosima had spent the past week with her head in the clouds. After she had been to the lecture of that futuristic weirdo with Delphine, all Cosima could think about was the hot, French scientist. Despite the strange, yet interesting, topic of the guest lecture, Cosima had not been too distracted to not notice the way Delphine had been looking at her the entire time.

Encouraged by Delphine’s obvious interest in her, Cosima had jokingly stolen two bottles of wine. Her impulsive plan had been based on them going somewhere, so they could drink the wine and get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Delphine had to teach a late class and had left Cosima alone almost as soon as they had left the building. She had not given Cosima her phone number, and because she had been too stunned by Delphine’s affectionate kisses, Cosima had completely forgotten to ask. 

It had taken her almost a week to find the French woman again. The lack of a last name, in combination with her recent transfer to Berkeley had made Delphine hard to find. It was not until yesterday that Cosima had figured out which class the immunologist taught. Subtly, Cosima had dropped by after class to say hello. Delphine had been so happy to see Cosima, she had immediately suggested they have dinner together the following night.

So Cosima had been trying on different outfits for the past hour, until she suddenly remembered that she had to hand in her lab-report before midnight. Dropping the dress she had been trying on, she had quickly finished her report. It might not have the most elaborate conclusion, but it would have to do. Cosima was hoping that she would be too busy the rest of the evening to revise and edit the report again.

Just as Cosima hit the send button, there was a knock at the door. “Shit,” Cosima cursed, clutching her head; she was still was in her underwear. In her hurry to send her report, she had forgotten to put any clothes on at all, “Shit.” Cosima took a quick look in the mirror and pulled down her top. It would have to do for now, Cosima decided as she rushed towards the door.

Nervously, Cosima peeked at Delphine though the peephole. ‘God, she looks good,’ Cosima thought before she opened the door. “Hey,” Cosima said as soon as their eyes met.

“Hey,” Delphine replied, looking down at Cosima’s outfit, or lack thereof, raising an eyebrow.

Quickly, Cosima retreated back into the room, allowing Delphine to enter. Noticing Delphine’s glance, Cosima gestured at her top, “Sorry, I’m...”

“Oh, I’m early?” Delphine interrupted before Cosima could explain her lack of clothes.

“No, no, no, no!” Waving her arm at Delphine, who looked genuinely worried that she might have been too early, “I’m late, I’m late,” she said, trying to reassure Delphine that it was her own fault.

“Okay,” nodded Delphine and she closed the door behind her.

“I’m kind of always late, though.” Cosima took a step back towards Delphine. She really did not want Delphine to think that she had not been looking forward to tonight; she really was almost always late. “So, kind of always sorry,” Cosima apologized again.

This elicited a chuckle from Delphine; she did not seem to be mad at all. Delphine slid her bag from her shoulder, dropping it on the sofa next to the door. Her shoulders visibly relaxed and she looked around the room.

Glad that Delphine was comfortable in her home, Cosima decided to leave her for a minute to get dressed. “Can you give me two seconds? Just…” gesturing at her body, Cosima retreated into her bedroom.

Cosima picked the dress up from the floor where she had dropped it earlier and put it on. She had no time to be picky about her clothes. Selecting a necklace from the tangles on her dresser and fastened it around her neck, Cosima finished her outfit without any of her earlier fuss. Before she left the bedroom, Cosima took a quick look in the mirror. She smoothed the wrinkles out of the dress and adjusted the necklace. Luckily, she had done her hair and make-up before she had suddenly remembered that she had a report to hand in. Aside from tucking a few stray dreads back into her bun, she didn’t have to make Delphine wait any longer than she already had.

When Cosima entered the living room, she didn't see Delphine immediately. Turning around, Cosima spotted the tall woman standing next to her bookcase, scanning the titles. “See anything interesting?”

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to, uhm… snoop,” Delphine said. She took a step back from the bookcase, looking ridiculously apologetic.

“Hey, that's okay,” Cosima closed the distance between them. She seized Delphine’s hand, squeezing it gently, “Please, snoop all you want.” Cosima gestured wildly at the bookcase, indicating that she had nothing to hide.

Delphine answered Cosima’s lopsided grin with an equally beaming smile, but did not turn back towards the books. Instead she just looked at Cosima, apparently contemplating something.

Despite the fact that they had met only a week ago, Delphine seemed incredibly comfortable around Cosima. She had asked Cosima to join her to the lecture the day they met and only a week later they were having dinner together. Although encouraged by this, Cosima was still not quite sure what Delphine’s intentions were. The French woman had recently broken up with her boyfriend after all. Although she could still be very much interested in Cosima the same way Cosima was interested in her, statistically, the odds did not seem to be in Cosima’s favour. But when the taller woman looked at her like she was doing right now, Cosima could practically feel the scales tip in her favour.

Not sure what to do, Cosima let go of Delphine’s hand. She would have to see how the dinner went in order to figure out what Delphine’s intentions were. “Let me just put on some shoes and we can go,” Cosima said, walking towards the door. Pulling on a pair of ankle boots, she looked over her shoulder at her guest.

Delphine was looking at the mess on Cosima’s desk. Slightly embarrassed, Cosima looked at Delphine, who was staring at the piles of books, paper, a few dirty cups and other things that should not be cluttering her workspace. In her rush to send her lab-report, she had not had the time to clean up the room at all.

“Let’s go,” Cosima said, as she buttoned her coat.

With an abrupt nod, Delphine walked towards Cosima, picking her bag up from where she left it on the sofa.

Cosima held the door open for Delphine, who smiled at her in passing. Before she followed, Cosima grabbed a scarf and her purse from the coat rack next to the door.

\---

One of the two bottles of wine they had stolen a week ago had been standing on her desk ever since that afternoon. Cosima had not wanted to drink any of it without her partner in crime, and now Delphine had come up to her tiny apartment for a nightcap after dinner.

The dinner had been totally amazing. Delphine was absolutely brilliant, and they had talked for hours, only stopping when they noticed that the restaurant was starting to empty. Delphine had told Cosima about her previous studies in France and about her dissertation, which she had been working on for only two weeks.

They talked about Cosima’s dissertation; she would start her research when this semester was finished. Cosima was very excited to finally start on the project she had been preparing for the past year. Delphine seemed to understand Cosima’s passion for biology; she was almost more enthusiastic about science than Cosima. Even though most of Cosima’s friends were well educated, none of them were as passionate about biology as she was. To finally find someone that could talk with her about it all evening, who could ask the right questions and contribute thought-provoking information, was entirely new to Cosima. 

Finding two clean glasses on the back of a kitchen shelf, Cosima filled them both. She allowed her mind to wander back to the beginning of their dinner. Delphine had spoken a little of her ex-boyfriend, apparently she had been the one to end the relationship. They had laughed about it; she didn’t seem so heartbroken anymore. 

Cosima heard the bathroom door close and Delphine entered the living room. She looked totally gorgeous in the dim light. Delphine very obviously checked Cosima out; meeting her eyes once her gaze reached Cosima’s face. The sly grin on the taller woman’s mouth left no doubt to Cosima. The flirting during dinner had definitely been mutual; it had not been Cosima’s mind making up things.

“A glass of Neotopian wine?” Cosima jokingly asked, holding one of the glasses up for Delphine.

Delphine took the glass from Cosima’s hand and took a long sip from it, locking eyes with Cosima as she drank. “Mmm,” she said, putting the glass down on the desk. “Delicious.” She leaned against the desk with her hip, looking at Cosima as if there was something she wanted to add.

Figuring that she had nothing to lose, Cosima decided to bring up the real reason Delphine had come up to her apartment after dinner. “Don’t you think…” Cosima said, swallowing hard before continuing anxiously, “…it’s time we admit what this is really about?”

Looking confused, but not moving away, Delphine shook her head, suddenly pretending to be coy. As if she didn’t know exactly what they had been doing all night. 

Closing the distance with two large steps, without breaking eye contact, Cosima moved closer towards Delphine. Her heart was pounding, her hands trembling softly. She steadied herself by placing her hand on Delphine’s shoulder as she stood on her toes to reach the taller woman’s mouth. Pressing their lips together, Cosima immediately lost herself in the kiss.

It wasn’t until Delphine pushed her away that Cosima realized that Delphine had not responded to the affectionate gesture at all. The French woman had held her lips completely still, and when Cosima opened her eyes she saw that Delphine was looking incredibly shocked. Her eyes were wide open and she was struggling to say something. Cosima had been totally wrong, the French woman had not been flirting; she just was very friendly and very, very straight. 

“I, uhm, oh God, Delphine,” Cosima struggled to find the words to apologize to Delphine. There was no possible excuse for why she hadn’t asked before kissing her. Grasping her head, Cosima put on her best apologetic face. “Uhm, did I make a huge mistake?”

Delphine did not answer; instead she laughed nervously, shaking her head. “No. I have to go,” she said, walking away from Cosima. Without another word, she grabbed her coat and bag from the couch next to the door, where she had left them after they got back from dinner. 

Confused, Cosima tried to comprehend what was happening. She might have mistaken Delphine’s interest in her, but the other woman was running away so fast, Cosima did not even have the time to tell her to wait.

With her hand on the door, Delphine finally paused. She turned around, facing Cosima. “It’s… it’s okay,” she stammered, dismissing what happened earlier with a wave of her free hand. She turned the doorknob and said, “Bye,” then disappeared quickly and without another word.

“Delphine, just…” Cosima said to the closing door. When she realized that it was no use, she stopped talking and leaned back against the table. She closed her eyes with a sigh. How stupid was she, ruining a perfectly good friendship based on a hunch. She really should have asked before she had kissed Delphine. There was no way the hot, French scientist would come back now.

With another sigh, Cosima picked up her still untouched wineglass from the table. She drank it all in a few large gulps. After that she sat down in her chair, pulling her phone from the purse that was lying on top of a pile of books. Sipping from Delphine’s barely touched glass, she tried to figure out how to apologize.


	7. Delphine +8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, hopefully you like this one. Since I'm a few chapters ahead with writing, I realized that this flashback is lasting a little longer than I had estimated. Sorry, but there will be a bit more of their relationship as it could have been than expected. Perhaps I should have said that the first two chapters were a flash forward. Either way, I hope you don't mind a little more fluff before we get to the angsty results of whatever happened after chapter 2.  
> Let me know what you guys think, constructive feedback is always very welcome!

Delphine entered her office, closing the door behind her. The room was almost completely empty, save for the two identical bookcases, the similar desks and the matching chairs. Delphine had not yet had the opportunity to make the place a little more comfortable.

Delphine sat down on the chair to her left, dumping her bag on the desk. She took a large drink from her coffee; it was not helping her at all. Delphine had not slept all night. What had happened with Cosima had kept her awake for hours. Her assignment had been to get close to 324B21, and she had; a little too close for her own liking. 

It was not as if the kiss had not been pleasant; it had been very enjoyable. But Delphine was just not gay; she was very much attracted to men. So when her subject had kissed her, with those soft lips, gently holding her, Delphine had not known how to react. She had panicked and ran away, spoiling all her chances with Cosima. Aldous was going to be so very mad at her; she had not even managed to acquire a single blood sample. 

Checking her phone again, Delphine reread the various texts from Cosima. She seemed to think it was her fault and somehow she still wanted to be friends. Delphine didn’t know whether she could do that. Of course Aldous would want her to, but how could she be friends with someone after such a kiss. She had spent half the night thinking about that kiss, and the other half about what could have happened if she had not ran away. Part of her was very curious; the thought of kissing Cosima again, to touch her, was not unappealing at all.

Shaking her head, Delphine took another sip of coffee. She yawned and opened her bag. While starting her laptop, Delphine finally took her coat off. As soon she had logged in, a request for a Skype call from Aldous popped up.

Pushing the curls out of her face, Delphine sat up straight and accepted the call. “Good morning, Dr. Leekie.”

“Good morning, Dr. Cormier.” On her screen, her boss was looking back at her with an unusually stern expression. There was a deep line between his eyebrows, making Delphine wonder if he somehow already knew. 

Pushing the ridiculous thought to the back of her mind, Delphine politely asked him how he was doing.

After their regular formalities, Aldous inevitably asked the dreaded question, “Where are you with Cosima?”

“Closer,” Delphine told him reluctantly. Not knowing how exactly to break the news of the extent of said closeness to Aldous, she stammered, “She… she made a pass at me, Aldous.” Glancing indirectly at the screen, Delphine nervously tried to gauge his reaction.

“Really?” He seemed mildly amused, but not at all surprised.

It suddenly crossed Delphine’s mind that he might have known about Cosima’s sexuality. He might even have assigned Delphine to monitor because of Cosima’s interest in women. Not knowing whether she should be mad because he had known, or because he had not told her, Delphine just confirmed her earlier statement.

Leaning closer to the webcam, Aldous said, “Delphine, Cosima’s safety is at stake. Other subjects too.” He reached out towards the screen, as if he could touch her. “I need to know whether she’s been in contact with them.” 

“But she has to initiate disclosure,” Delphine repeated what he had told her so very often before she had started her assignment.

“I’m not saying disclosure,” Leekie leaned back into his chair. “This is a direct threat, so I need you to dig deeper and faster.” After a last stern look, the screen went blank.

Staring at the empty screen, Delphine tried to figure out what to do next. She had not been fired from her assignment, which was more than she had hoped for. On the other hand, Leekie had not been surprised at the clone’s advances; in fact, he had implied that he encouraged Delphine return them.

Delphine got up from her chair. She looked out of the window, clutching the cup of coffee. ‘Dig deeper and faster,’ what exactly was that supposed to mean?

It meant that she had to go back to Cosima. The thought both frightened and excited Delphine. According to the few dozen text messages the clone had sent her, she was very sorry and still wanted to be friends. They could be friends, Delphine thought. She definitely would not be thinking of the feeling of those lips on her own every time she saw Cosima. Her subject’s life depended on their ability to be friends.

Delphine made up her mind, tonight she would go back to Cosima’s place and dig deeper and faster, whatever that meant. And if she would have to flirt with the clone, or even kiss her again, that would be no different than when she would come up to Aldous’ hotel room, right?

\---

Ascending the stairs to Cosima’s apartment, Delphine tried to focus on the task ahead. Her head was swimming. If Dr. Leekie hadn’t insisted that she was to go back, she would be running in the opposite direction.

Most of her working day Delphine had been reconsidering her decision. Cosima seemed to still want to be friends, but the more Delphine thought about it, the less she wanted to be friends with Cosima. Exhausted from a sleepless night and over-caffeinated, Delphine had stared at her blank screen, replaying that kiss over and over again.

Around lunchtime she had made up her mind; she was not gay. And even if she were, this was not the moment to do crazy experiments. She would remain professional and pretend to be friends with her subject and collect the information she was supposed to. No matter how sweet and fun Cosima was, she was just a scientific curiosity and Delphine would not forget that again.

So now Delphine was knocking on 324B21’s door, and her only goal was to find out whether or not the clone was in contact with her sisters. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Somehow she was even more nervous right now, than she had been eight days ago in the microbiology lab, before she had met Cosima. 

“Hey, Delphine,” Cosima said as soon as she opened the door. 

All doubts disappeared from Delphine’s mind when she saw the shorter woman grinning widely at her. Since she had been worrying all day about what had happened yesterday, she had not thought of an excuse for her uninvited visit tonight. “I- I hope I'm not disturbing you,” Delphine stammered, saying the first thing that came to mind.

Her subject took a few steps back, quickly assuring Delphine that her surprise visit was fine. Delphine noticed how nervous Cosima seemed, waving her arms around and turning her back to Delphine as she continued to tell Delphine that it was alright. That kiss might have come as a shock to Delphine, but her reaction clearly must have been painful to Cosima.

Still with her back to Delphine, Cosima continued, “So, apparently, I've got this thing for, like, jumping to conclusions.” Finally she turned to face Delphine, the look on her face was as much pained, as it was apologetic, twisting Delphine’s gut as she realized how much she had hurt Cosima by running away after that kiss.

Before Cosima could further beat herself up over the incident, Delphine tried to explain why she had left so suddenly. “You know, it's just that I've never…” It was inexplicably hard to finish that sentence; somehow Delphine could not manage to say the actual words out loud, despite the fact that she had been thinking them all night and all day. She looked at Cosima with her hands in her pockets, hoping that the clone would understand.

And she did understand, or at least pretended to. Cosima said, “I know, I know, I know, you're not gay and I'm a total idiot.” Still nervous, the clone was waving her arms about and apologizing again, “So sorry.”

Delphine realized that they could waste the entire evening apologizing to each other. So she smiled at Cosima and unbuttoned her coat, hoping that the gesture indicated clearer than words that she still wanted to be friends.

Jumping at the chance, Cosima took her coat. “I just want to make, like, crazy science with you, totally crazy science,” she said as she dumped the coat on the couch next to the door.

Laughing at Cosima’s geeky words, Delphine suddenly got an idea. She had to get back to her original assignment, to befriend Cosima by making use of their mutual interests. “I'm so glad to hear that because you know what?” Delphine opened her purse and pulled a few papers out of it. She had absentmindedly put them in her purse a few days ago and now they would come in handy. “I was reading up on the DYAD Institute and did you know that, Dr. Leekie…” Delphine glanced at Cosima to see if she remembered the name. “…He has built a dedicated department for transgenic organ transplants? And…”

“Sorry, I was just dorking out so hard to their extrapolation of murine models,” Cosima said. She had shown no sign of recognition when Delphine had mentioned the names of Aldous or the institute, but apparently she had been looking into the institute. 

“What?” Delphine looked at the paper Cosima was showing her, pretending to skim through it. In reality she knew the content by heart, she was one of the researchers on the team that had published the paper. Of course, Cosima did not know that she was Dr. D. Cormier, so Delphine pretended to be as amazed by the new method of extrapolation of murine models as Cosima seemed to be.

“Yeah,” Cosima said. She leaned on the table next to where Delphine was standing.

“Oh, wow,” Delphine said, not knowing how to continue. Cosima’s proximity was making it harder to think, her mind suddenly drifted back to last night. “You know, it's really, really good to finally meet someone who gets it,” Delphine tried to force herself to turn back to her original plan.

“Hmm.”

Delphine elaborated, “Who gets... who gets me.”

Cosima looked up at Delphine, clearly trying to figure out what she meant by that. “Yeah, ditto. Obvs,” she said with a trademark grin, before looking back at the paper Delphine had just given her.

Observing Cosima’s hands as she flipped the paper, Delphine found her mind wandering back to the same subject it had been at almost constantly for the past 24 hours. 

“I can't stop thinking about that kiss.”

The words had blurted out of her mouth before she could stop them. Delphine did not dare open her eyes. This was not the plan. She had to be the worst spy in the world. Terrified of Cosima’s reaction, Delphine heard the clone move next to her. Her heart was pounding in her chest again and Delphine was not sure whether she would run away if Cosima kissed her again, or if she would kiss her back.

“Like in a not-bad way?” 

The cautious question from her subject forced Delphine to open her eyes again. She wanted to run; the idea of having to deal with all these confusing feelings was too much. But if she did, there would be no third chance with Cosima. And somehow that idea seemed even worse. 

“Oh, like…” Delphine tried to find the words to tell the other woman what she had been pondering over all day. “I've never thought about bisexuality. I mean, for myself, you know?” She turned towards Cosima; the clone was listening intently, nodding encouragingly. “But as a scientist, I know that sexuality is a spectrum. But, you know, social biases, they codified attraction.” Not knowing how to continue, Delphine stared at Cosima for a second. “It's contrary to the biological facts, you know?”

“Mm-hmm,” Cosima nodded, smiling at Delphine. “That's oddly romantic.” 

Delphine burst into laughter, finally finding a release for all the nerves that had been building rapidly in the past minute.

When both of them stopped laughing, Delphine found Cosima looking at her with a more serious expression. No point in trying to bond over the science now, not that Delphine minded.


	8. Cosima +8

Delphine laughed a little longer than Cosima did. This short moment allowed the shorter woman to freely observe her for a few seconds. Delphine had obviously gotten increasingly anxious during her short speech; it was painfully obvious to Cosima that she had not planned to confess so much. 

Once Delphine was through laughing, she seemed a bit more relaxed. Cosima wanted to push the French scientist up against the table and make out with her for, like, seven hours straight. Reminding herself not to make the same mistake twice, and make Delphine run off for good, Cosima waited for the other woman to make the first move this time.

When she did not move, and Cosima could see the uncertainty starting to creep back into Delphine’s eyes, Cosima tried to make it a little more obvious that she was more than willing. “Totally encouraging,” she added to her earlier statement.

It took Delphine a few seconds to react; yet it seemed like an eternity to Cosima. When she finally moved, Delphine reached out to touch Cosima’s face. The brush of fingertips exploring her cheek and lips was feather-light; she could barely feel the slim fingers on her skin. Cosima was standing as still as she possibly could, not wanting to startle Delphine.

Delphine suddenly stopped using her hands to explore Cosima’s lips and pulled her up for a deep kiss. Cosima was slightly shocked by the sudden change of pace. Any shyness that Delphine had shown earlier was completely gone now; she was not holding back.

Torn between wanting to slow things down so she could make sure Delphine was really okay with this, and wanting to immediately pull the tall scientist into her bedroom, Cosima decided to allow the other woman to keep setting the pace. She wrapped her arms around Delphine’s neck, stabilizing herself as she balanced on her tiptoes.

Delphine seemed to have made her decision; the French woman’s tongue had pushed past her lips almost as soon as their lips had touched, not hesitating for another moment. She was clumsily pulling at Cosima’s clothes and could not get a grip on the thin fabric of the cardigan. Helping her, Cosima slid her cardigan off, dropping it on the floor, and wrapped her arms back around Delphine’s neck, pulling them closer together.

With her hips, Delphine pushed Cosima further into the desk, while she kissed her more fanatically. Their tongues danced together, as Delphine’s hands were roaming along Cosima’s lower back and sides. She was searching for something, Cosima registered that Delphine was not sure what to do with her hands.

“Wow, okay,” Cosima pulled back as far as the table she was pressed into allowed her. “Let’s slow down.”

Opening her eyes, Delphine looked closely at Cosima. She shook her head. “ _Non_ ,” she said simply, glancing at Cosima’s lips, before she leaned in for the next kiss.

Cosima allowed Delphine a quick peck, before she tenderly grasped the taller woman by her face and gently pushed her slightly back. “You wanna, like, move to the bedroom?” Cosima asked, wanting to be sure that Delphine was sure.

Looking back at Cosima, Delphine contemplated the question for a few seconds. Their bodies were still pressed close together and Cosima could feel the warmth radiating from Delphine. She tilted her head, waiting for an answer from Delphine, who seemed to be suddenly coy with the possibility of moving to the bedroom.

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, Delphine made up her mind. She grasped Cosima’s hand, which was still resting on her cheek, and pulled her towards the bedroom in a few determined strides.

Cosima allowed Delphine to lead her into her own bedroom, kissing her as soon as they came to a halt next to the bed. She gently wrapped her hands around Delphine’s hips, stroking the bare skin under her thin sweater with her fingertips. Pulling back from the kiss, Cosima asked, “Do you want me to take this off,” lifting the woolen fabric a tiny bit. She wanted to allow Delphine every opportunity to say no, in case this was going too fast.

But Delphine was anything but scared. She nodded and when Cosima did not act immediately, she pulled the sweater off herself. Standing in front of Cosima with her hair tousled, in just her bra and skirt, Delphine stared at Cosima, biting her bottom lip nervously.

With a sly grin, Cosima let her eyes roam freely over Delphine’s body. The pale skin, dotted with dozens of freckles, was glowing in the soft light coming from the living room. Suddenly feeling very overdressed, Cosima made quick work of her own top and pants, letting them fall on the floor next to Delphine’s sweater.

Encouraged by Cosima’s forwardness, Delphine took off her own skirt and boots. She stumbled for a bit while trying to pull off her boots, grinning awkwardly at Cosima. Once she had managed to get them off, she pushed the curls back and looked coyly at Cosima.

Both of them were wearing nothing but their underwear by now. Glancing down Delphine’s body, Cosima briefly noticed that she was not wearing matching underwear. Delphine really had not planned ending up almost naked in her bedroom, Cosima realized. With a huge grin, Cosima pulled Delphine in for another kiss. 

While she felt Delphine’s tongue slipping between her lips, Cosima let her hands roam freely across Delphine’s back. The naked skin under her hands was smooth and warm, each birthmark a tiny, yet distinct bump underneath her sensitive fingertips.

Delphine’s hands were cupping Cosima’s cheeks, ever so slightly pulling her up. Mimicking her pose, Cosima moved her hands up to Delphine’s face. The blonde curls were soft, bouncing back when Cosima touched them. Gently pushing the other woman, Cosima moved Delphine onto her bed.

She dropped her rings and glasses on her dresser; they would only be in her way, and laid down next to Delphine. Cosima let her hand sneak across Delphine’s stomach, trusting her other senses, now that she could not see clearly anymore. Their faces were close enough together for Cosima to still be able to make out the nervous anticipation in Delphine’s eyes.

Leaning forward to kiss Delphine’s mouth, Cosima could feel the other woman shiver. Looking closely into Delphine’s eyes, Cosima searched for permission. Before she could ask for it, Delphine had already taken her hand and was pulling it down.

Trailing kisses across Delphine’s throat, Cosima slowly moved her hand further down. Delphine had let go of it, her hand was now braided into the dreadlocks, pinning Cosima into a close kiss. The other hand was gripping Cosima’s lower back, holding on to her as if she would float away when let go.

Dipping her fingertips below the waistband of Delphine’s underwear, Cosima halted to observe Delphine’s reaction.

Delphine’s head was tilted back, her eyes closed tightly and her mouth slightly open from the kiss Cosima just broke. “Please, Cosima,” Delphine whispered, barely audible.

Not needing any more encouragement, Cosima slid her fingers further down. If there had been any uncertainty left, it was gone now; Delphine was, without doubt, aroused. After fumbling momentarily to get her hand underneath the tight elastic of the underwear, Cosima trailed her fingertips along Delphine’s sex.

Gasping, Delphine clutched Cosima closer, biting her lip. Her nails were digging into Cosima’s back and scalp. Again Delphine mumbled, “Please, Cosima.” 

Repositioning herself, Cosima put her leg between Delphine’s thighs. Gently kissing the woman underneath her, Cosima forced her to stop biting her own lip. Soothing, what had to be a sore spot on Delphine’s lip, mirroring the movements of her tongue with her hand. 

Within minutes, Cosima’s skillful hands had Delphine trembling. Cosima had found the blonde woman’s most sensitive spot and was putting it to good use. Hovering over Delphine, Cosima could see her chest heaving and she could feel the hot breath on her own skin.

With her fingers burrowed deep inside of her, Cosima could feel that Delphine was close, but she was tensing up instead of relaxing into the sensation. With her brow furrowed and her eyes tightly closed, Delphine refused to give into the pleasure. With her free hand, Cosima rubbed soothing circles into Delphine’s temple. “Just let go,” she whispered into her ear.

Whimpering ever so slightly, Delphine did what Cosima asked. Tensing her strong legs one last time, Cosima suddenly felt every muscle in Delphine’s body convulsing before going completely slack. 

Softly, Cosima continued her ministrations a little longer, before carefully pulling out of Delphine. While she moved upwards, Cosima pulled the sheets up to their hips to protect them from the cold in the poorly insulated room. She settled down on the pillow next to Delphine. Cosima wrapped an arm around her and watched her come down from the height.

Delphine was staring at the ceiling, blinking slowly. She seemed relaxed, but underneath her arm, Cosima could still feel the tenseness in her stomach muscles. Quietly, Cosima continued to observe the other woman, allowing her a moment to come to terms with what had just happened.

Just as Cosima was starting to think that Delphine was surprisingly composed for someone who just had sex with a woman for the first time, Delphine let out a strange chuckle. Not sure whether the sound was a weird laugh, or maybe the start of a cry, Cosima lifted her head to inspect Delphine’s face. 

Despite the fact that Cosima was not wearing her glasses, she could clearly see tears in Delphine’s eyes. Suddenly worried that she had pushed her too far, Cosima asked, “Are you okay?”

Shaking her head, Delphine took a moment to answer. “Yes,” she said and sniffed. Her eyes were closed and there was a deep line between her eyebrows. The muscles in her stomach were tense; she was clearly not okay.

Propping herself up on her right elbow, Cosima asked her again, “Are you sure?”

Delphine opened her eyes, but looked away as soon as their eyes met. “I…” she stared explaining. She brushed away a tear that threatened to fall from her eyes. “I cry after sex with boys, too.” Finally Delphine met Cosima’s intent gaze. 

Not sure whether Delphine was joking or not, Cosima chuckled. “Poor you.” She rolled her eyes and lightly caressed Delphine’s stomach, trying to comfort her in some small way. The French woman was clearly not ready to talk about it yet.

For whatever reason, Delphine had not yet run away like last time. On the contrary, she was slowly starting to relax a little. She intertwined her fingers with Cosima’s, which were still rubbing circles on her stomach. Watching their hands, Delphine said, “But you know what?”

“Hmm?”

“I am never this hungry,” Delphine said, looking directly at Cosima. The only trace left of her distress were the drops hanging onto her eyelashes. “I could kill for some ice cream,” she said with a grin.

“Hmm,” Cosima pretended to have to think about it for a second. It was obvious that Delphine needed a moment to collect herself. If she didn’t want Cosima to leave, why else would she ask for ice cream in the middle of winter? All Cosima could do was give her some space and hope that Delphine would still be here when she got back from the store.

“Okay,” she said, leaning a little closer before pulling away. “Your wish is my command,” she continued, looking back while getting up from the bed. “I'm going to go to the store and I'm going to get us some Eskimo Pies.”

“Eskimo?” Cosima could hardly hear the whispered question while she was pulling her coat on over her underwear.

“Yeah,” she said, turning back around to look at Delphine.

She was still lying in the bed. Her hair spread out across the pillow and the sheets were covering her only from the waist down. For the first time in forever, Cosima wished she did not need glasses. Her eyesight was good enough to see Delphine’s silhouette, but not to make out her delicate features, or the freckles that adorned every inch of her body. 

Delphine shook her head, “I don't think I know it,” she admitted.

“No?” Cosima asked.

“No.”

“Prepare yourself.” Cosima pulled her dreads out of her coat and closed the first few buttons. “You're about to become a craven addict,” she said as she picked up her glasses and put them back on. Finally she was able to see all of Delphine clearly again.

“I think I already am.”

She clearly meant a lot with those simple words, said with such determination. Not knowing how to respond, Cosima simply smiled. Tearing her eyes away from the naked woman in her bed, Cosima turned around and left her alone. Delphine would be okay, and she would still be here when Cosima returned, Cosima was sure of it.


	9. Delphine +10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is horrible, as in totally messed up. I had a hard time writing it, and I don't want to give any spoilers yet, but a lot of nasty monitor things going on. This includes non-consensual medical testing and perhaps triggers for rape.  
> Let me know what you think, I'd love to hear your opinion.
> 
> Also, a huge thank you to [suyurisan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/suyurisan) for not only beta-reading, but also helping me out with the medical stuff. You're much more useful than Google, buddy!

When Delphine entered the lab, it took her a few moments to find her subject. Students and teachers were working all around the room; the chatter and movements seemed unusually chaotic to Delphine. Normally she felt right at home in any laboratory, but today everything felt wrong. After her call with Dr. Leekie this morning, she was filled with gut wrenching dread.

Spotting the dreadlocked scientist on the other side of the room, Delphine hurriedly walked towards her. Cosima was leaning on the lab table, deeply engrossed in the pile of papers in front of her. She did not notice anything happening around her, and she did not look up until Delphine was right next to her.

“Hey,” Delphine greeted Cosima as casually as she possibly could.

“Hey!” Cosima responded enthusiastically. She immediately turned around to put her papers away, giving her full attention to Delphine.

Despite the bad mood Delphine had been in all morning, she had started smiling since she had first spotted Cosima from across the lab. Now she found herself unable to stop grinning like an idiot in Cosima’s close proximity. “I have to run to class, but I was wondering if I could…” Distracted by Cosima’s intent gaze, Delphine forgot what she was talking about for a moment. “…come over later,” she continued, when she recalled what she had come for.

“Yeah, of course,” Cosima nodded.

“Okay.” Feeling a sudden urge, Delphine leaned in for a kiss. As soon as their lips pressed together, Delphine could no longer feel the painful knots in her stomach. The uneasy feeling that had been bothering her all day was gone, her worries about her assignment no longer seemed important.

Vaguely aware of their lack of privacy, and Cosima’s peers standing all around them, Delphine pulled back before she completely lost herself in the kiss.

Delphine wanted to stay. She wanted to be close to Cosima. Not to touch her, or even talk with her. She just wanted to watch her work. Delphine was not sure anymore whether she was so fascinated by the woman because of the scientific miracle she was, or because of some other reason.

As she pressed their foreheads together, a tiny voice in the back of her mind told Delphine to stop fooling herself. It was nothing like Delphine to be so tender, to be so smitten. Her fascination with Cosima had no longer anything to do with the science, and deep down she knew it. She had known it ever since they had first talked in that corridor.

Running her fingers softly along Cosima’s jawline, wanting to prolong their intimacy, Delphine whispered, “Bye.”

“Bye,” Cosima answered with a grin after Delphine had finally managed to pull herself away.

Without turning around, Delphine quickly left Cosima standing there. She really did have a class to teach, and she was running late already. 

She exited the lab in which she had seen Cosima for the first time, only a fortnight ago. No, it had been less than two weeks; it had been only ten days. It had not even been a month ago when she had first seen a picture of 324B21, when she had received her assignment in that damp restaurant in Paris. If only she had known then how she would feel today. Delphine wondered if she would have accepted the assignment if she had known how she would feel today.

\---

The painful knots in Delphine’s stomach had returned in tenfold during the day. It was already quite late, but it had taken her hours to build up the courage to go see her subject. 

Cosima was sitting at her desk, with her back to the door when Delphine entered. Her desk was just as much of a mess as it had been the previous two times Delphine had been in the small apartment. The colourful laptop was balanced on top of the piles of books and paper, looking as if it would fall to the floor at any moment.

With a smile, Delphine closed the distance between the door and Cosima. “ _Bonsoir, ma chéri,_ ” Delphine said tenderly. A distinct smell of marijuana came from the clone and Delphine spotted the still smouldering leftovers in the ashtray on the table. Delphine wrapped her hand around Cosima’s neck, feeling the warm skin underneath her own. 

Without saying anything, Cosima allowed Delphine to tilt her head back, meeting her in a brief kiss.

Letting go, Delphine hurried towards the kitchen area. She could not bear to look Cosima in the eyes, not while knowing what she would have to do tonight. This afternoon she had felt better seeing Cosima, but now it just twisted her guts into more painful knots.

Delphine was standing in the small kitchen, with her back turned to Cosima. Trying to sound cheerful, she said, “I have the truffles that I promised you.” Delphine set down the box of truffles and the bottle of red wine on the countertop. 

She turned around to look at Cosima when no answer came. Taking her coat off, Delphine asked, “Are you okay?” 

Cosima was still sitting behind the desk, where Delphine had left her a minute ago. “Yeah, I’m just tired.” Flashing Delphine one of her trademark grins, the clone pushed herself out of the chair and walked around the table, coming to a stop right in front of Delphine. She took Delphine’s coat and threw it in the general direction of the sofa.

Running her hands appreciatively over Delphine’s hips, Cosima unabashedly stared at her chest. The barefoot, shorter woman was at an excellent height to appreciate the outfit Delphine had chosen to distract Cosima tonight. Her adept hands slowly edged upwards, cupping Delphine’s breasts, covered only in the thin, white top and the black bra.

Closing her eyes, Delphine forgot what she had come for. Remembering what those fingers had done to her the last time she had been here sent shivers down her spine. Quickly Delphine lost herself in the simple sensation of Cosima’s palms resting on her chest, the tips of her fingers tickling the bare skin on each side of her chest. 

“Which one should I put in my mouth first?” Cosima asked; her voice had dropped an octave. 

“ _Quoi?_ ” Delphine asked, shocked by the cheeky question. When she opened her eyes, she noticed Cosima looking at the open box of truffles. 

Obviously enjoying teasing Delphine, Cosima acted innocent. “The truffles, which one should I try first?” she asked, looking at the taller woman over the rim of her glasses.

Finally catching Cosima’s meaning, Delphine looked down at the truffles. Contemplating which one Cosima had to try first, she selected the darkest one in the box. Carefully, she lifted it out of the box and brought it to Cosima’s lips. 

Cosima opened her mouth, allowing Delphine to put the truffle inside. Moaning demonstratively, Cosima chewed on the small treat. 

Delphine found herself mesmerized. Never before had she experienced the aphrodisiac effect of chocolate in such an intense way, and she was not even the one eating it. Acting on impulse, Delphine leaned in to kiss Cosima. She could taste the mix of cacao and marijuana on her lips and later the sharp rum filling when Cosima’s tongue found it’s way into her mouth.

Despite her shorter posture, emphasized by the heels Delphine was wearing, Cosima quickly dominated the kiss. Using her hips, she had Delphine pinned against the countertop. Her hands were slowly creeping up the loose tank top. Cosima suddenly stopped and grasped Delphine’s hand, pulling her into the bedroom.

With the last functioning part of her brain, Delphine seized the box of truffles. When they reached the bedroom she put it down on the nightstand before turning back around to Cosima.

The other woman was completely naked; how she had managed to get her clothes off so fast was beyond Delphine. Swallowing, she took in Cosima’s exposed body. The other night, Cosima had been so gentle, making sure that Delphine was fine with everything. Delphine had barely touched Cosima; the clone had not even taken her underwear off. The small gestures to make her feel safe had meant a lot to Delphine, but now she had completely forgotten why she had ever been unsure or insecure about this, with Cosima.

Wetting her lips with her tongue, Delphine decided that she did not mind that Cosima was no longer restraining herself. Within moments she had joined Cosima, her clothes spread over the floor.

Cosima’s tongue was poking between her teeth, her lips pulled into a wide grin. This time she pushed Delphine onto the bed a little more forcefully. Before Delphine was even aware that she was in a horizontal position, Cosima was on top of her. 

With her hands entangled into the dreadlocks, Delphine allowed Cosima to kiss down her throat, the hot, wet kisses tingling on her flushed skin. Just before Cosima reached her breast, Delphine flipped them over. 

She did not hold back like the last time. Knowing what to expect, and already enjoying the prospect, she didn’t hesitate to touch Cosima. Without stalling, her right hand slid down the soft stomach. When she reached her goal, Cosima moaned appreciatively. Encouraged by the look on Cosima’s face, Delphine slid her fingers further down. Exploring gently, she experimented with different touches, looking closely at Cosima’s reactions. Delphine learned quickly. Gradually, she pushed two fingers into Cosima, causing the shorter woman to gasp.

Finding a steady rhythm, Delphine looked up at Cosima. She observed the clone’s movement as she gave herself to Delphine, completely trusting her. Cosima’s eyes were tightly shut behind her glasses, her mouth slightly agape. Her hands were gripping the sheets, her upper body pressed into the mattress and with her legs spread around Delphine.

Her breathing became shallower and her head turned back further. Delphine could feel Cosima clench around her fingers. A few more shallow trusts and Cosima cried out. Mesmerized, Delphine watched her tensing and relaxing again.

Panting, Cosima looked up at Delphine with a satisfied grin. Delphine moved to lay down next to her, cupping the other woman’s face and waiting patiently until she had caught her breath. Cosima turned on her side towards Delphine. With their legs intertwined and their bodies close together, Delphine could feel Cosima’s heart racing against her chest.

“Where did you learn how to do that?” Cosima murmured into Delphine’s curls once she was able to talk again.

“I just…” With a shy smile, Delphine shrugged. “…I learned from the best.”

This elicited a chuckle from Cosima. Smiling, drew her arms around Delphine, pulling her even closer. “Hmm, lets see what else this teacher might be able to teach you.” 

The implications caused a pleasant tension in Delphine’s lower abdomen. With a knowing smile she lifted her head, impulsively nudging Cosima’s nose with her own. She had raised her head with the intention to kiss Cosima, but as soon as Delphine had lifted her head, she had seen the small white box on the nightstand.

A sudden wave of guilt washed over Delphine. She had been putting it off for far too long. First she had taken hours busying herself with all kinds of useless tasks to delay coming over tonight. And then she had followed Cosima into the bedroom, not at all according to the plan.

Propping herself up on her elbow, Delphine leaned over Cosima. When she found the one truffle coated in white chocolate, she offered it to Cosima.

Without faltering, Cosima opened her mouth and the truffle disappeared quickly. The clone cupped the back of Delphine’s head, tugging her gently by her curls for another kiss. 

Keeping the kiss short, Delphine did not open her mouth when Cosima repeatedly ran her tongue over her lips. Before Cosima would protest, Delphine pressed a trail of kisses along Cosima’s jawline. By the time she had reached the pulse point at Cosima’s throat, Delphine could hear the clone yawn.

After she had come home this afternoon with the truffles, Delphine had injected one of the truffles with a sedative. She had to guess the dosage, since she didn’t know her subject’s exact weight. Looking Cosima in the eyes, Delphine was no longer afraid that she had underestimated the amount of sedative in fear of hurting her. If anything, the clone was falling asleep faster than she was supposed to.

Attributing the suddenly unfocused eyes and series of big yawns to the already tired state of 324B21, Delphine continued to press small kisses all over her jaw and neck.

Cosima was fighting to keep her eyes open, staring at Delphine with drooping eyes. Her right arm was draped across Delphine’s hip, the tips of her fingers rubbing circles into Delphine’s lower back. Gradually the circles became smaller and Cosima’s breath slowed down.

“Cosima?” Delphine whispered.

The clone did not react to her name. Her eyes were closed tightly and her mouth was slightly open.

A little louder, Delphine repeated, “Cosima?”

Cosima was sound asleep, her arm still wrapped around Delphine’s waist. 

Leaning forward, Delphine gave Cosima a soft kiss on her open lips. She forced herself to get up from between the warm sheets. Shivering, Delphine stood next to the bed, looking down on the unconscious clone. Pushing her curls out of her face, Delphine searched for some clothes. On the other side of the bed she found her shirt and underwear.

After she had put the clothes on, not bothering with pants, which were nowhere in sight, Delphine went to the front door. Outside was a middle-aged man, wearing plain clothes waiting for her. Without a word, he handed her a duffle bag. 

When Delphine entered the bedroom, she set the bag down next to the bed. Delphine sat down on Cosima’s side of the bed and gently turned the sleeping woman onto her back. She brushed the dreadlocks out of Cosima’s face and made sure she was lying comfortable on her back. Before getting started, Delphine carefully removed the glasses and set them down on the nightstand.

Taking the clone’s left hand, Delphine attached a portable pulse oximeter probe to her index finger. She turned it on and checked the data displayed on the small screen. Positioning the hand in such a way that she would be able to keep track of Cosima’s heart rate during over time, Delphine proceeded to quickly check her blood pressure. It was slightly on the low side, causing Delphine to hesitate for a moment. The still obvious smell of pot in the room made Delphine conclude that it was probably caused by the tetrahydrocannabinol still in the clone’s bloodstream. Unfastening the cuff around Cosima’s arm, she decided that the blood pressure was nothing to worry about.

Delphine pulled a container out of the bag. Opening it, she laid the contents out on the nightstand next to Cosima’s glasses. Turning on the light next to the bed, she started the meticulous task of fastening each sensor to Cosima’s scalp. The dreadlocks made her task much harder; the electrodes hardly fit in between the thick locks of hair. 

Despite her experience with the procedure, it took Delphine longer than usually to glue the twenty electrodes to Cosima’s head. When she was finally finished, Delphine connected each of the electrodes to the box inside the container. Turning it on, she was relieved when it worked immediately. The miniature EEG-scanner was a recent prototype of DYAD; it was small enough to fit in the bag and would send the data directly to her computer. However, it was only a prototype and when Delphine had tested it a week ago, it had taken her hours to get it to work properly.

Since they were missing several years of data, Dr. Leekie had requested at least thirty minutes of EEG-scan from 324B21. Sitting back down next to Cosima, Delphine observed the clone for a minute. Slowly she ran her fingertips over Cosima’s cheek, down her neck. When she reached the sheets that were still hiding the clone’s naked body, Delphine got up and pulled them down to Cosima’s feet.

She looked at Cosima, lying naked on the pale sheets. If it had not been for the wires running from between her dreadlocks, the clone would have looked peacefully asleep. Tugging her lower lips between her teeth, Delphine forced herself to get to back to work. 

She retrieved her stethoscope from her bag and placed it to 324B21’s chest. After listening for several minutes to the clone’s lungs, Delphine concluded that at least there were no signs of respiratory distress yet. Taking a moment to listen to Cosima’s heart, Delphine again heard nothing out of the ordinary.

After writing down a few notes, Delphine got another container out of the bag. This one held the equipment to draw a blood sample from the clone. Delphine tied the tourniquet around the arm closest to her. A beautiful vein appeared a few centimetres above Cosima’s nautilus tattoo. Delphine put on a pair of gloves and disinfected the spot on the clone’s arm. 

While glancing up at Cosima’s face, Delphine unwrapped a sterile syringe. Cosima was still lying in exactly the same position, her chest rising and falling steadily. There were no signs of her waking up. Biting her lip, Delphine concentrated on inserting the needle into Cosima’s arm. When she reached for the tube to take the sample, a few curls fell in front of her face. She shook them out of her face and continued to take several vials of blood from 324B21.

Having withdrawn the needle from Cosima’s arm, Delphine pressed a cotton pad to the spot. Hopefully Cosima would not have a sore spot tomorrow. With her free hand, Delphine took a look at the data coming in from the EEG on her tablet. At first glance, there seemed to be no irregularities, but she could not be sure until she had been able to analyse all the data.

Pulling on a fresh pair of gloves, Delphine shifted in her seat on the edge of the bed. She had been saving the worst for last. Biting her lower lip hard enough to taste the blood, she ran her gloved hand over Cosima’s thigh. With one last glance at 324B21’s face, Delphine gently pulled her legs apart. 

Cosima was still completely naked, lying flat on her back, her head tilted back with her mouth open and her legs slightly spread. It was almost exactly the same position she had been in, less than an hour ago, yet now it felt far too exposed to Delphine. Up until now, Delphine had managed not to think of the unethical way she was collecting her data, but her bubble of denial had burst.

Getting up from the bed, Delphine walked towards the window. It was completely dark and no one was outside. For the first time, Dr. Cormier considered giving up. She contemplated not doing what Aldous was asking of her. She wanted to tell Cosima; the diligent scientist would surely find the whole experiment fascinating. She would be willing to cooperate, Delphine thought. 

But what if she would not? Or even worse, what if DYAD was not willing to help her anymore after she became self-aware? Cosima was already showing the first symptoms of the mysterious clone disease, DYAD was her only chance of survival.

Having made up her mind, Delphine sat back down on the edge of the bed. Not looking at Cosima’s face, she pulled the last instrument out of the bag. Delphine took a deep breath, she had made up her mind: she was going to do this, for Cosima.

Slowly, she inserted the speculum into Cosima. Not long ago she had touched the woman, without the gloves, without the tool, and yet this felt far more intrusive than anything she had done earlier. 

“ _Je suis désolé_ ,” Delphine whispered as she widened the speculum. She didn’t know where to look anymore, even as the doctor inside of her wanted to see what she was doing. Delphine wanted to take comfort in Cosima’s relaxed face, and yet she was unable to look either way. Instead she focused on the nautilus on Cosima’s arm, while her hands mechanically worked to take a tissue sample of the clone’s cervix.

As soon as she had the sample she needed, Delphine removed the speculum. “ _Je suis désolé_.” She let out a deep breath, suddenly feeling very exhausted. With trembling hands, she quickly labeled each sample. After they were all clearly marked, Delphine carefully wrapped them up and put them back in the bag, with her stethoscope and the disposed gloves. 

The next step was removing the electrodes she had painstakingly glued onto Cosima’s scalp. Cautiously, Delphine detached each electrode, dropping each one of them in the container. With a cotton pad drenched in solution, she removed the glue, so that Cosima would not be able to find any traces.

Once she had put everything away, Delphine walked into the tiny bathroom. In the sink she hastily rinsed the speculum. Avoiding the mirror, she washed her hands thoroughly and took a few deep breaths. 

Delphine exited the bathroom on her tiptoes so she would not wake Cosima up. It was absolutely unnecessary; Cosima was sleeping undisturbed. She looked at peace, unaware of what Delphine had just done to her.

She dropped the speculum in the bag and made sure that she had left no evidence. Delphine picked up the bag and silently moved towards the door. Silently, the man outside took the bag and walked away. He would make sure the samples she had collected were safe and ready for her to examine in the morning. Aldous had tried to persuade her to allow him to help her collect the data, but Delphine had insisted that she could do it herself. Closing the front door, Delphine was glad that she had stood her ground on the matter; at least no one else had touched Cosima.

When she got back into the bedroom, Delphine immediately took her clothes off, dropping them to the floor where she had picked them up earlier. Turning off the lights as she got into bed, Delphine felt her way towards Cosima in the dark. She pulled the sheets up to cover their bodies and snuggled into Cosima. She rested her head on the clone’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Quoi?_ = What?  
>  _Je suis désolé,_ = I am sorry,


	10. Cosima +11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you were not too shocked by the last chapter, I did warn you. Either way, you clicked next chapter, so you're not completely repulsed, which is good. The next few chapters will not be so very horrible, but we will definitely return to a similar place sometime in the future...

A pounding in her head woke Cosima up. The room was almost completely dark, the only light coming from the street. Disoriented, Cosima sat up, regretting it immediately when a wave of nausea came over her.

After a few deep breaths, Cosima started feeling a little better. She did not know what time it was, or why she was awake in the middle of the night. She was sure that it was still the middle of the night; aside from the lack of light, it was also eerily silent. The only sound Cosima heard was that of Delphine’s deep breathing next to her.

Despite her spinning head, Cosima smiled. Slowly, parts of last night started to come back to her. Waiting for Delphine to show up, she had smoked a few joints while reading some research papers. Admittedly, she had not been entirely sober when Delphine had shown up, but what had happened after was unusually fuzzy.

At least Delphine had stayed, so whatever had happened, she must have enjoyed it enough to spend the night. Under the covers, Cosima slid her hand along Delphine’s arm. There was no reaction from the other woman; she was fast asleep.

Careful not to move too fast, Cosima turned towards her nightstand. Blindly, she felt for her glasses. In the dark she could not find them directly, and when she did locate them, they were still unfolded. Frowning, Cosima put them on. She always folded her glasses when putting them down, that way they would not break so easily if they fell. Which happened way too often.

Cosima dismissed the unfolded glasses as something that probably happened in a moment of distraction, and got out of bed. Shivering in the cold, she tiptoed towards the bathroom.  
Before Cosima turned the lights on, she closed the door so it would not wake Delphine up. As soon as the bright light hit her eyes, the headache became ten times worse. She covered her eyes with one hand and steadied herself on the sink with the other. 

After a minute, she was capable of slowly removing her hand. The harsh light jabbed sharply into her skull. Her temples felt like they were about to implode and in the back of her head she could feel her veins pulsing painfully. Her mouth was painfully dry with a nauseating sour taste in her throat.

Staring into the mirror, Cosima tried to pinpoint the source of this hangover. If two joints would leave her feeling like this, there was no way she would be returning to this new dealer. Normally, pot would leave her well rested and completely without a hangover; it was hard-liquor that Cosima could not handle well.

Filling a glass from the tap, Cosima rubbed her temple. After chugging the glass of cold water, she felt a little better. On one of the shelves underneath the sink she found an almost empty bottle of Advil.

Only when she twisted the cap off the bottle, Cosima noticed the soreness in her right arm. The headache had been so overwhelming that she had not noticed the pain in her arm until now. Thinking that she must have a bruise, Cosima inspected her arm. There was no black and blue spot, aside from the usual Fibonacci spiral.

Rubbing the sore spot, Cosima wondered if it could be a muscle ache. She flexed her hand, had she really been single for that long? Fishing a pill out of the bottle, she decided that she must have bumped into something. Cosima washed the painkiller down with another glass of water and stared in the mirror for another minute.

As her headache slowly started to fade, she started to feel the rest of her body. Her muscles ached, inside and out. With a deep frown, Cosima tried to remember when her last period had been. The soreness between her legs felt vaguely familiar, yet it was not accompanied by the usual backache. Briefly, Cosima wondered if Delphine had been that rough with her. She did not seem the type, considering this was the second time she had had sex with another woman. Then again, maybe her clumsiness had left Cosima slightly sore.

She concluded that she really did not remember anything that had happened after they had entered the bedroom last evening. Maybe in the morning, when her headache was gone, she would be able to remember and pinpoint the source of her aching. Either way, there was no use in standing in the cold bathroom with a pounding head, trying to remember, when there was a warm bed in the next room.

Cosima shut off the light, welcoming the soothing darkness, and exited the bathroom on her tiptoes so she would not wake Delphine up. It was absolutely unnecessary; Delphine was already awake. She looked panicked, sitting upright in bed, her eyes wide at Cosima exiting the bathroom.

“Hey,” Cosima said, walking towards the bed. “Did I wake you up?”

“It’s… it’s okay,” Delphine said. Her eyes followed Cosima walking around the bed. She clutched the covers to her chest with white knuckles. “Are you alright?”

Cosima slid in between the covers, lying her sore head down on the pillow. She took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes. “Yeah, just a bit of a headache,” she said, smiling vaguely in Delphine’s direction. Silently, she wished that the other woman would just lie down and turn the light off. Even the small reading lamp was worsening the severe pounding in her temples.

Leaning on her elbow, Delphine moved to lie down. She took the glasses from Cosima’s hand and put them down on the nightstand. When she moved back, she pulled the covers up to tuck Cosima in. Delphine moved to lay her head next to Cosima, her curls tickling Cosima’s neck.

Captivated by the gentle gesture, Cosima allowed Delphine to take care of her. The painkiller was starting to do its job and she was getting used to the light; this was not so bad after all. With a content sigh, Cosima draped her arms around Delphine, pulling her a little closer.

Delphine tenderly cupped Cosima’s cheek. “ _Je suis désolé,_ ” she said.

With a frown, Cosima opened her eyes. When she looked down, she saw Delphine’s large brown eyes peeking through the messy curls. “It’s not your fault, it’s just a stupid headache,” Cosima mumbled. “It’ll pass.”

“I’m sorry,” Delphine insisted.

With another sigh, Cosima closed her eyes again. Delphine was ridiculously polite considering they were naked in bed together. Would Delphine always be like this; tense and scared to hurt Cosima, she wondered. Hopefully, the other woman would allow herself to relax a little around Cosima soon. Cosima squeezed the hand on her cheek briefly before she wiggled a little closer to Delphine.

Cosima could feel Delphine press a lingering kiss onto her shoulder. When she finally moved away, Cosima could feel Delphine’s weight shift next to her and the warmth disappeared. Delphine turned the light off and returned to Cosima’s side of the bed. She wrapped her arms back around her and settled down to go back to sleep.

\---

The next time Cosima woke up, it was much more gentle. A soft hand was stroking her cheek. The deft fingers brushed a stray dread out of her face. Without opening her eyes, Cosima knew it had to be Delphine, but she did not open her eyes to confirm this theory.

Instead, she chose to remain a little longer on the blissful edge of sleeping and waking. Comfy in her warm bed, Cosima enjoyed the gentle gesture. There was the unmistakable smell of coffee in the air. Delphine must have made it while she was still asleep, Cosima thought. This was definitely something she could get used to.

The pounding headache she had suffered tonight was gone; instead there was just a lingering soreness behind her eyes. Subtly, she stretched her legs and toes under the thick covers.

“ _Bonjour, ma chéri._ ”

“Hmmm,” Cosima mumbled. She snuggled a little deeper under the blankets. 

The weight on the edge of the bed shifted a little, but the hand on Cosima jaw did not move. “I can see that you’re awake,” Delphine said.

Groggily, Cosima opened her eyes. The light hit her eyes painfully; the mysterious headache was clearly not over yet. After allowing her eyes to adjust to the bright morning light, Cosima peeked over the covers, which were pulled up to her nose by now.

Her hand remained on Cosima’s cheek as Delphine waited for her to adjust to the light. Despite the lack of glasses, Cosima could see that Delphine was fully dressed. She was sitting on the edge of the bed; in her unbuttoned black coat over the clothes she had been wearing when she arrived yesterday.

Slowly registering this, Cosima sat up. Gathering her glasses from the nightstand and setting them on her nose, she asked Delphine, “Are you leaving me already?”

Delphine looked down at her black coat, “I can’t show up to work in the same clothes I wore yesterday,” Delphine explained. Leaning towards Cosima, she said, “I have to go home to change and grab my things.”

“Oh,” disappointed, Cosima pouted. It made sense, but nevertheless, she wanted Delphine to stay a little longer. She captured the French woman in a kiss, tugging her closer by the sleeve of her coat. Delphine tasted like coffee and tobacco. The woolen coat was rough against Cosima’s bare skin.

Before long, Delphine pulled back from Cosima. She immediately put distance between them by getting up from the bed. “I made you some coffee,” Delphine pointed at her nightstand.

Looking in the direction of Delphine’s outstretched finger, Cosima noticed the steaming cup. With a grin, she reached to pick it up. “Awesome, thanks.” Cosima took a quick sip and winked at Delphine.

A shy smile broke the worried frown that had been on Delphine’s face. Now that she was a little more awake, and was wearing her glasses, Cosima noticed that she looked very tired. Before she could voice her concern, Delphine had buttoned her coat. With two large strides she was standing over Cosima, kissing her goodbye.

“I’ll call you, okay?” Delphine said, straightening her back and pushing the curls behind her ears.

“Okay,” Cosima nodded. She leaned back against the pillows and pulled the covers up a little. Sipping the coffee, she watched Delphine walking away.

Before exiting the bedroom, Delphine turned around. She smiled at Cosima and gave her a little wave. “ _A bientôt,_ Cosima,” she said and closed the door behind her.

Taking a large gulp of the coffee, Cosima grinned at the now closed door. She could hear Delphine shut the front door. A quick look at her phone told her that it was still very early. Absentmindedly, Cosima allowed her hand to wander under the covers, feeling the lingering warmth in the bed next to her.

From the small white box standing next to the reading lamp, Cosima selected a truffle sprinkled with small pieces of walnut. The rich taste brought her back to last night. Most of it was still vague, but Cosima clearly recalled Delphine feeding her several truffles. 

With a sigh, Cosima threw back the covers. Unsuccessfully, she tried not to spill any coffee while she got out of bed to get some proper breakfast, other than chocolate and coffee, and maybe a hot shower.


	11. Delphine +31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter which has a larger time gap with the previous one. For those of you who forgot, the numbers in the title indicate the days before/after they met. The following couple of chapters will have gaps of varying time in between.
> 
> Also, I added some translations of the French in the notes at the end of some chapters. Anything more complicated than _bonjour_ will be translated at the bottom of the page for your convenience. Let me know if I made mistakes, because French is not my native language either.

It was cold and grey outside; a thick cover of clouds hid the sun. Delphine was standing underneath the tree, tugging her scarf up to cover her freezing ears. When she had agreed to coming to California, she had expected a little more sunshine and a little less cold.

Impatiently, Delphine looked around. Cosima had texted her this afternoon to meet her in this spot, about ten minutes ago. Delphine bit her lip while she contemplated going home. The last few weeks she had spent almost every free moment with Cosima. And she had always enjoyed the time they spent together, until the moment she would remember what she was really doing. The lies she told Cosima, the multiple tests she had preformed on her, and the reason for their relationship were starting to weigh down on Delphine more with every passing day.

As Delphine felt her own emotional attachment to her subject increase over the past few weeks, it became harder to fulfill her assignment. More than once, she had considered telling Cosima the truth; this was one of those moments. The only reason she had not said anything so far, was Aldous’ repeated warnings not to tell her. Taking some time away from Cosima might help her to reduce her sentiment, making it a little easier to lie to her. _Loin des yeux, loin du cœur_ , Delphine thought.

Checking her phone one last time, Delphine started to leave when someone suddenly snatched her hand.

“Hey,” Cosima said, spinning Delphine around.

Immediately, Delphine forgot her resolve to put some distance between them. Driven by an impulse stronger than her own will, Delphine leaned down to kiss a smiling Cosima. “ _Âllo Cosima_ ,” she said when they pulled apart.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I had to hand in my research proposal,” Cosima said. Before Delphine could tell her that it was okay, the short woman had taken her hand again and started walking, pulling her along.

Catching up with Cosima, Delphine asked where they were going.

“San Francisco, obviously,” was Cosima’s answer.

“Why?”

Cosima answered, “You haven’t been to San Fran since you arrived, it’s kinda weird don’t you think?” She was practically bouncing on the pavement with excitement, an enthusiastic grin on her face as she looked at Delphine’s reaction.

“I’ve been very busy,” Delphine tried to excuse herself. It was true, besides developing a relationship with Cosima and monitoring the clone, she also had a full-time job as a PhD student. It was really a miracle that she got any sleep at all.

“What is the use of studying abroad if you don’t see any of the country?” Cosima said with a wide gesture at her surroundings.

The other woman’s enthusiasm was contagious. There would be no harm in taking the rest of the day off and see something of the city, Delphine thought. Not knowing what exactly to expect, she followed the smaller woman into the train station.

\---

From the moment they exited the train station in San Francisco, it was clear to Delphine that Cosima would be the most amazing guide to the city. Not only was the American born and raised in the city by the bay, she had that infinite interest in her environment, which made her a never-ending source of fascinating facts about practically everything around her.

As they walked, Delphine watched Cosima chat about the city she grew up in. The biologist knew all the secret spots, all the interesting details, and she was so passionate about the city and its history. Delphine could listen to her all day.

And listen to Cosima is exactly what Delphine did; she followed her around the city, absorbing as much information as possible. It was already late in the afternoon; both had been working all day, leaving them not enough time to see the whole city. Cosima promised Delphine that they could return soon to see the rest of it. They were in no hurry, wandering along the downtown streets before heading towards the bay.

They ended at the water, sitting on the concrete ledge, looking at the sea lions lying on the wooden structures floating in the water of the bay. The sky had cleared, so that the last of the sunshine could warm them a little. When the last of the sun had disappeared and the temperature suddenly dropped, Cosima suggested they should find something to eat.

\---

After dinner, they strolled through the park, hand in hand. It was late and most people had gone home. In the lights of the street lanterns, a few people were jogging or walking hurriedly. Cosima and Delphine were in no rush; they were enjoying each other’s company without the desire to be anywhere else.

Delphine glanced sideways at Cosima. The clone was gesturing wildly with her free hand to demonstrate the exact working of an earthquake. Her eyes sparkled in the dim light and her dreadlocks were bouncing with every determined step. She was all bundled up in her coat and scarf, looking absolutely stunning despite the limited light.

All afternoon, Delphine had thought they were just wandering around, and yet every time, Cosima had brought them to some fascinating location. Delphine wondered where they were headed now. When they left the restaurant, she had assumed they would be going home or maybe for a drink somewhere, but by now they were walking in the wrong direction for either of those things.

Without a warning, Cosima stopped midsentence and turned left where there was no path. Her grip on Delphine’s hand was firm, and left Delphine no choice but to follow Cosima through the shrubbery. “Cosima, where are you going?” Delphine asked.

There was no answer, just a final tug on her hand, pulling her into the open. Delphine’s mouth fell open. They were standing next to the water. In the distance, across the bay, the lights of the city were shining and they effortlessly merged in with the stars in the sky. As if this was not enough, the lights reflected onto the dark mirror created by the still water in the bay. Delphine glanced at Cosima; the clone was grinning mischievously at Delphine, illuminated by thousands of small lights.

Not knowing what to say, Delphine squeezed Cosima’s hand briefly, before turning back towards the sparkling water of the bay.

“I’m going to keep the promise that I made you when we first met,” Cosima said.

Confused, Delphine looked at the dark figure next to her.

“That, one day, I’d get you completely baked,” Cosima clarified. She let go of Delphine’s hand and dropped her bag on the ground. 

While Cosima was taking her coat off and spreading it on the damp grass, Delphine wondered if this was a good idea. She trusted Cosima, but she definitely did not trust herself. Delphine had no idea how she would react to marijuana, and if it was anything like getting drunk, she might do things she would regret later. Things like talk too much, or get overly emotional.

“Delphine, do you wanna join me?” Cosima asked. She was sitting on her coat, patting the spot next to her. Half the contents of her purse were spread across her lap.

Making up her mind, Delphine sat down. As long as she used moderation and remained in control, she would be perfectly fine. In the near darkness, she watched Cosima trying to find something. Delphine could feel the warmth radiating from Cosima in the fresh outside air.  
Suddenly concerned for the clone’s already fragile health, Delphine took off her own coat and wrapped it around the both of them.

With a grateful smile, Cosima gave up on searching. “Do you have a lighter?” she asked.

“Yes, of course.” From the depths of her pocket, Delphine dug up a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. The package she stuffed back into her pocket, while handing Cosima the lighter.

“ _Merrrcie_ ,” Cosima said with an exaggerated American accent. With practiced ease, she lit the joint that was already bungling from her lips. 

In the light of the small flame, Delphine could see her face a little clearer. For a few seconds Delphine could admire Cosima’s delicate beauty, while she enjoyed the first drag with her eyes closed.

Without a warning, the flame died and Cosima’s eyes opened. They locked eyes while Cosima handed the joint to Delphine.

She took the offered joint and carefully took a long drag. The taste was surprisingly similar to that of the cigarettes Delphine usually smoked. Holding the smoke in her lungs for a short moment before exhaling, Delphine observed that she did not feel any different, except for a peculiar tinge at the tip of her tongue. Expertly she took another drag, a little deeper this time.

“Wow, okay,” Cosima laughed, taking the joint from between Delphine’s fingers. “Easy!”

Delphine smiled sheepishly at the dark figure next to her. They continued to smoke in comfortable silence for a while, looking at the thousands of twinkling lights in front of them. 

After she had taken the last drag, Cosima extinguished the joint on the ground. Without a word, the usually talkative scientist laid her head down in Delphine’s lap. She lazily stared up at Delphine, her never-still hands toying with the blonde’s fingers. 

Still mesmerized by the lights, Delphine looked out into the bay. Every single one of the lights was shining in a different colour; most were a shade of yellow or orange, others were blue or red or green. Some lights were white and bright, and others were barely distinguishable against the dark sky. Some of the lights were moving. Alarmed, Delphine wondered if the marijuana was causing hallucinations, until she realized that the moving lights were boats. Delphine giggled at her own foolishness. 

“Hmm, you okay?” Cosima asked.

In the dim light, Delphine could barely make out the questioning look on the clone’s face. “Yeah, I’m fine,” Delphine said, “Very fine,” With her free hand she stroked Cosima’s forehead. Cosima felt so small in Delphine’s hand. She looked so far away, made brittle and frail by artificial nature. She was the unknowing victim of all that was being done to her, by DYAD, by Delphine herself.

Suddenly, Delphine felt the overwhelming urge to confess the truth. The need to come clean with Cosima, whatever the consequences, hit Delphine out of nowhere. “Cosima?” she asked, before she could stop herself.

“Yes?”

“There is something important I want to tell you,” Delphine said, her hands trembling.

She looked down at the woman lying in her lap. There was a blissful smile on Cosima’s face, while she calmly waited for Delphine to continue. The trust and affection radiating from Cosima made the brief doubts Delphine had obsolete.

Unable to stop the words, Delphine said, “ _Je t’aime_.”

For a brief moment, Cosima contemplated the meaning of those words. There was no doubt in Delphine’s mind that the clever scientist knew exactly what it meant, and in the few seconds it took Cosima to answer, an unexpected rush of anxiety overtook Delphine. The moment she had said the words out loud, she had realized that she not only meant them, but also, for the first time of her life, she actually was in love. The realization was both relieving and absolutely terrifying.

“I love you too,” with those simple words, all of Delphine’s fears disappeared. A sudden serenity shut off all the anxious voices that had been harassing her since she had first drugged Cosima in order to collect some samples.

With a huge grin, flashing her white teeth in the darkness, Cosima looked up at Delphine. A little longer they remained like this, smiling at each other, until Cosima suddenly sat up. “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Loin des yeux, loin du cœur,_ = Out of sight, out of mind, (Lit: out of eyes, out of heart)


	12. Cosima +72

Taking a sip of her tea, Cosima stared at the unstable pile of books on the table next to the couch she was lying on. She could not make out the titles without glasses, and was too lazy to put them on. Even if she had been able to make out the blurry letters, she still would not know what the words meant. Where Delphine got all her peculiar French novels was a mystery to Cosima; she had definitely not brought them with her when she had moved to the States.

Every time Cosima came over to her girlfriend’s tiny studio apartment, the French woman would apologize for the bare space. And every time, Cosima was amazed at how fast she had managed to make a confortable home, especially considering the fact that she had moved from France with only two suitcases and a very limited student’s budget.

The first time Cosima had come over, the place had been empty, save for the basic necessities. The only furniture had been a bed, wardrobe, and a couch. The kitchen was fully equipped, but there had been nothing to decorate the tiny room. During the following weeks, Delphine had slowly filled her home with a large number of diverse plants and books, effectively making the small apartment a comfortable space.

Looking around the room, Cosima realized that, even though the place was much more organized and much less multi-coloured than her own apartment, she felt right at home here. The minimalist, yet homely interior was a direct reflection of Delphine, Cosima thought. Delphine seemed a little tense and reserved at first, but over time, she had relaxed and shown her softer side to Cosima.

Thinking of Delphine, Cosima pulled her phone out of the pocket of her loose pyjama pants, almost spilling the last of her tea in the process. Squinting to check her messages, she quickly saw that there was nothing from Delphine. With a frustrated groan, Cosima threw her phone onto her lap, lying her head back down on the pillow.

About an hour ago, her girlfriend had woken up, all cheerful and energetic, trying to convince Cosima to join her for an early morning jogging. With an exceptionally bad hangover, Cosima had buried herself further under the covers, until Delphine had left for a run without her.

A little later, the need to hydrate forced her out of the bed so she could make herself a cup of hot tea. Before long, Cosima’s spinning head had forced her to lie down again. She had positioned herself strategically on the couch, so that she would be the first thing Delphine saw when she got home. However, to Cosima’s displeasure, it took Delphine forever to get home. Now she was just sad and lonely, lying on her girlfriend’s couch, her head pounding so badly that she didn’t even dare to occupy herself with a book.

Rubbing her temples, Cosima briefly contemplated getting up for another cup of tea. She knew her way around Delphine’s kitchen; this was not the first time she had been here, after all. However, it was the first time Delphine had left Cosima completely alone in her apartment; the French woman had gone from very tense, to extremely trusting in a little over two months. Not that Cosima was complaining; it was good to know that Delphine trusted her as much as she trusted Delphine.

The sound of keys in the door woke Cosima up; she had not even noticed that she had fallen asleep. Startled, Cosima sat up and scrambled to put her glasses on before Delphine entered. 

She was completely soaked, visibly shivering. The heavy rain had been another reason why Cosima had not wanted to go running. What idiot goes for a jog in the pouring rain?

Without turning around, Delphine closed the door behind her and started to pull her running shoes off. A puddle formed on the floor, her wet feet in wet socks in the centre. When she finally did turn around, Cosima was standing right in front of her, offering her the towel she had grabbed from the bathroom earlier, anticipating that Delphine would need it when she got home.

“Hey, you’re up!” Delphine exclaimed surprised when she saw Cosima. She took the towel and dried her face, before she wrapped it around her hair in an attempt to stop the constant dripping from her soaked curls.

“Of course I’m up,” Cosima said. Standing on her toes, she kissed Delphine, shuddering when the taller woman’s cold hands touched her cheeks. “Ugh, you’re freezing!”

Delphine started to apologize, “Sorry, it’s really cold outside and I-”

“Hey, no,” Cosima interrupted her. “It’s fine, go take a hot shower before you get hypothermic.” She gently shoved Delphine into the direction of the bathroom, “I’ll make you some breakfast.”

With a soft thank you, Delphine continued in the direction Cosima had pointed her. 

After Delphine had closed the bathroom door, Cosima could easily make out a trail of wet footprints on the floor. Carefully avoiding the damps spots, Cosima made her way to the kitchen. She was already feeling a lot better. Whether it was the quick nap, or Delphine’s presence, Cosima did not know. Either way, she started making breakfast in a much better mood than she had been in for the past hour.

She filled the kettle with water to make some more tea, and grabbed a chair while the water was heating. Delphine would, unintentionally, put essential things on the high shelves where Cosima could not reach them. So now the tiny woman had to balance on the edge of a chair to find the essential ingredient for the breakfast she had planned. She returned to the ground with the bread she had been looking for. From the depths of the fridge, Cosima retrieved some milk and eggs.

When she heard the water of the shower stop running, Cosima dropped the first piece of soaked bread in the hot frying pan. Two steaming cups of tea were already standing on the countertop.

The first time Delphine had spent an entire weekend with Cosima, Cosima had made her guest French toast for breakfast. It had been a goodhearted nature in making the foreigner feel more at home in a foreign country. Somehow, despite the name, Delphine had never heard of it, and she had certainly never tasted it. Luckily for Cosima, she did like the sweet breakfast food and now Cosima tried to make some for her whenever she had the chance.

While Cosima flipped the toast, Delphine exited the bathroom wrapped in a fluffy towel. “Mmm, that smells wonderful,” she said, glancing at what Cosima was making while she passed the kitchen.

“Yeah, it does,” Cosima confirmed. Carefully, she lifted the bread out of the frying pan onto a plate. Quickly, she dumped the next piece of bread into the pan. “Did you have a good run?” she asked Delphine, who was standing next to the closet picking out something to wear, the towel lying on the floor next to her feet.

“Yes,” Delphine said, not turning around to look at Cosima. “You should have joined me.”

“Maybe next time,” Cosima said, not intending to follow through. Leaning on the counter, she watched Delphine put a pair of pants on. While the blonde pulled the zipper up, Cosima flipped the second piece of French toast, her eyes never leaving the still half naked woman.

Delphine did not turn around until she was fully dressed, smiling at the sight of Cosima standing in the kitchen. She was still wearing Delphine’s pyjama bottoms and an old sweater, both several sizes too large. With a few large strides, Delphine closed the distance between them, wrapping the tiny cook’s face in her now warm hands. She pulled Cosima upwards for a kiss, meeting her halfway in a pose that had become familiar so incredibly fast. 

The kiss, no different than the hundreds they had shared before, took Cosima’s breath away in a way previously unfamiliar to her. Delphine hungrily tugged on her lips, grasping her dreads to pull her closer. What started like an ordinary kiss had Cosima gasping for air within a minute.

Gently, Cosima pushed Delphine away. She turned her head away, coughing to clear her throat in the hope that it would help her breathe. After a few coughs, she was able to take a few deep gulps of air, instantly feeling better.

When she turned back to Delphine, the taller woman was looking down at her with a worried frown. “Are you okay?” Delphine asked, returning her hand to Cosima’s cheek in a gesture that was no longer sensual, but gave Cosima a feeling of being mothered.

“Yeah, just a tickle in my throat.” Cosima swatted at the hand and turned to attend to the bread in the pan, which was starting to smoke a little. Skilfully, she transferred it to a plate, ignoring Delphine looking worried at her. The toast was only a little burned; Cosima had eaten worse. Turning off the stove, she held out the plate with the unburned toast for Delphine, avoiding her intrusive stare.

Without a word, Delphine took the plate and the cup of tea Cosima offered her and sat down, waiting for Cosima to join her before digging in. They ate in silence for a while; it was not until Delphine put down her utensils with a pensive look that Cosima felt the urge to break the silence. If she didn’t speak now, Delphine would continue to question her on her health, as she did whenever Cosima felt even a little bit under the weather. There was nothing Cosima disliked more than to be treated in such a way by her girlfriend, who was supposed to be her equal, not her doctor. She knew that Delphine meant well, but Cosima had started to hide it from Delphine whenever she was anything less than perky.

“What are you doing today?” Cosima asked the first thing that popped into her mind, cringing inwardly that she had not been able to come up with something better.

Taking a sip of her tea, Delphine contemplated the question. “I have a few papers to grade,” she finally answered.

Nodding, Cosima finished her own breakfast. “Okay,” she said, swallowing. “Do you mind if I stay and work here?” Her bag with her laptop was standing next to the door where she had left it yesterday, hoping to spend the entire weekend with Delphine, while still finishing her literature review for her thesis.

“Of course not,” Delphine shook her head as if it was the most absurd thing Cosima had ever said. “Please do stay with me.”

Cocking her head, Cosima watched Delphine get up and carry their plates to the sink. While Delphine’s back was turned to her, she subtly rubbed her temples one last time before getting up to put some of her own clothes on.


	13. Delphine +87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another chapter! There are about five more left before this 'flashback' ends.  
> In the mean time, your feedback would be very much appreciated :D

“You must keep a closer watch on her,” Dr. Leekie said on the other end of the call.

“How?” Delphine asked. She was already spending every possible spare moment she had with the clone. It was not as if keeping watch over her subject was an unpleasant task. She liked to think that she would be with Cosima even if she had not been assigned to monitor her, but it was practically impossible to spend even more time with her. “I’m already with her every waking moment I’m at work, and most nights as well.”

“I want you to move in with her. Or her with you, I don’t care about the details. You need to be with her at all times, I don’t want you to miss any interesting details.” Aldous looked over the numbers in the report Delphine had sent him earlier in the week, a deep frown on his face. He was clearly worried by what he was seeing; Delphine was equally concerned, if not more so. 

“Dr. Cormier, we know next to nothing about this defect in our clones, it was discovered too late in the other three sick clones to help them,” he said. “I assigned you as 324B21’s monitor because of your extensive medical knowledge, but you’re useless to her if you are not with her to observe the development of her disease.”

Irritated, Delphine ran her hand through her hair. “Is there nothing more useful we can do, Aldous?” All she was doing was taking some samples every month; there were more tests she had to perform each time. She would analyze the data she had collected and write a report for the institute. Aside from the unhelpful Skype conversations she had with Dr. Leekie every other week, there was no information coming from the other side; there seemed to be no progress on finding a cure for the clones, for Cosima.

On the other side of the screen, Aldous gave her a stern look. Delphine knew he was not patient with those who questioned him. “We are doing everything we can, Dr. Cormier. You are to focus on your assignment, or we will find someone else to do it,” he said, before taking a long drink from his coffee. “Get closer to 324B21, and do it fast.”

“We have known each other for less than three months. I can’t just move in with her this soon, that’s madness,” Delphine tried to convince Aldous to give up on his insane plan. 

It was not as if she had not thought about it before. Only a week ago, Cosima had jokingly told Delphine to move in with her, since she spent nearly every night in Cosima’s bed anyway. Every day since, the idea had been on her mind. Fantasizing about it had become her favourite pastime. Delphine had not seriously contemplated it until now, thinking that three months was ridiculously soon to move in with someone.

If they were going to live together, Delphine wanted it to be for the right reasons. Because she loved her girlfriend, and she wanted to be as close to her as possible, as much time as possible. Now that Dr. Leekie had told her to move in with her subject, the enticement of the prospect was gone. “I won’t impose on her like that, Aldous!”

Scared for his reaction at her outburst, Delphine looked at her computer. On her screen, Aldous was looking pensive, his coffee cup halfway between his desk and mouth. It took Delphine a long second to comprehend that he was not thinking; the image on her screen was frozen. Before long, her screen went black and the connection was completely gone.

Not knowing exactly how long she had been speaking to a dead connection, she picked up her phone. Right at that moment, she received a text from Aldous. It simply read that she would do as he had instructed, wishing her good luck.

“ _Merde,_ ” Delphine dropped her head in her hands; now she was not even able to yell at her boss anymore. She was absolutely seething, shaking with anger. With a few deep breaths she tried to clear her head. When this did not work, she picked up her empty coffee cup and left her office in search for something to fill it with.

How was she supposed to subtly move in with her subject? Did she want to continue down this rabbit hole of crazy science? When would the lies come crashing in on her? How long would their relationship last, for it would certainly not endure? Was it worth it? These questions tormented her as she walked down the corridor.

As her brain was running a never-ending loop of these questions, not providing any answers, Delphine could feel her heart beating somewhere in between her throat and where it was supposed to beat. Each beat was pounding in her ears, reducing all other sounds to a distant white noise. With every step, Delphine could feel her face become warmer to the point where she thought it might explode with the pressure generated by the heat. She felt herself moving down the familiar corridors, not being able to stop or turn back; as if in a dream, she kept going.

When she turned the corner to the coffee machine, Delphine saw several colleagues standing around, chatting animatedly. The ordinary sight shook her out of her delirious state. Turning on her heels, she almost ran in the opposite direction. She usually enjoyed talking to her peers, whom did not know the real reason she was at Berkeley and therefore were an excellent, and the only, distraction from her assignment. At the moment she was too upset to pretend everything was all right.

Delphine escaped into the nearest toilet. She ignored the stranger washing her hands and burst into the nearest stall. Sitting down, she clutched the still empty cup in her trembling hands. 

Her eyes were burning and her breath came in shallow, uncontrolled gasps. Trying desperately not to make any noise, Delphine struggled to control herself.

It was one thing to pose as a friend to a stranger in order to observe them for scientific purposes. Falling in love with her subject had not been planned; it had come as a pleasant surprise and an inconvenient complication. Yet, up until this afternoon, Delphine had been able to rationalize everything she had done to Cosima as something that would help her.

Moving in with her seemed a whole different way of imposing on the clone. For some reason, it hit Delphine much harder than she had expected. She had never lived with a lover before. She had never committed to anyone in such a way before; she had never felt any desire to do so. And though she had considered taking this step with Cosima, the implications of what she was doing to her girlfriend hit her hard and out of nowhere.

Of course Delphine had known that the experiment she was involved in was illegal, and very unethical. Her own scientific fascination had been the reason she had initially agreed to working on project Leda. At first, the clones had been nothing more than tag numbers. Dr. Cormier had known there were people behind those numbers, but they seemed surreal; she never thought about their individual lives, only about the science they represented.

After she had first seen that photo of 324B21, things had changed quickly. Delphine had started to feel guilty for keeping these women in the dark. For the first time, she found herself thinking about their everyday lives, about what they might say if they knew what they really were.

Even though she knew that not telling Cosima her true intentions was unfair, for a long time, Delphine had been able to repress those feelings; despite the fact that they became stronger with every passing day. Something Dr. Leekie had said about her being useless to Cosima if she could not be closer to her, had triggered the flood of repressed emotions to come pouring out of the deep corner of Delphine’s mind where she had been hiding them.

So here she was, a doctor working on an international illegal experiment on human clones, crying her eyes out in a tiny toilet stall. Wheezing, Delphine tried to stuff the emotions down. If she could just not think about it, she would be okay.

Remembering Aldous’ earlier words, she told herself that what she was doing was in the clones’ best interest. And if she didn’t do it, someone else would. Maybe it was selfish, but she did not want to leave Cosima, and that was exactly what she would be forced to do if she refused to fulfill her tasks any longer. 

With a few deep breaths, Delphine calmed herself a little. She tore a few sheets of toilet paper from the roll and folded them neatly. Using the paper to wipe the tears from her eyes, she made up her mind.

She took her phone out of her pocket and texted Cosima, ‘Would you like to come over tonight?’ Usually they would meet at the end of the day and go to either of their homes, but today, Delphine was not planning on waiting for Cosima to finish her work.

When she exited the stall, the woman that had been washing her hands was gone. Relieved, Delphine walked over to the sink. In the mirror, she saw that her mascara had stained her cheeks, her eyes were red and swollen, and her hair was all over the place. How had she managed to become so emotionally invested in her subject? The Delphine Cormier she used to know was always so strong, so untouchable.

“You are Delphine Beraud,” Delphine whispered at the woman in the mirror, reminding herself that she was someone else. Delphine Beraud was someone who was brave enough to fall in love, and move in with another woman, so quickly, so completely. And Delphine Beraud was not too invested; she could make the rational decisions for her subject, to keep her safe.

Chewing on her bottom lip, she wiped the mascara from her face with the corner of a damp paper towel. There was nothing she could do about the redness around her eyes, it would have to do for now.

In her pocket, her phone buzzed. It was Cosima’s response; of course she said yes with the typical enthusiasm she possessed for everything. There was no indication that she thought it was strange that Delphine asked her to come over with a text, instead of the usual dropping by at the end of work.

With a last look in the mirror, Delphine straightened her skirt and pushed her hair back into place. She wanted nothing more than to hide out in that tiny toilet stall for another hour, but instead she left the bathroom.

Before leaving work, Delphine stopped at her office to gather her things. It was still early, the lunch break had just ended and the corridors were almost completely empty. Nobody would notice if she went home a little early. There were still a few things she wanted to do before Cosima came over.

While she hurried out of her office, Delphine counted the cigarettes in the pack in her pocket. She knew that she would have smoked them all before she reached home. Suddenly it hit her that not only would she be forced to move in with Cosima, she would also have to abandon that little place she had grown to love so quickly. Before she had left the building, Delphine was already halfway through her first cigarette, her heart pounding in her chest.


	14. Cosima +87

They were heading back to the university after enjoying a late lunch. Cosima hardly listened to her friend chat about some guy she didn’t know, while she answered Delphine’s text. ‘Obs, I’ll totes be there after work!’

Nodding at something her friend said, Cosima wondered why Delphine had texted her instead of just dropping by Cosima’s workplace. Was something wrong with her girlfriend? Was she sick? Had she been fired? Did she not want to see Cosima? Was she going to break up with Cosima?

After she had said goodbye to her friend, who was heading to a different building, Cosima contemplated dropping by Delphine’s office for a second to see if she was all right. She decided against it. Delphine probably had a good reason for texting her; if anything was wrong she would tell Cosima soon enough. There was nothing Cosima hated more than being smothered. Reluctantly, she told herself that she should treat Delphine the way she wanted to be treated, and allow her some space. 

Climbing the stairs to her own workspace, Cosima realized that maybe she had been a little harsh on Delphine’s smothering nature. Her own mind was already imagining worst-case scenarios because of one innocent text. Perhaps she should really try to be a little less annoyed by her girlfriend’s well-meant worries about her health, even though they were completely superfluous. Delphine meant well, and she had probably texted because she was too busy to come over to Cosima’s workplace. Cosima pushed the matter to the back of her mind for the rest of the afternoon and focused on her work.

\---

When Cosima approached Delphine’s front door, she could hear loud music from down the hall. It was nothing like Delphine to turn the volume up so loud that it was noticeably audible from the other side of the door. Loudly, Cosima knocked before opening the door.

Delphine was standing with her back to the door; she was taking all her clothes out of the closet, piling them on her bed. On the bed there was already a mountain of clothes, some of which Cosima recognized as her own. Most of the clothes were thrown haphazardly on a large pile and a few of them had fallen to the floor.

Shocked, Cosima looked around her girlfriend’s apartment. She was still standing in the doorway, her hand motionless on the doorknob. Even if she had wanted to enter the usually so tidy space, it would have been impossible. Spread across the floor where the books, plants, kitchenware, more clothes, and other things Delphine possessed. All of the order and neatness had disappeared.

For a brief moment Cosima thought that somebody had broken in. It was only when she saw the half-packed suitcase next to the bed that she realized her mistake. A split second later, the unreasonable thoughts of the afternoon became much less unreasonable. Delphine was leaving! She was going back to France!

With a yelp, Cosima crossed the room, stepping on a pile of papers lying on the floor, scattering them all over the place. “Delphine!” Cosima yelled, turning off the music when she reached her girlfriend’s laptop, “What are you doing?”

“ _Putain!_ ” Delphine screamed, spinning around. The frightful expression on her face disappeared as soon as she noticed Cosima, standing only two feet away. “Cosima, you scared me!” With a trembling hand she reached out to Cosima, “Why did you sneak in on me like that?”

“I didn’t. I knocked.”

“Oh.” Delphine dropped the handful of socks she was holding onto the bed, “I didn’t hear you.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Cosima answered. She took Delphine’s now empty hands, pulling her closer. “What is going on?”

With a sigh, Delphine rested her head on Cosima’s shoulder. 

Taken aback, Cosima wrapped her arms around Delphine. Her girlfriend’s hair was a crazy mess, obstructing her view. Frowning, Cosima rubbed Delphine’s back, waiting for her to answer the question.

Delphine did not answer, instead she nuzzled closer into the shorter woman’s neck. Her breath was hot on Cosima’s skin. She could feel Delphine’s heart pounding in her chest, where they were pressed close together. Delphine did not make any effort to answer Cosima’s question; instead, her hands toyed with the nearest dreadlocks, as she remained silent.

Unable to contain her curiosity, Cosima had to ask again. “What is wrong, Delphine?” she whispered in Delphine’s ear, and pressed a soft kiss on her temple.

With another sigh, Delphine let go of Cosima. She sat down on her bed, amidst the clothes and books. “I- I messed it up,” she said. Looking up at Cosima with huge eyes and a trembling lower lip, she reached out to Cosima.

“Uhm,” Cosima said, not sure how to react to this vague statement. Those big, brown puppy eyes did not help her trying to comprehend what Delphine was trying to tell her. “Delphine, what exactly did you mess up?” she asked, pushing a couple of shirts aside so she could sit down next to Delphine.

“I feel so stupid,” Delphine said, glancing sideways at Cosima, before looking at her hands in her lap. She was frantically chewing her bottom lip, avoiding Cosima’s stare.

“C’mon, how bad can it be?” Cosima tenderly squeezed Delphine’s hand, “Please tell me.”

Shaking her head, Delphine let out a long breath. “When I arrived here, the university helped me get this place.” Delphine gestured at the mess surrounding them. “Apparently, it was only for three months. So I could find a more permanent home in the meantime.” With an odd chuckle, Delphine shook her head again. “I didn’t know. I haven’t looked for a new place to live.”

Relieved, Cosima let out the breath she did not know she had been holding in. “Is that all?” she laughed.

Shocked, Delphine finally looked Cosima in the eyes. “I have to move before tomorrow afternoon, Cosima.” She pushed the curls out of her face, and for the first time Cosima saw what her girlfriend looked like when she was angry. “I’m practically homeless, because of my own stupidity!” Delphine said sharply. She was clearly mad at herself for making such a simple mistake.

“Okay, wow.” Cosima tried to calm Delphine. She placed her hand on Delphine’s shoulder, comforting her girlfriend with a gentle touch, while trying not to anger her any more than she already was. “Delphine, chill. Breathe.”

Slowly, the other woman seemed to realize that her outburst had been slightly misplaced. “Sorry,” Delphine said, offering Cosima a sheepish smile. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

Answering the smile, Cosima gave Delphine a soft squeeze. “Hey, I get it. You’re a little stressed out.” She grinned, tilting her head to the side. In the back of her mind a plan started to form; she could put a positive spin on this whole, messy situation.

Delphine nodded stiffly. Again, she pulled her lip between her teeth, staring ahead in an attempt to find a solution to her problem.

“Uhm,” Cosima tried to find the right words for what she wanted to ask Delphine. “Do you remember what I asked you the other day?” By now she was flapping her hands about even more than normal, briefly Cosima wondered why she was so nervous. Pushing her doubts away, Cosima gave Delphine no time to answer. “I mean, when I asked you if you wanted to live together. ‘Cause you can totally move in with me.” Dropping her hands in her lap, she finally looked at a stunned Delphine. “That is, if you want to of course,” Cosima quickly added.

The last time she had suggested it, Cosima might not have been entirely sober. Yet she had wanted Delphine to move in with her last time, and she definitely wanted it this time. Confident that she had found the perfect solution, Cosima cocked her head, waiting for an answer.

“Do you really mean it?” Delphine asked, her voice rising to a high pitch at the end of the sentence, her accent much more pronounced than normal. Disbelief covered every inch of her face while she stared at Cosima, trying to figure out if her girlfriend was playing a cruel joke on her. “We haven’t known each other for that long,” Delphine said, barely audible.

Cosima looked intently at Delphine’s nervous expression. The other woman was chewing on her bottom lip, eyebrows frowned, and her hands were anxiously toying with the seam of her skirt. It suddenly dawned on Cosima that the French woman had probably never lived with a lover before. Delphine hardly ever spoke of her life before she came to San Francisco, and when she did, it was almost always about her academics. All Cosima knew about her girlfriend’s love life, was that she had had several short relationships, always with men. There had been nothing to indicate to Cosima that Delphine had actually lived with them.

“Yes, of course I mean it,” Cosima answered. Why wait longer? Cosima thought, she enjoyed spending time with Delphine, and would love for them to live together. “I have enough space for the both of us, and you won’t have to look for another place before tomorrow.” Excitedly, Cosima grinned at Delphine. “It’ll be fun!” she squealed.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I am.”

After a short moment of hesitation, a huge smile broke through the frown on Delphine’s face. It took Cosima half a second to comprehend what that meant. In that brief moment, Delphine had already grabbed her face and pulled her in for a kiss.

Cosima let it happen, smiling while she returned the kiss. Delphine tasted like tobacco, more so than usual. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Cosima registered that Delphine must have been stress smoking; she really must have been anxious about her mistake. Pushing the thought away, Cosima leaned back onto the bed, pulling Delphine with her.

What was supposed to be a smooth move had them covered in a heap of clothes. The shifting of their weight had caused the unstable piles to topple. The tangle of clothes and limbs trapped them; neither of them was in a hurry to leave. Giggling, they stayed there, in a cocoon of clothes, wrapped in each other’s arms they relished in the warm, blissful moment.

Laughing in the stuffy, cramped space, covered by several warm sweaters and Delphine, made it hard for Cosima to breathe. She was forced to pull away from Delphine, and crawl from under the wardrobe spread over them. Taking a few breaths of fresh air, she grinned at Delphine.

The blonde woman was sitting with her legs tucked under her, in the middle of the bed. She pushed her hair out of her face, observing the mess around them. Her eyes came to a halt when she saw Cosima watching her. “I did make a huge mess,” she said. 

“Yeah,” Cosima said. “Want some help packing it all up?”

Collecting the socks she had been holding when Cosima entered, Delphine nodded. “Yes, please.” Her eyes sparkled while she answered. A lovely, happy smile adorned her face as she tossed the socks into one of the suitcases standing next to the bed before she moved to crawl back towards Cosima.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Putain!_ = Kinda vulgar, used in similar context as damn or fuck in English. (Lit: Whore!)


	15. Delphine +103

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Youtube is an amazing resource, and I did my best to understand the science in this chapter, but this is a rather specific procedure and medicine is not my field of science, so there might be some errors. If you find any, please do tell. For those of you who might find it interesting; at the bottom of the page, a note explains in a little more detail what is happening and why.

Completely focused, Delphine bit her lip while she slowly released the button of her pipette. In the test tube, the saline solution mixed with the blood she had withdrawn from Cosima last night. 

Ever since she had moved in with Cosima, two weeks ago, Dr. Leekie had been pushing her to perform more frequent exams on her subject. Delphine had insisted that weekly exams were not necessary. While she gradually added the diluted blood sample to a test tube with Ficoll, Delphine recounted the argument they had had.

After a long discussion, they had managed to compromise. Delphine would do a complete exam every month, and few less invasive tests every other week. Last night, she only had to take the clone’s vital signs and draw a little bit of blood. Although she did not enjoy drugging Cosima and performing tests on her in her sleep, Delphine was relieved that she did not have to perform another cervical exam on her girlfriend for two more weeks.

The door of the lab opened, and without looking up, Delphine knew that it was Cosima who had entered. She could hear her girlfriend’s heels walking towards her, until Cosima was standing right behind Delphine.

Having to slowly and steadily add the solution to the test tube, Delphine could not look away in fear of unsteady hands. “Hello, Cosima,” she said, without averting her eyes from what she was doing.

“Hey,” Cosima laid her hand on Delphine’s lower back and pressed a quick kiss onto Delphine’s cheek. “Are you busy?”

“Give me a second,” Delphine answered, not able to suppress the smile caused by Cosima’s affectionate, and very unprofessional, gestures. 

Without another word, Cosima took a step back. She hopped onto a stool and silently observed how Delphine put her pipette down and capped the test tube.

Even though there was no possible way Cosima would recognize her own blood, it seemed to Delphine as if the plastic phial in her hand was labeled ‘Cosima Niehaus’ in very large, bold letters, with several exclamation marks, underlined and maybe even some blinking alarm lights drawing the clone’s attention to what her girlfriend was doing behind her back. 

This was not the case; there was nothing but a string of random numbers on the phial. DYAD had made sure that Delphine Beraud would work on a dissertation that required regular lab work on the same kind of samples that Delphine Cormier had to work on. As far as Cosima knew, Delphine was working on her dissertation right now. 

Of course she had gone to great lengths to make sure that nobody but herself would be able to tell the samples for DYAD and those for her dissertation apart. They were labeled in the same way, and usually she would work on them simultaneously. Delphine would enter 324B21’s data in a separate file, but she stored the different blood samples in the same rack. 

The fact that she was holding the blood she had withdrawn from the woman standing just behind her without her knowledge, made Delphine unbearably nervous. She avoided looking Cosima in the eyes, and even walked to the other side of the lab. When Delphine passed Cosima, she could see the slim legs, crossed neatly at the ankle. 

Delphine averted her eyes, looking at the floor instead. She did not feel safe until she had put the test tube in the centrifuge and had closed it. In a completely illogical way, the moment the samples were out of sight, it no longer felt as if Cosima would be able to tell that Delphine was running her blood samples.

“I thought you had a lecture this afternoon,” Delphine said, glancing at Cosima over her shoulder.

“Hmm,” she nodded. She was casually leaning back against the table behind the stool she was sitting on; desperately trying to appear relaxed. Still, Delphine noticed the way she was twisting her rings around her fingers, and how her feet were twitching nervously. “In, like, an hour,” Cosima answered, with a quick glance at the clock hanging above the door.

Setting the timer and speed of the centrifuge, Delphine asked, “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” Cosima said.

Delphine pushed the start button and turned around. Cosima was looking at her; with her head tilted in the way she always would when in deep thought. Delphine found it endearing how she crunched her nose while she was pondering over something. The nervous twirling of her jewelry had intensified; it made Delphine realize that Cosima had to be more anxious about her first lecture than she had let on.

Quickly, Delphine closed the distance between them. On the way she took her gloves and glasses off, depositing them in the appropriate bin. “You will be a wonderful teacher,” she said, grasping the restless hands between her own. “You’ve prepared so well.” Cosima had been up until two in the morning, going over her notes with Delphine, refusing to take a break or have a drink. She had paced the length of their apartment up and down, until Delphine had finally managed to slip her a sedative in a glass of water. “I know you will be great at it.”

Cosima frowned. She shook her head, “No, I won’t.” She looked up from their joined hands; her dark eyes intently stared into Delphine’s for a moment. “I’m a really shitty public speaker.” She let out a shaky breath, and rested her forehead on Delphine’s shoulder. “Why did I ever agree to do this?” Cosima mumbled into Delphine’s lab coat.

Instinctively, Delphine wrapped her arms around Cosima. “Because you thought it would be a good experience,” she answered. “Because you want to share your knowledge with those students.” Delphine tenderly kissed Cosima’s scalp, the wiry dreadlocks scratched her lips softly.

“Uggh,” was the only reaction from Cosima.

Delphine understood that pointing out that Cosima had said that she wanted to try teaching a few classes was not helping, so she tried another approach. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Maybe,” Cosima said, still not lifting her head from its comfy spot on Delphine’s shoulder.

Sliding her hand from its position on Cosima’s back, Delphine brought it up to her girlfriend’s cheek. Lovingly, she tilted Cosima’s head so she could look at her face. The clone’s glasses were slanted, distorting her eyes into unequal sizes. With her free hand, Delphine fixed the glasses, and asked, “What, _ma chéri?_?

With her index finger, Cosima pushed her glasses further up her nose. “Actually, I came to see if you had time to go out for a smoke,” she said, with a quick glance in the direction of the centrifuge. 

Looking in the same direction, Delphine noted that the red numbers on the display indicated that they still had about ten minutes left. “Since when do you get stoned during the day?” Delphine asked. Cosima was light-hearted, yet not completely irresponsible. Briefly, Delphine wondered what a lecture on evolutionary genetics from an intoxicated Cosima would be like. It would be very entertaining, and probably not a good idea.

Cosima leaned back against the table again. “Not stoned, just a little more relaxed,” she explained.

“No, I don’t have time for that.” Delphine crossed her arms, giving Cosima a stern look. “Besides, I don’t think you should relax during work.” 

“Aaw, c’mon,” Cosima said, “It’s not like I do this often.” She turned away to cough. When she turned back around, she gave Delphine her best pleading look.

“No.” Delphine did not only think it was very unprofessional to smoke marijuana before lecturing an undergraduate class, she was also becoming increasingly worried about this cough Cosima had, which did not seem to lessen. Even though the clone disease did not originate in the lungs, it would give Cosima a better chance of survival if she would just quit smoking. Wishing she could give Cosima the real reason as to why she wanted her to stop smoking pot, Delphine instead offered Cosima a cup of tea.

\---

Since Delphine only had ten minutes before she had to take her sample out of the centrifuge, they had a terribly short break. Walking into the lab, Delphine noticed that Cosima was following her inside. “Do you want to stay?” she asked.

“Yep.” Cosima picked a communal lab coat from the hook next to the door. “I can help you. It would be a nice distraction,” she said. Not awaiting Delphine’s permission, she pulled the coat on and casually walked further into the laboratory.

Delphine could practically feel her stomach drop. There was no logical reason she could give Cosima as to why she would not want her company. “Uhm, okay,” Delphine tried to buy some time to find an excuse to send Cosima away.

“What are we doing today?” Cosima asked. She turned around; the movement caused the dreadlocks to spin in a wide circle around her head. Whether the clone was impatient or nervous, Delphine did not know. Either way, she was tapping her heel fervently against the floor, making it hard for Delphine to focus on anything other than those tight-clad legs.

“Ah,” Delphine decided to push her fears aside and allow Cosima to help; there was absolutely no way that her subject would realize what she was really up to. “I’m doing a simple white blood cell count,” she said. The immunologist took her lab coat from the hook where she had left it and put it on. “You know the procedure, right?”

“Duh,” Cosima said, nodding enthusiastically. She buttoned her coat, while waiting for Delphine to walk over to the centrifuge.

Standing next to Cosima, Delphine fished her hair-tie out of her pocket. She gestured at the box of disposable gloves. As her girlfriend went to grab them, Delphine quickly pulled her hair up in a bun, getting it out of the way. After they had both put a pair of gloves on, Delphine cautiously lifted the test tube out of the centrifuge.

The inertial force produced by the spinning of the centrifuge had caused the different blood components to separate into four distinct layers. Trying not to move the phial unnecessarily and mix the layers, Delphine brought it back to the fume hood, where she set it down in the waiting tube rack.

To her dismay, Cosima had followed her. She was standing right next to Delphine, their shoulders touching, watching her every move. Somehow, Delphine had hoped that Cosima would have left. The idea of having to analyze the clone’s blood sample with the help of said clone, made Delphine very uneasy. 

Swallowing, Delphine forced herself to look at Cosima, a strained smile on her face. “Are you sure you have time for this?” Delphine asked, in a last attempt to make her subject leave.

“Sure,” Cosima grinned back at her, oblivious to her girlfriend’s efforts to get rid of her. “Can I do it?” Without waiting, Cosima grabbed the nearest pipette and an empty phial.

Silently, Delphine admitted her defeat and took a step back. With her hands in her pockets, she observed Cosima.

Using the pipette, the scientist collected the thin, second layer from the test tube. “I haven’t done this in, like, forever,” Cosima mumbled. She was completely focused on her task, holding her breath, her tongue peeking out between her teeth.

Despite the jittery feeling in her stomach, Delphine could not help but admire the practiced ease of her girlfriend’s delicate hands. Within a few seconds, Cosima had gathered most of the layer containing the white blood cells. Immediately, she moved on to transfer the liquid to the empty phial. After that, her determination faltered; looking up at Delphine, Cosima asked, “Uhm, what’s next?”

Without a word, Delphine pushed the bottle of saline solution towards Cosima.

“Right, duh,” the dreadlocked scientist needed no explanation. Under Delphine’s close observation, she added the solution to the white blood cells. With a wide grin on her face, she picked the pipette up, and put a fresh tip on it. Not hesitating or looking up, she took a little of the diluted white blood cells and added the blue dye to it.

Nervously, Delphine chewed on her lip. Watching Cosima unknowingly work on her own blood samples only intensified her anxiety. In the pockets of her lab coat, Delphine dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands. It took all she had to not tell Cosima that she was ill, or that she was a clone. The only reason she managed to keep from blurting it out was the unbearable thought that Cosima would never forgive her; she would not understand why what Delphine was doing was in her best interest.

So instead, Delphine watched her subject be the scientist as she put the dyed white blood cells into the hemocytometer. “Thank you,” she said, taking the slide from Cosima. “Are you staying for the counting?” Delphine asked.

Rapidly, Cosima prepared a second slide. “Yeah, I’ve still got time,” she said while adding the dye to the solution. “Besides, this is fun.”

Delphine had been afraid for that answer. Cosima’s lecture room was only one floor down; her girlfriend would not have to leave until five minutes before her lecture started. Frowning, Delphine sat down behind one of the microscopes. She switched the light on and placed the slide under the objective.

Next to her, Cosima did the same. With a last smile at Delphine, Cosima took off her glasses and focused the microscope. The dreadlocks formed a small tent, hiding most of Cosima’s face from Delphine. All she could see was the scientist’s small frame, hunched over the microscope, her fingers occasionally adjusting the slide and focus. Delphine could hear Cosima mumbling softly while she was counting.

Before Delphine concentrated on her own slide, she grabbed a piece of paper and a pen for Cosima. This way the clone could write down her results, and she would have no reason to open Delphine’s laptop, where several reports on her health were still open. Only after this, Delphine could relax and concentrate on counting the lymphocytes. 

Only when Cosima stood up from her stool, did Delphine pull away from her task. She saw that the other scientist had neatly noted her findings on the paper and was taking her gloves off. “Do you have to go?” Delphine asked.

“Yeah,” Cosima threw her gloves in the bin and put her glasses back on. “I wrote it down for you. It’s a bit on the high side, but I double checked.”

Delphine nodded, she had been expecting that. “Thank you.”

Leaning over Delphine, Cosima gave her a brief kiss. “Bye,” she said. Turning around directly, she almost ran to make it to her class in time.

“Good luck with your lecture,” Delphine said to her girlfriend’s back. She pushed a stray curl out of her face, and watched Cosima leave. From the other side of the laboratory, Delphine noticed a colleague staring back at her. With a polite smile, she looked back into her microscope and started counting again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Delphine said, they are doing a simple white blood cell count. In essence, the white blood cells protect the body against infectious disease and foreign invaders, thus a change in number of white blood cells per volume of blood can be an indicator of illness.
> 
> In order to determine the amount of white blood cells, the blood is first diluted and a dense liquid is added. Next, the phial containing the solution is spun around in the centrifuge for a while; this separates the layers according to the densities. This works because the denser particles will move at slower speed when accelerated, and thus sink to the bottom of the phial. The liquid added earlier has a density in between that of the red and white blood cells creating a couple of layers. The second of these layers, just below the plasma, contains the white blood cells.
> 
> This layer is removed and diluted again. After this a dye is added, which will seep into the damages cell walls of the dead white blood cells and colour them. The mixture is put into a hemocytometer; this is a small glass slide with two thin chambers. When put under the microscope, the cells, both dead and alive, are visible over a grid. Since the thickness of the hemocytometer is known, when counted per grid cell, the number of white blood cells per volume of blood can be calculated.


	16. Cosima +126

With an exasperated sigh, Cosima closed her laptop. For the past hour or so, she had been lying in bed, doing some research. To her annoyance, she had not been able to find any reliable papers on the subject she had been looking into.

Taking her glasses off, Cosima laid her head down, just for a minute she told herself. With her right hand she rubbed the back of her neck in an attempt to relieve some of the tension in her muscles. Just as she started to relax, her phone buzzed.

It was a text from Delphine; she had landed safely and was on her way to customs. 

“Shit,” Cosima groaned. Even without her glasses on, she could see the mess their apartment had become. In Delphine’s absence, Cosima had quickly gotten back into her old habit of doing everything on the floor. Books and papers were spread all over the place, with an additional pile of clothes in the bedroom. She had barely done any dishes, let alone any actual cleaning. It was not that Cosima was usually this filthy, she just had been extraordinarily disorganized with everything else that was going on.

Leaning on her elbows, she typed a quick reply. Cosima figured that she had about two hours left, two and a half at most, until Delphine would be home. 

Last night, they had decided that Delphine would take a cab home from the airport. Of course Cosima had tried to insist that she would pick her girlfriend up. Who had insisted in turn, that she could take a taxi by herself. By then, Cosima had realized that she probably should clean a little, so she gave in, and promised not to pick Delphine up from the airport. 

Rubbing her eyes, Cosima put her glasses back on. She sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, trying to decide where to start and if she had time for a drink first. From the floor, she picked up a hair-tie and used it to pull her dreads together.

After hooking her phone up to the speakers and picking out an appropriate clean-up playlist, Cosima started with picking the clothes up from the floor.

\---

When she was putting the last of the clean dishes away, Cosima heard a key in the door. Her estimation of two hours had been almost exactly correct. With a grin, she dashed to the door and pulled it open.

The sudden movement caused Delphine, who was still holding her key in the lock, to stumble forward and bump into Cosima. 

Smoothly, Cosima grabbed the figure flashing towards her. Only for a split second she had been able to see the startled face of her girlfriend, before it had passed beyond her vision. 

Together, they stumbled backwards into the apartment. What had started as an awkward attempt at preventing Delphine from falling to the floor had instantly changed into an affectionate embrace, once Cosima had managed to slow their momentum.

Finally, she could smell Delphine’s shampoo in her golden hair again; with her face buried deeply into the taller woman’s curls, Cosima inhaled deeply. Faintly, she could smell Delphine’s sweet perfume, sweat, and that smell that was distinctly airplane. Cosima slowly let her hands wander from where they had initially gripped Delphine’s shoulders, to her hips and around her waist to come to rest on her lower back.

Delphine had been gone for less than two weeks. Some distant family member had suddenly passed away, and despite the fact that she had never been very close to him, Delphine had still felt she should attend the funeral. Of course, she had wanted to spend a little more time with her family after having already flown all the way to France, so Delphine had been gone for eleven days.

On her tiptoes, Cosima kissed Delphine’s freckled neck. “I missed you,” she whispered.

“Hmmm,” Delphine moaned, “And I missed you, _mon amour_.” The French woman pulled back enough to give Cosima a proper kiss.

Cosima reveled in Delphine’s proximity. Only now did she realize how painfully she had missed her girlfriend, her touch, her taste and her smell. Taking full advantage of it, Cosima let her hands roam freely while she thirstily kissed Delphine. They did not pull apart until they heard a neighbour coming up the stairs.

Before Cosima could close the door, Delphine picked up the suitcase she had left standing outside. Both of them politely smiled at the neighbour, and gave him a quick wave while the door closed.

“How was your flight?” Cosima asked.

“Uneventful,” Delphine answered, her accent even more pronounced than Cosima remembered. She suppressed a yawn and started taking her coat off. “Boring really, I finished my book within the first two hours.” With a smile, she sank down on the couch. She laid her head down on the armrest, curling up while her mouth split open in another yawn. “The couple next to me didn’t stop talking, I haven’t slept at all.” 

“Oh no, poor you.” Cosima said, and sat down next to her girlfriend. 

Tired as she was, Delphine had not taken her shoes off and despite her exhaustion, she was still proper enough not to put her feet up while wearing shoes. Instead, she was lying at an odd angle, with her long legs dangling off the couch. She supported her head with an arm, looking at Cosima sitting next to her.

Cosima lifted one of Delphine’s feet onto her lap. While she unzipped the shoe, she asked, “Do you want to go straight to bed?” It was still early, and to be fair, Cosima had planned to take Delphine straight to bed once she got home after not having seen her for so long. However, she had hoped that her girlfriend would be a little less tired.

Delphine closed her eyes. Whether it was because she was too tired to keep them open, or because she was contemplating the question, Cosima did not know. Either way, the sight of Delphine so comfortable on their couch brought a smile to Cosima’s face. Taking off her girlfriend’s other shoe, and gently rubbing the soles of Delphine’s feet, Cosima understood exactly how much she had missed her. She had been too busy the past week to think about it, but now that Delphine was back, she was suddenly aware of how deeply their daily lives were intertwined.

Living with Delphine was surprisingly easy; the French woman had brought a structure to Cosima’s life she did not know how to live without anymore; the recently cleaned mess was clear evidence of this. It had amazed Cosima how they would never fight. Even the best couples fought once they moved in together, and Cosima knew she was not an easy person to live with. Yet somehow, Delphine always seemed to agree with her, aside from a few cultural divergences of course.

Contemplating this and more, Cosima watched as Delphine relaxed even deeper into the couch. “Hey, do you want me to get you a blanket?” she asked, wondering if the tired woman would even hear the question.

“Hmm?” Lazily, Delphine opened an eye. “No, thank you. I’m getting up.”

Grinning at Delphine, Cosima tilted her head and waited for her to move.

Instead, Delphine stared back at Cosima. Reaching out at her girlfriend, Delphine asked, “What about you? How are you?”

“Fine,” Cosima laughed at the oddly formal question. She took Delphine’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “Great, now that you’re back.”

Nodding slowly, Delphine yawned again. In her lap, Cosima could feel the muscles of Delphine’s feet slowly flex and slacken again. It took Delphine a moment to actually start moving and get off the couch. Swaying slightly, she finally towered over Cosima. “I’m going to wash the airplane off, and then we can go to bed, _bien_?”

Cosima nodded. Content, she observed Delphine as she walked into the bedroom. Looking around the room, she noticed the suitcase and laptop-bag standing next to the door. Excitedly, Cosima jumped up from her seat. She picked the suitcase up, locking the door when she passed it, and turned the lights off.

Carrying the suitcase into the bedroom, Cosima dropped it at the foot of the bed. There was no need to unpack it now, plenty of time for that tomorrow. From the bathroom came the sound of the shower being turned on. The strong scent of Delphine’s shampoo filled the small bedroom through the crack of the open bathroom door.

In the cold air, Cosima quickly stripped and changed into an old t-shirt. When she entered the bathroom to brush her teeth, Delphine was still in the shower. Unable to resist, Cosima peeked behind the dorky shower curtain with the colourful periodic table.

Behind her foggy glasses, Cosima could see Delphine’s silhouette leaning against the tiled wall. Her arms were hanging loosely by her side, and despite her face being towards the opening, she did not react to Cosima. 

With a sly grin, Cosima turned the shower off and handed Delphine a fluffy towel when she opened her eyes. While Cosima brushed her teeth, she watched Delphine dry herself, mumbling something in French Cosima could not entirely understand.

When Cosima exited the bathroom, Delphine was already curled up under the covers on her side of the bed, where she belonged. Not wasting a moment, Cosima crawled into bed. 

Immediately, Delphine pulled her closer. The French woman’s strong arms wrapped around her, and their legs intertwined in a way so very familiar to both. For a moment, they laid like this, without saying a word. Delphine’s warm breath tickled Cosima’s scalp.

“So, how was France?” Cosima readjusted herself so that she could see Delphine’s face.

“Fine,” Delphine said, opening her eyes. “You know this, Cosima. We spoke less than a day ago.” In the dim light, she lazily kissed Cosima.

“Yeah,” Cosima whispered against the soft lips. It was true, almost every single day Delphine had been gone, they had spent hours talking over the computer. Delphine had sent her some photos of her childhood home. She had talked about her family and told Cosima all about what she was doing. 

Wrapping her hands in the wet curls, Cosima leisurely kissed Delphine. She could feel her own heart beating rapidly; she was childishly excited that her girlfriend was back home. Asking silly questions was just a scheme to keep Delphine awake; Cosima was far from tired and did not want Delphine to go to sleep yet. Deliberately, Cosima ran her hands down Delphine’s back and over her stomach. 

Perhaps Delphine had been too tired to put any clothes on, or maybe she had not intended to go directly to sleep. Either way, a bare leg slipped between Cosima’s thighs while Delphine kissed down her throat.

Excruciatingly slow, Cosima ran her hands over Delphine’s toned stomach, following the pattern of freckles she was able to find with her eyes closed. 

“Cosima, please, it’s been twelve days!” Delphine whined. “Don’t be such a tease.” She pushed Cosima’s hand down, to where she needed it to be.

“No teasing,” Cosima promised. Her own breath hitched when Delphine brusquely slid her own hand between her legs. Pressing their foreheads together, Cosima mirrored Delphine’s movements thrust for thrust. 

Delphine whispered into Cosima’s ear, yet it seemed to come from a great distance. “I’m glad to be home, _chéri_.” Melodiously she laughed a laugh of pure happiness. 

Staring into Delphine’s eyes, Cosima felt the intense joy and could not help but laugh as well. Happily, she hung onto Delphine while she slowly tumbled into oblivion. 

Delphine’s insistent kisses brought her back to consciousness. With a toothy grin, Cosima peppered sweet kisses onto her girlfriend’s lips, trying to catch her breath. While they wrapped their arms around each other, their kisses slowed down. After an especially large yawn, Delphine finally laid her head down on Cosima’s arm.

Her face inches from Delphine’s, Cosima could feel her girlfriend’s breath on her own lips. Within minutes, the breathing had slowed down and Delphine was sleeping soundly. Against her chest, Cosima could feel Delphine’s heart slowly thumping with her own.

Careful not to wake her, Cosima wiped some of the tousled and damp hair from Delphine’s face. Softly, she kissed the tip of her nose. “Welcome home, darling,” she whispered and settled comfortable against the warm body next to her.


	17. Delphine +217

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those of who are paying attention may have noticed that this chapter takes place the day before the first two chapters. Which means that the next chapter will take place shortly after the events of the second chapter. Originally I did not intend to make this so long, I might have gotten a little carried away and this fic is already twice as long as it should have been! I hope you don't mind.  
> If you have been following this fic since the beginning (yay!), it might be a good idea to reread the first two chapters sometime this week before I post chapter 18 next week. Or read all of it again, why not?

In the distance, the noise of the busy city whined on. The only sound Delphine could focus on was the rhythmic pounding of her own feet on the pavement. Breathing heavily, she pushed herself to run even faster. Delphine shoved away any thoughts other than those of the next corner, where she would be allowed to take a break and stretch for a few minutes.

When she finally reached the corner, Delphine took a few deep breaths. The hills of the Bay Area were much steeper than the slightly rolling hills of Lille, where she grew up. Even after having lived in San Francisco for over seven months, she still was not used to the slopes.

The brief thought of where she grew up, gave Delphine an intense wave of melancholy. Despite what her girlfriend thought, Delphine had not seen her family, friends, or even her country since she left in a hurry several months ago.

Stretching her leg against a bench, Delphine told herself not to be so incredibly selfish. She could not possibly leave now, just because she was a little homesick. Cosima needed her. The data from the latest tests had not lied; the clone was not doing well. And that was not even counting the bad news Delphine had received from Dr. Leekie earlier today.

Swallowing the foul taste in her mouth, Delphine propped her other leg up on the bench. If it had been a possibility, she would have invited her girlfriend to fly to France with her, and meet her parents. However, she had made that impossible when she told her family she would be working for a pharmaceutical entrepreneur in San Francisco, while Cosima thought Delphine was in a PhD programme at Berkeley. 

Maybe she would be able to lie her way out of this tangle of deceptions, but there was no way she could come up with a credible excuse as to why she had told Cosima she was at a funeral in France, when she had been in a top-secret lab in Canada. And when talking to her family, her girlfriend would quickly figure out that Delphine had not been with them when she had left San Francisco for two weeks a few months ago.

With a heavy sigh, Delphine stretched her arms over her head. Watching a couple walking past her, she wondered what it would be like to walk in public with Cosima being as happy and without worries as these people seemed. When one of the women caught her staring, Delphine quickly averted her eyes. She continued with her stretching routine, biting her lip and contemplating the mess her life had become. 

Perhaps she should at least tell her parents she was seeing someone. To be honest, there was probably no harm in telling them about Cosima; it was not as if they would expect Delphine to bring her girlfriend over for dinner anytime soon. 

She was quite sure that her parents already knew that she was seeing someone. They had never asked, and they definitely did not know that she was dating a woman, but they were intelligent people and Delphine still talked to them regularly. However, for reasons she could not explain herself, Delphine had yet to tell them about Cosima.

Delphine took a deep breath, and slowly started on the last few hundred metres. Filling her lungs with the polluted air of the crowded city, Delphine jogged home without any hurry. Taking two steps at a time, she ran up the stairs to their flat, feeling the pleasant burn in her calves. 

In front of their door, she took a minute to control her breathing. From inside, Delphine could hear Cosima talking with someone. Frowning, Delphine wondered if they were expecting guests tonight. She had hoped for a quiet evening alone with Cosima. 

Delphine pulled her key from her pocket and moved to open the door. Now that she was standing so close, and with her panting finally subdued, she could clearly hear what Cosima was saying.

“Okay, I’ll email you,” Delphine heard while she fumbled with the lock. “Gotta go, she’s home,” Cosima said; she must have heard Delphine opening the door. On the other side, the person she was talking to said something Delphine could not quite catch. “Yes, bye.”

The dreadlocked clone was on her stomach, lying on the floor in front of her brightly coloured laptop. With one hand she was holding the leftovers of a joint, with the other she closed her laptop. “Hey,” she said, looking up with a toothy grin at Delphine entering.

“Hi.” Delphine smiled at her girlfriend’s endearing enthusiasm. Still bothered by the bad taste in her mouth, she got a glass of water, before walking over to Cosima. “What are you doing?” she asked before taking a large gulp of water.

“Talking to a friend from college.” Cosima motioned vaguely with one hand, while taking a short drag from the joint in her other hand and stubbing it out. “I need his help with something for my dissertation.”

“Oh,” Delphine took another sip from her glass. Unable to hide her hurt feelings, she said, “I would have helped you.”

Spotting the painfully obvious hurt expression on Delphine’s face, Cosima quickly got up. “I just need a bunch of DNA-samples sequenced. It’s beneath you,” she said, making a dismissive motion.

“Okay.” Delphine smiled and leaned down to kiss Cosima. Relaxing into the kiss, Delphine wrapped her arms around the smaller woman. When Cosima’s tongue sneaked into her mouth, Delphine no longer noticed the vile nausea that had bothered her earlier. Instead, she was blessed with the flavour that was so uniquely Cosima, mixed with the tangy taste of pot.

Just when Cosima’s cool hands had found their way under Delphine’s sweaty running shirt, they were interrupted by the sound of a ringing phone. “ _Merde_ ,” Delphine mumbled. Startled by the sound, she pulled back.

Cosima pulled her back. “If it’s important they will call again,” she murmured, rising to her tiptoes to kiss Delphine again.

“ _Non_ , no. Pick it up,” Delphine said. “I’m going to take a shower. I’m very sweaty.” She nodded at the clone’s ringing phone.

“But I like you sweaty,” Cosima pouted. Still, she picked the phone up and answered it.

Delphine did not wait to hear whom Cosima was talking to. Instead, she walked into the bedroom, taking her sweaty clothes off and dumping them in the hamper. On her way into the bathroom, she spotted her own phone where she had left it on the bed. Sitting down on the freshly made bed, she picked the phone up. With a glance at the closed door, Delphine unlocked her phone and reread the text Leekie had sent her a few hours ago.

Chewing her bottom lip, Delphine contemplated what it meant for Cosima. With a frustrated sigh, she threw her phone back onto the bed. In the distance, Cosima was talking inaudibly on the phone.

With a few firm strides, Delphine marched into the bathroom. Turning the shower on, she immediately got under the cold stream. Shivering, the scientist felt the first hot tears burning on her face.

Aldous had, in his usual cold and business-like tone, texted her that the subject they were treating at the DYAD institute in Toronto had succumbed to her condition. During her short trip to the institute three months ago, Delphine had met the sick clone and her monitor. Jennifer was the only clone besides Cosima Delphine had met in person. Their resemblance and differences still haunted her, and the death of the woman came as a hard blow to the monitor.

Of course, Dr. Cormier had known that it was very likely that the naïve clone would not survive the disease the moment she had first seen her. Yet, some ruthless part of Delphine had hoped that at least a cure for the other clones, for Cosima, would be found while the institute was experimenting on Jennifer.

With Jennifer gone, and with a gullible Cosima slowly and steadily getting sicker, Delphine was at the edge of despair, sobbing silently in the shower. Angrily, Delphine scrubbed her arms. Tomorrow when she would talk to Leekie, she would insist that they do something to help Cosima, before the clone became irreversibly ill.

After she turned the tap off, Delphine wiped the water and tears from her face with her towel. Looking at the naked figure in the fogged mirror, Delphine told herself that she would no longer allow Cosima to slowly die under her supervision; she would do something to help her before she ended up like Jennifer.

\---

When a freshly showered Delphine got back into the living room, Cosima had hung up the phone and was lying on the floor in front of her laptop again. Looking up from the screen, she said, “Hey, I’ve been thinking…” She sat up and folded her legs under her before continuing, “… you’ve been in the States for, like, eight months now.”

“Seven,” Delphine corrected politely. She sat down on the couch, her foot touching her girlfriend’s thigh. “Why?”

“Well, you haven’t seen anything beyond San Fran.”

“I’ve been to New York,” Delphine reminded Cosima.

“Years ago,” Cosima rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t count,” she said. Setting her laptop down on the small table next to Delphine, Cosima pulled herself up on the couch. Like a cat, she stretched and curled up, laying her head down in Delphine’s lap.

Shifting slightly to accommodate the affectionate woman, Delphine said, “still, I’ve seen more of the America than you have seen of Europe, _ma chéri._ ”

“Fair enough, but what kind of school goes on a trip to another continent?” Cosima wondered out loud. She took her glasses off, nestling comfortably deeper into her girlfriend’s lap. 

“A very prestigious private school,” Delphine answered. She did not enjoy thinking of the time she had spent at boarding school. Sure, it came with great perks, but she had never been happy there. Chewing on her bottom lip, Delphine tenderly massaged Cosima’s temples.

“You’re so posh,” Cosima said, matter-of-factly.

“ _Désolé_.”

“Don’t apologize,” said Cosima. Turning her head, Cosima pressed a sweet kiss to Delphine’s thigh. “It’s kinda hot.” 

Delphine did not react. Instead, she leaned back against the armrest and toyed with Cosima’s dreadlocks. 

After a moment of comfortable silence, Cosima returned to the previous subject. “I just think that the whole point of studying abroad is seeing the country.”

This made Delphine laugh. “Right, of course. That is definitely the reason I decided to study in America.”

“Well, don’t you think it is time we did something about it?” Cosima asked, looking up at Delphine.

“Hmm, what do you propose?”

Excitedly, Cosima sat up. “A road trip!” she almost shouted. She clearly had been waiting for Delphine to ask.

“Tell me more,” she grinned back. It was not a bad idea. If they managed to get away from San Francisco for a while, maybe Delphine would finally get some peace from Aldous’ relentless messages asking more from her. They would be able to be alone, truly alone, together. The prospect immediately improved Delphine’s mood.


	18. Cosima +219

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it (finally) is, the events that take place after the first two chapters. I hope it won't disappoint after having build up to it for 16 chapters/weeks. That was like 6 chapters more than anticipated. Either way, let me know what you think!

Grumbling, Cosima buried her face deeper into the pillow. She had not yet heard the alarm and her head was pounding, why in the world would she be awake this early? Cosima reached across the bed, to pull Delphine closer so she could get comfortable for a little more sleep. Instead, she found cold and empty sheets beside her.

Had Delphine already gotten up? That would explain the bright light; Delphine would often open the curtains as soon as she would get out of bed in order to wake Cosima up. It was an awfully effective technique; without fail Cosima would always be woken up by the light. A long time ago she had figured out that if she pretended not to wake up, Delphine would attempt to wake her in a more pleasurable way.

Lying on her stomach, she settled deeper into the pillows and waited for her girlfriend to crawl back into bed. Cosima waited for Delphine to whisper her name and to warmly kiss her temple. She waited to be woken with sweet French greetings and the smell of fresh coffee. 

When none of those came, Cosima gradually began falling back asleep. Sleepily, she pulled the covers further over her bare shoulders and realized that something else was wrong. The covers smelled peculiar. They strongly smelled like antiseptic, of the same kind used to clean laboratories. Frowning, Cosima tried to recall if Delphine had worked in the lab yesterday. She was pretty sure that wasn’t the case; Delphine had been grading papers when she had visited her girlfriend at work the day before. And besides, there was no way that their bedroom would absorb the smell of a lab coat so strongly.

“Delphine?” Cosima called for her girlfriend. When no answer came, Cosima forced herself to sit up and open her eyes.

Even without her glasses, Cosima could see that something was seriously wrong. The room around her was far too light, the walls were white and bare, and even though there was no window, the room was filled with a bright light. “Delphine?” she called again, this time slightly more panicked.

Cosima was definitely not at home. Confused, and suddenly extremely awake, she tried to recall last night. Something must have happened, but as hard as she tried, Cosima could not recollect anything out of the ordinary. She had been very tired, so they had gone to bed early. That was all Cosima could remember. As far as she knew, nothing else had happened.

“Hello,” Cosima tried, hoping for an answer that did not come. Unable to see, and dressed in nothing but her underwear and a tank top, she felt awfully vulnerable in the unfamiliar environment. “Is anybody there?”

There was no response. All Cosima could hear was her own rapid, shallow breathing and a faint buzz. Not a single sound came from beyond the room. Forcing herself to remain calm and to think logically, Cosima took a deep breath.

On the nightstand, she noticed her glasses, which solved at least one problem. Putting them on, Cosima immediately felt a little less helpless. With the help of her glasses, she could see the room around her clearly. It did not look familiar at all. If only she had been a little less nauseous, she would have ran towards the door as soon as she saw it. Instead, the effort it took not to throw up and the agonizing headache, in combination with her overall confusion, made it impossible for Cosima to move.

The bed she was sitting on, suggested that Cosima was in a hospital. This was exactly what she had feared when she first established that she was in a strange room smelling of antiseptic. Did she have an accident? Did she injure her head? Her throbbing headache implied that this was indeed the case, but how could she have gotten hurt while sleeping?

Realization hit that maybe the reason Delphine was not here with her was because she was hurt as well. There was no doubt in Cosima’s confused mind that her girlfriend would never voluntarily leave her alone, especially if Cosima was hurt. With her heart pounding in her chest, Cosima tried calling for help again. Once more, there was no indication that anyone had heard her. She swung her feet off the bed, shivering when the cold floor touched the bare soles of her feet.

Slowly, she got up from the bed. Despite the careful movement, the world around her started to spin. Cosima hung onto the edge of the bed, waiting for the nausea to subside. 

When the room finally did stop spinning, Cosima crossed the room in a few unsteady steps. Only once she was standing in front of the door, did she notice that there was no doorknob. “Shit,” she muttered, touching the sleek key card reader that was embedded into the wood where most doors had a handle, or at least a keyhole.

Cosima rubbed her temples; she wanted nothing more than to lie down and wake up from this nightmare. The trapped woman was swaying slightly on her feet, struggling not to fall over while standing still. Muttering every swear word in her vocabulary, she turned to have a look at the room.

Now that Cosima was no longer distracted by the possibility of getting out of the room, she was able to concentrate on the contents. When she had just gotten up, and the room had been spinning with a sickening speed, it had seemed quite large. Now that she had managed to calm a little, Cosima saw that it was about the same size as the bedroom she shared with Delphine. 

Aside from the bed with a boring nightstand next to it, there was an ordinary dresser and a comfortable looking chair. Everything was spotless white; the large tiles covering the walls, the high ceiling, the furniture, and even the sheets on the bed were of the same snowy white. The only colour came from the wooden floor and matching door, resulting in a cold and clinical ambiance. Yet, despite being only dressed in her underwear and a flimsy top, Cosima was not cold at all.

With a cough, Cosima took a few careful steps towards the middle of the room. Her change of perspective caused her to spot another door. In the predominantly white room, she had not noticed it, since it was covered with the same large, white tiles as the wall, hidden on the other side of the bed she had woken up in.

Expecting this door to be closed as well, Cosima unsteadily walked over to try it out anyway. The door swung open as soon as she touched it, leaving her standing stunned on the threshold.

To Cosima’s surprise, behind the door she found a small bathroom. It was as austere as the first room, fully equipped with a small sink, a toilet, and a shower hidden behind the opened door, but nothing aside from these absolute necessities. Maybe she should have expected this, but her increasingly agonizing headache was making it difficult for Cosima to think clearly. 

In the mirror above the sink directly opposed to the door, she could see her pale reflection. Her face was almost as white as the walls around her, in stark contrast with the dark brown dreadlocks, hanging limp from her head. With her make-up gone, the bags under her eyes were unusually noticeable, making Cosima wonder if maybe she was really sick.

She pushed the dreadlocks behind her ears. They were almost never loose, and she wondered who had bothered to remove all of the pins she had used to put them in a bun. Cosima tilted her head, almost grinning at herself, being more bothered with having her hair loose than being locked up in a strange room. Was she in shock, or was she simply going insane?

Rubbing her arms, Cosima realized that she was starting to grow cold. The biologist vaguely registered that it probably was because the initial adrenaline rush, caused by the panic of waking up in an unfamiliar room, was starting to subside. 

She turned away from the bathroom, letting the door close behind her. A closer look at her surroundings caused Cosima to doubt her earlier assumption of being in a hospital room. Granted, it was sterile and smelled of hospital-level disinfectant, but not a single piece of medical equipment was in sight.

Walking close to the walls, Cosima inspected the rest of the room. Not only was there nothing to indicate the purpose of the room, there was also nothing besides the absolute necessities. Aside from the furniture she had noticed earlier, there were no decorations or any equipment. The two doors were the only interruption in the pale, white walls. 

Not even a light switch or an outlet broke the large tiles. There was no way she was in a hospital. A hospital would have outlets to power the equipment. Getting increasingly terrified by the creepy room, Cosima looked under the bed and behind the chair. Neither of these places provided her with any hints as to where she was. 

Frightened, Cosima started to shiver more violently. She was definitely in some state of shock. Mumbling, she tried to think through her headache. Cosima absentmindedly tilted her head and saw the dresser. How she had not thought of checking the drawers was beyond her. Hurriedly, she walked over to the dresser and kneeled in front of it.

One by one, she opened the drawers. Each of them was empty. Disappointed, Cosima clenched her jaw, hoping it would stop the trembling. She had expected some clue, or at least something to wear.

Rubbing her eyes, Cosima tried to figure out what to do next. Maybe her overwhelming desire to crawl back into bed, close her eyes, and hope she would wake up was not a bad idea. At the very least, it would warm her up while she waited for someone to let her out of here.

Cosima pulled herself up, using the dresser as support. This whole ordeal was probably just a big misunderstanding, she reasoned as she slowly made her way back to bed. About halfway, Cosima needed to take a break. The dizziness was returning, and she needed a couple of seconds to allow the room to stop spinning. In the eerily quiet, Cosima took a few deep breaths before resuming her journey to the warm bed waiting for her.

Suddenly, there was a loud beeping noise in the otherwise quiet room. Alarmed, Cosima turned around. It took her a few seconds to connect the sound to the door. The electrical lock had been activated, as was indicated by the small green light on the key card reader.

Cosima did not know whether she should move towards the door, or away from it. Her indecisive mind was still weighing her options, when the door started to open. Not knowing who would enter, a small voice in the back of her mind told Cosima that it was most likely who had locked her in this room. Coming to the conclusion that she would rather not meet them, Cosima took a few steps back, unable to completely escape from whomever would come through the door.


	19. Delphine +219

Delphine stared back at Cosima. She had seen her girlfriend look a little rough before; they had been living together for a while after all, but Cosima had never before looked so morbid.

There was the time Cosima had gotten food poisoning. Delphine had held her hair back as they sat on the bathroom floor while Cosima puked all night long. She had been horribly pale then, yet it was nothing compared to the ghostly complexion the clone was showing right now.

When Cosima had been applying for funding for her dissertation, she had looked tired. Fuelled by excessive amounts of coffee, she had managed staying up for seventy-one hours consecutively, trying to finish writing her submission in time. But the bags under her eyes had never been this pronounced before.

Often, when Cosima was smoking, she would become even more loose-limbed than she already was. While she appeared perfectly fine, speaking with absolute clarity, when standing or walking she would occasionally sway, or even trip over her own feet. However, the way she was unable to walk in a straight line, and how she was clinging onto the doorframe right now, suggested that the world was spinning around her in a way it never had before.

What really broke Delphine’s heart was not the pitiful physical state her girlfriend was in, it was how the first thing she had done when waking up was call Delphine’s name. Even now, the way Cosima was staring right back at Delphine, wide eyed, her head moving about with an expression of frightful bewilderment, seemingly unable to focus her eyes on anything in particular, was tearing apart the last pieces of Delphine’s heart.

Gnawing on her bottom lip, Delphine wished she could turn back time, and undo her decision to hand Cosima over to DYAD. Only yesterday it had seemed inevitable that they would obtain the clone either way. What had really made up Delphine’s mind was the fact that the only chance of a cure for her dying girlfriend seemed to be at the institute. 

So, with pain in her heart, she had done as Aldous had told her; she had sedated Cosima and packed a bag for the both of them. While waiting for their transport, she had changed her mind a hundred times. A few minutes before midnight, she had been toying with the car-keys, calculating whether she could carry the tiny, unconscious woman all the way to their car and drive far away with her. 

She had taken too long trying to make up her mind. And with a few rapid knocks on the door, her earlier decision to hand the clone over to DYAD had been finalized with the arrival of five of Aldous’ men. Figuring that it was meant to be, Delphine had opened the door for them. Before long, they had loaded the clone into the ambulance waiting on the street. 

It was barely two hours later when Delphine had found herself sitting, next to a still unconscious Cosima, in a private yet on its way to Canada. She was holding Cosima’s glasses in one hand. They had almost been left behind; Delphine had snatched them from their spot next to Cosima’s side of the bed at the last minute before leaving home.

Her other hand had been resting on Cosima’s limp hand. Languidly, Delphine had toyed with her girlfriend’s fingers. Since the five strangers, who would undoubtedly report to her superiors, were breathing down her neck, Delphine had remained silent during the entire flight. Without words, she had told Cosima how sorry she was. She had explained to the clone how it was for her own good. Silently, she had begged for forgiveness, which she had not received, neither from her unconscious girlfriend, nor from herself.

For five long hours, Delphine had not left Cosima’s side. She had reread the files on Jennifer’s treatment, trying to find something that could help Cosima. Ignoring the men sitting behind her, mumbling amongst each other, Delphine had constantly kept an eye on the clone’s vital signs. She had refused the food that they offered her, and she had not engaged in any conversation with them, no matter how much they kept trying to engage with her. Busying herself with Cosima’s care, she had passed the time on the airplane, knowing very well that the hard part was still to come.

From the airplane, Cosima had been moved into another ambulance. A car had been waiting for Delphine. Brusquely, she had refused to get in. After a frustrating argument with her companions, they had given in and allowed her to join Cosima in the ambulance.

It had taken them almost two hours to get to the institute. Delphine was not familiar enough with Toronto to recognize their surroundings, but she was almost certain they were not taking a direct route. The previous time she had visited the Toronto branch of DYAD, it had taken Delphine less than an hour to reach the institute. Her mind had registered this fact, but she was too occupied with Cosima’s wellbeing to give it a second thought.

When they finally arrived at the grey building, the sun had already started to rise. In the pale morning light, they unloaded the clone and carried her inside on a stretcher. Delphine followed them into the institute, and down corridors she had never before seen.

In a fully equipped examining room, a doctor whom Delphine had never met before and who did not introduce himself had a look at the clone. Tired and aggravated, Delphine had tried getting him to let her help. He had scoffed and dismissed her. She had refused to leave, and stood there until her legs started to ache.

After the unfamiliar colleague had finished taking his last sample, he had motioned for the nurses to take Cosima away. 

They had brought her to the room she was in at the moment. Skilfully, one of them had removed the IV and the other had checked her vital signs a last time. When they left, the shorter of the two had asked Delphine to come with her. Shaking her head, Delphine said that she would sit with her subject for a while longer. It was obvious that they were instructed to not leave the clone with Delphine. A stern look from Delphine had been enough to change their minds; since she was their superior after all.

Finally alone with Cosima, Delphine had sat down on the edge of the bed. She knew very well that the room would be monitored in more than one way, so she remained silent. Carefully, she had tucked her girlfriend in, making sure she was warm enough. Delphine regretted not having put some more clothes on Cosima, who had a habit of sleeping naked. Last night, Cosima had been too tired to take off all her clothes; she was still wearing her underwear. Maybe it would not provide her with warmth, but it would offer her some modesty at the very least.

After she had made sure that the clone was comfortable, Delphine had kissed her. She had known very well that after Cosima would wake up, she might not allow Delphine to kiss her again. So Delphine had taken her opportunity for a last kiss, not caring whether any one was watching; she made very sure to pour every ounce of love she had for Cosima into the long and unhurried kiss.

Then, she had curled up beside the small form in the bed. Lying on her side, on top of the covers, Delphine had gently stroked the clone’s cheek. Despite her own fatigue, she had managed not to fall asleep. For what seemed like only a few minutes, Delphine had listened to Cosima’s breath, waiting for her to wake up, when Aldous had entered the room.

Looking at the scene, he had smiled condescendingly and motioned for Delphine to follow him. Without looking back, he had walked away, leaving the sturdy, wooden door open.

Hesitantly, Delphine had gotten up from the soft bed. She had put down the glasses, which she was still holding, in a spot where Cosima would be able to find them easily, even with her poor eyesight. It had taken her a moment to walk away from the bed. Her legs seemed to be made of lead. Both exhaustion and her reluctance to leave Cosima’s side, had her unable to move for a while.

It was Aldous calling her name from the hallway that had forced her to finally move. Delphine had followed him to a small office next to the room where the clone was still sound asleep. There he had offered her breakfast and coffee, of which she had only accepted the latter.

Now she was clutching a half finished, still steaming cup of coffee, staring back at Cosima. In between sips, she was frantically chewing on her lower lip. Her tired brain tried to figure out what to say. Before she had made up her mind about her next move, Cosima took a step back, letting the bathroom door close behind her with a bang.

Startled by the harsh sound, Delphine bit her lip a little too hard. Swallowing the taste of blood, she turned from the mirrored window looking into the bathroom of Cosima’s enclosure. On several screens in the small surveillance room, the clone could be seen as she was inspecting the rest of the room.

To Delphine’s right side was Dr. Leekie, droning on about how she did the right thing, and something about a promising new theory. To her left was the doctor she did not know. He was sitting in one of the chairs, staring openly at her. Neither of them managed to distract Delphine from Cosima. The fragile clone, locked on the other side of the wall, preoccupied her. 

On the monitor, a trembling Cosima was examining the room. The temperature in the room was a comfortable twenty-two degrees Celsius. Despite the lack of clothes, Cosima should not be shivering this violently. Frowning, Delphine wondered if the shock of moving was too much for the sick clone.

“Dr. Cormier?” Dr. Leekie asked, “Do you hear me?”

“Huh?” Delphine turned around. She had most definitely not heard Aldous. He had been droning on and on about clones, cures, and none of it had seemed important enough right now to Delphine to pay attention to what he was saying. “Sorry, I didn’t.” She gave him her best apologetic look, before turning back to the monitor.

“I said, 324B21 looks remarkably well. If it was not for the medical data you provided us with, we would never know that she was ill.” He laid his hand on her arm, in a gesture that was meant to be comforting. “If you had not done your job so well, we would have been too late.”

Delphine nodded. It was true; Cosima did not look too bad. She had a nasty cough, and she was clearly still recovering from the heavy sedation, but, aside from that, the clone was looking much better than Jennifer had at this point in her disease.

“Today, we will let her recover from the move,” Aldous said. “And tomorrow we will start with the treatment.”

“Treatment, what treatment?”

Dr. Leekie exchanged a look with the stranger to Delphine’s left side. “Dr. Nealon here has a theory. I am sure he will explain it to you in detail tomorrow, when you are rested and settled in.”

Delphine glanced at the man Aldous had called Dr. Nealon. He looked awfully pleased with himself, sitting in his chair, challenging Delphine with a scorning smile.

Ignoring him, Delphine turned back to Aldous. With the most charming smile she could muster, she asked, “And what are we going to tell the subject?”

“What do you mean, what are we going to tell the subject? We won’t tell her anything,” Dr. Nealon said before Aldous could answer.

“Aldous, please tell me he’s joking.”

“No. I told you yesterday that we’d rather not have the subject be self aware,” Dr. Leekie responded. 

Delphine had spent the last few hours mad at herself. Upon hearing these words, she suddenly felt the anger she was holding inside channeled in another direction. Gripping her cup so hard, she feared it might break, Delphine managed to hold back and think over her response for a moment. Screaming obscenities in both French and English at the two men, which was what she really wanted to do, would not help Cosima right now.

Buying herself some time, Delphine watched the monitor. Cosima was sitting in front of the empty dresser. She appeared to be wiping tears from her eyes. Delphine had to do something; Cosima had a right to know.

“So, does that mean you are going to hold her down and do whatever it is you plan to do without even informing her that she is ill?” Delphine asked, not taking her eyes off the screen. “Wouldn’t it be much easier if at least she knew she’s sick?”

“Are you saying she’ll consent to treatment, without knowing what exactly her disease is, or worse, that she is the result of an illegal cloning trial?” Aldous asked her, his intonation showing that he clearly did not believe it.

Of course Cosima would not. She was far too intelligent; she would have far too many questions as to the nature of her disease and the institute. Delphine hoped that giving her girlfriend a little information would show Aldous that there was no harm in answering the rest of her questions later. Knowing Cosima, she would pester everybody with exactly the right questions; if only Aldous would see that there was no harm in the clone being self-aware. Now that she had handed Cosima over to DYAD, there was very little Delphine could do. Except for giving Cosima answers and comfort, in the hope that she would accept them. 

“It is worth a try, _non?_ ”

“Right, fine. You have ten minutes to give it a go.” Aldous said. “But you are not to tell her about clones or mention DYAD. We will be watching. If you tell her too much, you won’t see her again. Am I making myself very clear?”

“Yes, sir,” Delphine said, setting her cup down.

“Ten minutes, no more. Then you’re going home and getting some rest. Big day tomorrow.” Aldous dismissed her with a nod of his head.

Not wasting any more time, Delphine exited the cramped monitoring room. In the brightly lit corridors, she took a moment to adjust her eyes. Taking a few deep breaths, she tried to think of something, anything that would put Cosima at ease, while satisfying Aldous.

When she scanned her pass, she noticed her hand was trembling. Delphine pushed the heavy door open and whatever speech she had prepared, left her brain, leaving her mind entirely blank as to what to say when she entered the room.


	20. Cosima +219

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's chapter 20 already! This chapter might answer some of your questions, and add some new ones :)  
> And thank you for your lovely comments, they keep me going!

It took Cosima less than a millisecond to recognize Delphine. Without hesitation, she lunged forward and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. The familiar feeling of Delphine, who immediately enfolded Cosima in her strong arms, made Cosima feel safe at once.

She buried her face in Delphine’s shoulder. The warmth radiating from the taller woman slowly warmed Cosima. While her shivering subsided, she started to shudder as she suddenly found herself crying uncontrollably.

Delphine buried her hand into Cosima’s dreadlocks, holding her head safely to her shoulder. Her other hand was rubbing soothing circles into Cosima’s upper back, the way she had done so often before. Delphine seemed to be saying something, whispered in French. 

With her face buried in Delphine’s curls, Cosima could not hear her, and even if she could have heard her girlfriend, she would most likely not have understood the meaning of the French words. Nevertheless, the desired effect was definitely reached, as Cosima felt herself relax a little. She slumped into Delphine, allowing the other woman to support some of her weight. Cosima was still sore and tired; standing up took more energy than she had at the moment.

Understanding that Cosima was not feeling well, Delphine half guided, half carried Cosima to the bed. With her help, Cosima sat down on the edge, her legs dangling a little above the floor. She had still not let go of Delphine, embracing her tightly.

“ _Chéri,_ ” Delphine said, trying to get Cosima’s attention. Her hands grasped Cosima’s face gently, and somehow still firmly; pulling her back so Delphine could have a proper look at Cosima. “Cosima, are you okay?”

She stared back at Delphine. The question seemed so very absurd. Had Delphine really asked her if she was okay? Of course Cosima was not okay. Thinking that she might have heard it wrong, Cosima searched in Delphine’s eyes, finding only loving concern. “I don’t know,” Cosima said honestly. “Are you okay?”

Delphine nodded firmly. One of the hands moved a little higher towards Cosima’s forehead, as if Delphine was subtly trying to check her for a fever. Apparently satisfied, the immunologist did not say anything. 

Swallowing, Cosima tilted her head. The expression on Delphine’s face was one she had never seen before. She looked pained, but why she was hurting was unclear to Cosima. Delphine had said she was okay, and she did not seem to have any visible injuries.

Cosima wiped away the tears from her cheeks, not bothering with the ones that were behind her glasses; she had a feeling that they would be replaced either way. “Hey, are you sure you’re all right? Talk to me,” Cosima said. Delphine’s expression gave her a renewed feeling of trepidation, twisting her stomach in a most uncomfortable way.

Chewing on her lower lip, Delphine waited a second before answering. “I’m fine. Really,” she said firmly. She did not look fine at all. The dark circles under her eyes, and yesterday’s clothes, suggested that Delphine had not slept in a while.

“You sure? ‘Cause I was kinda worried.” Trying to lighten the mood a little, she jokingly added, “Waking up without you, in a strange bed. I was afraid maybe something had happened to you.”

“ _Désolé…_ ” Delphine seemed to want to add something to her apology. Instead, she bit her lip and said nothing else. 

In the brightly lit room, and sitting so close together, Cosima could see that Delphine’s bottom lip was actually torn. Tenderly, Cosima ran a thumb over the raw skin. “Hey, wanna tell me what is going on?” Cosima asked, shivering again. Besides her raging headache, sore body, and waking up locked in an unfamiliar room, there was something else going on. And Cosima had a feeling that Delphine knew more about it than she let on. 

Dodging the question, Delphine instead asked, “Are you cold, _ma chéri?_ ”

“A little.” Cosima dismissed her shivering with a brisk hand gesture. “Delphine, where am I?”

Again, Delphine did not answer. Instead, she took her sweater off and draped the warm, white fabric around Cosima’s shoulders. Clutching Cosima’s hands in her own, Delphine rubbed them in an attempt to warm her. 

It was well meant, but Cosima rather wanted some answers. Delphine was obviously avoiding the questions she was asking her. “Delphine, please. Just tell me,” Cosima gave her girlfriend her best pleading look, her eyes wide open.

Nodding, Delphine stared at their joined hands. She squeezed them softly, taking a moment to think. “You’re sick, Cosima.” Swallowing, Delphine lifted her head and looked Cosima in the eyes.

“What? No, I’m not.” Cosima found it hard to believe. She was feeling fine. Or she had been feeling fine until she woke up this morning. Was it even morning? There were no clocks or windows to give her an impression of the time. Where was she, and why did Delphine think she was sick, when she was clearly not? Cosima wondered, “Why would you say that Delphine?”

“Because you are. I’ve done a few medical tests while…” Delphine looked away before continuing, “…While you were asleep.”

Cosima pulled her hands back. Shocked, she tried to wrap her brain around what Delphine was saying. The throbbing at her temples was not helping her focus. If the immunologist had run the tests to prove it, Cosima did not doubt she was sick. It was harder to understand why Delphine had performed medical exams on Cosima without her knowledge. If she had asked, Cosima would have cooperated. Stunned, Cosima stared at Delphine, her mouth slightly agape, waiting for an explanation.

“I... I am so sorry,” Delphine said, still not looking at Cosima. “It’s very bad. Unidentified polyps in your uterus, and in your lungs. It’s that cough you’ve had for a while.” She shook her head, biting her lip. “It’s something unique, but they will help you here. They are working on a cure as we speak.”

“Where is here, Delphine? Who are they?” Cosima tried to get Delphine to look at her. The sound of her own voice surprized her. She sounded fragile and on the verge of tears, making her wonder if she was going to burst out in tears again.

“That’s not important, you…” Delphine said, before she was interrupted by Cosima.

“Yes, it is important! I wake up in a strange room. You tell me I’m sick. I have to know where I am, Delphine!” Cosima was yelling by now. She had lost her patience, and if it had not been for the headache, she would have screamed a lot louder.

Surprized by her outburst, Delphine had finally looked up. “We don’t have a lot of time. Please listen to me, Cosima.”

“Just answer the damn question!”

“I can’t,” Delphine whispered, refusing to raise her voice at Cosima. 

It made the trapped American only angrier. “Bullshit,” she sneered.

“Please listen to me,” Delphine pleaded.

Cosima breathed heavily, but did not say anything. If Delphine wanted to talk, that was fine with Cosima. It was not like she seemed to have anything to say in the matter either way. She might be imprisoned in this strange room, unable to escape from Delphine, who refused to shut up or give her some real answers, but Cosima would be damned if she was not going to figure out a way out of here. She knew that keeping her head cool, which was not one of her strongest points, especially when she was irritated, would be her only chance of finding an escape route. So for now, Cosima remained silent, giving Delphine the impression that at the very least, she was not working against her.

Sensing that Cosima would let her speak, Delphine spoke softly and quickly. “You really are ill, Cosima. These people can help, but you shouldn’t trust them.” She glanced down at her watch. “They are your only chance at a cure Cosima,” she added much louder. “I suggest that you cooperate.”

The way Delphine spoke, confirmed Cosima’s earlier suspicion that there had to be some sort of surveillance in the room. That was going to make breaking out of here much harder. 

Trying hard to resist looking around the room for hidden security cameras, Cosima pinched the bridge of her nose. Her irritation only added to the headache she already had; at this point she would commit a murder for a painkiller. Cosima took her glasses off so she could clean them. It might look ridiculously ordinary, but they were covered in fingerprints and the routine act helped Cosima maintain her self-control. “Why am I here?” she tried again.

Delphine simply shook her head.

“Right, you can’t tell me.” Cosima said. She rolled her eyes. “But you do know?” Even though she posed it as a question, Cosima already knew the answer.

As she expected, Delphine nodded. At least, the French woman had the decency to look guilty, chewing on her bottom lip and looking painfully downcast. It was almost enough to make Cosima want to comfort her.

She reminded herself that it was Delphine who had performed medical exams on her, whatever that exactly entailed. And it was Delphine who had handed her over to them, whoever they were, and had locked her in this room. The mere thought of Delphine’s betrayal was enough to harden Cosima’s resolve. Harshly, she asked, “What am I supposed to do?” There was no use in repeating her earlier question again; there would be no answer. 

“Just…” Delphine said. She hesitated a moment, thinking of what she really wanted to say, before continuing, “Just do as they tell you.”

Scoffing, Cosima shook her head. “And I’m supposed to trust you?”

“Please, Cosima,” Delphine said, her voice betraying that she did not expect Cosima to obey without question. Her eyes darted around the room, not focusing on a specific point, yet clearly avoiding Cosima.

Cosima put her glasses back on. With her loose dreadlocks in the way, it took her a little longer than usual. Silently, she sat next to Delphine on the bed, close enough to feel her warmth on her bare thigh, but no longer touching. There was nothing Cosima had to say; she wanted to lie down and think. Her obstinate pride did not allow her to do just that in front of Delphine. She was afraid that she might start crying again, out of desperation and pure anger. 

So instead, Cosima went over all the questions she had asked and the answers she had not received. She tried to find a question that she had not yet asked, and one that Delphine might be willing to answer. Frowning, she sat in deep thought, holding back the cough that was tickling her throat. 

Next to her, Delphine was waiting silently. Her head bent, the loose curls obstructed Cosima’s view of her face, but it was clear that Delphine was occasionally glancing at her.

In the silent room, the same beeping noise as before came from the door. Both women turned to look at the door, which opened to reveal two sturdy men dressed in security guard’s uniforms. They stood in the doorway, blocking the way out. A few feet behind them, Cosima could see an ordinary brick wall. It was probably a hallway. Cosima could see no clues as to where it might lead. 

“Your time is up,” one of the men said.

Delphine swallowed and nodded at them. She reached out for Cosima’s hand, but before she could get hold of it, Cosima had moved back a little, out of Delphine’s reach.

She could see the hurt flashing across Delphine’s face, before the French woman could compose herself. Telling herself Delphine deserved it, Cosima pretended she did not see it and said, “Just get out!” Her voice sounded even crueler than she had intended it to; she refused to apologize for it. Her face burning, Cosima fought against the tears and stared over Delphine’s shoulder at the men blocking her way out. From the corner of her eyes, she could see Delphine’s pleading expression. 

“Cosima,” Delphine tried to get her to look her in the eyes.

Stubbornly, Cosima ignored her.

Getting up from the bed, Delphine said, “I’ll return to you as soon as possible. I promise you that, Cosima.” Her hand floated somewhere in between them. Delphine seemed to want to pat Cosima on the shoulder. Perhaps it was a gesture out of habit, or maybe it was meant to comfort her. However, Delphine must have realized that it would only anger Cosima further, and she turned around without another word.

Cosima wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She would wait to do either until Delphine was outside, and unable to see her break down completely. Struggling to keep herself from falling apart, Cosima did not know when she would see Delphine again; she might have promised that she would come back, and Cosima did not doubt that Delphine intended to keep that promise, but it could be a while. There were a million questions swimming in Cosima’s head, and she found it hard to prioritize them. Aside from Delphine, there was no one else she could ask these questions to. 

Figuring that she had time for one last question, Cosima gripped Delphine’s hand before she was out of reach. “Delphine, is this because I’m a clone?”

An odd, strangled noise came out of Delphine’s mouth. Wide-eyed, she stared at Cosima for a split second, before pulling her hand free and walking out of the room without a word. 

The guards followed her; one of them laid a hand on Delphine’s shoulder. The other shut the door behind them. When the door locked with a clear beep, Cosima was left alone with even more questions than ten minutes ago.


	21. Delphine +219

“You made the right decision,” Dr. Leekie said again. He must have told her ten times already. And every time he repeated himself, Delphine believed it a little less.

She did not have anything to say on the matter, so Delphine remained silent. She had not said a single word since Aldous had crudely declined her request for more time with Cosima, after she had practically been dragged from the securely locked room. She had begged him for a few more minutes. He had been his usual adamant self and refused, reminding her of their earlier agreement.

Thirty minutes later, they were sitting in the back of a town car. Aldous was stubbornly trying to figure out what to say, trying to tell her in a dozen different ways that what she had done was the right thing. Delphine remained silent and stared out the window. The rain was pouring down. Overcast and crowded with strangers, the unfamiliar town was dark and uninviting to Delphine.

Aldous’ hand slid across her thigh, coming to a rest on top of her knee. “You know Delphine, I was afraid you would do something rash. That you might tell her about the clones, or something equally stupid,” he said.

Without looking at him, Delphine pushed his hand away. “ _J’aurais dû le dire,_ ” she mumbled. 

“Pardon?”

Delphine shook her head. She had been talking to herself; there was no use in arguing with Dr. Leekie about these matters. Instead of repeating her earlier remark, Delphine changed the subject, “How does Cosima know she’s a clone?”

“You tell me. You’re the one that was responsible for monitoring 324B21. If anyone ought to know the answer to that question, it is you.”

Irritated, Delphine said, “I have no idea how she knows, Aldous. I do know that Cosima did not find out from me, and she never before mentioned it.”

“Alright. Alright, when I get back to the institute, I will figure it out,” Aldous said.

Alarmed, Delphine turned to face him. “How do you plan to do that?” Cosima was seriously pissed off, as she would phrase it herself. Knowing Cosima, Delphine was absolutely sure that the stubborn clone would not cooperate. She had barely said two words to Delphine; there was no way that she would open up to a stranger.

Aldous contemplated the question for a brief moment. “I intend to have a chat with her. Scientist to scientist.” 

Delphine nodded. She was too tired to even try to talk him out of it. Supporting her head with her hand, she faced the window once again. Cosima would not tell Dr. Leekie how she knew of her origin. Despite her own curiosity, Delphine was relieved that he was not planning anything harsher to get her to talk; she would rather not know at all.

Next to her, Aldous shifted uncomfortably. “Delphine, are you absolutely sure that 324B21 did not find out from you?” Even in the dim light of the rainy day, the angry lines around his mouth were clearly visible. “Maybe you unconsciously mentioned something, or left a transcript lying around. Does she know your password?”

“No, Aldous,” Delphine did not elaborate; the answer was simply no. Every time Delphine had been tempted to confess the truth to Cosima, she had been too afraid of her girlfriend’s reaction to even try to tell her. Of course, Delphine could not tell Aldous that she had ever even considered telling. And the notion of Cosima going through her computer was plain ridiculous. Not only were her files password protected and encrypted, Cosima was not the type of person to go through her girlfriend’s computer or phone. She had always been very respectful of Delphine’s privacy, which had been very convenient for the monitor. 

“All right.” Whether he believed her or not, Aldous did not push any further. 

After a short and uncomfortable silence, Dr. Leekie handed her an envelope. “We’re here,” he said, as the driver pulled over in front of a plain building. Aldous quickly got out of the car, rounding it to open the door for her.

Delphine did not wait for him. She got out of the car, slamming the door closed behind her. Standing in the rain, Delphine regarded her surroundings. The building looked nice enough, better than the decayed student flat DYAD had arranged for her in San Francisco. If anything, this place seemed rather impersonal.

“Shall we,” Aldous motioned for the door.

Delphine shook her head, “I’d prefer to be alone.”

Clutching her by the shoulder, Aldous said, “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll come up and show you around. We haven’t seen each other in a while, we have plenty to talk about.” His face betrayed his intentions, which were nowhere near talking.

Delphine wanted to get as far away from him as possible. “Aldous, please. I’m tired. I just want a hot shower and get some sleep. We can speak tomorrow, _bien?_ ” She tried to get rid of him as diplomatically as she could muster; after all, she could not afford to anger him.

“Are you sure, you look like you could use some company?”

Delphine nodded, “Yes, I’m sure.” She faked a polite smile, “Thank you though.”

“Of course, I understand.” Aldous gave her shoulder a squeeze. “I will make sure that somebody picks you up tomorrow morning. Your keys are in the envelope.”

Relieved that she had convinced him to leave so easily, Delphine nodded. “Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She turned to leave.

Aldous stopped her with a slight tug on her shoulder. “Delphine, there is also a new confidentiality agreement in there, as well as a revised contract. I expect you to bring them tomorrow, signed.”

“Okay,” Delphine said.

“If you need anything, call me,” Aldous said. He quickly kissed her, before turning around to get back into the car and out of the rain. 

Delphine watched the car disappear into the traffic, leaving her all alone. She was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, people bumping into her. They were all in a hurry to get inside, out of the unforgiving weather. Yet, for some reason, Delphine could not bring herself to move from her spot. Something about this place, surrounded with strangers, made her terrified of being alone. Maybe if she took a cab back to the DYAD institute, they would let her see Cosima again. They would not, she was sure of it, but it was a pleasant fantasy either way.

She could feel the cold water start seeping down her spine. Her coat had become too soaked to keep the rain out any longer, and she was only wearing a thin shirt underneath. Shuddering, Delphine forced herself to get moving.

\---

A few minutes later, Delphine was standing in an unfamiliar apartment. It was much more spacious than she had expected. This place was definitely an upgrade from the student flat she had briefly lived in in San Francisco. 

Delphine laid her laptop bag, the envelope, and the keys on the kitchen counter. Before entering the expensive residence any further, she took off her soaked woolen coat and draped it over the nearest chair. Next to it she placed her shoes, taking off her wet socks as well. The rest of her clothes were not as wet as she had thought they would be; only the collar of her shirt was damp. Feeling she deserved the slight discomfort it brought, Delphine did not change into dry clothes.

The silence pressed heavily on Delphine. Even though she was glad that Aldous had not insisted on coming with her, she wished she not so alone. The only sound accompanying her was that of her bare feet on the hardwood floors as she took a quick tour of the living area.

Wiping the wet hair from her face, Delphine had a look around. Now there was nothing left to distract her, she realized that she was famished. The clock above the kitchen table told her that it was long past noon. Confused, Delphine stood in the middle of the kitchen, watching the second hand complete one full circle and then another. It took her embarrassingly long to remember that there was a few hours time difference between California and East Ontario; it was not so late after all.

Whether it was almost one in the afternoon, or only ten in the morning, Delphine had not eaten anything since yesterday evening. The coffee she had welcomed a few hours earlier, was now sloshing about in her otherwise empty stomach. The result was almost nauseating.

A quick look through the kitchen cabinets and fridge provided Delphine with enough ingredients for a plain yet filling meal. Some poor intern must have been busy all morning preparing for her arrival. She had only convinced Aldous yesterday to allow her to accompany Cosima, so she had not given them much time to prepare for her. If the circumstances were different, Delphine might have been able to appreciate their last-minute efforts to make this place comfortable for her.

Instead, she concentrated on cooking. The familiar task of chopping vegetables distracted her enough to unwind a little and let her mind wander beyond her overwhelming guilt. Her first thought was the unanswered question of how Cosima knew she was a clone. No matter how much Delphine thought about the past seven months, she could not recall any indications that Cosima had been self-aware. 

By the time the rice was cooked, and she had finished preparing the rest of her meal, Delphine decided that she would find out tomorrow. That was unless Aldous would call her earlier. There was really no use in losing her mind over the matter when she could do nothing about it. Come to think of it, it was probably for the better that Cosima was already self-aware, although maybe not best for Dr. Cormier’s career. 

Sitting at the otherwise empty table, Delphine ate her food with surprising appetite. While she ate, Delphine read the papers Aldous had given her. They were nearly identical to the ones she had signed before. By now, Delphine was used to the many confidentiality agreements the DYAD institute forced their employees to sign. Climbing the corporate ladder from an intern fresh out of university, to where she was today, she herself had signed over a dozen similar contracts every time she had gained access to more top-secret illegal research projects.

After she had finished eating and had washed the dishes, Delphine fished a pen out of her bag and signed her name at the bottom of each page. She really did not have any choice; if she wanted to see Cosima again, she would have to agree with their terms and conditions. Delphine stuffed the papers back into the envelope and laid it back on the countertop, where she would not forget it in the morning.

Now that her stomach had settled a little and she was no longer nauseous, Delphine moved onto the next problem at hand. Despite the well-heated apartment, she was getting increasingly cold in her thin, clammy shirt. 

Still barefoot, Delphine had another look around. As she had seen earlier, the kitchen seamlessly blended into a living room area. Somebody, probably that same intern, had arranged some flowers on the coffee table. It made the rest of the soulless décor come alive a little.

Delphine walked around the couch towards the large windows. Outside there was a small balcony looking out over downtown Toronto. Despite the continuing rain, the view was quite spectacular. Looking at the people hurrying along in the rain, Delphine longed for anyone to talk to, anybody to make her feel less alone. She briefly toyed with the idea of going outside so she could be around some people, but immediately dismissed the idea. She did not doubt that DYAD was keeping an eye on her; it would be best if she at least gave them the impression of doing as Dr. Leekie had told her.

With a last look at the strangers several floors below her; Delphine reminded herself that at least her prison had windows, which was a definite improvement of where DYAD kept Cosima. 

She turned away from the view, and tried the first of the two doors. Behind it was a small home office. The spacious and empty desk clearly stated that she was here to work here, and to work alone. Without entering the room, Delphine shut the door.

Behind the second door was the bedroom. At the foot of the queen-sized bed, Delphine spotted the suitcase she had forgotten while trying to convince the guards to let her stay with Cosima when they got of the plane. Delphine kneeled next to the suitcase and opened it. Somebody had gone through it. They had tried to put everything back tidily, but it was clear to Delphine that they had checked.

She did not know what they could have been looking for; there was nothing but clothes, some toiletries and a few books in the suitcase. Anything else was in her laptop bag. What she found more worrisome was the fact that all Cosima’s things were still in there. That meant that Cosima had no toothbrush, no spare clothes, nothing but the clothes she was wearing.

Still sitting on the floor, Delphine tried to call Aldous. Somebody should come and get Cosima’s things for her, or she needed to bring them. His phone went straight to voice-mail. Delphine left a message for him and immediately sent him a text as well.

When Aldous did not react instantly, Delphine threw her phone on the bed. She suppressed a yawn, and started to unpack the suitcase. After she had changed into a dry shirt, Delphine put the rest of her clothes in the closet. She stored her toiletries in the bathroom and laid her book on the bed. The mindless task calmed her a little; it took her mind off Cosima’s last question.

Within minutes, she had given everything an appropriate place. All that was left were Cosima’s belongings; there was no reason to remove them from the suitcase. Delphine took one of Cosima’s colourful sweaters and a green Altoids tin out of the suitcase and closed it. If nobody came to pick it up today, she would bring it to work with her tomorrow.

Delphine pulled the sweater on over her head. It was a little tight around her shoulders, but it reminded her of Cosima, warming her more thoroughly than any of her own sweaters would. 

Struggling with the unfamiliar sliding doors, Delphine moved onto the balcony. The wet cold bit into her bare toes. Delphine ignored the tingling sensation and sat down in one of the chairs. She opened the small tin. Inside it were three joints and a lighter, fitting snugly together. Delphine had brought them along for Cosima, but she had come to realize that Cosima would not have the opportunity to enjoy them anytime soon.

So she lit one, needing something to stop her mind from tormenting her with the thousands of problems she had no solution for. Physically, she was exhausted, but she could not relax. The simple act of smoking reminded her of Cosima in the most bittersweet way. There was still the ache in her chest caused by her actions, but the taste of the marijuana took Delphine back to happier times, when she had been relatively without worries.

By the time she had finished, her body had loosened a little. She was reclining in the chair, watching the rain pour down. Somewhere at the back of her intoxicated mind, Delphine registered that she had to be cold. Her toes where unnaturally pale, and her arms were covered in goose bumps. Fascinated by her body’s reaction, while her mind did not register the cold at all, Delphine rubbed her feet. A little colour returned to her toes, but she would have to warm up if she did not want to get ill.

Groggy and uncoordinated, Delphine pulled herself up from the chair. In a haze, she forced herself back inside, where it was warm. She was not in the mood for developing pneumonia. 

There was no way she could sleep in that large bed alone, so Delphine curled up on the couch. She buried her face in the sweater, surrounding herself with as much Cosima as possible. Before long, she had sunk into a deep, tormented sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “ _J’aurais dû le dire,_ ” = I should have told her,
> 
> PS: Recreational drugs are for fun, don't use them as a coping mechanism! (be responsible and legal)


	22. Cosima +219

Wrapped in Delphine’s cardigan, Cosima inhaled her scent deeply. It was the smell of expensive perfume, French cigarettes, and that unique fragrance that was all Delphine. Despite the fact that she was angry and confused by Delphine’s actions, it was the only familiar thing in the room, and thus she desperately clung to it. 

Delphine had abandoned her a while ago. The lack of natural light or a clock made it hard for Cosima to estimate how long exactly she had been alone. Directly after Delphine had left with the guards, Cosima had angrily scooted further into the bed and hid under the covers. She did not want anyone see her break down.

Hidden deep under the covers, wrapped in the cardigan, Cosima silently cried until she could cry no more. Bundled in Delphine’s smell, she embraced the bittersweet comfort it gave her. Before long, she fell into a hazy sleep, still under the influence of the earlier sedation.

\---

With a start, Cosima woke up from her nap. Sometime during her sleep, she had moved from her hiding place under the covers. With her head on the pillow, where it should be, she recognized her surroundings instantly, even without her glasses. The lights were still as bright as ever, hurting her sore eyes.

After a short while of allowing her eyes to get used to the glaring light, Cosima was able to get up from the bed. Pulling the edges of the sweater around herself, she tried to stay warm as she stumbled into the room. That damned light was not helping her. Within seconds, the pounding headache had returned. 

Cosima stumbled into the bathroom, where the light was equally bright. As she had noticed earlier, on the countertop next to the sink was a cup and a washcloth. Cosima soaked the washcloth under the tap, and laid the cold cloth on her neck, just below her hairline. An instantaneous feeling of relief washed over her as the shocking cold distracted from the headache.

Holding the cloth in place with one hand, she held the plastic cup under the still running water. While she thirstily drank the entire cup, she had a better look around. The first time she had been in here, she had been too shocked to register anything beyond the fact that it was a bathroom. Now that her mind was starting to clear a little, the first thing she noticed was that the mirror over the sink was set into the wall; it was a two-way-mirror. They had not even tried to hide it from her.

Slamming the cup down, Cosima wanted to flash her middle finger to whoever was watching. She wanted to call them every foul name she could come up with. Reluctantly, she decided against it. As long as they believed Cosima thought she was not under observation, she would at least have that advantage over them.

While she wondered in which other ways she was being observed, Cosima washed her face. The chilly washcloth was refreshing; it lifted some of the fog from her mind. With renewed energy, she checked the cabinet under the sink. All she found was a towel, a piece of soap and a roll of toilet paper. There was not even a toothbrush. That had to mean they did not mean to keep her locked up in here for long, or so Cosima thought. She could not make up her mind whether that was a good or a bad thing.

Unsure what to do, Cosima looked around the rest of the tiny bathroom, subtly glancing over the mirror. As she had noticed before, there was a decent shower with a glass door and a toilet. The walls were tiled with the same white material as in the other room, giving it a matching unkind vibe.

Deciding that there was nothing for her here, Cosima walked back into the main room. She was shivering slightly. With nothing to cover her legs, she was growing cold again. Hoping to warm her hands, she stuffed them into her pockets.

The tips of her fingers touched something in the right pocket. Frozen mid-step, Cosima fumbled with it. She could not quite figure out what the small object was.

Trying her best not to appear suspicious, she turned back around. With the object clenched in her fist, still inside her pocket, she sat down on the toilet. Cosima hoped that they had the decency to give her some privacy there at least.

Hunched over, she opened her fist between her knees. In the palm of her hand was a crumpled piece of paper, run smooth with the many times it had been folded. The thin paper almost ripped when Cosima carefully unfolded it. Inside, she found a single clear pill; Cosima instantly recognized it as an Advil. Frowning, she smoothed the paper, so that she could read what was written on it.

“For your headache. _Je t’aime,_ Delphine,” it read. Cosima would recognize that cursive handwriting anywhere.

Gratefully, she swallowed the painkiller without bothering with water. Somehow, Delphine must have anticipated that Cosima would have a headache and put the painkiller in her pocket, intending to give Cosima her sweater. The thought that Delphine was helping, even just a little bit, filled Cosima with relief. Maybe her situation was not as hopeless as she had feared it was after all.

Feeling a little better, Cosima reread the note. She traced the hastily scribbled lines with her index finger. The note and a painkiller might not be much, but the sly act conveyed a more important message to Cosima. Delphine was being watched as well. And still, she had managed to slip Cosima a small gift.

Cosima smiled. Delphine still cared for her, she had been worried about a headache. Rubbing the back of her neck, Cosima wondered just how Delphine had known that she would have a headache even before entering the room. Granted, Cosima often had headaches. Her breath hitched as the realization suddenly hit. 

“ _I’ve done a few medical tests while…while you were asleep,_ ” Delphine had said. She had looked away, almost ashamed, as if there was more to it.

At the time, Cosima had been too confused to really consider what Delphine had meant. She had thought that Delphine was talking about last night, and dismissed it as a problem for later. Finally, Cosima understood what Delphine had really meant to say. She saw the pattern with disturbing clarity. The headaches, often accompanied with sore muscles, had started shortly after she had met Delphine, and appeared with regular intervals.

She had known. Deep down, Cosima had known all along. She had wanted to trust Delphine. She had been naïve, and she had been in love. So she had pushed any doubts she had aside, and now she was paying the price for her stupidity.

Clutching her head in her hands, Cosima swore. She did not know if she was more furious at Delphine or at herself, for being so trusting. They had told her not to trust anyone, and yet, Cosima had refused to even consider that Delphine had an ulterior motive. And Cosima had allowed the adorable foreign student, who had stumbled into her life as if by chance, to rip her heart out in the cruelest manner possible. 

Delphine had never cared for her. She had lied to Cosima and deceived her from the very start. Not only that, but apparently she had performed medical exams on her. In a flash of panic, Cosima ran through the possibilities. It could not have been anything too invasive, she would have noticed. On the other hand, Delphine had told Cosima that she had unidentified polyps in her lungs and uterus. Frustrated that she did not have enough medical knowledge as to how exactly Delphine might have come to that conclusion, Cosima wondered what else Delphine had done behind her back. Of course she had assumed for a while that somebody was keeping tabs on her. Cosima had just not considered that it could be the one person she trusted most, or that the surveillance would be so thorough.

Lacking an outlet for her rage, Cosima crumpled the note in her fist. She stood up and dropped the wad of paper in the toilet. For a few seconds the white paper floated and slowly unfolded in the water, the black writing clearly visible. Then it slowly started to sink. Before it had completely submerged, Cosima flushed the toilet.

She was furious. Flushing the message was not nearly as satisfying as she needed it to be. Cosima needed to yell at Delphine. She needed to hit her, to let her know exactly how wrong it was, what the French woman had done. Suddenly, Cosima realized that Delphine was probably not French; maybe her name was not even Delphine. The whole last seven months of her life flashed by, as she started to comprehend how extensive the lies must have been.

Enraged, Cosima stormed out of the bathroom. She had intended to start pounding on the door; demanding some answers, but what she saw stopped her in her tracks.

While she had been in the bathroom, somebody had left a tray on the dresser. Those cowards had come in while she was distracted, not giving Cosima the opportunity to see them. In a flash of anger, Cosima flung the tray with its contents from the dresser. It hit the door with a loud bang.

With some satisfaction, Cosima admired the mess she had made. The food and drink was smeared across the wooden surface. Cosima gave the tray another kick for good measure.

She plopped down in the chair. After tugging her cold feet under her, Cosima wrapped the cardigan a little closer around her. Even though she was furious with Delphine, Cosima was secretly grateful for the sweater and the painkiller. Now she was no longer distracted by physical discomfort, she was able to focus on more pressing issues. Toying with one of her loose dreadlocks, she contemplated her situation.

From her position in the chair, tucked in a corner of the room, she could easily observe the place. To her ever-growing frustration, she could not find anything new in the room. No signs of cameras, despite the obvious insinuations from Delphine that the room was under some sort of surveillance.

All alone and with nothing to aim her anger at, Cosima slowly calmed down. Staring at the mess in front of the door, Cosima tried to make logical sense of her situation. She was sick, but then again, she had already known for a while that it was a possibility. And she was locked up, not knowing where or who her captors where. What was even worse, she was not entirely sure what their intentions were. 

Nauseated, Cosima plucked a loose thread on the arm of the chair. When telling her to cooperate, Delphine had mentioned they had something of a cure. Unsure if Delphine had said so just to get her to comply, Cosima wondered if that was really what was going on. If it was true, then whoever kept her here had a tremendous investment in the clones. However, the possibility of none of this being true, if she was not really sick, or if she was but these people did not have a cure, was even more daunting to Cosima.

Cosima contemplated this, and much more. Without any way to tell the time, Cosima was unsure of exactly how long she had been curled up in that chair when she heard the beep that indicated the door being unlocked. 

Surprised, Cosima looked up while the door opened. When there had been no reaction to her violent outburst with the tray, she had not expected anybody to come in anymore. But now the door was opening, and the movement spread the food out over a larger area, making the mess even worse. Indifferent to the scattered tray and its contents, Cosima watched one of the guards hold the door open while a stranger entered the room.

This man must be well into his sixties; his hair was almost gone and he seemed quite fragile. While Cosima waited as he whispered something to the guard that had let him in, she wondered if she could overpower him. She probably could, but the two guards would stop her before she would be able to escape. So instead, Cosima remained motionless.

“Well, I see that you’re not hungry,” the stranger dryly stated, looking at the mess behind the now closed door. He grinned at Cosima, and walked briskly across the room. “May I?” he asked when he reached the bed.

Cosima shrugged.

He sat down at the foot of the bed, facing the chair with Cosima in it. Again, he gave her that peculiar smile.

Trying her best to hide her confusion, Cosima wondered who he was. This man seemed familiar, yet she could not quite figure out where she had seen him before.

“My apologies for these circumstances miss. Niehaus, I assure you they are in your best interest,” he said.

Cosima was no longer able to hide her bewilderment; she openly gaped at him. Did this stranger honestly think that a simply sorry would suffice after all of this? She silently shook her head. If this guy did not give her some answers really quick, she might just strangle him with her bare hands.

“Cosima,” he said, before interrupting himself. “May I call you Cosima?”

Cosima shrugged.

He still had that unfazed smile plastered on his face, “Cosima, do you not recognize me?”

Cosima shook her head; he did look familiar, but she still did not know why.

“We met a while back. I gave a guest lecture on Neolution at Berkeley, in November of last year,” he said. After a short pause he continued, “You attended that lecture with Delphine. We spoke for a short moment afterwards.”

At Delphine’s name, Cosima’s made an involuntary sound. The strangled yelp had escaped her mouth before she had noticed. Regarding the man sitting on the edge of the bed with a renewed perspective, she indeed recognized him as the man that had spoken at that specific lecture months ago. She had been too smitten with the exotic exchange student to have any lasting recollection of the other people she had met that day. Forcing herself to look him in the eyes, Cosima said, “Dr. Leekie, right?”

“Ah, yes.” He looked genuinely pleased with Cosima for remembering his name. “Let’s get down to business. You’ve already been informed of your illness, so you know why you are here. We are working hard on a cure for you.”

Cosima glared at him. His condescending tone was not helping him win Cosima over. The more Dr. Leekie spoke, the more Cosima disliked him. And he was very obviously trying to win her over.

Unfazed by the lack of a verbal response, Dr. Leekie continued talking. “I have come to the understanding that you’re aware of your origins. May I ask how you found out that you’re a clone?” He pressed his fingertips together, staring at her from across the room.

Leaning back in the chair, Cosima thought about the question for a moment. The way this man behaved, was rubbing her in the wrong way. His condescending tone, so full of himself in the illusion that his clear authority would get him what he wanted, made Cosima even more reluctant to tell him anything. Dr. Leekie would take, but he would give her nothing in return, Cosima was sure of it. So, she said, “No, I’m not telling you anything before you answer my questions first.”

“I see. We value your brilliant mind, Cosima,” he said. After a short break, with again one of those composed smiles he continued, “If you cooperate now, we might be able to answer some of your questions later.”

Cosima was well aware that the only leverage she had was information. And this Dr. Leekie seemed to want it desperately, but not in exchange for whatever he was holding back. With the realization that she might have a little power over these people after all, Cosima said, “I’m not gonna tell you shit.”

Dr. Leekie started to protest, but Cosima cut him off. “I want to talk to Delphine.” At least she knew Delphine, or she had thought she knew her. And earlier, Delphine had seemed to want to tell her something. Maybe Cosima could convince her to talk, if she had a little more time. At the very least, Cosima would be able to tell her what exactly she thought of her betrayal.

The man on the bed nodded. “Well, I’m afraid that is not possible at the moment. Delphine has left.”

“Oh, I’ll wait. I’ve got plenty of time,” Cosima said sarcastically. It was not as if she was going anywhere.

Dr. Leekie got up. “All right, I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime, is there anything else I can do for you?” He crossed the room, pausing at the door to have another look at the clone sitting in the chair.

“You can let me out of here.”

He let out a sarcastic laugh. “Cheeky,” he said, and left Cosima alone again.


	23. Delphine +220

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This weeks chapter is a bit of a filler. I promise the plot will move start moving a little faster again next week. This chapter is not completely pointless though, and as I say far to often: I love reading your feedback!

A chilly breeze blew through the dark room. Foreign sounds came from the street, different from what Delphine was used to hearing at home when she could not sleep. The lights from the unfamiliar city painted entrancing images on the empty wall in front of her. Drifting in and out of sleep, Delphine stared at them.

She drifted back into a shallow slumber, only to jolt awake again. Still curled up on the couch, Delphine was shivering. The draft went straight through her clothes. Propping herself up on her elbows, she noticed that she had left the door to the balcony open. Without a blanket or something else to keep her warm, Delphine would not be able to sleep on the couch any longer.

For a while, she remained in a half seated position. The effort of getting up so she could close the door was not worth the hassle. Her eyes were slowly getting used to the twilight, allowing Delphine to see where she was. Chewing on her lip, Delphine wondered for how long she would have to stay here. Maybe she should have told their landlord back in San Francisco that they were leaving. At the very least, she would have to come up with a reason Cosima was suddenly gone, some explanation for her friends, family and more importantly, an excuse for her dissertation supervisor. It might not be important to DYAD, but Delphine hoped that the clone still had a future beyond her sickness. She had to believe it. It was the only way Delphine could justify what she had done.

Delphine made her mind up. Pulling herself together, she got up from the couch. Sleeping, or lying on the couch, Delphine would be of no help to Cosima. She closed the door, shutting the cold wind out.

From the relative warm side of the windows, Delphine looked out over Toronto. The rain was still pouring down, making it darker outside than such a large city should be at night. In the distance, Delphine could hear the police sirens at a slightly different pitch than they would sound in San Francisco. It reminded her of the last time she had been in Toronto.

That short trip had happened only a few months ago, yet it felt like a lifetime to Delphine. When Dr. Leekie had asked her to visit the institute in Canada, she had not understood why exactly. But when he had insisted, Delphine had made up a story about a deceased family member and told Cosima she had to go to France for a short while.

In the ten days spent in Toronto, she had been busy meeting a lot of people within the institute, all of whom had their own theories regarding the clone disease. It had been Jennifer who had been the reason Aldous had really wanted Delphine to come over. At the time, he explained that he wanted her to get to know the clone a little, since she was so close to Cosima. Purely for science, he wanted to know how they differed.

It had struck Delphine as slightly strange, but she had been too intrigued to question him. She had spent several hours a day talking to the sick woman. Of course, Jennifer knew she was ill, that was the whole reason she was at the institute. However, she did not know that she was a clone, and it had been hard for Delphine to hide her fascination and treat her like a doctor would treat any patient.

Even now, she could clearly recall Jennifer’s prognosis. Her physical state had been worse than Cosima’s was now, but it would not take her own subject long to fall into a similar state. The experimental treatment with cytophosphane had killed Jennifer faster than necessary; at least Cosima would be spared that particular fate. Having seen the other clone sick, Delphine was very much invested in finding a cure before Cosima would succumb to the mysterious illness. In hindsight, that was perhaps Aldous’ intention: to make sure she saw the seriousness of the defect, and to ensure that she was determined to find a solution.

Delphine turned the lights on as she went into the bedroom. On top of the otherwise undisturbed duvet lay her cell phone. She had completely forgotten about her attempts to contact Aldous. Tripping over the half-full suitcase, Delphine reached to pick up her phone.

There were seven missed calls, all of them from Aldous. He had left a voicemail message and some texts. Delphine was amazed that she had managed to sleep right through several calls. She had thought that she had barely slept; yet according to the clock on her display, she had slept for almost ten hours. 

Opening the texts first, she quickly scrolled through them. The first one simply told her to bring Cosima’s things tomorrow. The other three messages said that Cosima refused to talk to Dr. Leekie, or anyone else. The clone had refused to tell him anything at all; Cosima had been impertinent and violent. Reading the first part, Delphine smiled. It was the part about violence that made her frown. Cosima was not at all a violent person. Delphine wondered what had happened to her to make her angry enough to lash out.

The message gave her some hope; Dr. Leekie wanted her to talk to Cosima in the morning. Apparently, he thought that Delphine might get her subject to tell her exactly how much she knew, and how she had found out.

After listening to the voicemail, which told her exactly the same as the texts, Delphine sent Aldous a short reply.

Suppressing a yawn, Delphine dropped her phone back on the bed. It was almost four in the morning; she had three hours left until somebody would come to pick her up. She knew that she would not be able to get back to sleep, there was too much to be done. Instead, she decided to take a hot shower, and prepare for work.

\---

Delphine sat in the back of what appeared to be the same car that had dropped her off yesterday. This time she was alone with the chauffeur, who seemed nice enough. He had opened the door of the car for her, and he had carried the suitcase with Cosima’s things. Yet, Delphine did not feel like making polite conversation with him. She gazed out of the window, at the people hurrying past in the rain.

She ran her hand through her hair. After she had showered this morning, she had straightened it. Much like the kitchen, the bathroom was well equipped. Making a radical change in order to break with her past self as she tried to appear more professional had seemed like a good idea. Before leaving this morning, she had put on a pair of black slacks, a blue blouse, and the highest heels she had brought with her. When she had glanced in the mirror, a stranger had looked back at her.

Now, trying to fit her already long legs in the backseat of the town car, she was regretting the extreme changes. She might look more professional and cold on the outside, but on the inside she was falling apart already. Cosima would not like this. The clone always liked her curls and she was so used to seeing Delphine in more colourful outfits. Chewing on her lip, Delphine told herself that Cosima would hate her no matter how she looked; this costume was in order to convince the men she worked with that she was more than qualified for this job.

“We are here, Dr. Cormier,” the driver interrupted her thoughts.

Delphine looked around. Without her being aware, they had indeed arrived at the slightly familiar building. “Ah, _merci,_ ” she managed to say.

He got out of the car, and held the door open for her. Delphine thanked him again and took the suitcase he offered her. She took a deep breath and straightened her back before walking into the building.

Once inside, she felt utterly at a loss. Everybody around her knew the building and walked determinedly towards their goal. Delphine hardly knew her way around; the previous time she had been here she would only see Jennifer, and yesterday she had followed the men taking Cosima. All by herself, she did not know where to go. Trying her best to appear as determined as those around her, Delphine did not hesitate and aimed for the elevators.

“Dr. Cormier!” 

Delphine turned around, trying to figure out where the voice that had called her name came from. Quickly, she found the source. It was another security guard, making Delphine wonder how many of these people DYAD employed, and whether they would always be following her around.

“Dr. Leekie asked me to escort you upstairs as soon as you arrived,” the guard said.

With a smile and a nod, Delphine responded, “Of course.” Secretly, she was relieved that somebody would point her in the right direction, this way she would not have to wander around unfamiliar hallways until she had found Cosima. 

Delphine followed the guard into the elevators and to the third floor. Here he guided her to Aldous’ office, which she could have found by herself, if only she would have been able to recall on which floor his office was. Delphine wondered why he had made somebody pick her up; he could have just asked her in his texts last night to come to his office. She was almost sure that it was because he did not want her wandering the institute by herself. What she was not allowed to see, Delphine did not know.

“Is there something going on I should know about?” Delphine asked, more assertive than she had intended to. She was standing in the middle of his office, the suitcase on the floor next to her.

Dr. Leekie was too preoccupied with his little bio-chemical experiment in his office to even look up at her. Folding her arms, Delphine waited for his answer. Maybe she should not have turned him down so brusquely last night. She needed him to like her, so much depended on it, even more than when she had gotten more than friendly with Dr. Leekie in the first place.

“Why does Cosima know she is a clone, Delphine?” he asked, stirring her out of her contemplations.

Speaking the truth, Delphine gave him the same answer as the day before. “I told you, I do not know. She hasn’t found out from me.” If Cosima had been mad at her, and told Dr. Leekie something that was not true, she was in a lot of trouble.

Leaning on the table, Aldous thought about her answer for a second. “Be careful playing for the other team, Delphine.” 

Frightened that she had lost Aldous’ affection, Delphine tried to win him back with reason. “Cosima is scared of us,” she said, trying her very best not to sound as angry as she really was. “We abducted her and locked her up without an explanation. If we could just be open with her, she is a curious person, she will cooperate if only she could understand.”

“What she knows and what we do not tell her is not up to you.”

Delphine knew better than to argue with Aldous, especially when he was already in such a bad mood. She looked down, and remained silent. 

Convinced that he had her under his control, Dr. Leekie continued adjusting his experimental set-up. “You’re an eugenicist, Dr. Cormier. Is that a dirty word for you, as a scientist?” he asked, without looking at her.

“No,” Delphine could not bother elaborating on it. She used to think that improving the human race, on a genetic level, would be best for humanity in the long run. It was the reason she had applied to the DYAD institute years ago. What she had learned on the job had only increased her enthusiasm for curing humanity of all disease and discomfort. The past seven months with Cosima had awakened an ethical side of her she had not known she possessed. Perhaps the cost of such an experiment was not worth the profits. Right now, there was no use in angering Aldous further, by challenging his beliefs, which he had always believed she shared with him.

“I want Cosima to share what she knows, and how. And soon.” Aldous stopped his activities to look at her once more.

“So do I,” said Delphine. At least they agreed on this; they both needed to know how the clone had learned of her origins by herself. As soon as she could leave Aldous’ office, Delphine would find out how the clever biologist had managed to figure it out. “I will go speak to 324B21 right now,” Delphine added. Without awaiting his permission, she picked the suitcase back up and walked out of Aldous’ office.


	24. Cosima +220

The ceiling was seamless. As far as Cosima could see, the only interruptions in the sleek surface were the light in the middle, and what seemed to be a smoke detector in one of the corners. She was sure that the latter detected something than just smoke, if it would notice a fire at all.

Stretching her arms to the ceiling, Cosima wondered whether the small box contained a camera, a microphone, or both. It was probably safe to assume that both were there, and perhaps they were hidden in other spots in the room as well.

She dropped her hands to her side. The wooded floor was hard underneath her, making lying on the floor of the room slightly uncomfortable. Cosima refused to move to a more forgiving position. She had spent, what she assumed was the night, in the bed. Despite the dimmed light, she had been unable to sleep much. There had been, and still were, too many questions keeping her awake.

When the lights had brightened again, Cosima had moved to the chair in the corner. A short while later, a nurse had brought her breakfast. The woman had ignored Cosima’s questions, as had the guard who had accompanied her. 

Frustrated, Cosima had wanted to throw this tray at the door as well. She had briefly considered the possibility of going on a hunger strike. If her keepers were serious about her illness, and were truly intent on curing her, they would not want her in a weakened state. A hunger strike seemed like a good way of putting a little pressure on them.

Perhaps she did not possess the willpower for fasting, or maybe she was not yet desperate enough. Cosima came to realize that these people did not shy away from abduction, so they would not be reluctant to force-feed her either; she had not tried to resist the food any longer.

After she had eaten the pancakes drenched in maple syrup, Cosima had paced around the room for a while. She had reconsidered all the information she had, and did not come to understand what exactly the intentions of her abductors were. All night long she had thought about it, and without any new hints, all Cosima had were vague theories regarding her captors. 

In utter frustration, she had lied down on the floor, where she was now. Unable to think any longer about her desperate situation, she plotted several possible escape plans and rejected them just as easily as she came up with them.

Just as she was considering making a shiv out of the soap, the door was unlocked. Cosima closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. While any distraction from the boring room was welcome, Cosima did not feel like gathering strength for another confrontation.

The sound of high heels on the wooden floor made Cosima frown. This was not another nurse or guard, and Leekie did not seem like the type to wear heels either. It was the heavily accented voice that softly thanked somebody that made Cosima open her eyes.

Lifting her head, she could just see the door close. To her left, out of her peripheral vision, she saw the heels come to a halt two feet from her shoulder. Following the long legs up, Cosima saw the person wearing them. For a second she thought she had made a mistake, that the voice she had heard was not Delphine’s. Without her curls, and in such professional clothes, Delphine looked like a stranger to Cosima. When she did recognize her, Cosima said, “Oh, it’s you,” and dropped her head back down to the floor with a loud thud.

“Cosima,” Delphine kneeled next to her. “Cosima, what is wrong?” The familiar hands slid frantically across Cosima’s body without hesitation, searching for anything out of the ordinary. Slim fingers pressed to Cosima’s neck, checking her pulse. Another hand cupped her cheek and moved her head in the hope of getting Cosima to look at Delphine. 

“Don’t touch me,” Cosima swatted at the hands, pushing Delphine away. “Don’t you touch me!” she repeated, when Delphine did not react immediately. “I’m fine, get off.” Cosima struggled away from the other woman, sitting up in the process.

Seeing that Cosima was indeed fine, Delphine scooted back. She held her hands up, in a gesture that showed her surrender. “Sorry,” she said, with the most frightened look. She sank down to sit more comfortable, instead of kneeling in the impossibly long heels. After adjusting her clothes, she asked, “Why were you on the floor, Cosima?”

Cosima shrugged. She found it hard to be on her guard with Delphine. With the French woman sitting so close to her, Cosima still saw her as the woman she loved, not the person who had betrayed her. She craved to be closer to her, to bury her face in the golden locks. Somehow, Cosima managed to restrict herself; she scooted a little further away from Delphine, folding her legs underneath her. “A change of perspective, that’s all,” she said.

Delphine nodded; she understood. Biting her lip, she reached behind her. There she had set down two cups of coffee, one of which she offered Cosima. “We need to talk,” she said.

Taking the cup of coffee, Cosima nodded. Even though the coffee seemed superfluous to the situation, she had already accepted the ridiculousness of her position. She hesitated for a moment, fearing that Delphine had added something else than just sugar to the cup.

With a sigh, Delphine took a gulp from her own cup. She then switched the two cups, without commenting on Cosima’s reluctance.

“Thank you.” Cosima tasted the bitter coffee; Delphine always took her coffee without sugar. With painful cough, Cosima tried to think of a way to start this conversation. She had demanded to see Delphine, but now that she was finally here, Cosima could not remember what she had wanted to say. 

Sitting on the floor, they both looked at each other. Both of them were reluctant to start this conversation, which neither of them expected to end well.

Finally Delphine broke the silence. “I- I brought some of your things,” she said. She motioned at the door, next to which a suitcase stood. “Some clothes and toiletries.”

“I see.” Cosima thought for a moment, before continuing, “And how long will I be here for?”

“That depends,” Delphine answered reluctantly.

“On what?”

“On your cooperation,” she responded a little faster this time. “And on how well the treatment works,” she added, with a frown.

Cosima had never seen Delphine look as serious as she did now. Since long before she had arrived here, Cosima had known that her illness was serious, if not fatal, but the way Delphine looked at her now made Cosima wonder if she stood a chance at all. Considering her options, Cosima took a slow sip from her cup as she tried to buy some time. “And what if I don’t cooperate?” she finally asked.

“They will hold you down and perform the medical treatments on you either way,” Delphine confirmed Cosima’s suspicion.

“They, or you?” Cosima asked. She had wondered for a while where Delphine fit into this complot.

Clearly taken aback by the unabashed question, Delphine stammered, “I- I won’t be your physician, though I will be there.” She glanced at Cosima, “That is, if you want me to be there.” 

Ignoring the pained look on Delphine’s face, Cosima pretended she had not heard the last part. Instead she asked, “And what role do you play, Delphine?” By now she was out to hurt the other woman, “If that is even your name.”

“It is,” Delphine fervently assured her, before elaborating, “It is Delphine Cormier, not Beraud.” When Cosima showed no reaction to that revelation, she continued. “I was just one of the many specialists working on the project, when Dr. Leekie assigned me to monitor you.” 

“I am so stupid,” Cosima could kick herself. She had been so very naïve; all this time Delphine had known, and Cosima had trusted her. It had been their intention from the start to monitor the clone, and despite the fact that she knew it, Cosima had never doubted her girlfriend’s intentions. How could she have been this stupid?

“No, no, no, you’re not.” Delphine crouched forward, reaching out to Cosima, who moved outside of her reach. Noticing that Cosima did not want physical comfort, not from her, Delphine tried soothing words. “You knew this all along.”

“Not all along, I figured it out only a few months ago,” Cosima admitted. “The clones, the disease, my –,” she stopped herself from revealing more than she wanted. Gauging Delphine’s reaction to what she said, Cosima saw that the other woman was hanging on to every word she said. “I assumed they would somehow monitor us, me, but I still thought you were on my side. I wanted to trust you, even if I couldn’t tell you,” Cosima said. Her voice broke, and she did not try to hide it. She wanted Delphine to hear it, and to feel the pain of her betrayal.

Clearly, it worked. Delphine bowed her head in defeat. Softly, she whispered, “You can trust me.” 

“You locked me up her so they can perform more experiments on me!” Cosima yelled, rolling her eyes with Delphine’s audacity.

Delphine’s lifted her head, “I had to!” she said at an equally loud tone, searching for eye contact. “Look at me.” Again she reached out, this time catching Cosima’s flaying arms, holding her gently in her place. “You're sick, and Leekie says you’re in danger.”

Staring at the ceiling, Cosima avoided meeting Delphine’s eyes. “Of what?” she asked. “You don’t know, do you?”

“I can’t tell you,” Delphine admitted. When she had grasped Cosima, she had half gotten up from her seated position, into a kneeling position. Now that Cosima had calmed down a little, Delphine sank back down to the floor without removing her hands from Cosima’s arms. 

“Right, that bullshit again,” Cosima said. Irritated, she finally met Delphine’s eyes, immediately regretting it. “Who am I gonna tell?” she asked, her voice a little kinder this time.

Delphine did not answer the question; they both knew that she had no one to talk to. “Please, Cosima,” she begged for Cosima’s attention. “Please listen to me. Just let me tell you this one thing.”

Irritated, Cosima rolled her eyes, shaking Delphine’s hands from her arms. She did not care for any excuses Delphine might come up with for her own behaviour.

Pressing on, Delphine said, “Just listen to me.” When Cosima remained silent, looking at her, waiting for what she had to say, Delphine continued. “I didn't want to fall for you. I wasn't supposed to.” Delphine’s voice broke. To Cosima’s surprise, she could see the tears in Delphine’s eyes. “But I have,” Delphine said, her face pleading for some sort of forgiveness or understanding.

“How can I possibly believe that Delphine?” Cosima asked. She did not know how to deal with it. If Delphine were a soulless liar, at least Cosima would be able to hate her properly. The look in Delphine’s eyes, spoke a truth that hurt Cosima deeper than she cared to admit.

“Because you feel it!

“Ugh,” Cosima did not need this confrontation; she wanted to hate Delphine in peace.

“This is not,” Delphine stammered, “It's not a lie. It's not possible.” She did not drop the topic, as Cosima had hoped. Instead, she tried to plead with her. “You know, I've never been with a woman before.”

“Yeah, it showed,” Cosima said, hoping that it would hurt Delphine enough for her to leave.

And it did hurt Delphine. The blonde woman gasped. She scrambled to get up and away from Cosima. Without looking back, Delphine left the room, leaving Cosima alone with her agony.

Seeing the impact of her words, Cosima choked on her own tears. She had wanted to hurt Delphine; it was easier to hurt the other woman than to succumb to her own pain. Frustrated, Cosima got up and paced about the room. She needed air. She needed to get out. Slowly, the realization hit that she had just turned her only possible ally against her. Swearing, Cosima kicked the suitcase.

Before long, the tears had not yet dried up on her cheeks, the door opened again. This time it was Dr. Leekie, looking awfully cheerful.

“Good morning, Cosima,” he greeted her.

Cosima scoffed; it was not a good morning. While Leekie was distracted, unpacking something on the dresser, she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. She straightened her back and composed herself.

“So, I take it Dr. Cormier told you of our determination to cure you?” he asked, without turning around.

Confused, Cosima did not answer. It took her a few seconds to remember who Dr. Cormier was. Not only did Delphine have another name, she apparently also already had her doctorate. Unsure what to do with that information, Cosima told Leekie that Delphine indeed had mentioned that they were quite determined to ‘help’ her.

Leekie finally turned around. “All right, perfect. As you know, we do not know exactly what you have, but we are trying our best to develop a cure. Today, we want to test your reaction to a stem cell treatment we’ve been developing.”

Cosima took a step back; she could clearly see what he had been preparing on the dresser. “No way I’m letting you perform your tests on me,” she said.

“Do I need to call the guards?” Leekie asked calmly. “Let them hold you down? Or would you rather Dr. Cormier treat you? I believe she is a bit too upset, but perhaps if you asked nicely she would come back.” He smiled, waiting for her decision.

Defeated, Cosima sat down in the chair. There was no point in resisting; she did not doubt this man’s power over her. Perhaps if he thought she was cooperating, she would be able to catch him off guard later.

When he saw that the clone had surrendered, Leekie nodded, he was pleased. “Great, thank you. Would you please bare your arm for me, we need to do an intradermal test.” He pulled on a pair of plastic gloves, while Cosima rolled her left sleeve up.

Kneeling next to the chair, Leekie disinfected her upper arm. He filled the syringe with a clear fluid from a bottle, tapping it to remove any air and then turned to face Cosima. “Just an intradermal test to test your body’s response,” he said.

He was working expertly; Cosima was slightly overwhelmed by his speed. He clearly wanted to get it over with before his prisoner changed her mind and made his job a lot harder. Cosima winced slightly when the needle pieced her skin; the whole procedure was done before she could protest again.

Leekie put down the needle. Now that he had done what he had come for, he did not linger. He gave Cosima a curt nod, and got up from his position by the chair. After he had collected his things, he paused briefly. He thought for a moment before addressing the clone in the chair. “I’m amazed you managed to figure out your identity all by yourself. It makes me wonder; did you have help? Did you manage to contact your sisters?” He clearly had wanted to ask the questions for a while, and now that he had asked them, he could not hide his curiosity any longer.

With her pride hurt, and her heart broken, Cosima did not plan to tell him what he wanted to hear. She shrugged, and shook her head. “I’m a clever girl, Dr. Leekie.”

He nodded. “That you are, Cosima. Thank you for telling me.” He opened the door, turning back one last time. “If there is anything I can do for, apart from letting you out of here, please let me know.”

Cosima stared at him, rubbing the irritated spot on her arm. “Tell me about this mysterious sickness,” she said, and after thinking for a brief moment she added, “And explain to me how we were made.” She did not ask, and she did not say please.

Nevertheless, Leekie closed the door. He put the things he was holding back on the dresser and thought for a moment. He then nodded and said, “You have a right to know. I will explain as much as I can.”


	25. Delphine +220

Delphine sat in her newly appointed office behind the too large desk. The table was bare, except for her laptop and its bag. The tiny office was almost completely quiet; the only sounds came from the ticking clock and the muffled sound of voices in the offices down the hall.

She would not break down; there was too much to do. Somehow, despite her awareness of more pressing matters to attend to, Delphine could still not bring herself to get up. With her hands buried in her smooth hair, she leaned on the desk. 

Talking to Cosima had gone far worse than she had expected. When she had decided to hand the clone over to the DYAD institute in the hope of a cure, she had known that the price of saving Cosima was losing the clone’s affection. That did not mean that Delphine loved Cosima any less, she just hated herself even more fervently than Cosima did.

Delphine pushed her hair out of her face. With a sigh, she got to work. From her bag, she pulled the folder with her transcripts. Now that she was no longer hiding them from Cosima, she was able to write her notes down on paper. It made work a little easier, and at least the stress from constantly walking around with such a secret was gone.

Earlier this morning, in the office space in the apartment, Delphine had read Jennifer’s autopsy report. The notes filled three pages, on both sides, analyzing both the treatment and the resulting death. Even though the chemical treatment with cytophosphane had not saved the clone, it did exclude some possible reasons for the defect in the clones.

As she was leafing through the report and several other papers on the illness again, Delphine became increasingly frustrated. There were some large gaps in the information provided. Some of it was subtle; the text glossed over details, or tables with tests results were omitted without an explanation. Some other parts of the censorship were less subtle; whole paragraphs, sometimes even entire pages, were removed. Without all the information, the immunologist would never be able to find a solution by herself.

Delphine closed her laptop. For a moment, she hesitated, chewing on her lip while she stared at the door. She did not feel like exiting the relative safety of the room. Sooner or later she would have to mingle with her colleagues, most of whom she had never met or had already forgotten their names. Having plenty of issues of her own, Delphine did not feel like joining the conspiracies and power play going on in the rest of the building. When she had worked at the French branch of DYAD, she had hidden in the lab, focusing solely on the science available, not on the politics behind it.

With a sigh, she got up. Without the help of the people on the other side of that door, she would not be able to produce anything helpful to Cosima. Her own discomfort with the workspace politics aside, she had do something more productive than stare at the same uninformative reports all day.

Grabbing her lab coat on the way out, Delphine left the safe confines of the small office. With the white coat draped over one arm, and the pile of papers in her other hand, she wandered around the building.

In passing, she glanced into the rooms she walked by. The DYAD institute was invested in much more than just the experiments with human cloning, and Delphine had no idea what was going on in most of the building.

Most of the rooms were offices. As far as Delphine could see through the open doors and windows, these looked much like her own. What the scientists behind their desks were working on, Delphine could not make out. In some cases she caught a glimpse of a computer screen, but they were always too far away for her to read in passing.

The building was made to give an inviting ambiance; glass and light colours were the main ingredients used. That was the part open to most visitors. For obvious reasons, there was a whole network of rooms and laboratories hidden from public view. 

This underground complex was where Cosima was being kept at this very moment. Delphine wondered how the clone was holding up. Had Dr. Leekie managed to convince Cosima to let them treat her after Delphine had suddenly retreated? She briefly considered checking up on Cosima. Telling herself that she had more pressing matters to attend to, Delphine decided against it. If she would have been honest, Delphine might have admitted to herself that Cosima did not want to see her, and that she probably would not be able to look Cosima in the eyes after their fight this morning. So instead she was wandering the public part of the institute, unable to find what she was looking for.

To be fair, Delphine could not blame Cosima for being mad at her. The reason she had tried to defend her actions to Cosima was because Delphine needed to believe it herself, not because she needed to be forgiven. When Cosima had seemed to understand, Delphine had allowed herself to become a little too intimate with Cosima, sharing things she was not supposed to tell. The clone had chosen that moment to twist the knife in Delphine’s gut a little deeper. Walking down the empty corridors, Delphine did not really believe what Cosima had said, yet it had not failed to hurt her tremendously. It was the look on Cosima’s face and the intention of hurting Delphine that had hit her hardest.

Seeing the sign on the door to the human resources office, Delphine forced herself to put up a smile. With a polite knock, she entered the room. “ _Âllo,_ I have this contract. I signed it, where can I hand it in?” she asked none of the people in the office in particular. She had no idea who was in charge of the confidentiality agreements, and all five people in the room were looking at her.

“I can take care of that,” the woman closest to Delphine said. She swirled her chair around, so that she faced Delphine while the others got back to what they were doing before Delphine had entered.

With two small steps, Delphine got close enough to hand the papers to the smiling woman. Her friendly face and bright smile eased Delphine’s nerves a little.

The woman took a quick look at the papers and then dropped them on the desk. “Looks fine to me,” she said. “Is there anything else I can help you with, Dr. Cormier?” She must have read the name on the contract, Delphine thought.

“Yes, can you point me to Dr. Nealon’s office?” Delphine asked. She had been looking for the doctor who had come up with a new treatment for the clones, when she had found the human resources office.

To Delphine’s relief, the kind woman immediately gave her the directions to his office around the corner. Gratefully, Delphine thanked her and left in the direction the woman had pointed at. 

Without trouble, she found his office; she must have passed this door twice already. It irritated Delphine to find the room empty. She put the reports she was holding down on top of one of the cabinets displaying out-dated medical instruments, which Delphine might have found very interesting any other day.

Having both her hands free, she slipped into the lab coat. It was ironed stiff and completely unblemished; a strange sensation for someone who had been wearing the same old lab coat for years. Delphine fondly recalled the old thing. It had been a gift from her parents when she was first accepted into university. The white had faded with washing it over the years, and some of the stains and burn holes would never be fixed. On one of the breast pockets she had written her name when she had first received it. She had forgotten to bring it to Canada; it was waiting for her to return to San Francisco. 

Dressed in the appropriate attire, Delphine entered the lab across from Dr. Nealon’s office. The woman from human resources had mentioned that he might be working there. Indeed, he was sitting in the well-equipped lab, looking at the display of an electron microscope. 

When he heard the door, Dr. Nealon looked up from his work. “Dr. Cormier, wonderful to see you. Come in,” he enthusiastically motioned for her to come closer. While he turned the light on in the room, he said, “Please, sit down. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Delphine gave him the expected answer. “How are you, Dr. Nealon?”

“Great. Absolutely great,” he motioned at the microscope. “This new treatment looks very promising.”

Delphine nodded. “Actually, that is why I am here. I have a few questions about your papers, and about this new treatment,” she said, smiling graciously at the man in front of her. “If you have the time, of course.” She knew there was no use in asking for the censored information in his papers, it had been removed for a reason and she would not receive it by asking directly for it. She would have to play the system, engage in the conspiracies.

“I do. I have time. Sit down and ask away,” he grinned at her, leaning back in his chair with his hands folded in his lap. 

“Uhm…” His willingness to talk caught Delphine off guard. She had come prepared to pry the answers to her questions from this stranger, and he seemed completely ready to share any information. Sitting down on the stool next to him, she laid the stack of papers down on the table. “In this paper,” she tapped on one of the reports. “You suggest a stem-cell treatment in order to boost the clones’ immune systems. Where did you find the compatible stem cells?”

“We have a donor,” he answered vaguely. 

“Who?”

He shook his head. “Nobody important; just a civilian. At the moment we’re testing a pluripotent stem-cell line from baby teeth,” he said. “Aldous should be giving 324B21 an intradermal sample of the cells as we speak.”

Delphine nodded, she knew this already. More worrisome was the source of the stem cells. A transplant from another clone would be useless, and as far as Delphine was aware, they had no blood relations aside from each other. “The donor is a child?” she asked.

Dr. Nealon shrugged. “I suppose so.” He got up from his seat, and walked over to one of the cabinets behind him. “Of course we have a profile. Let me see.” For a moment he searched for something. When he returned to his seat, he handed Delphine two autoradiographs.

Holding the translucent sheets in front of the light, Delphine saw that one of them was labeled with Cosima’s tag number. The other did not have anything to indicate the identity of the donor. Even without stacking the sheets, the similarity between the bands was obvious. Whoever this donor was, the chance of finding such a good match at random was nearly impossible. “Is this the original genome?” she asked.

Scowling, Dr. Nealon took the sheets from Delphine’s hands. “Don’t be absurd,” he said. “The original genome is gone.”

This came as a surprise to Delphine. She had thought that those in charge of the cloning project had simply kept it a secret in order to protect their experiment. If Dr. Nealon was telling the truth, something must have gone seriously wrong. Even an undergrad student would have known to save such data, if they would be able to work on a project like this. “What do you mean: the original genome is gone?”

“Oh, there was a fire, about twenty years ago, several scientists died and the original genome was destroyed,” Dr. Nealon answered. He did not seem very upset about his dead colleagues, but he probably was too young to have been part of the original team. He continued, “We lost the clones’ history, and with it several synthetic sequences embedded in their DNA. If we were able to apply the original genome to the clones, we could easily find the source of this disease and fix it.” He appeared to be much more upset about the loss of data than the loss of people. 

Frowning, Delphine thought about what she had just learned. It was becoming clearer every day that there was much she did not know about the experiment she had been working on for years. She had always known that there was a lot of secrecy around the project, especially its origins, but this was much worse than she had imagined. Deciding to focus on the thing than bothered her most, Delphine asked, “What synthetic sequences?”

“Sequences that make them possible, to prevent them from propagating, to tell them apart, such things,” he explained. Despite his earlier willingness to talk to her, Dr. Nealon was starting to look irritated by her questions.

Yet, Delphine could not help but ask him more, “Do you have the sequenced genome of the clones?” She had always assumed that the infertility was on purpose, but she had not known that the genetic material of the clones had been adapted to such a large extent. 

“Of course we do.”

“Can I have it?” Delphine tried. She had never seen the complete sequenced genome of the clones. She had always worked on selective parts. “I would like to have a look at these synthetic sequences,” she explained.

“Without the original genome, finding them is impossible,” Dr. Nealon said, no longer concealing his irritation with her. By now he probably thought she was unqualified and had screwed her way to her current position.

“Right, like looking for hay in a haystack,” she said. Delphine did not care what he thought; she wanted a copy of that genome. She had a feeling that it might be useful to have a look at either way.

“Exactly,” he answered.

“I would like to have a look either way,” Delphine said. She stared him down until he finally got up from his seat and grabbed an external hard-drive from one of the drawers. He hooked it up to his computer and dragged a few files into it. While the files were transferring, he tidied the autoradiographs away before Delphine could have another look.

Delphine hid her disappointment. While Dr. Nealon had been facing his computer, she had wanted to take a photo of the two sheets. She had fumbled with her phone, and now she was too late. Before Dr. Nealon could notice, she slid her phone back into the pocket of her lab coat and smiled at him.

After an uncomfortable silence while the files were still being copied, Dr. Nealon handed Delphine the drive.

“Thank you,” Delphine said. She put the drive in the same pocket in which she had put her phone earlier. Quickly, she gathered her papers and stood up. 

“Now, if you don’t mind, I have work to do,” Dr. Nealon said, clearly dismissing her.

Delphine nodded, so did she. “Have a nice day,” she said, and left his laboratory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Autoradiograph:_ DNA is made of two nucleotides, connected by base pairs of either AT (adenine and thymine) or GC (guanine and cytosine). The order of these base pairs store hereditary information; the ‘code’ to making an organism. Large chunks of this ‘code’ are not necessary for making this organism and thus can be in a random order. By determining the order of these parts, we can distinguish between individuals. And since these random parts are made from the same random parts of the two parents, we can even tell if two individuals are related by looking at these random chunks of DNA.
> 
> Each of the bases has its signature size and charge, and thus they are identified by these properties. With an electric current, they are forced through a gel with pores. This works kind of like a sieve; the smaller fragments travel further. The result is a number of bands where the different base pairs accumulate. This technique is called gel electrophoresis.
> 
> Since it is not very convenient to keep a dish of gel to compare with other dishes of gel, an x-ray photograph is taken of these radioactively labeled bands, to get a see-through image. This photo is called an autoradiograph, you might have noticed Scott holding them during the scene in 2.06 when he tells Delphine that Cosima is related to the stem-cell donor and she tells him not to tell Cosima.


	26. Cosima +227

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anything, I'd like to say that despite the angsty middle, nobody is going to die in this fic!
> 
> That said, this chapter has a trigger warning for medical procedures, especially needles. If you're okay with past chapters, you should be fine with this one as well, I think.

Delphine’s hands ran over Cosima’s naked arm. Her fingertips pressed softly into the muscles, feeling their response. Cosima could feel Delphine’s breath hot on her skin. She closed her eyes, and leaned back into the chair.

She had been locked in this room for over a week now. For eight days, to be more precise. It was seven days since that awful fight with Delphine. The French doctor had come up with the most absurd reasons for making the clone a lab-rat. Cosima did not doubt Delphine believed her actions were justified, but the clone strongly disagreed with her.

“There is no sign of inflammation,” Delphine said.

Cosima opened her eyes. She had known that already. With not much else to do, she had been absurdly aware of her own body. In the last week, Cosima had obsessively checked her arm for any changes. Aside from a slight bruise at the initial injection site, which had disappeared within two days, she was perfectly fine. More worrisome was her coughing. Was she coughing more because she was getting sicker? Was she coughing more because she had nothing better to do? Or did she just obsess about it because she was slowly becoming paranoid? Cosima was not entirely sure; she suspected a combination of the three.

“Are you okay?” Delphine asked. She had pulled her hands back, and was looking at Cosima. Clearly, she was not concerned for Cosima’s physical health alone. 

Cosima nodded; physically she was feeling fine. She was rapidly going mad with being locked in here, but Delphine already knew that.

Still looking intently at Cosima’s face, Delphine asked, “No pain?”

“It’s fine,” Cosima said.

“It’s promising,” Delphine smiled enthusiastically, as if a lack of immediate rejection of an intradermal test meant that the actual treatment Leekie proposed would work. There were still a million reasons this whole treatment could go wrong, not in the least because nobody seemed to actually know the reason for the clones’ illness.

Cosima nodded. If she could have a choice in the matter, she would not allow them to proceed with these medical tests without a whole lot of answers first. Sadly, she knew from experience that expressing her concerns again would not help her. So instead, Cosima just nodded and looked down.

“Hey, contain yourself. Please,” Delphine said. She was trying hard to pretend that things were okay. She seemed to think that Cosima would be cured from this clone-defect before she knew it, and that the two of them would just walk out of this prison and into a happy-ever-after. Cosima no longer believed that this was a possibility, so she stared at Delphine’s feet, while the doctor fastened a tourniquet around her upper arm.

“If these results stay positive, we move to implantation,” Delphine said cheerfully. She had put on a pair of gloves and was disinfecting the crook of Cosima’s left elbow.

Cosima felt the cold alcohol on her skin while it quickly evaporated. Was Delphine really this positive about this treatment? Cosima could not understand how Delphine could be so insensitive about Cosima’s situation. “Stem cells from the exfoliated dental pulp of baby teeth,” Cosima said, “In my uterus.” 

A week ago, Leekie had explained the treatment plan in gruesome detail. Even though they did not seem to completely understand what was causing the problem, or how to permanently solve it, they did know that it seemed to originate in the uterus. Cosima had spent a lot of time wondering how many of her sisters had suffered the same disease, and if any of them knew what was happening. If any of they had been cured, Leekie would be a lot more confident about this treatment. Apparently, the plan for now was to boost the clone’s immune system, and attack the growths in her uterus, by injecting these stem cells into them, whether Cosima wanted it or not. 

“That’s not invasive at all,” Cosima sarcastically stated, once again making sure that Delphine knew what she thought of this whole ordeal.

Delphine glanced up at Cosima’s face for a second, before turning her attention back to the needle in her hand. “Come on,” Delphine said. 

Cosima looked at Delphine’s face. The vague comment told Cosima what the doctor apparently could not say out loud; she did agree with the clone. For a brief moment they sat together in silence, Delphine still holding Cosima’s elbow, her other hand hovering over it with the syringe.

With a sigh, Cosima shook her head and changed the subject. “How do they even know this is a match?” she asked. “The odds of compatibility are, like, a million to one.” 

Leekie had checked on her almost every day since she had arrived here, and Cosima had asked him the same question every time she saw him. He always avoided the question; along with almost every other question she had asked him. Besides Leekie, she had not seen anybody but two nurses, and a couple of guards who never spoke to her.

And of course, Delphine dropped by several times a day. Sometimes just to get a sample, and at other times she stayed longer. They would talk, or share a meal. Cosima had slowly let her guard down a little around Delphine. The French doctor clearly cared for her, and seemed to feel very guilty. Cosima knew that Delphine was her only chance to get out of this place, so the clone pretended to have somewhat forgiven Delphine, or at least hide her anger from her. And frankly, she still enjoyed Delphine’s company; the boredom that came with being locked up all alone was slowly starting to drive her mad.

Delphine’s belated answer shook Cosima out of her thoughts. “Luckily we only had to search thousands of samples before we found it,” Delphine said. She positioned the needle on Cosima’s skin. Before she put pressure on it, she said, “There are benefits to being a multinational.”

Cosima inhaled deeply and looked away. She had been poked with needles almost every day since she had arrived here, and a small blood sample did not bother her much. It was the revelation that she was being held captive by a multinational, a private company, which surprized her. It was the first time anyone had given Cosima some hint of where she was. While Delphine was still focused on her arm, Cosima contemplated the new information, which Delphine probably was not allowed to have shared with her. 

“Are you okay?” Delphine asked, after she had collected her sample.

“Hmm,” Cosima nodded. She glanced at Delphine, who looked genuinely concerned.

Delphine was still holding Cosima’s arm, putting pressure on the spot where she had just collected the blood sample. It was entirely unnecessary to keep pressure for so long, and yet Cosima did not mind. Looking at Delphine, suddenly Cosima noticed how tired she looked. The dark circles under her eyes, unusually pale skin, and the deep sorrow in her eyes showed Cosima what Delphine was clearly trying to hide with her forced optimistic attitude.

Not looking away, Cosima laid her hand on top of Delphine’s. She grasped it gently and lifted it from her arm. Without hurry, she moved their joined hands towards Delphine. With a soft squeeze, Cosima let go. 

Understanding the message, Delphine gathered the medical supplies and the sample. Before leaving, she said, “I’ll be back in a little while, with your results.”

Cosima nodded. From her seat she watched Delphine leave. Cosima was not entirely sure if she wanted these tests to be positive. If they were, that meant that the treatment might help. But the clone did not want to be treated by this mysterious multinational at all, so maybe a bad result now would be a positive thing for her.

\---

So now Cosima was sitting on the edge of an operating table, hunched over, while an anesthesiologist was giving her a spinal anesthetic. She could not feel it, as she had already received a local anesthetic in the area where he should be inserting that three and a half inch long needle at the moment.

Distracting herself from that thought, Cosima looked around the room. It was a fully equipped operating room. She might have thought that she was at an established hospital, if it had not been for the lack of personnel that would usually be in an operating room while there was a patient. 

Aside from the anesthesiologist, who was working behind her back, there were two guards standing on each side of the door, where Cosima could just see them. It was an unmistakable message; there was no escape from what was about to happen. 

Turning her view away from the door, Cosima looked at Delphine. She fit in perfectly with the rest of the room, wearing a surgical gown, a hair cap, and a face mask that was tied around her neck. Her right hand was lying just next to Cosima’s left; a silent offer. At the moment, Delphine was distracted by what was happening behind the clone. 

Her distraction gave Cosima the opportunity to take in the entire room without being suspicious. This was the first time in a week since she had been out of her prison. Cosima was still looking for an escape.

About fifteen minutes earlier, Delphine had returned with the test results. Before she had even said anything, Cosima had known what Delphine was going to say. After a short discussion, Cosima had changed into the flimsy paper gown Delphine had brought with her. In anticipation of the possible procedure; she had not eaten all day, there was nothing else she could do to prepare for what was about to happen.

When she was ready, she had followed Delphine out of the room. If she had briefly considered making a run for it as soon as she was outside, that plan was quickly gone. With the two rough-looking guards waiting outside, all Cosima had been able to do was follow Delphine.

The operation room had not been far from her own room. Their short walk towards it told Cosima nothing about the building she was being kept in. The walls were plain bricks, occasionally interrupted with unmarked doors, and nowhere a window or another human being.

“Cosima?” Delphine’s voice brought Cosima back to the present.

“Hmm?” Cosima looked up at Delphine, she had been so caught up in the mystery that was this place, she had forgotten what was happening.

“The spinal is ready. Are you feeling all right?”

Cosima nodded. Everything below her waist was uncomfortably warm, a strange sensation. Slowly, she flexed her back and sat upright. “Wow,” she muttered, she was dizzy.

Having anticipated this, Delphine reached out. Her hands stopped just an inch from Cosima. 

Cosima nodded her permission. She had to lie down, but her legs were already growing numb and she did not think she was able to lift them onto the table. Taking hold of Delphine’s arms, Cosima carefully lay down.

With Delphine’s help, she managed to get in the required position: on her back with her legs spread. By the time Delphine placed her second foot in one of the stirrups, Cosima’s legs had already gone numb. Delphine ran her hand up her leg to her knee, slightly lifting the sheet covering her in the process. The sight reminded Cosima of that same hand, doing the exact same thing, in much less clinical situations. She wished that she were able to feel it, one last time.

“Can you feel that?” Delphine asked.

Cosima looked down at her stomach. Delphine’s hand was pressing just below her belly button, she could see it but not feel it. The sensation was surreal. “Mmm, hmm,” Cosima shook her head. She was too distracted by the strange feeling, or lack thereof, to form a more coherent answer.

Delphine smiled at her, covering the clones stomach. To Cosima’s relief, she motioned for the guards to wait outside. It was not as if Cosima was able to run any longer, and she appreciated a little privacy considering what was about to happen.

While the anesthesiologist had left the room after he had done his job, a female doctor had appeared and was preparing her things at Cosima’s feet. Right now, she was applying lube to a speculum.

Seeing the instrument, Cosima suddenly regretted being so cooperative. She should have at least tried to make a break for it, she should have fought or argued a little harder. The determined look on the doctor’s face terrified Cosima; she did not want this.

Sensing Cosima’s sudden mood shift from the anticipated nerves to panic, Delphine took her hand.

Shocked by the gentle gesture, Cosima stared at Delphine.

The blonde turned Cosima’s hand over, and very softly kissed the palm. Grasping her hand, Delphine asked, “Do you feel that?”

“Kinda,” Cosima answered. If this was Delphine’s idea of a distraction, it was working. Cosima no longer had an idea of what was happening around her feet. 

Smiling, Delphine asked, “Yeah?” She seemed so very glad that Cosima was not angry with her for touching her. With a smile she leaned forward.

Before Delphine would make matters even more complicated, Cosima turned her face away from Delphine. It had almost looked as if Delphine had leaned in for a kiss, and Cosima was not entirely sure what she would have done if Delphine’s lips had touched her own.

“The spinal is working,” Delphine said.

“Hmm,” Cosima squeezed Delphine’s hand.

“We’re going to begin,” Delphine looked closely at Cosima.

“Kay,” Cosima said. She was regretting this more every second. This multinational cooperation better save her life, Cosima thought, otherwise all this would not be worth it.

Delphine asked for a last confirmation, as if Cosima could say no.

So the clone said, “Yeah.” She looked away from Delphine, at the doctor.

The doctor immediately got to work. Cosima could neither see, nor feel what she was doing between her legs, but she knew. After a short while, during which the doctor was probably inserting the speculum, Cosima could see her inserting the probe on the screen behind the doctor.

Sitting next to her, Delphine was still holding her hand. “She’s inserting into the uterus,” Delphine explained, “And she is going to inject directly into the masses.”

“Hmm,” Cosima could not tear her gaze from what she saw on the screen, where the first mass was already in full view.

“This is the beginning of getting you well, Cosima,” Delphine said. She was clutching Cosima’s hand tightly, close to her face. She was trying to comfort Cosima, as well as herself.

With a brave smile, Cosima nodded. She fervently hoped that Delphine was right. 

Delphine moved to hold her a little closer, resting her head in the crook of Cosima’s shoulder. The familiar gesture worked; it was oddly comforting. Even in the sterile room, Cosima could smell Delphine, and she relaxed a little into her.

She looked at the screen, where the doctor was still working on finding the masses and injecting the stem cells into them. It would take a while to get all of them done, but hopefully this treatment would improve her condition.


	27. Delphine +229

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some sciency stuff, which is explained in more detail in the note at the bottom of the page. You don't need to read it, or understand it in order to enjoy/undertand this chapter or future ones. I just included it because I spent a quite some time figuring it out, and personally I love understanding the science behind things. I have included notes like this in previous chapters, and I intend to do it again when things are a little more complicated in future chapters, if you guys want. Please let me know if you enjoy these additions and want me to continue. And those of you that don't, you can just ignore them.

The apartment was brightly lit; Delphine had turned every single lamp on. The harsh light and a large batch of coffee would help her stay awake for a few more hours. It was already past midnight, but Delphine had no intention of going to bed anytime soon.

Filling a cup with the strong coffee, Delphine leaned against the counter, and stared into space. She was so very tired. Ever since arriving in Canada, she had not slept more than four hours a night, and most nights even less. She was at work almost twelve hours a day, and after leaving, she would still have plenty of work to do. After all, it was not like she had anything else to do. When she finally would lie down, late at night, or early in the morning, she often still could not sleep.

Delphine yawned. She did not have time to stand around, doing nothing. She carried her full cup to the couch and sat down. After removing her uncomfortable heels and getting a little more comfy with her feet up on the couch, she opened her laptop.

Her screen still showed what she had last been working on; the clones’ completely sequenced genome, which Dr. Nealon had given her. More than a week had passed, and Delphine had spent countless hours trying to see if it could help Cosima in some way.

Besides her other work, most of her free time was used to try and figure out what parts of the genome had been tinkered with. Delphine was almost certain that the clone disease was a side effect of these synthetic sequences, but since nobody seemed to know what had been changed, or to which purpose, all they could do was try and combat the effects. And this appeared to be working. After the initial treatment, two days ago, Cosima’s health had not worsened. It had not improved either, but it would take a while for the stem cells to do their work, or so Delphine hoped.

Delphine had taken it upon herself to find a way to pinpoint these synthetic sequences, in the hope for a faster cure. She worked on this side project after work hours of course; she had plenty of other things to do at work. So far, she had come up empty. There were a couple of billion base pairs; it was simply too much to go through manually. And even if she did, she would not recognize anything out of the ordinary.

Staring at the nucleotides on her screen, shown as long rows of As, Ts, Gs and Cs, Delphine came to the conclusion that what she had been doing up to now was not working. She needed a new strategy, a fresh point of view, and a more creative approach. If only Cosima were here; she was way better at creative problem solving than Delphine. 

She set the laptop down; she would make a new plan first. Delphine laid her head down on the couch cushion and closed her eyes for just a moment. She sipped from the strong coffee, wondering how Cosima would approach this problem. 

Suddenly, Delphine sat up, spilling lukewarm coffee over her pants in the progress. Maybe there was an easy way of finding out what Cosima would do. Chewing on her lip, Delphine wondered whether she was desperate enough to break that last bit of privacy Cosima had left.

While she finished the last of her coffee, Delphine concluded that she was indeed desperate enough. It was not like it mattered anymore; this would just be another point on the already long list of ways she had betrayed Cosima. And Delphine needed a way forward.

Having made up her mind, Delphine got up from the couch and walked into the bedroom. Quickly, she took off her wet pants and slipped into a dry pair of pyjama pants; it was not as if she was going anywhere. After exchanging her blouse for a more comfortable sweater, she got the bag from its hiding place at the bottom of the closet. 

In the kitchen, Delphine poured herself a new cup of coffee. She sat back down on the couch, the bag on her lap and the cup safely on the side table. Hesitantly, she unzipped the bag and took out the colourful laptop. For a moment, she traced the cartoonish DNA-string. Delphine shook her head, and turned the laptop on. 

While she waited for the old computer to get started, she drank her coffee. Delphine was not sure what she might find on the clone’s computer, but Cosima had been self aware without Delphine’s knowledge. Knowing Cosima, she must have done some research, either to figure out that she was a clone, or to find out more about her own biology. Maybe even both. And if she had figured something out, Delphine might be able to find traces of it on Cosima’s laptop, giving her a whole new perspective; Cosima’s perspective.

The password was not an obstacle to Delphine. Months ago, Cosima had jokingly changed it to _eskimopie_ , and she had never changed it back to whatever it was before. Once she was in, Delphine did not know where to start looking. Cosima’s laptop was a mess, she was completely unorganized and it would take Delphine hours of searching for something that might not even be there. 

Figuring that since she had already opened Cosima’s laptop, she might as well attempt to find something interesting, Delphine opened Cosima’s documents folder. It was filled with numerous files of various types; there were far too many to go through manually. Whether these documents were related to Cosima’s dissertation on epigenetic influences on clone cells, or her research into her own biology, was unclear to Delphine. 

Biting her lip, Delphine sorted the documents on the date they were last opened. The first couple of files were papers again, followed by a few word documents. What caught her attention was the plain text file named _CN_sequenced.txt._

Frowning, Delphine opened it. After a few seconds, the screen filled with endless rows of As, Ts, Gs, and Cs, much like the file she had still open on her own computer. Shocked, Delphine gasped, “ _Merde._ ” She had not expected that Cosima would have sequenced what seemed to be her entire genome. The clone did not have access to the necessary equipment. And even if she had, it meant that her own research was much more advanced than Delphine, or Dr. Leekie, had expected.

Shaking her head with disbelief, Delphine closed the text file and opened the sub-folder in which it had been saved. In it she found several images and papers. Nothing was encrypted, or even password protected. It was as if Cosima did not care if anybody found it, yet at the same time, she had never told Delphine about any of this.

One by one, Delphine opened the files. Several were birth certificates, driver’s licences, or passports. From each of the pictures, the same face was looking back at her. “ _Merde,_ ” Delphine repeated. Cosima had been in touch with some of the others; she had lied about it to Aldous when he had asked.

With a racing heart, Delphine had a closer look at the photos of the clones. Besides Cosima and Jennifer, she had never seen any of them, and she did not know their names either. Somehow, Cosima was better informed than Delphine. Briefly, Delphine contemplated calling Aldous. He would not mind her waking him up for this. Still, she decided against it.

After having gone through all the files, Delphine concluded that aside from the names, there was no new information to be found. There were no personal notes from Cosima, nothing to indicate what she thought, or what conclusions she might have come to.

Not sure what to do next, Delphine rubbed her eyes. She wanted to go to Cosima immediately, and ask her what else she knew. Visiting the clone at one in the morning might be considered suspicious, and thus Delphine did not move from the couch.

From her own purse, she got an external hard drive and copied everything she had found onto her own computer. Until she had talked to the clone, she would not be able to do much else, but by now Delphine was far too agitated to sleep.

After having refilled her cup, this time with bourbon, Delphine decided that she might as well check whether the genome Cosima had, really corresponded to the complete sequenced genome Dr. Nealon had given Delphine. 

Having the two text files opened next to each other, they did seem the same. The question was, did Cosima really manage to sequence everything? Quickly, Delphine opened a new Python shell and constructed a simple if-statement to check whether the two genomes were of equal length. Within a few seconds, the program raised a value error; they were not the same size.

To her surprise, the genome Cosima had was longer than the one Dr. Nealon had given Delphine. It was 697 base pairs longer to be precise. If anything, Delphine had expected that Cosima had been unable to sequence the complete genome. Yet, according to the information on her screen, they had exactly the same genome, except that the file from Cosima’s laptop had an additional 697 base pairs somewhere in the middle.

Delphine took a long gulp from her drink and leaned back. Why would Cosima’s version of the same genome have more base pairs than the version she had? No, that was the wrong question. Why would Delphine’s version of the same genome have less base pairs than the version Cosima had?

The only explanation was that DYAD had censored this part before allowing Delphine to see it. But why they would not want her to see, and the fact that they would go so far as to scrub almost 700 base pairs was beyond Delphine. It was far too little information to be of any significant biological value.

Looking at the string of nonsense, Delphine wondered if perhaps it was a different kind of information. Not biological, but an encoded message, not meant to be read by RNA-polymerase, but for human eyes. The idea did not seem too far-fetched; it had been done before. A secret message seemed the only plausible explanation for removing a few hundred base pairs out of a couple billion.

Delphine saved the 697 base pairs into a fresh text file. If DYAD did not want her to know about this sequence, she definitely needed to figure out what it meant. If there really was a message, it would somehow be encrypted into the four different nucleotides: A, T, G, and C.

Running her hands through her hair, Delphine groaned. Encrypting was not one of her strong points, she could barely write a simple function. How was somebody like her supposed to crack a secret message from an illegal cloning experiment?

Part of her wanted to go to sleep, she was too tired for such a complicated task. Her own curiosity forced her to keep going; she owed it to Cosima to figure out what this message meant. Breaking the problem down, Delphine figured that it could not be complicated. The scientists that had created this message had done so thirty years ago, and they were not cryptologists either.

A smile broke Delphine’s frown. It was so ridiculously simple; they had not encoded nucleotides, but whole base pairs. They had used the AT and GC couples to represent ones and zeros, they were coding in binary! 

If it really was that simple, Delphine could solve this within minutes. Draining the last of her drink, Delphine wondered if part of this code was the clone’s identity tag. Dr. Nealon had mentioned something about a synthetic sequence meant to tell the clones apart when he gave her this ‘complete’ sequence.

Frowning, Delphine thought about it. Cosima’s tag was six figures, in eight-bit binary that would be 48 characters long. If she translated that into binary, and if the ones and zeros did translate directly into base pairs, she might be able to fit those 48 base pairs into the unique sequence she had in front of her.

Setting to work, Delphine wrote a new function in order to translate a short string of characters into binary. Then she continued with a two-line code to replace the binary values with base pairs. The result was a six-line function, which should translate any text from binary into base pairs. Delphine was not a programmer, she hardly knew the basics, but this function was at a beginner’s level; almost too simple.

After saving it, she quickly ran it with Cosima’s tag number. Of course, the result was a string of base pairs. Anxiously, Delphine used the same function she had previously used to check if this artificial string corresponded with any part of the sequence Cosima had provided her with. It did. She could have seen that with her bare eyes. If she had taken the time to have a proper look instead of being so nervous, she could have seen that it was directly at the start of the sequence.

Triumphantly, Delphine laughed. It was indeed a sequence to identify the individual clones. Now it would be easy to figure out what the rest of the string meant. Without taking a break, Delphine got back to work. With a little help of the Internet, she manufactured another function to switch the process around. Converting the base pairs into binary turned out to be trickier than the other way around, but once she had managed that, all that rested was to convert it into text. 

After successfully testing it again with the first 48 base pairs to represent Cosima’s tag number, Delphine ran the entire sequence. The result was clearly correct, yet Delphine could not believe her eyes. On her screen, in bright blue letters, it said:

_324b21_this_organism_and_derivative_material_is_restricted_intellectual_property_

She had been right, it was a message, and she immediately understood why DYAD did not want her to see it. If there was any part left of her that was still loyal to the institute, it was gone now. For a while now, she had told herself that what she had done for Cosima was in order to protect her. Now it suddenly became clear that whom Cosima needed protection from were those to which Delphine had handed her over. What kind of monsters patented a person? Was that even legal?

Delphine’s hand covered her mouth, “ _Merde,_ ” she mumbled. It seemed to be all she would say tonight.

How she was going to get Cosima out of this mess was beyond Delphine. There was something Delphine had to do, but she had no one left to trust, now that it was so obvious that DYAD had a secondary agenda and was not at all honest with Delphine.

Delphine closed her laptop; she did not want to see that ridiculous text any longer. Setting it on the coffee table, next to Cosima’s laptop, she suddenly had moment of clarity. She opened the computer and found the birth certificates, driver’s licenses, and passports. Jotting down the names, she opened Facebook; the quickest way to find a person post-yellow pages. At least two of these clones were Canadian, and maybe they lived close by.

\---

Delphine entered Cosima’s room. She was late. It was almost eleven in the morning. After last night’s discoveries, she had fallen asleep on the couch at three in the morning. Somehow, despite the dire message in Cosima’s DNA, Delphine had slept more restfully than she had in weeks. Granted, she had been exhausted, but finally making some sort of progress, and having a plan, had clearly reduced her stress levels significantly. This had resulted in oversleeping, and being later at work than usual.

“Hey,” Cosima was sitting at the foot of the bed, reading a book. “You’re late?”

Delphine nodded. “Yes, sorry,” she closed the door behind her, locking the guard on the outside. 

Cosima closed her book and set it aside. “Everything okay?”

With a few large steps, Delphine moved over to the bed. She waited for Cosima to give her permission to sit down next to her; this was not a conversation Delphine wanted to be overheard. She was not entirely sure how often the recordings from the room were inspected. When Delphine had expressed her concern for Cosima’s privacy to Aldous, he had assured her that the recordings were only in case something had happened, and nobody was watching live. Though Delphine believed that last part, after all DYAD wanted as little people involved as possible, she did know that Aldous did not trust her alone with Cosima.

With an inquisitive look, Cosima patted the sheets next to her. This way they would be able to talk without anybody listening in.

Delphine sat down on the edge, close enough to Cosima for them to whisper, but far enough for them not to touch.

“What’s up?” Cosima asked. She looked quite good today, not as sickly and almost cheerful.

Looking at Cosima, Delphine hesitated. “I- I, uhm,” Delphine stammered; she had not thought about how she was she going to break the news that she was patented to Cosima. Briefly, Delphine considered not telling her; it was not as if the clone could do anything about it, and perhaps it was kinder to keep her in the dark. “I found the birth certificates and your sequenced genome on your laptop,” she confessed in a hushed tone. Cosima had a right to know.

“You went through my stuff!” Cosima said loudly.

“Shhh,” Delphine gestured for Cosima to sit back down.

With a frown, Cosima complied. She understood that Delphine did not want to attract any attention to their conversation. Still, she looked very angry.

Delphine whispered, “Does that really matter at this point?”

Cosima’s shoulders slacked, and she looked down. “I guess not,” she mumbled.

Hesitantly, Delphine reached out to Cosima. “I’m sorry,” she offered. She really was. If she had known a month ago what she knew today, she would have acted very differently. “Cosima, I need to tell you what I found.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This note is for those of you that might find it interesting how the program that Delphine uses is made, feel free to ignore it, for the story it is not important at all! I’m just including it because I was up to 2 am trying to figure it out. I wanted to know how exactly it worked, since I’m a huge nerd and I don’t think anybody has tried to replicate it yet, at least not for as far as I could find it.
> 
> If you are interested, below follows the program I, with my limited and self-taught, knowledge of Python scripting made (Python is a programming language). The first part will encrypt a text message into base pairs, and the second part will decrypt a string of base pair into a text message. If you want to try it out, you can download IDLE for free over [here](https://www.python.org/downloads/), (I have the IDLE version of 2.6.5, older or newer versions might not work with this specific script). IDLE is the interface in which you can easily use Python, and mess around with this program. Maybe even encrypt your own text into a DNA string, if you like. Just open a new window, paste the code and save it as a .py file before running it.
> 
> In Python, the # disables the following line in the program, this is useful when the programmer wants to explain parts of the script. For those of you who are a little familiar with programming, the info on these lines should be enough. 
> 
> The parts in the program behind _def_ define a function. The first function will create a string (list of characters) of base pairs (represented by either T or C) by first converting the text into binary (in binary, every character is represented by an unique combination of 0 and 1), and then replacing the ones and zeros with the base pairs. The result is a string of DNA (dna) from the textual input ( _text_in_ ).
> 
> The second function takes a string of DNA, the one previously created or an otherwise defined string, and converts it into text. This is done by first replacing the Gs and Cs with 1s and T and A with 0s. Then it proceeds with a quick check of the length, since 8-bit binary needs a combination of 8 ones and zeros to represent one character. If the length of the string is not a multiple of 8, this string does not contain a message in binary. The third part of this function translates each 8 bits of binary info into characters and then strings them together into the final message ( _text_out_ ).
> 
> The last part of the script proceeds to print all of the input and output onto the screen. I used Cosima’s tag number, because the patent is too long to include in this note.
> 
> Is that at all understandable? It is quite hard to explain my thought process in a short note when I have no idea what your educational background is. If any of you have questions, you can always ask, I’m happy to explain it in more detail. Once again, this all really doesn’t matter for the story, so don’t worry if you don’t get it it!  
> \---  
> `  
> text_in = '324B21'`
> 
> `# convert text to base-pair string  
> def dnafromtext(text_in):`
> 
> `  # covert text into binary code`  
>   bi_1 = map(bin,bytearray(text_in))  
>   bi_2 = ''.join(['%08d'%int(bin(ord(i))[2:]) for i in text_in]) 
> 
> `  # replace binary code with base-pairs`  
>   dna_temp = bi_2.replace('1','c')  
>   dna = dna_temp.replace('0','t') 
> 
> `  return dna`
> 
> `dna = dnafromtext(text_in)`
> 
> `# convert base-pair string into text  
> def textfromdna(dna):`
> 
> `  # replace base-pairs with binary code`  
>   dna_bi = dna.replace('g','1')  
>   dna_bi = dna_bi.replace('c','1')  
>   dna_bi = dna_bi.replace('t','0')  
>   dna_bi = dna_bi.replace('a','0') 
> 
> `  # check length of binary characters`  
>   bl = 8  
>   bitlist = map(int,''.join(dna_bi.split()))  
>   if len(bitlist)%bl != 0:  
>     sys.exit ("length of bitlist not multiple of %s") 
> 
> `  #create string of text from binary code`  
>   text_out = ''.join([chr(sum(bit<<abs(idx-bl)-1  
>       for idx,bit in enumerate(y)))  
>       for y in zip(*[bitlist[x::bl]  
>       for x in range(bl)])]) 
> 
> `  return dna_bi, text_out`
> 
> `dna_bi, text_out = textfromdna(dna)`
> 
> `# print input and results`  
> print text_in  
> print dna  
> print dna_bi  
> print text_out  
> 
> 
> \---
> 
> _This script takes the input (text_in) of 6 characters:_  
>  324B21
> 
> _Then creates the intermediate output of 48 base pairs in a string (dna):_  
>  ttccttccttccttctttcctctttcttttctttccttctttcctttc
> 
> _From that it creates the binary string (dna_bi):_  
>  001100110011001000110100010000100011001000110001
> 
> _And from this binary string it creates the original message (text_out):_  
>  324B21


	28. Cosima +235

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all can blame/thank [suyurisan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/suyurisan) for the ending of this chapter, it looked very different yesterday.

The chair was starting to form after her body. It was slowly becoming a comfortable nest where Cosima had spent long hours curled up with one book after another. In between pacing the length of the tiny room, and trying to keep a little fit with stretching exercises, Cosima did not have much to do. She slept, she ate, and she took long showers. What else was she to do, with hardly any company? Delphine was elsewhere most of the time, and she had nothing to entertain her besides the books and papers Delphine brought her. 

When Cosima had asked for something else to do, anything else, Delphine had shaken her head and said no. She wasn’t allowed to bring her any electronics, sharp objects, or anything else that Cosima might be able to use to break out, or harm anyone. As if Cosima would be able to escape with the help of a pencil. And with those absurdly firm rules, there was not much to keep Cosima occupied besides books.

So she read; one or two books a day for who knows how many days. Cosima had lost count a while ago. The clone had not seen natural light for weeks now. The only indication of time she had were the meals that were brought in at, what seemed to be, regular intervals. 

Maybe she should have tallied. But Cosima had expected to be out of this prison before she had lost track of time, so she had not. Twirling a dreadlock between her fingers, she contemplated escaping again. While reading, showering, and even in her sleep, Cosima was constantly coming up with creative ways out of this room. The lack of resources made it incredibly hard to come up with anything she could actually use to escape. The few times she had been allowed out of her prison for medical procedures which could not be done inside the room, there had been at least two guards present. Making a dash for it when being let out was not a possibility either.

Huddling a little deeper into her blanket, Cosima flipped the page. She was almost constantly cold these days. She feared it was because of her deteriorating health. It was hard to tell, in this controlled environment; maybe the room was just cold. Either way, she noticed that despite the fact that she ate just fine, she was growing thinner. And worse, the cough she had been suffering for weeks had taken a turn for the worse.

Cosima had coughed up blood several times in the past few days, which she had kept a careful secret from her captors, including Delphine. It was never a lot, but it was definitely not a good sign. Delphine made sure to always bring Cosima the results of all the medical exams, and to discuss them with her. The results told them that the treatment was working, despite the fact that Cosima was feeling worse.

Staring at the letters on the page, she wondered if this treatment was truly working, or Delphine was lying to her again. And even if it really were helping, how much worse would her health have to get before she would improve? As she muffled a cough, Cosima doubted that her health was improving. Besides, what good would this do if she were not allowed to leave this damned room ever again?

She put down her book, carefully marking the page she was at. Taking deliberately slow steps, she crossed to the other side of the room. Slowly she turned, and took the same route back. Watching the movement of her bare feet, Cosima pondered how long it would take her to wear a hole in the wooden floor. Was it her imagination, or could she already see a path forming along the route she walked everyday?

Cosima was in the middle of her twenty-eighth walk from the chair to the opposite wall, when the door opened. Turning about, she saw that it was Delphine. Of course it was, almost nobody else visited her. “What do you want? Blood, urine, my still beating heart?” Cosima said harshly.

“I- I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” Delphine said. She looked at Cosima with wide-set eyes, shocked by the instantaneous outburst from the clone as soon as she had entered the room. “Would you rather I go?”

“No, don’t go.” Cosima motioned at the chair for Delphine to sit down. She was mad at Delphine, and for a good reason, yet Cosima did not know where that harsh comment had come from. Only roughly twenty percent of the times Delphine visited her, did she come for medical tests. More importantly, she needed to get Delphine on her side, and she could definitely use a little distraction. So Cosima forced herself to soften a little.

Delphine did as she was told, and sat down in the chair. “Are you all right? You look a little pale,” she said. She looked worried, and she seemed to want to get up and have a closer look at the clone.

Cosima had made it very clear that she did not want Delphine to fuss over her, and that she did not want Delphine to touch her unless absolutely necessary. At first, Delphine was clearly hurt by those demands, but to her credit, she did submit to those requests and never touched Cosima without asking for permission. And Delphine clearly tried, and failed, not to inquire after Cosima’s health every time she dropped by.

“Yeah, well. I’m kinda lacking sunlight, so…” Cosima answered Delphine’s question. “Besides, you don’t look very tan yourself either.” Cosima crossed her arms, leaning against the wall.

It was true, Delphine was almost as pale as Cosima was, and had dark circles under her eyes, accompanied by tired lines around her once so cheerful mouth. The mouth formed a miserable smile as Delphine nodded. “I’m not spending much more time outside than you are,” she said.

Cosima raised her eyebrows. “At least you can go outside,” she said. How did Delphine, who had locked Cosima up in this prison for experiments in the first place, complain to her about not being able to go outside? Cosima scoffed, and shook her head, while she resumed her pacing around the room.

Delphine leaned forward, but did not get up from the chair. “Cosima.”

Cosima did not look at Delphine. Despite her efforts to stay calm, she was furious, lacking any outlet for her boredom and frustration. All she could do was take it out on Delphine, who was not helping her calm down with complaining about not spending a lot of time outside. Cosima breathed heavily, her mouth set in a firm line as she paced past the chair.

“Cosima, please,” Delphine tried again. “Calm down.”

“Calm down? Calm down?” Cosima yelled at Delphine. “I am totally fed up with this Delphine! I won’t take it anymore, let me go, one way or another.”

Perched on the edge of her seat, Delphine looked up at her with large, pleading eyes. “You know I can’t, Cosima.”

“Ugh,” Cosima groaned. Right now, she could strangle Delphine. Her face was burning with anger, and the edges of her vision started to blur as she breathed hard. “That doesn’t help me, does it, Delphine?” Cosima said. “Just leave. Get out! Leave me alone, and never come back!” She pointed at the door, screaming.

Delphine stared at her, not moving from her seat. Whatever colour had been left in her face was all gone now. She opened her mouth to say something, but Cosima could not hear her.

Black spots were dancing across Cosima’s vision, and an overwhelming buzz filled her ears. She struggled to breath. Cosima could not get any oxygen; she coughed and clutched the wall to help her stand as all strength left her body. It was of no use; the black spots quickly filled the last parts of her vision, and she could feel her body hitting the floor.

\---

A steady beeping woke Cosima. Her body was too heavy to even lift a finger, yet she managed to slowly open her eyes. Blinking a few times, she could make out a figure sitting on the edge of the bed she was lying in. Despite the lack of glasses, Cosima did recognize Delphine.

The doctor was sitting at a perpendicular angle to Cosima, looking away from her. Delphine did not notice the clone had opened her eyes. She was slightly hunched over, her frame silently shaking and occasionally touching her face. Delphine sniffed softly, and Cosima finally realized that she was crying.

“Hey,” Cosima croaked. Her throat was dry and she had a disgusting taste in her mouth. “What’s wrong?” She lifted her hand far enough to touch Delphine’s arm.

“Ah,” Delphine shook her head. She seized Cosima’s hand in her own. “You’re awake,” she stated, as she wiped away her tears. “How are you feeling?”

“Hmpf,” Cosima said. She looked at blurry Delphine, and the blurry room and remembered the fight she had had with Delphine. She did not recall how she had ended up in bed. Cosima slipped her hand from Delphine’s grasp, and touched her face. Something was bugging her, and she soon found out what. The irritated feeling in her nose was caused by a cannula. As she struggled to sit up a little, and find her glasses, Cosima realized that she was not just hooked up to extra oxygen, she was also wearing a heart rate monitor around the index finger of the hand Delphine had not been holding. Cosima frowned at Delphine.

Delphine handed Cosima her glasses. She waited patiently until Cosima had put them on and sat up a little straighter, and then handed her a cup of water as well. “You suffered a seizure,” Delphine explained. “We’re still looking into why exactly, but for now, the extra oxygen should help you.” She motioned at the oxygen tank standing next to the bed.

Cosima nodded. She took a long drink of the offered water and washed away the taste of blood. She stared at Delphine, unable to think of anything to say. Maybe she should have told Delphine earlier about the blood she had coughed up.

Swallowing, Delphine stood up from the bed. “I’ll leave you alone, like you wanted.” She bit her lower lip, tears forming again in her eyes. Suddenly, Cosima noticed that the front of her blouse, and pants were stained with blood; Cosima’s blood. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t leave you like that,” Delphine said, looking down at her feet.

“No,” Cosima sat up. Her head spun and a wave of nausea hit her hard. “Please don’t leave me alone.” She reached out for Delphine, touching her arm softly. “Stay?” Cosima asked, her voice painfully small.

Delphine nodded. With an almost unnoticeable smile, she sat back down on the edge of the hospital bed.

Cosima was nauseous, her head was pounding, and she felt extremely tired. Her whole body felt heavy and sore. She laid back down, still holding Delphine’s wrist, pulling her down with her. It had not been her intention, but now Delphine was holding herself up on the bed, so close to Cosima, she could not help herself. “Hold me,” Cosima whispered, not much louder than a breath. She scooted to the edge of the bed, giving Delphine just enough space to lay down next to her.

Hesitantly, Delphine obliged. She carefully laid down on top of the covers, making sure that the cannula was not crushed in the process. Once she was comfortable, she gathered Cosima in her arms, and settled in a little closer to her. Cosima could not see Delphine’s face, her eyes were to heavy to keep open, but she could feel Delphine’s steady breath, and smell her shampoo. Cosima could feel Delphine’s fingers tracing tranquil patterns on her bare arms. Neither of them said a word, as Cosima drifted into a deep slumber.


	29. Delphine +241

Delphine sat in the car she had rented. It was almost completely dark outside, and she could see her breath forming clouds in front of her face. She had been sitting here for over an hour, and the car had cooled down by now.

Ever since she had found out that Cosima had been in touch with her sisters, Delphine had wanted to talk to them. She knew that if she wanted to help Cosima, she would have to get some help herself. DYAD was too powerful for her to take on by herself.

Contacting the other clones had proven more difficult than Delphine had expected it to. It was not as if she could just call them and expect them to trust her, especially if they found out what she had done to Cosima. These women had every reason to be paranoid, and Delphine had only one chance to gain their trust.

Delphine was carefully trying to figure out a way to approach the clones, without DYAD finding out. After all, they still did not know that Cosima had been in contact with her sisters, and Delphine wanted to keep it that way. So now, she was sitting in an ordinary car, rented with cash, in front of a large suburban house, where, she was almost certain, one of Cosima’s sisters lived.

It was seven in the morning on a Saturday, and the sun would rise soon. Today was the first time Delphine would not go to work at all. She had been spending almost all her time at the institute, working long hours and dropping by even on the weekends to make sure Cosima was all right. The only reason she was not spending every single minute of every day with the clone was because Aldous had forbidden her to be spend more than three cumulative hours a day with Cosima. And because there was still too much work to do.

The lights in one of the rooms on the second floor were turned on. Delphine shifted impatiently in her seat. She had wanted to talk to Cosima’s sisters much sooner, but with the limited free time she had, and the constant fear that she was being observed by DYAD, it was hard to get close to any of them. Several times, Delphine had seen one from a distance, but she had not thought it safe to approach them.

On top of security concerns, Cosima’s health had taken a blow. The sudden seizure had scared Delphine, and she had been spending much more time trying to find a cure than trying to find the other clones.

This morning however, Delphine had gotten up early and decided that today she would talk to one of the clones. She had driven to the address, and now she was awaiting an opportunity.

The sun was rising behind the clouds, a grey light filled the street and the yellow lanterns were not so bright any more. Delphine watched other lights in the rest of house being turned on. She could see people moving behind the still closed curtains.

Chewing on her lip, Delphine wondered if she should just walk to the front door and knock. It would be the fastest way, and she was pretty sure she was not being watched by DYAD at the moment. More importantly, these people might leave soon for their kid’s football game, and it would be inconvenient to talk to the clone in public. On the other hand, it would be incredibly rude to knock on somebody’s door so early on a weekend day.

A loud tap on the passenger’s side window startled Delphine out of her thoughts. Shocked, she turned to look at her right.

A blonde woman, with an unnaturally large dog, was gesturing at her to open the window.

Delphine nodded, and fumbled to do as she was told.

Once the window was opened halfway, the woman said, “You’re not supposed to be parked here at night.” Her mouth smiled, but her eyes remained cold.

“Uhm, I’m,” Delphine stammered, she had not expected anyone to be outside at this hour during the weekend. Of course she should have expected dog walkers, or even people going for an early run. This stranger telling Delphine she was not allowed to park here at night confused her, this was not a scenario she had prepared for. “It is not night, it’s past seven in the morning.”

The woman’s polite smile slid right off her face.

That had been the wrong thing to say, and Delphine regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth.

“What are you doing here?” the blonde woman demanded.

“I’m waiting for someone,” Delphine said; this time she had prepared an answer. Vaguely, she gestured in the direction of number 35.

“Well, this is a neighbourhood watch block,” the woman said, and she made a gesture with her hand to indicate that she was watching Delphine. “Why don’t you ring the doorbell?” she suggested.

Delphine swallowed; this woman and her dog were going to ruin her plans. “I’m a little early,” Delphine said, pleased with herself for coming up with an acceptable lie so quickly.

“Hmm, I’m sure they won’t mind. And it’s a lot warmer inside,” the blonde woman said.

Delphine nodded. So be it, this better not ruin her chances. She closed the window and gathered her purse. After she had locked the car behind her, and closed her coat, Delphine crossed the street.

From the sidewalk, the woman was still watching her, while the dog sniffed at a tree.

Without looking behind her, Delphine climbed the steps onto the immaculate porch. She took a deep breath, and pressed the doorbell. She could feel the eyes of the neighbourhood watch lady burning into her back; there was no turning back now.

The door opened, and for a split second, Delphine was confused.

“Hello,” the little girl in the door opening said. She was dressed in football shorts and a training jacket; her curly hair framed her curious face. She was not at all what Delphine had expected.

Delphine had expected Cosima to open the door. Well, somebody who looked like Cosima. She knew that this particular clone had children, and a husband. When she had learned this, it had made Delphine think of Cosima with those things and had given her a good laugh. Now that reality was standing in front of her, in the form of the little girl, it threw her off. How was she supposed to talk to this girl’s mother without her overhearing anything?

“Uhm, hi,” she said. “Is your mother home?”

The girl nodded, and turned away from the door. “Mom!” she yelled at the top of her lungs. Turning back to Delphine, she flashed her a big smile. Then she disappeared into the house, leaving the door open and Delphine standing on the doorstep.

Cold, and unsure what to do, Delphine waited outside. It would be rude to enter, but the woman with the giant dog was still watching her from across the street. From inside the house, Delphine could hear the girl yelling for her mother again. There were other voices as well, and the clanking of dishes.

“Good morning,” said a woman, entering the hallway from a room to Delphine’s right.

Delphine felt her mouth drop. She was definitely at the right address. This was Cosima, and at the same time, she was the absolute opposite of Cosima. This woman was all stiff, when the woman Delphine knew so well was soft and loose. This person was pink, and bright, when Cosima was warm and dark. She was nothing like Delphine had expected; somehow she had learned nothing from meeting Jennifer all those months ago. Maybe it was because Jennifer had been defined by her illness, withered and tired. She had been what Delphine feared Cosima would become. The doctor had forgotten that those two clones might have started out differently, and now she was reminded of that.

“Can I help you?” the woman asked, clearly on her guard with this stranger gaping at her.

“Ah, yes. Sorry,” Delphine said. She put up a pleasant smile. “Mrs. Hendrix, right?”

“Yes. And you are?”

Delphine took a small step forward. She held out her hand and said, “My name is Delphine Cormier.”

Did she imagine it, or was there a flash of recognition on Mrs. Hendrix’ face? It would not be impossible for Cosima to have told her sisters about her girlfriend, maybe even have shown them a photo of Delphine. “Can I help you?”

Solemnly, Delphine nodded. “It’s about…” Glancing past the woman who looked like Cosima, and at the same time did not, Delphine saw the little girl peeking around the corner. “It’s about Cosima,” she finished her sentence.

Mrs. Hendrix’ mouth dropped. “Oh my goodness! Is she all right?” She motioned for Delphine to come inside. “We haven’t heard from her in weeks!” she exclaimed.

Unbuttoning her coat, Delphine silently shook her head. From her new position in the hallway, she could see the kitchen, where the rest of the family was still sitting at the breakfast table. The girl had joined them again; she was staring at Delphine and her mother while she ate the rest of her breakfast. Delphine motioned discreetly at the kitchen and the people within it. “We need to talk,” she said.

\---

Thirty minutes, later Alison, as Mrs. Hendrix had told Delphine to call her, had managed to convince, and assist, her husband and kids to leave for their match. 

Delphine had observed their interaction closely. She would not admit it out loud, but she was a scientist after all, and this was absolutely fascinating. Forgetting all ethical concerns, this was the reason she had joined this project, and the answer to the entire nature-nurture debate right in front of her.

Mumbling to herself, Alison entered the living room. She was carrying a tray with coffee, which she set down on the table, before sitting down on a chair at the other side of the room. The clone offered Delphine a welcome cup of coffee. With her legs crossed, Alison sat in her chair observing Delphine, waiting for her to start talking.

Not sure what to say at first, Delphine stalled by taking a sip of coffee, burning her tongue in the process. Swallowing the pain, she quickly set the cup down again. “I’m not sure where to start, Alison,” Delphine confessed.

“How about you tell me what happened to Cosima?” Alison crossed her arms.

Delphine bit her lip; she still had not quite decided how much to tell the other clones. “Cosima is alive,” she said. “And well… considering the circumstances.” She glanced at the woman across the room.

Alison leaned forward, frowning. “What circumstances?”

“I, uhm,” Delphine looked away. “I’m not sure exactly how much you know.”

“We know enough,” Alison said, defensively. “I know who you are.”

Delphine nodded, “Cosima told you about me.” When Alison confirmed this, Delphine shook her head. “Cosima didn’t know who I was.”

Sitting at the edge of her seat, Alison clutched her coffee cup tightly, but did not say anything.

“She, she thought I was just an exchange student. Her girlfriend,” Delphine said, testing Alison’s reaction before she continued. “I wasn’t. Well I was, but I’m also a scientist in the project that created you.”

Alison’s face fell. She put her cup down firmly, and was about to say something before Delphine interrupted her.

“Please hear me out. You need to know this.”

Sitting back, but not relaxing, Alison placed her hands in the pockets of her cardigan. She allowed Delphine to continue.

“I was placed there to monitor her. To know what she does. To keep track of her health, such things,” Delphine said. There was no use in elaborating on the details; she needed to convince Alison that she could be trusted, and so far she was not doing very well.

“Monitor?” Alison squeaked. “Do I have a monitor?”

Delphine nodded, “Yes, there is a monitor for each of you.”

Alison looked around, as if she expected a man in a trench coat and binoculars hiding behind her curtains. “Who is mine?”

“I don’t know. Somebody close to you,” Delphine said. “That is not why I’m here.”

“But-,” Alison said. She seemed very shocked by this information. 

Delphine was wondering if she picked the wrong clone to confide in. She needed somebody tough, somebody that could help her with this mess she had put Cosima in. “Alison, please. It doesn’t matter. Whoever they are, they are just tracking your health.”

“Hmm,” Alison said, in a strange high pitch.

“I need to know how much you guys had figured out,” Delphine said.

Alison shook her head. “I’m not telling you anything, you’re… You’re a monitor!” She thought for a moment, taking Delphine in. Then she asked Delphine, “Just one, I’m a few. No family too. Who am I?”

With a frown, Delphine shook her head. The riddle said her nothing.

“Get out,” Alison said, suddenly on high alert. 

Maybe the riddle was a way to distinguish friends from foes, but Delphine had no answer. She sighed. “All right, I will.” She looked at Alison. “But listen to me first. Five minutes is all I need. Then I’ll leave, and you can discuss what I have to say with your sisters, okay?”

The clone shrugged.

“Some of you have respiratory issues. Those are the first symptoms of what we call the clone disease. It’s hereditary, you all have it, though most of you haven’t shown any symptoms yet,” Delphine spoke quickly, wanting to give Alison too much information in the limited timeframe she had.

Alison just sat in her chair, giving Delphine no hints whether she already knew this.

Biting her lip, Delphine thought briefly about what she was going to say next. “Cosima’s illness was starting to get quite bad, even though she did not know it herself,” Delphine said. She stared at her folded hands in he lap. “I, uhm. I brought her in for treatment.” Delphine looked up at Alison for a reaction.

The clone was frowning, still not saying anything.

“That means, she is being held by…” Delphine hesitated. She was already breaching her confidentiality agreement, so she might as well tell the clone who was imprisoning her sister. It was her fear that the clones would do something rash, without Delphine, if she knew where to find Cosima. “… By them.”

“Them? You mean you.” Alison said.

Silently, Delphine nodded. “I am so sorry. I didn’t know then what I know now. Please know, that I am on your side, and I need your help, yours and your sister’s, to get Cosima somewhere safe.” Delphine forced herself to look Alison in the face.

“How do we know you’re speaking the truth,” Alison asked.

“You don’t. Please, Cosima needs your help,” Delphine begged the clone to trust her.

Alison got up from her seat. “Please get out of my home,” she said.

“Alison, I understand your fear. But I’m on your side. I am.” Delphine stood up from the couch, walking towards the other woman.

Without a warning, Alison pulled a gun out of her cardigan’s pocket. “Yeah, that’s what Cosima thought.” She did not aim the gun at Delphine, but that made it no less intimidating. “Look where that got her.”

Delphine nodded. She understood why the clone did not trust her; she probably would not have trusted herself in Alison’s place. “I understand. But please, talk to your sisters,” Delphine said. “For Cosima.”

Alison motioned at the door. 

Swallowing, Delphine pulled out a piece of paper. On it she had written her name, and the phone number of an untraceable cell phone she had bought a week ago, after she had rented the car. She put in on the table, next to the almost untouched cup of coffee. Delphine had so much more to say, but this woman did not want to listen to her. Maybe the others had more sense. In the worst case, Delphine would have to figure out something by herself.

Holding her head high, she left the house, grabbing her coat and purse from where she had left them on the coat rack in the hallway. In the cool outside air, she took a deep breath and said goodbye to Alison, who was standing in the doorframe, holding the gun behind her back.

Without lingering, Delphine crossed the street and got into her car. At least she had plenty of time left to visit Cosima today.


	30. Cosima +248

Digging in the crate, Cosima found another carbon atom. It was a grey ball, about the size of her thumbnail, and had four small holes, in which she inserted the tiny pins, almost too small to grasp between her fingers. Over the past days, she had quickly become better at handling the minute metal pins. Cosima took three red beads from the pile to her left, and stuck them on the other side of the pins.

Turning the object around in her hand, Cosima connected the last empty pin of the methyl group to the rest of the molecule she was holding in her left hand. Now she had another thymine molecule. 

Uncomfortably, she shifted on the floor. The clone was sitting in the middle of her small prison room, with her back to the bed. The floor around her was littered with different bases, a lost phosphate group, and loose molecules, which had rolled out of her reach. Being hooked up to extra oxygen had reduced her mobility; every time she wanted to take more than one step, Cosima had to bring the heavy tank with her.

Gathering a few base pairs, Cosima struggled to get to her feet. Climbing onto the bed, she reached over her head to attach them to the rest of the DNA-model she had been building. It was absolutely useless; the trapped clone had no idea why she was wasting her time building a silly model. It was definitely far below her intellectual level, but she needed to do something, and somewhere deep down she was enjoying the childlike exercise. It took her back to times when science was simple and fun, not life threatening.

Cosima’s mind had always craved constant stimulation. The near empty room, with the spotless walls, and without anybody to keep her company, aside from Cosima herself, was rapidly driving her mad. Books and scientific papers could only distract her so much, and Delphine had been much more absent after Cosima had suffered that seizure, leaving Cosima to slowly go nuts by lack of human interaction.

Of course, Delphine still came by Cosima’s room several times a day, and she seemed a little more comfortable around Cosima lately, but she never stayed for long anymore. Fumbling to attach the fresh thymine molecule to the sugar molecule, Cosima wondered what exactly Delphine was up to when she was elsewhere. Her monitor had said that she was busy finding a cure for Cosima, but Cosima was almost certain that Delphine was up to more.

After she had attached the last phosphate group, Cosima sank down onto the bed. Sitting cross-legged, she breathed deeply through her nose. The sudden movement caused an uncomfortable light-headedness. It had happened a lot more often in the past days, especially when she took the cannula off for a little while. Cosima hated being so helplessly dependent.

The thought brought her right back to Delphine. Every single escape strategy the clone could seriously consider came back to needing some help from the outside. Delphine was her only connection to the outside world, but Cosima would not trust her.

Even when Cosima had asked for something else to entertain her, Delphine had not been forthcoming; she kept implying that she was being closely watched. It made Cosima hesitant to even suggest to Delphine to just leave the door open when she left the room. And asking Delphine to get a message to her sisters might endanger them; if Delphine were willing to kidnap Cosima, what would she do to Cosima’s clones? That was simply not an option Cosima could consider.

She slid down from the bed, back onto the floor. Cosima took off her glasses. The combination of glasses and the cannula tubes was very annoying. Grabbing a handful of atoms, she got back to making more molecules. According to her estimations, she could fit another foot of base pairs on top of the model, before she would hit the ceiling.

Working with her hands made it easier to think, as opposed to reading, which distracted her mind. Maybe next time, she could ask Delphine for a puzzle, or some crayons, since she was not allowed pencils or even a pen. As her hands worked, her mind wandered, and Cosima thought back to when she had first learned that she was a clone.

It had been only a few weeks after Delphine had moved in with her. There were still some boxes of her belongings to be unpacked, but they both had been too preoccupied with each other to even bother with putting away the rest of Delphine’s wardrobe; it was not as if she was even dressed most of the time they were home anyway.

With a grin, Cosima remembered the countless lectures they had missed because they had wanted to spend another hour in bed together. She recalled the long evenings they had wasted, doing nothing but talking, exploring each other’s minds. Cosima remembered showing Delphine the city she grew up in; even now she could see the familiar streets as if they were right in front of her, but much clearer in her memory was Delphine’s bright smile.

Delphine’s happiness with her could not have been faked; Cosima had come to that conclusion weeks ago. Even if she had been planted close to the clone, the way Delphine had fallen for her was too clumsy and enthusiastic to be a lie; it was not possible. Toying with the orbs in her hand, Cosima wondered if there was anything left of what had been between them.

There was the familiar noise at the door, announcing that it would open, causing a Pavlovian reaction the clone was already intimately familiar with. She always tensed up when that beep sounded, announcing that somebody would enter. It was the not knowing for sure who it would be, or what they would do to her, that caused Cosima to be nervous when she heard that sound.

Cosima was expecting Delphine. There would be no meal around this time, and Leekie had visited yesterday; he never visited her two days in a row. As if she could feel that Cosima had been thinking of her, Delphine entered.

“Good afternoon, Cosima,” Delphine said.

Cosima relaxed a little. “Hey,” she said. She turned back to what she had been doing, not moving from her spot on the floor.

To Cosima’s relief, Delphine closed the door; she still had some time left. Walking over to where Cosima was sitting, Delphine looked up at the sculpture. Careful not to break anything, she touched it. “Wow, you really made some progress,” Delphine said, looking down at Cosima.

The clone shrugged, not looking up from the rapidly forming molecule in her hands. She had been doing nothing but this in the past two days; of course she had made major progress. “Well, it’s not like you have been here since yesterday morning,” Cosima said.

“I’m sorry,” Delphine said. Her voice was raw and loud in the otherwise silent room. “I was busy,” she added, looking away.

“Right,” Cosima said. “So was I,” she mumbled, in a sarcastic imitation of Delphine’s French accent. The effect was lost when she had a coughing fit. Hunching down, she covered her mouth with a tissue. When Cosima could finally breathe again, she tucked the now blood stained tissue back in her pocket.

Delphine sat down in front of Cosima, the crate of model parts in between them. She adjusted her tight pants, so that she could tuck her legs under her. Looking at Cosima, she frowned worriedly; per Cosima’s request, she would not ask if the clone was all right, but she was clearly thinking it. Delphine leaned on one of her hands; the other one toyed with the phosphate group Cosima had lost earlier. “I’m trying to help you.”

Cosima dropped what she was working on. She looked up at Delphine.

The doctor was staring back at her. Usually Cosima knew what Delphine was thinking before she said it; Delphine generally wore her heart on her sleeve. But right now, Cosima had no idea what Delphine’ expression meant; it was something Cosima had never seen before. It was a determination, and gentleness unknown to the clone. It was almost as if Delphine was trying to tell her something, but what exactly, Cosima had no idea.

“What is it?” Cosima asked, cocking her head as if it would help her understand Delphine.

Biting her lip, Delphine shook her head. “Nothing,” she said. She looked over her shoulder at the door. When she turned back around, the strange expression had disappeared. She smiled, “We have to wait a little while longer, they’re still preparing the O.R. Would you like some help?” Delphine gestured at the box of loose parts.

Cosima shrugged. “Sure, knock yourself out.” She could still taste the blood, and did not mind having to wait a little longer.

Delphine took a handful of atoms. “I used to love this,” she said with a smile. “As a child, in chemistry.” Looking at the double helix almost hitting the ceiling, she added, “Though I don’t think I built anything that large.”

“Me neither,” Cosima said. “I never had the time for it.”

Nodding, Delphine struggled to connect two pieces.

“What are you making?” Cosima tried to see what Delphine was assembling. It was a crooked nonagon, and for some reason it only consisted out of oxygen and carbon atoms, with a single nitrogen atom. It disobeyed all laws of nature.

Glancing at Cosima, Delphine winked. Her hair was hanging around her face; it obstructed the view so much that Cosima was almost sure she had imagined it, if it had not been for the smirk accompanying it. She took another handful of atoms, and started creating another, similar nonagon.

Intently, Cosima stared at what Delphine was doing. It meant something, if only she knew what. Delphine clearly did not want to, or was unable to, tell her.

Halfway through the second molecule, Delphine stopped. She looked at Cosima, and asked, “Are you not continuing?”

Frowning, Cosima got back to what she had been doing, occasionally stealing glances at Delphine’s process. Her own hands had gotten so used to the task, she could recognize the different atoms with her eyes closed. Making idle conversation, they built their respective models together.

When Delphine had five nonagons, all lopsided, each of them consisting of a single nitrogen atom, and a random combination of oxygen and carbon atoms, she laid the last one down in front of her.

Noticing that Delphine was finished, Cosima frowned at her. She did not understand it; molecules like these could not exist. 

Delphine saw Cosima’s confusion. Biting her lip, she glanced up at the DNA model next to Cosima.

Following Delphine’s gaze, Cosima tried to understand what she was trying to say.

“It’s okay,” Delphine said. She got up from the floor, leaving her creation where she had put them down. “We should not keep them waiting any longer.”

“Huh?”

“Your procedure,” Delphine reminded Cosima. She held out a hand, to get Cosima up from the floor.

As if she could forget. The clone took the hand, and lifted herself up. She needed a second to let the dizziness fade before she could start moving again. When she felt up for it, she took hold of the oxygen tank, and said, “Kay, I’m good. Let’s go.” She hated these medical procedures, but they did mean that she could get out of the room for a little while.

As Delphine unlocked the door with the key card from her pocket, Cosima took a last look at what Delphine had left lying on the floor, surrounded by loose atoms. All the way to the examination room, she wondered what they meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd prefer to read something a little more optimistic after this, have a look at: [Can YOU save Delphine?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6434863/chapters/14729767)!


	31. Delphine +248

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 16 hours left! Hopefully this might keep you calm until the premiere, or soothe you after you've seen it.

“You’re not staying?” Cosima asked. She was lying on the bed, still paralyzed from the waist down. She was recovering from yet another invasive procedure, which would hopefully save her life.

The second treatment had been almost identical to the first, except that this time they had known what to expect. Of course, Delphine had anticipated the extent of the disease the first time, but she had still been shocked when she saw it with her own eyes. Today, she had been better mentally prepared for the image of a helpless Cosima on that table, and the close up of the polyps in her womb.

Today’s examination confirmed what the countless tests over the past three weeks had told them as well: the clone’s health seemed to be improving. Not by much, but she was not deteriorating as fast as she had been before she arrived here.

Having seen that the stem cell treatment was working, Delphine suddenly became apprehensive to continue with her plan. If staying here gave Cosima the opportunity to be cured, perhaps Delphine should make sure that Cosima would live, even if that meant that Cosima would hate her for it.

Looking at the woman she loved, lying in the bed, unable to move and hooked up to several wires and tubes, Delphine made up her mind again, like she had done so often in the past week. Cosima looked miserable. She had told Delphine several times that if this was the prize she was paying for staying alive, she did not want to.

Slowly, and without overstepping any of the boundaries DYAD had put on her interaction with Cosima, Delphine had managed to regain some of the trust she had lost. It was a minimal amount, but Cosima no longer scowled at every word she said. Cosima did not look at her every movement as if Delphine were going to abduct her all over again. They were capable of having a normal conversation, and though Delphine feared that she would never again have Cosima’s trust like she used to, she would do anything to not betray what was left between them.

So Delphine spoke honestly when she could, and told Cosima when the answers to her questions were classified information. Treading this thin line, between trying to help Cosima, and keeping DYAD satisfied, had gotten Delphine in trouble with both parties. Arguments with Cosima, and Dr. Leekie, occurred almost every day. 

The most momentous reprimand, which had almost resulted in Delphine getting fired, had taken place after she had told Cosima about the patent. Of course the clone had been very upset, Delphine had not expected otherwise. To her surprise, Cosima had not been mad at Delphine. On the contrary, she had been grateful that Delphine had explained to her how she had found out. Neither of them had mentioned the fact that Delphine now knew that Cosima had been in touch with her sisters, and that had proven a good decision. 

As soon as she had left the prisoner’s room after that particular conversation, Delphine had been summoned to Aldous’ office. When she had entered his office five minutes later, he did not look pleased. He had raised his voice at her, telling Delphine that she was breaching her confidentiality agreement. Apparently, he had been listening in on their conversation. When she had not defended herself, Aldous threatened to fire her for telling Cosima about the patent, and working behind his back on things she was not supposed to know about. It had taken all of Delphine’s willpower not to tell him what she actually thought of him, and the DYAD institute. Instead, she had swallowed her pride and grovelled before him. It was exactly what he enjoyed, and she knew it. Though she hated herself for it, and Aldous even more, she was still allowed to see Cosima.

But never for long, and she never again overstepped that boundary. Not verbally at least. The result was that Delphine was now biting her lip, trying her very best to not tell Cosima why she could not stay, despite the fact that she so desperately wanted to give her a little hope. “I have a meeting,” Delphine said.

With a pout, Cosima tried to convince Delphine to stay.

“Non, Cosima. I really must go.” Delphine told her. “I’m sorry I have to leave you like this,” she said, gesturing at the bed. Her meeting might help Cosima in the long run. That knowledge did not make it much easier for her to leave Cosima in such a vulnerable state.

“Are you sure you’d not rather stay,” said Cosima. She smiled at Delphine, but her bottom lip was trembling. The clone was clearly having a hard time coping with everything that was happening, and her own lack of control. Delphine was starting to get concerned for Cosima’s mental state; no human being was made to live under such circumstances. It would scar even the strongest mind, and Delphine wondered how much longer Cosima would last.

Very lightly, Delphine stroked Cosima’s hand. She wanted to stay. It broke her heart that she could not stay to comfort Cosima. Delphine had not been in charge of arranging this meeting, but she had to take the opportunity, even if it was planned so inconveniently. If only she were able to tell Cosima why she had more important things to do right now, Delphine would be able to tear herself away from the bed much easier. “I’ll come by in a few hours to see how you are, _bien?_ ” Delphine said, hoping that she would be able to keep that promise.

Cosima swallowed. “Cool, but only if you bring me ice cream. If I am sick, at least get me ice cream,” she said. Again she pouted, trying to pass it off as joke, but failing miserably.

“Deal,” Delphine said. She squeezed Cosima’s hand, and let go. At the door she looked back at the clone in the bed.

Cosima had closed her eyes again. She looked tired almost all the time these days. Her always-small body was looking even more fragile in the empty space around her.

Delphine looked around the room. The only things that indicated that anyone had been living here for almost a month were the books and papers littered on the dresser, and the DNA-model next to the bed. Chewing her bottom lip, Delphine hoped Cosima would understand the hint she had left for her. With Aldous following every conversation in this room, she could not tell Cosima, but maybe the clone would be able to decipher the message she had left in between the fake atoms on the floor.

\---

About an hour later, Delphine was driving east. She could see the bright orange and pink sky in the rear view mirror as the sun was setting. The short drive was oddly pleasant; it was freedom compared to the hostile environment of the DYAD institute and her unfamiliar ‘home’ in Toronto. 

Delphine had no idea what to expect tonight, but at least Alison had called her to ask for another meeting. It was better than being completely ignored by the clone. Yesterday, Alison had called Delphine, and told her to meet her tonight at her home. Alison had given Delphine a stern warning not to tell anyone, and had hung up.

As if Delphine needed anybody to tell her that. She had taken three detours already, and was constantly checking her rear view mirror. Nervously, she turned the final corner and saw her destination a few hundred metres away.

Delphine parked the car a short walk from the house. After she had gathered her laptop bag, with a few files that might be interesting, as well as Cosima’s laptop, she got out of the car. Cautiously, she checked for anybody watching. When she did not see anything out of the ordinary, Delphine made her way to number 35.

After she rang the doorbell, Delphine found herself anxiously chewing on her lip. She smoothed her clothes. Her previous conversation with Cosima’s sister had not gone as she had expected, and it made her even more uneasy than she had been the first time she had stood on this same porch a week ago.

The door opened and Delphine was pulled inside. Alison took Delphine’s coat and laptop bag, and quickly searched them. When the clone saw that it contained nothing but papers and laptop, she put the bag aside. Still, she had not said a word to Delphine, who was standing on the doormat with her arms hanging by her side, not sure of what to do or say. Delphine reasoned that it was best to remain passive; she did not want to upset the clone again. Alison seemed much more hostile than the last time they had met, which was an achievement considering the way Alison had kicked Delphine out of her home a week ago.

After having patted Delphine down, in search for what Delphine assumed had to be weapons, a microphone, or both, Alison said, “Come with me. And be quiet.” She took the stairs to the basement, leaving Delphine with no choice but to follow.

Last time they had seen each other, Alison had threatened Delphine with a gun, and now Delphine was voluntarily entering this woman’s basement, where she would have no way out. Delphine was starting to believe that she might have made a mistake coming here without informing anybody of her whereabouts. 

When she reached the bottom of the short staircase, Delphine’s knees were weak. Quickly, she took in her surroundings. The basement had large French doors to the garden, as well as a door to a second room. She would have three escape options in case Alison had not invited her over with good intentions. The thought calmed Delphine’s nerves slightly.

The clone sat down on the couch, dropping Delphine’s bag next to her. “Sit,” she said, indicating the only chair in the room.

Again, Delphine did as she was told. She crossed her feet at the ankles, and waited for Alison to speak. When the clone did not say anything, Delphine said, “Thank you for inviting me back. I really need your help to-.”

“Shhh,” Alison shushed Delphine before she could finish her sentence.

Slightly offended, and very confused, Delphine tried to protest. The firm glare of the clone stopped her. Turning half around in her seat, Delphine followed Alison’s glance. From up the stairs, they could hear footsteps. It was too heavy to be one of the children, and Delphine anxiously looked at Alison’s reaction. The clone did not seem to be worried about it, but she had told Delphine to be quiet. Confused, Delphine waited for the owner of the footsteps to emerge from the staircase.

When she saw who it was, Delphine could feel her mouth drop. She looked back at the clone on the couch, who was grinning at her reaction.

“The kids are asleep,” said the clone who had just come down the stairs to the one sitting on the couch.

“Okay,” said the other.

Delphine leaned forward, observing the interaction between the clones. How had she been so stupid? The person who had let her in, had searched her, and had followed her into the basement was clearly not Alison. Delphine had unjustly assigned the different vibe she had gotten from the clone to the fact that the woman would be more on guard this time. She had been wrong; this was another person. This clone had no bangs, and her clothes clearly showed that she had a very different taste than the soccer mom. Now that they were right next to each other, the difference was clear to Delphine.

“You’re Elizabeth Childs?” Delphine asked. There were only two clones living in the Toronto area according to Cosima’s files. Delphine had contacted Alison, because Elizabeth had been extremely hard to track down. There had been no address for her, and online the clone had been untraceable. Yet there was no doubt in Delphine’s mind that this had to be the police detective; everybody else Cosima had been in touch with lived on another continent.

The two clones looked at Delphine, who had blurted the question out a little louder than she had intended.

“Yeah,” the clone said. “You can call me Beth.” She leaned back, as Alison sat down next to her.

“I, uhm,” Delphine said. “It’s nice to meet you, Beth.”

The clone rolled her eyes. “Can’t say the pleasure is mutual.”

Delphine nodded. She had not come here for pleasantries. She had no idea why exactly she was here; these clones were clearly up to something. Whatever they wanted, Delphine desperately needed their help. If only they would be a little more forthcoming.

“I am sorry that we have to meet this way,” Delphine offered. “I assume that Alison informed you of our previous conversation?” She looked at Beth, and glanced at Alison.

“Yeah, she told me about the monitors.” Beth ran her hand through her hair. “About our disease. And what you did to Cosima.”

Delphine looked down at her hands, folded tightly in her lap. This was probably her last chance of gaining the clones’ trust; she had to say the right thing. The pressure was pushing down on her, making it even harder to think clearly. “I, uhm,” Delphine started, looking up at two identical faces staring back at her. “I will be honest with you, because I hope that Cosima will be able to confirm this to you in the near future, so there isn’t a point in lying to you.”

Both clones nodded. They seemed to be giving Delphine the benefit of the doubt, though she did not understand why they would do so.

“Cosima is sick, and her only chance for a cure is with DYAD. The only chance for all of you,” Delphine said. “But she is being held there against her will. For which I’m to blame.”

“Yeah,” Beth said. “And what do you plan to do about it?”

“Yes, and more importantly: how can we help?” Alison added. 

Delphine thought for a second. “She is being held in a secure room, there is no way she can get out of there without help. And neither of you can get to her. The guards would stop you long before you reach her,” Delphine explained. “I got her in there, I will get her out.”

The clones exchanged a look; neither of them said anything out loud. They were clearly thinking about what Delphine had said. After what seemed like an eternity, Alison asked, “If you don’t want our help getting Cosima out of there, then what are you doing here?” She frowned, and crossed her arms, waiting for an explanation.

With a glance at Beth, Delphine said to Alison, “Cosima will need a safe place to stay once she escapes. Somewhere DYAD can’t find her.” Delphine shifted in her seat, uncomfortable under the inquisitive gaze of the two identical women. The fact that they looked so much like Cosima did not help Delphine, it only unsettled her more. “I do not know who to trust. But I do know that Cosima trusts you,” Delphine said, pleading for their help.

“Right, so you just want Cosima to move in here?” Alison asked, shocked by the idea. “What if they all come looking for her here? No, that is impossible! I can’t.”

“Bloody hell, Alison,” Beth said, irritated. “They already know you live here. Monitors, remember.” She pointed in Delphine’s direction.

“And what about my children? And Donnie? What will I tell them?” Alison argued with both Delphine and Beth. She stood up from the couch and paced the floor in front of the French doors. “Oh, this is your long lost aunt Cosima, who looks exactly like your mommy? Hmm?”

“Right,” Beth said. “You’re right. Calm down. Here is clearly not an option.” She leaned with her elbows on her knees, thinking for a moment. “I know a place where she can stay. You won’t be able to find her there,” Beth said to Delphine.

Biting on her bottom lip, Delphine nodded fervently. She would have to find another place for herself to lay low from DYAD. They would be searching for her almost as frantically as they would be looking for an escaped clone. But they would not be as forgiving towards her. Perhaps it was better if Delphine had no idea where Cosima was. In case she was found by DYAD and questioned for the clone’s location, Delphine would not be able to give up information she did not have, no matter what they did to her.

Alison sat down again, perched on the edge of the couch. She did not say anything, but fidgeted with her sleeves instead.

After they had contemplated this plan, which was nothing more than for Delphine to get Cosima out of her prison, something she was still not sure she would be able to do, and hand her over to her sisters, Beth scribbled a number down on a piece of wrapping paper from Alison’s craft room. “Text me when you have a real plan. When you know how, and when, Cosima will be free.”

“Yes, I will,” Delphine felt a surge of relief. This was better than she had hoped for. She had thought that she would have to figure everything out by herself, and it seemed a too daunting task for her alone. Now she would only have to find a way to get Cosima out of the building. That had to be achievable, right? “Thank you.” She reached for the scrap of pink paper. 

“Oi, not so fast,” Beth said, pulling her hand out of reach. “Before you leave, you’re going to tell us everything.” She laid the piece of paper on the table in front of her, and sat back. “From the start. Tell us all you know. The experiment, what your job is.”

“The monitors,” Alison said.

Beth nodded, agreeing with her sister. “What you did to Cosima,” she added to it. “What you’re doing to her,” she corrected herself. “Everything.”

Delphine pushed her hair out of her face. “ _Bien_ , but it is a long story. A lot of information,” Delphine said to the clones, not expecting them to object. When they did not, Delphine did as they asked, and told them everything she knew. Cosima would have to wait for that ice cream Delphine had promised her; Delphine would be in this basement for quite a long time.


	32. Cosima +252

Frustrated, Cosima twisted the individual atoms of the nonagon around. She had taken it apart a few days ago, careful not to disturb the order of the individual atoms. Cosima had hoped that there would be something inside, but they were ordinary model pieces. After having put them back together, and staring at them for four days, Cosima still had no clue what Delphine had tried to say when she made this nonsense for Cosima.

Delphine had been in a much better mood since she had returned with ice cream after the second stem cell transplant. And for reasons the immunologist had not wanted to share with Cosima, she had remained in such a cheerful mood, only rarely alternated with staring into space, with a pensive look on her face.

Right now, Cosima did an almost passable imitation of said look, trying to make sense of what Delphine was telling her with these five shapes. The only hint Delphine had given her was a glance at the DNA model Cosima had built. By now, it reached the ceiling and Cosima considered it finished. She had not enough model parts left to continue it anyway.

Cosima picked up the nonagon to the far right. She had made sure to remember the order, and keep the correct side up in the same way Delphine had laid them out for her. At the top, there was a single nitrogen atom. Then, counting clockwise, there were two oxygen atoms, and two carbon atoms, three oxygen atoms, and a last carbon atom next to the nitrogen at the start.

She considered every possible meaning of the molecules. They could not exist in nature, so they had to be some message. If only Cosima could figure out how to decode it. Laying the object down again, she got up from the bed. Before she got far, the cannula yanked her back down.

“Ugh,” Cosima groaned. These tubes were even more annoying than ear buds, and she constantly forgot she was wearing them. Cosima jerked the tubes out of her nose and threw them on the bed. There was no need to wear them all the time; the sick clone could manage a short while without the extra oxygen supply.

Straightening her glasses, she pushed herself off the bed again. Pacing back and forth, Cosima enjoyed the relative freedom of not being connected to the heavy oxygen tank. Revelling in large steps, Cosima was amazed at her own ability to enjoy luxuries she used to take for granted. As she passed by her bed, Cosima realized that that was exactly what she called it now: her bed.

The realization that this dreadful place was starting to feel like home hit Cosima hard. She stopped in the middle of a step. The blood rushed to her head, and she clenched her fists. Her mind went a million miles a second, while Cosima looked around the now very familiar room. When had this happened? How had this horrible place managed to become her home? And, the worst question of all: was a Stockholm syndrome applicable when you already sympathized with a person before they had abducted you?

Trying to get a grip, Cosima breathed heavily. She felt her heart beating too fast, and she could hear the blood rushing in her head. Her hands and feet were numb, and her limbs felt strangely slack. The black spots were dancing in front of her eyes again. The overall feeling was familiar.

Gripping tightly onto the edge of the bed, Cosima took a series of shallow breaths. Another seizure would not help her now. It had been awful the first time, and this time Delphine was not around to catch her when she would fall.

Once Cosima had regained control of her body, and saw clearly again, she slowly straightened her back. The dark spots in her vision did not return; she would be all right. 

Taking a deep breath, Cosima finally lost control. With a loud cry she punched the DNA model with her still clenched fist. The model was twice as tall as the clone, and came crashing down with a loud bang. Atoms jumped left and right, rolling all over the room. For good measure, Cosima kicked some of the remaining intact fragments apart.

She continued kicking every last molecule she saw, screaming all the while. The model she had spent three days building was gone within a minute. The clone did not stop, it felt so good to be the one destroying things, instead of building them. She was finally in control.

Not until she stepped onto a phosphorus atom with her bare foot, did Cosima calm down. The screaming turned into swearing as she sat down on the floor. Cradling her bare foot, she saw her desperate situation. The tears started streaming down her face.

Cosima sat on the floor, sobbing heavily. Wiping the tears off her face, she tried to keep from breaking down completely. Every time she thought the crying had stopped, more tears surfaced.

The swearing, which had turned into crying, in combination with he lack of the cannula, had Cosima out of breath quickly. She coughed for air. Blood sputtered from her mouth, and the bloody stains on her hands finally forced her to calm down. When Cosima had ceased coughing, and regained control over her breathing, she wiped her hands and face clean with a handkerchief. Her throat ached as if she had swallowed a grater, and it felt as if her oesophagus existed solely of abrasions.

Sniffing, Cosima wiped the tears from underneath her glasses, and discarded the bloody cloth in a corner of the room. She looked at the mess she had made. Sitting in between the model parts, and a few papers that had somehow gotten scattered around the room, she forced herself to get it together. She had to get out of this place now, and crying would not help her. Miserable, Cosima got to the task of gathering the model parts and dumping them into the crate.

She tossed handful after handful of atoms, which had been base pairs mere minutes ago, in the crate. Those parts had represented the essence of life, and they were all smashed to nothing by her own destructive behaviour. Ashamed, Cosima put another hand of metal pins into the bin. She was supposed to be a scientist, to love the miracle of nature. To build the biology, which could hold so much information in such minuscule parts, just by making sure they were in the right place, and in her rage she had torn all that apart.

Gasping for air with the sudden realization, Cosima dropped the handful of model parts she was holding. “Duh,” she said. Ignoring the rest of the mess, she pulled herself to her feet. Dizzy with the strenuous movement, she sat down on the bed. Cosima closed her eyes for a second, taking a few deep breaths. Her outburst had taken its toll; she was exhausted. 

There was no time to rest now. Cosima leaned over the other side of the bed, fishing the cannula tube from the floor where it had fallen after she had taken it off. The extra oxygen soothed her tired lungs, which no longer had to work so hard to keep her alive.

When her head cleared a little, Cosima crawled to the foot end of the bed. Under a spare blanket, she had hidden the five fragments Delphine had left for her. Pulling them from their hiding spot, she laid them out as she had done earlier; with each of the nitrogen atoms at the top, like Delphine had done.

“It is so obvious,” Cosima whispered. “Ones and zeros,” she added, with a French accent. That was what Delphine had said, when she had explained how she had found out about the patent. It was three weeks since Delphine had told Cosima that her makers legally owned her. The French scientist had told the clone how she had found the synthetic sequence, solely because they had not wanted her to find it. Within the synthetic sequence inserted into the clones’ DNA, there had been a message encrypted using binary. 

That was why Delphine had gestured so subtly at the DNA model. She was trying to tell Cosima that this message was encrypted in the same way her DNA was. Obviously, Delphine had not used base pairs to represent the ones and zeros, but oxygen and carbon atoms. The nitrogen atom had to be a start marker, leaving eight atoms left to convey a message of five symbols.

Cosima picked up the right nonagon again. Delphine had built them clockwise, so it was likely that they were meant to be read in the same direction. Cosima wondered which atom represented the one and which would be the zero. Tilting her head, Cosima decided that the oxygen had to be zero; O was basically the same as zero after all. In that case, the carbon atoms would symbolize the ones. 

If she was right, that meant that this specific fragment said, “00110001”. A large grin broke out on Cosima’s face, she was not the best at programming, but even she knew what that meant. This fragment meant “1”.

She had been right; it was binary. There was no way this was a coincidence. Frowning, Cosima wondered what it meant. At first she thought that the sequence might be her tag number, Delphine had mentioned that it was “324B21”. But those were six characters, and Delphine had given her only five. Besides, there was no point in giving Cosima an old message.

Pushing her glasses back up her nose, Cosima picked up the nonagon to the far left. If only she had her laptop, she would look it up in a matter of seconds. Instead, it took her over a minute to remember what this binary sequence stood for.

Cosima was grateful for the old-fashioned teacher that had taught the introduction to programming course she had followed during her undergraduate. He had insisted that his students knew these things by heart. At the time, Cosima had scoffed at his archaic ways; if she ever needed to know this, she would just look it up. But she had wanted to keep up her near perfect academic scores, and thus she had learned the alphabet, some numbers, and essential punctuation in binary format.

As she concluded that this combination stood for “J”, Cosima vowed that if she ever got out of here, she would send the old man a bottle of wine and a thank you note. The rest of the message was slowly decoded, and Cosima frowned again.

It said, “JSUT1”. That made no sense to the clone. Her first assumption was that she had mistranslated one of the characters. Unable to check her rusty knowledge of binary sequences, Cosima had to trust that she had been right. Twirling a dreadlock between her fingers, she wondered if maybe it was an abbreviation for something. But try as she did, she could not figure out what it could stand for.

Frustrated, Cosima lay down. She stared at the ceiling and wondered why Delphine had not just told Cosima what she wanted her to know. What was so super secretive that the doctor had encrypted it, trusting that Cosima could figure it out? Delphine had insinuated that they were being observed, but it would have saved them so much time if she had just taken that risk. Cosima furrowed her brow, touching one of the model pieces lying besides her face. Unless they were just listening, and not watching, it did not make sense to Cosima that Delphine would give her a visual message and not verbal.

Satisfied with that conclusion, Cosima propped herself up on her elbow. She poked one of the nonagons with her finger. With a start, she grabbed one of them and switched it with the piece besides it. Proudly, she sat up. “Oh,” she mumbled. She wanted to yell the answer out loud, but in light of her recent conclusion, she kept quiet.

Cosima shuffled the objects again; there was no longer a point in keeping them in the right order. “Just1” it had said. The clone frowned. She wondered if she had written that riddle down somewhere. It was an obvious reference to the password she had used with her sisters. Cosima was very sure that she had not; secret codes are of no use when written down.

What was Delphine trying to tell Cosima with this message? For the first time in weeks, Cosima felt a spark of hope. Just as Cosima got to the conclusion that it meant that Delphine must have spoken to one of her sisters, the only way she could have found out about the riddle, the door beeped. With her mind still reeling from all the information, Cosima looked up, expecting to see Delphine.

Instead, she saw herself walking into the room with confident strides, carefully avoiding the mess on the floor.

Cosima’s eyes widened; she had never seen one of her clones in real life. The few times she had spoken with her sisters was on Skype, and that was definitely not the same thing as seeing somebody with her face, and her body, standing right before her in high definition and three dimensions. 

The new clone was surely not somebody Cosima knew, this had to be another clone all together. She wore a tailored suit, her dyed blonde hair in a bob that looked as if it was trimmed this morning. Her make-up, manicure, every detail of her was perfectly on point. She walked proud and tall in her high heels, and she carried herself with a confidence that made it obvious that she had been born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

“Hello,” the clone said with a posh British accent, confirming Cosima’s first impression. “Rachel Duncan,” she introduced herself. 

Cosima was stunned, not only had this woman come out of nowhere, she was the opposite of how Cosima saw herself, making the physical similarities even more unsettling. Trying to get a better look, Cosima tilted her head and sat up a little straighter. “You sure are,” she said, lacking the ability to form more coherent thoughts. The last rational thinking part of her brain reminded her that the message from Delphine was laid out clearly in front of her. Even if this person could not understand it, she might still ask questions, and Cosima was a bad liar. Without looking away from the clone walking towards her, Cosima tore the pieces apart with her hands, leaving nothing but a pile of random atoms.

Rachel stopped a few feet from the bed, folding her hands in front of her. She looked down at Cosima, and the mess on the bed and floor. She raised an eyebrow, but did not comment on it.

“Uh, I’m Cosima,” Cosima said. She adjusted her glasses, and tried to look a little less surprised. “But you probably already knew that,” she added.

Rachel looked at her, neither confirming nor denying Cosima’s suspicion. “You have something on your face,” Rachel said, touching her own cheek.

Cosima mirrored the gesture, and rubbed her own cheek. When she removed her fingers, there was some dried up blood on them. “Yeah, that happens when you cough up blood.” She grinned at her clone, hoping she could charm her.

The British clone smiled politely, but the expression did not reach her eyes. She thought for a moment, glancing around the room. “Are you comfortable here?”

Laughing at the ridiculous question, Cosima shrugged. By now, she was on high alert. Since she had arrived here, nobody had spoken a word to her, aside from Delphine and Leekie. The only people she had seen were nurses, guards, and some lower ranking doctors. Everything about this woman, from her pose, to the way she spoke, told Cosima that this clone was in charge. Why had she not seen her before, and could she even remotely trust this Rachel?

With a nod, and this time a smile that did seem genuine, yet no less creepy, Rachel said, “In light of recent events, your treatment will be adjusted.” She turned around, carefully sidestepping the model parts on the floor.

“What!” Cosima blurted out. “How?” she asked, not able to form a proper question to inquire about the change of treatment. Why would they change a treatment that seemed to be working? And why was Delphine not telling her this? “Which. Which events?” Cosima stammered, suddenly worried about Delphine.

“Dr. Leekie is no longer with us,” Rachel said. “I am the new director of DYAD.” She gave Cosima a brisk nod, and turned around.

“But,” Cosima said. The door was already closed, and the strange clone was gone. “What?” There was too much confusing information for Cosima to handle at the same time. Cosima had no idea how all this might affect her. Wiping the broken pieces of Delphine’s message from the bed, Cosima curled up into a ball, lying down on the now free spot.


	33. Delphine +252

It was still early in the morning. Delphine had arrived at work a little less than an hour ago. A pile of paperwork had been waiting on her desk in the still dark office. The note on top of the stack of papers was from Dr. Nealon, asking her to finish it and get it to him as soon as possible. With a sigh and a groan, Delphine got to working her way through the pile as rapidly as she could.

She could swear that she had done most of this paperwork already. Delphine was irritated with the boring chore; she had better things to do with her precious time. She was working ridiculous hours, and needed every minute of it. Deep down she knew that she would not be able to keep up this pace without proper sleep and food for much longer.

Since having arrived in Canada, Delphine had never slept for more than five hours a night, and usually much less than that. In addition to lack of sleep, she regularly skipped meals in favour of work. And her job was starting to suffer under it, as was her own body. The fatigue had settled deep into her bones, and she was slowly starting to lose hope. While her tired brain was having more and more trouble every day keeping up with simple tasks, such as the paperwork she was doing right now, Delphine realized that she would not be useful for anybody for much longer.

Tucking the hair behind her ears, she signed her signature under the last of the lab work. Delphine got up from behind her desk. Tired from this small movement, she promised herself that she would go home at a normal time tonight, maybe take a bath, eat a full meal, and get at least eight hours of sleep. Delphine knew that she would need to build up her strength, because there was no way she was going to get Cosima out of this building if she was too tired after standing up from a chair.

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Delphine gathered the files. According to her watch, it was a quarter past seven in the morning. At this time, most of her colleagues were not yet at work, so the building would be mostly empty. Apparently, Alan Nealon had managed to get to Delphine’s office earlier than she had, and Delphine made her way to his office to hand him his papers.

When she arrived at Nealon’s office, it was empty. His coat was on the hook next to the door, but the doctor was nowhere to be found. Aggravated, Delphine looked at his lab across the hall, but it was locked. A peek through the tiny window in the door told her that nobody was in there; the lights were still off.

Delphine did not want to waste any more time searching for Dr. Nealon in the vast maze that the building was, so she dropped the papers on his desk. She quickly scribbled a note for him, and left. On her way back to her own office, Delphine wondered why he would give her these files so early in the morning, demanding that she work through them immediately, and then disappear.

Halfway back her own office, Delphine felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. With a frown, Delphine pulled it out. She hardly got any messages these days. Usually, they were from her phone service provider, as they reminded her weekly of the fact that she was in Canada. They informed her of the high costs of receiving and sending calls and texts from abroad, with an offer for a different subscription. Delphine always ignored them; it was not as if she called anybody. Occasionally, late at night when she was lying awake, she scrolled through old conversations she had shared with Cosima. Other than that, it was simply habit that she still carried the phone around.

Unlocking the screen, Delphine saw that it was a message from Aldous. He asked her to come to his office. “ _Merde_ ,” Delphine said out loud into the empty hallway. Part of the reason that she was here so early was to avoid Dr. Leekie, and the rest of her colleagues. When nobody but the security staff was here, she could spend as much time with Cosima as she wished. After having wasted an hour doing paperwork, she had to spend who-knows-how-much time with Aldous.

Delphine put on her friendly face, with a polite smile. With a deep breath, she turned around and made her way to Aldous’ office, which was much larger than her own, and had a breath-taking view of Toronto. It was filled with his little experiments, aimed more to impress guileless visitors, than to actually achieve anything scientific. Delphine had come to despise the pompous space, which had become a place of confrontation.

Bracing herself for another argument, Delphine wondered what Aldous wanted from her today. Lately, he had been pushing with renewed strength to rekindle their relationship. The mere thought made Delphine nauseous. She wondered how she had ever managed to tolerate the man, let alone encourage his behaviour. Granted, it had boosted her career to a level which would have taken her years longer to get to if she had refused him, but Delphine no longer desired a career. The trouble was, Delphine thought, that she could not flat-out refuse the man. He was prideful, and she could not afford to get onto his bad side, not now.

“You must be Dr. Cormier,” said a stranger behind the desk in front of Leekie’s office, when Delphine approached.

Delphine slowed down. She had a good look at the unfamiliar man; he was not one of Aldous’ assistants, who all were young, attractive and female. Unsure what this staff change meant, Delphine answered, “Uhm, yes.”

He nodded, and stood up from behind the desk. Motioning for her to follow, he led her into Aldous’ office.

Very confused, Delphine followed him. It was only when she was halfway to Aldous’ desk, once she looked away from the stranger and saw that the person standing in front of the window was not Dr. Leekie. Delphine came to a sudden halt.

The woman was talking to someone on the phone, with one hand on her hip, as she looked out of the window. She had her back to the entrance, so Delphine could not see her face, but her figure looked intimately familiar. Her suit was clearly tailor made, and her hair was short and dyed blonde. Despite all this, Delphine recognized her immediately.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Cormier,” the woman said, hanging the phone up, and turning around. “My name is Rachel Duncan.”

Delphine’s suspicion was confirmed as soon as the woman had turned around; this was another clone. Baffled, Delphine could not answer. She stood a few metres from the desk, trying to make out what this clone was doing in Aldous’ office, and why Delphine had never met her before. Everything about this clone, from her tailored suit, to the way she held her chin a little too high, screamed that she was an important person, and that she knew it.

The clone sat down behind Aldous’ desk, crossing her high-heeled feet at the ankles. She carefully laid her phone down.

“Could I get you tea, coffee?” asked the man that had accompanied Delphine into the office. He was standing next to the door, waiting to be dismissed.

Both women turned to look at him. “No, thank you,” Delphine answered. She would have loved a cup of coffee; she was exhausted and had not even had breakfast yet. Usually, Delphine would share a breakfast with Cosima, but she had yet to visit the imprisoned clone this morning. Still, for some reason, Delphine was reluctant to accept anything from these strangers. She turned back to the clone sitting in Dr. Leekie’s chair, behind his desk. “Where is Aldous?” Delphine asked.

Rachel sighed, and she looked at the immunologist for a long time. Even though the clone was seated, and Delphine was standing, somehow, it felt to Delphine as if the other woman was looking down at her, and not up.

Just as Delphine was about to break the uncomfortable silence, Rachel swirled her chair towards the man, still standing next to the entrance. “Tea, please, Martin,” she said. “And could you send a man round for Paul?”

With a brisk nod, Martin left the two women alone in the office.

After another sigh, Rachel turned back to Delphine, who was still waiting for an answer to her question. “Aldous suffered a fatal heart attack on one of our jets,” she said, taking a breath before continuing. “Bound for Langley last night.”

Delphine felt the blood rush to her head, and her hands trembled, while she tried not to show her reaction. She could physically feel the blow as the news shook her to her core. It was not as if she could truly bring herself to grieve for Aldous, not anymore. What scared her was the implication that came with the cold announcement; this stranger was making it very clear that her power was absolute; she was warning Delphine. 

And still, Delphine was having trouble catching up with the events. She could understand the threat, but Delphine did not know what this would mean for herself, or more importantly, for Cosima. “Excuse me?” she said.

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said, without missing a beat. “I know you were close.”

Delphine breathed deeply, trying not to show her growing panic. She nodded hurriedly at Rachel’s condolences, and tried to ignore the snide comment about her relationship with Aldous. Their less-than-professional relationship had never been a secret, and Delphine had never been truly bothered by her colleagues knowing. Only when people pointed it out, or worse, when Aldous had boasted about it to others, it would make her cringe.

“For now, you will report to me,” Rachel continued.

Knowing that she had to say something, Delphine tried to find words to express her confusion. This was going too fast for the scientist. She had next to no information as to how exactly the cards in this power play had been reshuffled. Shaking her head as she frowned, Delphine worried that she had fallen from her spot at the top, right back down to the bottom. “That is, uhm…”

“…difficult,” Rachel completed Delphine’s sentence. “For us both.” She got up from her seat, and walked around the table. “But, despite this tragedy, it has come to light that Aldous buried crucial information about the origins of the experiment.” She looked at Delphine.

Swallowing deeply, Delphine tried to assess the intentions of the clone in front of her.

“Delphine, we may have a breakthrough for Cosima,” Rachel said. Despite her high heels, she was now visibly looking up at Delphine, and it gave Delphine a strange sense of comfort.

“Yes,” Delphine said. She already knew this. She had been working on it with Dr. Nealon for weeks now, while this person standing before her had been nowhere in sight. Suddenly she worried that her new boss would terminate the experiments.

“For us all,” Rachel said, nodding.

Still unsure what Rachel was trying to tell her, Delphine understood that at least Cosima was safe, for now. This clone would succumb to the same illness sooner or later, and when that happened, she would want a cure at her disposal. Of course, she would need to be sure that it worked, and thus Cosima would have to be cured. Not saying anything, Delphine waited for an elaboration. She had been summoned after all, and surely not just to be informed of Aldous’ demise. 

“Now that we have met, you will need to sign a new confidentiality agreement. It will be waiting in your office,” Rachel said. She turned around and walked towards the window. Without looking at Delphine, she told the Toronto skyline, “You will no longer be in touch with your subject. I need you to focus on finding a cure, and your unprofessional relationship with her will no longer be condoned.”

Seeing that she was being dismissed, Delphine left the office without saying another word. Protesting would not get her anywhere with this woman, she would have to find another way. While she walked towards her office, Delphine realized that even though she was not yet fired, she was suddenly on very thin ice. If she wanted to help Cosima, it would have to be done very soon, before she became completely lost in the already confusing politics of this company, or worse, ended up in a private jet as well.


	34. Cosima +255

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should start with a warning that this is the penultimate chapter of this fic. Before you read it, know that what happens in this chapter is possible, I did the science to prove it. Please do not try it at home! An elaborate explanation (or as elaborate as possible with a very limited character count) follows in a note at the bottom of the page.

It was late in the evening of the fourth day since Cosima had last seen Delphine. That last time had been the evening before the morning Cosima had first met Rachel. At first, that meeting had bewildered Cosima. Yet, she had waited patiently for Delphine to explain what had just happened.

More important than getting an explanation about this new clone, had been to confront Delphine about the message Cosima had just decrypted. Even the mere suggestion that Delphine was in touch had given Cosima a surge of hope. But as the number of days that Cosima neither saw nor heard from Delphine grew, she turned impatient, and then worried.

Anxiously, Cosima toyed with one of the surgical gloves Delphine had forgotten after she had collected a blood sample a week ago. During the entire period that Cosima had been locked up in this tiny room, Delphine had visited every single day. It was the one thing Cosima could count on in here. The fact that she had not seen the immunologist for several days scared Cosima; something had to be seriously wrong for Delphine not to come and see how Cosima was doing.

For days now, Cosima had wondered whether the absence of the French scientist was because Delphine had given up on Cosima, or because she was hindered. There was no way for Cosima to find out where Delphine was, or why she was there and not here with Cosima. So instead of going crazy trying to find the answer to those questions, she had made up her mind; she would get out of here, and she would do it today.

It was all or nothing. The only way they would keep her here was if she died in her attempt to break out. It was the move of somebody who was at wits end. And if she did manage to get somewhere safe, Cosima might try to get in touch with Delphine. Her first priority was getting herself out of this prison.

Cosima got up from her seat, and opened the second drawer of the dresser. Out of the few clothes she was allowed to have in here, she selected two sweaters. The thickest of the pair she put on. The moist sea climate of the Bay Area often resulted in cold nights, and Cosima had been inside a climate-controlled room for a long time; she would need a little extra warmth. In the top drawer, Cosima found a few pairs of socks. She pulled several on. Since she was inside, they seemed to think she did not need shoes. If Cosima needed to run away from these monsters in a dark city, protecting her feet from glass and anything else that could slow her down might save her. 

Now dressed for the occasion, Cosima went to inspect the door. In the past weeks, she had noticed that there would be no guard on duty at night. And since she had already received her dinner, and Delphine seemed to have abandoned her, the evening would be Cosima’s best moment to escape. The only obstacle between the clone and freedom was the massive door in front of her.

It was solid wood. The hinges were on the other side, and the seams of the door were protected with strips, much like people use to prevent burglars from breaking open their front door. Even if she would had something to use as a pry bar, Cosima would have no use for it. Still, she was pretty sure that the door was the only weak spot of the room.

It might be massive, and have a good security system, but it was obvious that the door was not originally intended to keep anybody inside. Cosima was no electrician, but she knew enough to be sure that an electrical lock like this one would open in case it broke. Non-mechanical locks like these were made that way to keep people from being locked in in case of a power outage or a fire.

Kneeling in front of the lock, Cosima peeked into the small gap in the card reader. Earlier today, she had managed to pry a small corner loose at the top. She had broken a nail, and it was far from wide enough to reach the wires inside, but it was sufficient for her to have a good look. Behind the thin plastic layer, she could see what seemed to be an antenna to read the pass cards, a chip of some kind, and several wires; they were just beyond her reach. 

If only she had something to reach inside, and pull the wires free. She did not have anything thin and long enough, and try as she did, she could not get the rest of the protective layer off. Besides, if she started to pull random wires loose, she might break the circuit and open the door, but she also risked electrocuting herself. A much better option was to send a surge of energy through the chip; it would destroy it just as easily, and Cosima knew just how to aim enough energy at the bundle of wires behind the thin cover; a small local fire was just what she needed.

Pulling herself up by the edge of the dresser, Cosima grabbed the second sweater still lying on top of it. From the still open drawer, she collected the metal pins she had hidden between her underwear. They were the connecting pieces from the DNA model. All the other parts were gone, but she had kept a dozen or so of the metal pieces. They were not large enough to reach the wires, but they would be no less helpful to Cosima.

With her right hand full of pins, the clone balanced the sweater, and a scientific paper on her arm. She used her other hand to drag the oxygen tank behind her, into the bathroom.

After she had dumped the sweater and the papers on the closed toilet seat, Cosima closed the valve of the oxygen tank. She struggled for a moment to get the cannula out of her nose, and untangled from her sweater. Once she had removed the tubes from underneath her clothes, she disconnected it from the tank. She would not be able to carry the heavy tank with her; it would slow her down too much.

Rummaging through the cupboard under the sink, Cosima collected a few things she needed. She tied her dreadlocks in a bun, and laid everything she had gathered out on top of the toilet. In preparation of her escape, Cosima had not showered, or used warm water, in the last 24 hours to make sure that both the shower floor, and the air in the bathroom were as dry as possible; she hoped that it was enough.

She opened a few buttons of her sweater. It was a little too warm, but Cosima was afraid that she would forget it once she was ready to make a run for it, so she did not dare to take it off. With a groan, Cosima sat down on the floor in between the toilet and the shower. 

After a quick check to see if everything she needed was within arm’s reach, Cosima got to work. From her pocket, she produced the pair of surgical gloves. Dumping one of them in the pile of things on the toilet, she blew some air in the other one to check for holes. When she held it to her lips, for a brief moment, Cosima thought she could smell Delphine. Shaking her head, she attributed it to her imagination.

When the quality of the glove proved up to her standards, Cosima dug a can of deodorant from the pile on the toilet seat. She held the can just inside the glove, and closed her hand around it, creating an airtight passage. Fumbling with her hands, trying not to let anything escape in the meantime, Cosima pressed the button of the deodorant. With a soft whoosh, the glove inflated in her hand. 

When the glove was fully inflated, Cosima kept going. Only when drops were starting to form in the fingers of the glove, she stopped. Quickly, she removed the can from the entrance and closed it with her hand. The glove was cold to the touch, and it did not deflate. Lifting it up to the light, Cosima looked at what seemed to be air. Yet the cold gaseous mixture inside of the glove was her fuel: the driving gasses in a can of deodorant would burn perfectly. And if she could make it burn in a controlled way, aimed at the lock, it should burn through the plastic and the wires.

The only other ingredients needed for any fire were oxygen and a high temperature. She had the first one in ample supply, standing right in front of her. Repeating the trick she had used for the deodorant, Cosima wrapped the entrance of the glove around the valve of the oxygen tank. Gently, she opened the tap and added a little to the glove. Again, the taut glove grew very cold, yet Cosima did not hesitate and put a knot in the opening. The funny shaped balloon would burn bright and fast, if she could manage to raise the temperature enough.

Cosima was uncomfortably unsure of what she was doing. She knew the chemistry behind the explosion she was about to create; it was a simple adiabatic combustion. It was the fact that Cosima had added a random amount of deodorant and oxygen to the glove, so she had no way of knowing if it would burn hot enough, or if it would blow up the room, and Cosima with it.

Pushing that thought to the deepest corner of her mind, Cosima leaned back against the tiled wall. In her pile of supplies, she found a tampon. She unwrapped it, and untangled the tampon and thread from the useless applicator. Groaning, Cosima pulled on the blue string as hard as she could. The fingertips around which the cotton string was wrapped had turned bluish by the time it finally snapped.

Sucking on her sore fingertips, Cosima closed her eyes for a second. The lack of oxygen was already starting to get to her, and it alarmed her. She would not be able to outrun a turtle like this. She would have to get very lucky and not run into anybody once she was outside this prison.

Once her fingers had regained all feeling, Cosima got back to work. She tied one side of the string around the knot in the glove, so that the long end of it was still hanging off. With the contents of an almost empty tube of lip balm, she generously greased the string. 

Wiping her oily fingers on her lips, Cosima regarded her glove bomb. The makeshift wick would give her a chance to get out of the way, in case this explosive was more forceful than she had anticipated. It should not be necessary, only a small amount of energy was needed to burn through the plastic cover, and destroy the lock. Yet, Cosima preferred to be on the safe side when playing with fire. 

Cosima got up from the floor. She was careful not to break the thin glove, for she had only one chance. With a rattling cough, she made her way to the door. Poking a tiny hole in the wrist of the glove, on the outside of the knot, she hung it from the already bent edge of the plastic cover. When it held in place after a few tries, she adjusted it so that it was positioned right over the chip. Cosima readjusted the wick, so it would burn freely for as long as possible.

Satisfied with the position of the glove, she prodded it. It was still fully inflated; all the fuel and oxygen she needed were still in there. Now for the hard part, a small spark was all she needed to light it. Unfortunately for Cosima, everything that could spark in this room was either removed, or out of her reach. The ceiling was too high for the tiny clone to touch the only lights, and there were no electrical outlets, or even a switch for her to light a fire. 

Lighting a fire using friction was a possibility, but Cosima was worried it would be a lot of hard work. So instead she opted to using her brains. Already tired, she walked back into the bathroom. She sank down to the same spot, and folded her legs underneath her.

She did not take a moment to relax, but got right to work ripping up the paper and bunching them up in loose wads. Cosima piled them in the centre of the empty shower floor, and she arranged the metal pins on top of the paper mountain. It was a strange structure, but it would burn easily, and not spread from the shower.

The problem was that fire consumes paper within seconds, and Cosima would have to transfer it from the shower all the way to the door in a controlled way. It would have been easier to just light the fire in directly at the door. It was Cosima’s fear of accidentally lighting the explosive glove too soon, and injuring herself that forced her to find a way to light the fire somewhere else, and carry a small flame towards the glove.

Again, the stingless tampon, no longer suitable for its original purpose, would prove that it was still useful. Like she had done with the string, Cosima applied lip balm over the tip of the cotton wad. Once she was out of wax, she set the empty tube and the sticky tampon aside. 

Coughing, she pushed the oxygen tank out of the bathroom. It rolled into the other room. With a loud thud, it came to a stop against the bed frame. Cosima concluded that it would be a safe enough distance. She crawled back to the shower, and found the second surgical glove. This one, she inflated with just air, blowing into it until it was stretched to its limit. With a quick knot, it was ready.

The second sweater, a gift from Delphine, and made of pure wool, was still lying where Cosima had left it. She laid it out across her lap, and rubbed the inflated glove lightly and rapidly across the surface. She kept going, fast and strong until her arm started to tire, and the hairs on her arm were standing. 

Cosima brought the balloon to the pile of paper, close to the metal pins. Nothing happened. Having anticipated this, Cosima started at step one. She rubbed the glove over the woollen sweater, and tried again. Several tries, and an aching hand, later, a tiny spark finally jumped between the glove and the metal, lighting the paper on fire. 

Excitedly, Cosima softly blew on the flame to encourage it. Once she had a proper flame, she held the greasy tampon next to it. It lit without any hesitation, and burned with a small, yet steady flame. It would be easy to control, and did not go out as she carried the flame to the door. 

With a wide detour, so she would not accidentally light the explosive glove directly, Cosima brought the flame to the wick. It took her a second to transfer the flame to the blue string. Once it was lit, the flame crept upwards rapidly.

Cosima took a few steps back, hiding the majority of her body safely behind the bed. Just as she thought that the tiny flame had gone out, there was a bright flash, and a loud hiss. There was no explosion, no loud bang, just a bright flame where the lock had been. Amazed that it actually worked, Cosima took a closer look.

It seemed as if the lock had been burned all the way through. There was still a large flame coming from the shrivelled glove. Afraid that a fire alarm would go off, Cosima tried to open the door. It was impossible. There was nothing to grip, only smooth wood.

The flames extinguished quickly, and Cosima did not want to wait any longer. The only spot she could use to pull the door inwards were the mangled remains of the lock. Cosima hooked the fingers of her right hand around the half molten edge of the plastic lock, intending to use it as a door handle. What had looked like freshly solidified plastic had not completely set yet. Cosima jerked her hand back when she touched the hot surface, causing her to bump the back of her wrist into the other side of the lock.

“Shit,” Cosima yelled. She looked at her hand. There was black plastic molten onto her fingertips and onto her wrist. The skin around it was red and painful. Swearing, Cosima did not let it slow her down, there were no blisters, and she was already taking too long.

She pulled her left hand into her sleeve, and quickly pulled the door open. Her sleeve was scorched, but her skin was not burned, and the door opened slightly. It was a gap just large enough for Cosima to open it further. She did just that, and opened the door all the way.

Her heart was racing, and even though she was tired, dizzy, and in a lot of pain, the adrenaline kept Cosima going. She looked down the empty white hallway in both directions. There was nobody in sight, and it was uncannily quiet.

In all her daydreaming and planning of an escape, Cosima had thought of a billion ways to open that door, but now that that part was done, she had no idea what to do next. She had been unconscious when she was brought in, so she had no idea where to find an exit. There was nothing to give Cosima a hint as to which direction might be her best chance.

She was anxious to get out of the room, and at the same time terrified to take that first step. Indecisive, Cosima looked right and left, as she weighed her chances. Should she go to the right, or to the left? Softly, and from a far distance, the sound of a door closing shook Cosima out of her contemplation.

With a deep breath, Cosima turned to the right side of the corridor. The few times she had been out of the room, she had always been taken to the left side. There had been no indication of an exit in that direction, so she figured that going to the right would give her a better chance.

The upside of having no shoes, Cosima found, was that she was making almost no sound. Only the soft rasping of her breath, and the buzzing of the lights accompanied her. Since she was in no shape to run, Cosima hoped that she would be able to sneak out of here without anybody noticing. 

All went according to that plan for a while. Cosima was making good progress; turning corners left and right, making quick, random decisions, since there were no indications anywhere as to where the corridors led. Occasionally, Cosima tried a door, but they were all locked, so she kept going.

After what seemed like half an hour, but it could not have been more than ten minutes, Cosima was starting to wonder if she was going in circles. This place was a maze, and she had not yet encountered any stairs, exits, or windows.

Cosima leaned against a wall. She was tiring rapidly, and coughing much more frequently without any help from her oxygen tank. Her hand was throbbing, and she was wondering what she should do, since she was clearly not getting anywhere closer to an exit. The clone realized that she might have escaped from the room, but not yet from her prison. If she could not find an exit soon, she would be found by a guard, and dragged back in to that claustrophobia inducing space.

With renewed energy, Cosima forced herself to continue going. She was just starting to feel hopeful again, when she turned a corner and saw somebody walking towards her, only a few steps away. Slipping on her socks, Cosima tried to turn around.

“Cosima,” Delphine yelled.

In her fear, Cosima had not recognized Delphine, but had turned around and ran in the opposite direction without hesitating. Even if she had recognized Delphine, she would have ran. After not having seen her in days, Cosima had lost the last shred of faith she had left in Delphine.

Delphine took a few large steps, and grabbed Cosima from behind. “Cosima,” she said, this time much more subdued. She turned a struggling Cosima around, taking hold of both her hands. “What? How did you-? Cosima?”

“Let me go,” Cosima screamed. Delphine had a solid hold of her hands, her strong fingers wrapped around Cosima’s painful right wrist. “You’re hurting me. Get off me!” She fought to pull her arms free, trying to get out of her captor’s grip.

“Cosima, calm down,” Delphine said. She held Cosima tightly in her grip, and tried to get the clone to look her in the eye. “Please, I’m trying to help you.”

“Let go,” Cosima yelled. She swore and kicked. The exercise and the blind panic, was increasing her breathing to a level her damaged lungs could not handle. Cosima started to cough, and the blood sputtered from her lips. She made a last attempt at pushing Delphine away, but the pain in her chest and hand was blinding, and it was a weak attempt. “Let me go.”

Delphine did not let her go. She held Cosima up, while her thumbs gently rubbed Cosima’s arms as the coughing continued. “Cosima, please. Let me help you,” Delphine said.

Too tired to fight her any longer, Cosima finally looked Delphine in the eyes.

“I know you have no reason left to trust me, and I don't expect you to,” Delphine said. She smiled sadly at Cosima. “I’ve given you plenty of reasons not to trust me, but you have no choice but to trust me right now. Please, Cosima, come with me.” She slackened her vice grip on Cosima’s arms, staring intently at the clone.

Cosima pulled her arms free as soon as she could. She wiped the blood from her face, and stumbled a few paces back. From the corridor behind her, she heard the sounds of at least two pairs of heavy boots. Startled, Cosima looked at Delphine, before looking over her shoulder. She did not see anybody there yet, but they could not be far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fire or small explosion will cause a short circuit in the keypad, allowing the door to open. In order not to electrocute herself, Cosima doesn’t directly tamper with the wires, but instead opts to set fire to them. A fire like this one is in essence a surge of energy; this energy will burn through the wires, destroying them. An unpredictable fire, such as in the shower, might be hard to focus on such a small spot, thus a quick explosion is preferred.
> 
> A fire needs oxygen, fuel and heat in order to work. Most modern deodorant sprays use butane or propane as a propellant to force the working agent out of the can. These gases are both very flammable. Other components of the deodorant like alcohol and a bunch of other chemicals are very flammable as well, but in order to keep it simple, we will assume for now that it is just butane. And in combination with a little extra oxygen, everything is even more flammable. Aside from extra oxygen, of course it is possible to burn the gasses straight out of the can while you spray, but this would lead to a wide spread flame, and thus less energy focussed exactly where you’d want it.
> 
> When spaying the butane (from the deodorant) and oxygen into a small container (the airtight glove), they are mixed together. The first two requirements for a fire are there, only heat needs to be added. A couple of electric sparks can light paper on fire. When Cosima rubbed the inflated glove over the woolen surface, electrons moved into the glove, giving it a negative charge. For this the air needs to be dry, because in moist air water molecules collect on the surface of the glove, and it will be much harder to be charged. When trying this, I found it pretty much impossible to do with wool, but my hair worked much better. Since I don’t have dreadlocks, I have no idea how effective that would be for Cosima. If somebody has dreadlocks, I’d love it if you could tell me what happens when you rub a balloon on them. When Cosima holds the negatively charged glove close to the metal, but not touching it, the relative difference in charge will be cause the electrons to jump to the metal in the shape of a spark. This is the same thing that happens during lightning, when sparks fly from the negatively charged cloud droplets to the relatively positive ground.
> 
> Since such a small fire as created like this, would be hard for Cosima to transfer, a more controlled flame is created. Most tampons are made of cotton, which is known for burning good and slowly, and ideal to keep a small flame burning for a while. Coating it in lip balm, which is often wax or petroleum based, helps it burn a little brighter.
> 
> When blowing things up, it is quite important to include a wick. A cotton string, again coated in wax to burn better, will suffice here. In case you were wondering, out of all of this, removing the string from the tampon without using scissors was the hardest part.. Of course, when field testing this, I did not use extra oxygen, because that stuff is really dangerous and also surprisingly hard to get. Either way, I got a pretty big blow without additional oxygen. Please don’t try it at home, because butane is really flammable and you could seriously hurt yourself, I did and that was with a balloon only 10 percent the volume of an average sized glove.
> 
> If you’re still sceptic, I did not only field test this theory on small scale without additional oxygen, but I also did the math. This is based on the assumption that there is only butane and oxygen in the glove, nothing else, which is obviously wrong, but makes it much easier to calculate with. When mixing butane (C4H10) and dioxygen (O2), you will get carbon dioxide (CO2), water (H20) and energy. This is the following chemical reaction:
> 
> 2C4H10 (g)  \+ 13O2 (g)  → 8CO2 (g)  \+ 10H20 (g)  \+ {energy}
> 
> The volume of a glove filling Delphine’s hand (I used my own hand as an estimation since we are roughly the same size) is approximately 3.0 dL or 0.3 dm3. If we assume a room temperature of 295 K (21 deg C, 71.3 deg F), one dm3 can contain 0.042 moles of any gas at standard pressure. This means that a glove of 0.3 dm3 can hold up to 0.013 moles of gas.
> 
> This should contain about 4,982 kJ of energy. This is the equivalent of 1.191 grams of TNT (a kg of TNT can completely obliterate a car). Or this is the same amount of energy as in 8.004 Eskimo Pies, whichever scale of energy you prefer. And, more importantly, this should be enough to cause a short circuit and break the lock.
> 
> As a disclaimer I’d like to add that I am neither a chemist, nor a physicist so I might be wrong about the exact numbers, but the blisters on my fingers don’t lie. If you have any questions, or suggestions for a better escape plan, please do tell me!


	35. Delphine +255

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I mentioned in the previous chapter, this week will be the last chapter of this fic. It pains me to end it, but I feel that dragging it on indefinitely will not make it any better. Of course, I could keep going for another 35 chapters, but after having updated every single week for over eight months I need a break. Partially because I simply have a lot of other things to do, and partially because having to produce a chapter every single week was starting to feel like a chore. I don’t even remember what I used to do in my free time a year ago. In the past few days after I finished writing this chapter/fic, I have slept a lot, I read three books in as many days, and I did quite some socialising, which apparently is still a thing people do. That said, I do enjoy writing, and if enough people are interested, I might be up for starting a second part in a few weeks, when I have had the time to catch up with other things a little.
> 
> If you would like a sequel, please do tell me. And more importantly, let me know what you would like to see in a second part. You made it >85,000 words (that is like an actual novel!) into this fic, so I assume there is something that you must enjoy about this story and/or my writing. I am not asking for prompts, though I am totally open to suggestions, but more looking for some feedback on my writing in general. Do you enjoy the (notes on) science, or would you rather I keep it a bit more simple? English isn’t my first language, so I know my sentence structure and word choice might be odd at times, does this bother you? What would you like to see (more off) in a potential next part? Would you like more details, more dialogue, more French, or less? Do you like a weekly update on Thursdays, or would another day/time be better? I would like to keep improving, and could definitely use some help with that. Of course, you don’t have to comment, and I am absolutely _not_ asking for compliments, just for your honest opinion.
> 
> And whether you comment or not, thank you for reading. I do hope you enjoyed it up to now, and that this last chapter doesn’t disappoint. Thank you buddies for your kindness, enthusiasm, encouragement, and most importantly, for keeping me going!

Cosima was not cooperating. With dishevelled clothes, glasses crooked, dreadlocks hanging in front of her face, pupils blown wide, face pale and sweaty, the clone looked like a wild animal. She was even growling, and screaming incoherently, while she tried to pull herself from Delphine’s grip. Cosima’s chest was heaving as if she was not getting enough air.

Perhaps it was because of a lack of oxygen, or maybe Cosima was just weakened. It took Delphine very little effort to keep Cosima in place, as she tried to reason with her. Concerned for Cosima’s health and safety, Delphine tried to get her to look her in the eyes and reason with her.

The clone’s eyes seemed unfocused. She was coughing and did not seem to register what Delphine said at all. Seeing that she was not getting through to Cosima, Delphine slowly softened her grip on Cosima’s arms. She made sure to not completely let go; if Cosima ran now, the wrong people would most definitely catch her.

The coughing worsened, and Cosima started to spit up blood. Delphine hated the familiar sight of the blood, painting Cosima’s lips red. Gently, she rubbed Cosima’s arms, hoping that might soothe her a little, and, at the same time, prevent her from falling to the floor.

By the time the coughing had subsided, Delphine could taste her own blood. She was biting her bottom lip, as she was growing more concerned by the minute that they would be caught. Cosima was making an awful lot of noise; her coughs echoed against the empty walls, and somebody must have heard her screaming earlier. Delphine glanced around, wondering if she could just pick up the tiny clone and carry her out of here. It was not an option; Delphine would need her hands, and if Cosima were to struggle, Delphine would not be able to hold her in her arms. Besides, she did not want to bring Cosima anywhere against her will ever again.

“Cosima please,” Delphine said, trying to stop the sick clone from coughing was impossible, but Delphine wished that Cosima could be a little more quiet. When she could feel the muscles in Cosima’s arms start to relax again as her fit subsided, Delphine continued to hold her close. “Let me help you.”

Weary, Cosima raised her head. There was blood on her lips, and a small red trickle was running down her chin. Taking an eternity, Cosima lifted her eyes and looked up at Delphine. She seemed tired, too tired to fight any longer.

Delphine sensed that this was her last chance. This was Cosima’s last chance. Delphine spoke up, looking intently at Cosima in an effort to keep her attention, “I know you have no reason left to trust me, and I don't expect you to.” It was true; Delphine knew that Cosima would not trust her. The tiny bit of trust she had managed to painstakingly rebuild must have evaporated in the last few days, when Delphine had not been allowed to see Cosima. “I’ve given you plenty of reasons not to trust me, but you have no choice but to trust me right now,” she continued to plead with Cosima.

Her absence had not meant that Delphine had stopped caring about Cosima. Even when she had not been with the clone in person, her every thought revolved around Cosima. She had been working around the clock for the past four days to make sure that everything was arranged for Cosima to get out of here safely, and to organize a protected place for her to hide.

Delphine had been shocked to see that Cosima had managed to get out of the room by herself. She had a million questions for Cosima, but right now they had to wait, somebody monitoring the security cameras must have seen Cosima wandering about the empty corridors. Delphine had managed to react relatively quickly when she ran into Cosima, but this delay in the hallway was throwing her entire escape plan out of its delicate balance. If Delphine could not convince Cosima to come with her right now, they would not have another chance for an escape. “Please, Cosima, come with me,” Delphine begged.

As a gesture of good faith, she let go off Cosima’s arms completely. Observing her reaction intently, Delphine wondered what her alternative was if Cosima chose not to come with her. 

Cosima stumbled backward immediately. She looked around her, startled and scared, weighing her options. Would she put her fate in Delphine’s hands, or would she make a run for it alone? Before the bewildered clone could make a decision, they heard the sound of several people walking towards them from the direction of Cosima’s prison. The guards must have noticed there was unusual activity in the most secure area of the building in the middle of the night.

Delphine looked over Cosima’s shoulder. She did not see anybody, yet. Anxiously, Delphine watched Cosima, who was trying to see in the same direction as Delphine had been looking at seconds ago, without letting Delphine out of her sight. Cosima’s thoughts were indefinable; the clone was clearly frightened, but whether she was actually considering Delphine’s offer, or about to make a run for it alone, was unclear to Delphine. 

“Okay,” Cosima said, her voice trembling. “I guess it is you or whoever that is.” She looked up at Delphine, seeming incredibly small as she put her faith in Delphine’s hands. “Please, take me out of here.”

Taking a shaky breath, Delphine nodded. This was what she had been hoping for, and yet the weight of the responsibility, given freely, was suddenly more than she could handle. Perhaps, if she had been given the time to prepare properly, or if the footsteps closing in on them rapidly had not cut them off from the exit Delphine had planned to take, she would have not been so terrified of failing Cosima. 

“Follow me,” she whispered. Delphine took Cosima’s left hand in her right, and took off at a brisk pace. She wanted to run; the sound of, what had to be, guards, was far too close to her liking. Cosima would not be able to run for more than a few seconds, and she needed the clone to be able to stand up, so Delphine settled for walking. This meant that at least they could be stealthy, and hopefully nobody would be able to follow them.

Next to Delphine, Cosima was having trouble keeping up with her. She was breathing heavily, stumbling occasionally, and let out a wet cough every few minutes. To her credit, she did not complain. Cosima did not say anything at all; Delphine had never seen her quiet for this long before. Instead, the clone looked around, taking in her surroundings, and watching out for guards.

Guiding Cosima to another exit, Delphine got more frightened with every step they took. It had been her intention to go to Cosima’s prison room long after everybody had left at the end of the day, and take Cosima to her car waiting just outside the emergency exit. That exit would have been only a few hundred metres from the clone’s room, and they would be outside within a few minutes. But having run into Cosima on her way down, and with the guards standing in between them and that exit, Delphine resorted to a hastily put together plan B.

Delphine pulled Cosima along a little faster. Cosima was not walking quick enough. At the bottom of the main staircase, Delphine stopped to find her key card.

While Delphine was digging in her pocket, Cosima let go of her hand. Leaning against the wall, she breathed deeply. Her eyes were closed, and there was still blood around her mouth. “Are you all right?” Delphine asked. If only Cosima had not managed to get out of her room by herself, they would already be outside by now. 

Cosima nodded, too out of breath to answer verbally. She turned her head around, and opened her eyes for a second, observing what Delphine was doing.

When the immunologist had finally found the correct key card, she held it up for Cosima with an encouraging smile. It was Dr. Nealon’s card; her own card no longer had access to the lower level of the building, or Cosima’s room. It was the reason it had taken Delphine so long to get to the clone; she was no thief, and stealing Dr. Nealon’s card had been far more difficult than she had expected.

Cosima smiled back at her, closing her eyes again. She did not seem very happy with the prospect of having to walk again. Somehow, when Delphine opened the door, she did manage to push herself from the wall. With a determined nod, she took hold of Delphine’s hand again.

When they were standing in front of the stairs, Delphine hesitated. “Can you do this?” she asked, looking at Cosima in the fluorescent light.

“Yeah,” Cosima whispered. She gave Delphine’s hand a soft squeeze, before letting go in favour of gripping the handrail. After a few steps, Cosima had gained some momentum, and went up the stairs almost quickly.

Delphine made sure to be no more than two steps behind her, ready to catch the sick clone if needed. It was never necessary, and they found themselves at entry level before long.

Cosima leaned on Delphine’s shoulder. Impatiently, Delphine waited for her to catch her breath. She bit her bottom lip, trying to figure out what to do next. They would have to walk right across the main lobby, where a night-guard would be posted with clear view of the front door.

“What now?” Cosima asked. She coughed, and her body convulsed violently against Delphine’s.

“I, I’m not sure,” Delphine admitted. “There will be a guard.”

Cosima nodded. She wiped her mouth and asked, “Will he stop you?”

“No,” Delphine said. All the guards knew she worked late. Delphine always greeted them friendly, and they would wish her a good night. Despite the fact that Rachel had limited Delphine’s access around the building, and much worse, to certain data, the guards did not seem to have a changed attitude around her.

“Will they stop me?” Cosima asked. She was still holding onto Delphine. 

Delphine thought about that for a while. “ _Euh_ , I don’t know.” She looked down at Cosima. “Most employees do not know what really happens in this building. They are kept in the dark.”

“Right, obvs,” Cosima mumbled.

“But they have seen Rachel. And I’m not supposed to bring people in, or out, of this building,” Delphine thought out loud. “Especially not at this time of the night.” They could avoid the guard by walking up another stair, and finding a different emergency exit so they would avoid the lobby altogether. But the way Cosima’s chest was still heaving after the previous exercise, Delphine did not want to strain her damaged lungs beyond repair.

Cosima stared up at her, considering what Delphine just told her. “What are you thinking?”

Delphine opened her mouth to talk. At the same time, they heard the door open two floors below them, where they had been only a few minutes ago. “ _Merde,_ ” Delphine swore. Without time to consider the alternative, she opened the door and walked into the lobby, pulling Cosima with her.

The staircase was located just to the left of the elevators; usually nobody used them. In the large glass walled lobby, the large stone pillars obstructed the view from their goal. Delphine walked with a determined trot towards where she knew the doors were.

Cosima caught up with her quickly. She had grasped onto Delphine’s plan, looking as innocent as possible, and hoping for the best. Cosima chocked back a cough, and held her head up high, while they made their way through the wide-open space. 

They almost made it. Delphine nodded at the guard, who was sitting at what was the information counter during opening hours. She walked in between him and Cosima, hoping to shield her from his view, or at least distract from her. It did not work.

“Hold up, Dr. Cormier,” he said.

“Good evening,” Delphine said. She smiled at him, and not so subtly increased her pace.

The guard got up from his seat, not yet moving from behind the desk. “Who is your companion, Dr. Cormier? All visitors should be registered, and there are no authorizations for visitors after closing hours,” he said, checking his computer screen as he spoke. “Please wait a second.”

“It is fine,” Delphine waved at him. With a shaking hand, she opened the door, ignoring his order. She pushed Cosima into the cold outside air, and followed her.

“Hey,” the guard yelled. Delphine looked over her shoulder through the glass door. Inside, he was making a call, gesturing wildly and looking angrily at the two women standing just outside.

Turning back to a shivering Cosima, Delphine said, “Hurry up.”

“Brilliant plan,” Cosima sarcastically stated. Perhaps it was the kinder light, or maybe the refreshing outdoor air, but she was looking less pale, and more alive than she had in weeks. Cosima followed Delphine, still holding onto her hand. The raspy sound of Cosima’s breath begged Delphine to slow down, but they could not.

The doorman might not have followed them, for it would have meant that his post at the front door went unguarded, but there were plenty of other guards, and they would already be on their way after his call. Delphine hoped that they would be able to reach her car, before they found them.

Around the corner, next to the emergency exit they would have used if things had gone according to Delphine’s original plan, they found Delphine’s private car. Without slowing down, Delphine unlocked it, and opened the passenger’s door for an exhausted Cosima. She ran around the front of the car, and got behind the wheel.

Cosima was leaning into the seat with her eyes closed. She was panting heavily.

“ _Tu vas bien?_ ” Delphine asked. Her heart was pounding in her chest; she needed a second to calm down before she could drive. And she needed to make sure Cosima was all right. “Are you ok?”

“Hmm,” Cosima mumbled.

Delphine was not sure if Cosima meant that she was fine, or that the long and fast walk had been too much. Either way, Cosima was completely out of breath.

Turning around in the driver’s seat, Delphine leaned to the back of the car. Behind Cosima, she found something that might help her regain her breath. Tapping Cosima softly on her shoulder, Delphine offered her the cannula.

Grateful, Cosima took it and expertly wrapped it around her ears, and tucked it into her nose. She took a few deep breaths, and smiled gratefully at Delphine. “Thanks,” she said, as soon as she was capable of talking again. “Where did you get that?”

“Behind you,” Delphine pointed.

“Yeah, but I mean, why is it in your car?” Cosima asked.

Delphine smiled at Cosima. “Because I figured you’d need it,” she answered.

“Wait,” Cosima tilted her head, thinking about what Delphine just said. “You were planning on me being here?”

Delphine nodded. She opened her mouth to answer, but at that exact moment she saw the two guards turning the corner of the building in her rear view mirror.

The two uniformed men had not spotted the two women in the dark car yet. After all, nobody knew that Delphine had a second car. But they were closing in on it quickly, and would soon notice that the car was not empty.

“ _Merde,_ ” Delphine whispered.

Cosima turned to look out the back window. When she saw the two figures in the dark street, she sunk down in her seat. “Maybe this is a good time to leave,” she suggested.

Quickly, Delphine turned her keys in the ignition, the engine started and the lights turned on. Taking another glance in the mirror, she saw that the guards had definitely noticed the car by now. They were running towards it, yelling something.

Delphine did not wait until she could hear what they were saying. She shifted to drive and rode off into the brightly lit streets. Just before she turned the corner, she saw both men standing in the street. One of them was talking on a phone. The other guard was talking animatedly.

“It will take them a while to get a vehicle to follow us,” Delphine said, more to ease her own anxiety than Cosima’s. At least she was relatively certain that this car was not geo-tagged, they would have no way to follow her except maybe through her licence plate. Which should give them a small advantage, and that was all Cosima needed. 

For a while, they sat in silence. Delphine was focusing too much on where she was going and checking her mirrors obsessively, to try and engage Cosima in any conversation.

In the passenger’s seat, Cosima was watching the city while she enjoyed the extra oxygen. She occasionally glanced at Delphine, frowning deeply. The escaped clone had a thousand questions for Delphine, but could not make up her mind on where to start. After an extra long stare out of the window, Cosima said, “We’re not in San Fran, are we?”

“No.”

“Then, where are we?” Cosima asked, looking at Delphine’s barely lit face.

Delphine glanced at Cosima. The clone seemed surprisingly calm, considering what she had been through in the last couple of weeks, and all that happened tonight. “Toronto,” Delphine answered.

“Wow,” Cosima said. She looked out of the window again, as if there was anything to confirm their location. The streets looked like almost any other downtown area of any other North-American city. The differences were in the details, but in the darkness Cosima could not see the strange shape of the street signs, or the advertisement with a Canadian website address. She trusted Delphine; there was no reason for the immunologist to lie about their location now. “Uhm, where are we going?”

Delphine turned another corner. She was quite sure by now that they were not being followed. She would have to assume that DYAD knew that she had another car and what it looked like; it significantly decreased her own chances of survival, but all that did not matter for Cosima. “We’re going someplace where you’ll be safe.”

Cosima frowned. For a few more minutes she looked out of the window without saying anything. Then she suddenly broke the silence again. “Were you coming to get me out?” she asked.

Delphine shrugged. “Yes, I was. Not that you needed my help apparently.”

Cosima laughed, “Yeah, I totally did. I was way lost down there. I must have been looking for an exit for, like, 15 minutes.” She shook her head.

Smiling, Delphine said, “I noticed.” She parked the car in one of the side streets. 

Despite the late hour, it was almost midnight, there were plenty of people on the street. They strolled back and forth, entering and exiting the many cafés on both sides of the street. Their voices and laughter, mixed with the loud music from different establishments, invaded the still closed car. Cosima was staring at the scene, still dazed from the sudden change of pace after having been locked up for such a long time.

While Cosima looked around, Delphine checked her phone again. This one she had bought a while ago, when she had also purchased the car. Her old phone was still in the apartment DYAD had rented for her, so if anyone thought of tracing it, they would not find her. Delphine searched for the text Beth had sent her a few days ago. They were at the right address, though the grimy bar did not look like a place a police detective frequented.

Delphine unbuckled. She wanted to stay here in the car with Cosima forever. It would be selfish, and they would be found in a matter of hours, if not in a few minutes. DYAD would not give up on searching for them, and staying in Toronto in a car that was all over their surveillance cameras would be extremely naïve. Delphine knew this, but she could not help stalling. Once they got out of this car, it would be the last time she would be able to see Cosima. The clone’s sisters had made it very clear to Delphine that a monitor was not welcome, and even if she had been, Cosima would surely not have wanted to see the woman that betrayed her ever again. So Delphine had made up her mind after that last time she had talked with Beth and Alison; once Cosima was safely with her family, Delphine would attempt to lure DYAD as far away as she possibly could.

“Shall we?” Delphine asked. She wanted to explain to Cosima. She wanted to tell her why, and how, but there was a lump in her throat. Her lip trembled, and she could feel her own pitiful tears start to form. Before Cosima would notice, Delphine got out of the car. 

By the time Delphine had walked around the car, and had swallowed her feelings, Cosima had already gotten out of the car. She was no longer wearing the cannula, and looked quite all right without it. 

Delphine knew that she would need it again in a little while, so she pulled the heavy tank out from the backseat of her car. In less than a day the sick clone would have to find a replacement somewhere, but that was a problem for later. Delphine untangled the tubes, and offered them to Cosima.

Startled, Cosima took them. “Thank you,” she said. “There are so many people. Like, I forgot how many people there are.” She gestured with her hands, as she looked around the street. 

It was not exceptionally busy, but Delphine realized that it must come as an extreme shock to somebody who had been alone for quite a long time. She gently squeezed Cosima’s hand, giving her a brave smile. “It’ll be fine. You’ll be safe here.”

“Hmm,” Cosima nodded. She clearly had no idea where Delphine had taken her, but was not asking questions. Perhaps it was because she was too overwhelmed, or maybe because she had no choice but to trust Delphine.

“Wait here a second.” Delphine left Cosima standing next to the car, and went to collect a few things from the trunk. When she returned, she handed Cosima her laptop bag. “This is your computer. There are some new files on it; you’ll find them on your desktop. And there is an external hard drive in the bag as well, they might be useful.”

“Okay,” Cosima tilted her head frowning. She opened her mouth to say something else, but Delphine cut her off.

“In here you will find some samples, and a few other things that will help you and your sisters,” Delphine said, giving Cosima a suitcase. “There are also some of your private things, and a couple of clothes in there.” Delphine smiled. “Your sisters are waiting for you,” she said, her voice trembling. Delphine pointed at the door of the bar, indicating that Cosima should enter it.

The small woman stared up at Delphine. Behind her glasses, her eyes were huge. Confused, Cosima stammered, “Wait, you’re not coming with me?”

Delphine bit her lip. Cosima was not making this any easier. “I-, no,” Delphine shook her head. She took a step towards the car. Every minute they were wasting out here would put Cosima more at risk, and her sisters with her.

“Why not?” Cosima dropped the suitcase, taking Delphine’s hand to prevent her from walking away.

“I can’t,” Delphine answered. Explaining would take too much time, and she could not bear to stand here any longer. The tears were already running down her face. Beth or Alison could explain to Cosima what the arrangement they had made was, Cosima would understand, if only she would let Delphine leave.

“Come with me,” Cosima asked. Her bottom lip was trembling, mimicking exactly how Delphine felt. 

Looking at the door, Delphine shook her head. It would be better if she just walked away, yet she could not pull her hand free from Cosima’s grip.

“Delphine, please. Come with me?” Cosima forced Delphine to look at her. In the near dark, she looked so fragile and confused.

“I can’t,” Delphine repeated.

“Why not?”

Delphine took a deep breath. “It would endanger you,” she explained.

“What do you mean?” Cosima asked, not satisfied with the short answer.

Anxiously, Delphine scanned the people walking and laughing on the street. They all seemed to be a regular drunk Friday night crowd, enjoying each other’s company and the music coming from the café’s. All of them too engaged in their own companions to notice the two women arguing, and silently crying next to a fallen suitcase. Nobody seemed to be looking for them, and yet, Delphine expected ten hit men from DYAD to come running around the corner at any moment. She looked back at Cosima, so obviously out of place. The clone needed to get out of the street, and into a proper hiding place right now. “DYAD will be after me. I stole a lot of sensitive information. And I helped you escape,” Delphine spoke rapidly now, stumbling over her words. Cosima would not let her leave without a satisfying explanation; perhaps if Delphine explained it all, she would let go. “They will be looking for both of us. And by being close to you, I’m only endangering you further. So I will go, and your sisters will hide you.” Delphine ended her monologue with a nod, and finally pulled her hand free.

Somehow, Cosima reacted very quickly to the information. She grasped Delphine by the arm again, and pulled her closer. “Bullshit, you're coming with me,” she stated firmly.

Delphine’s mouth dropped. She had not expected Cosima to put up so much of a fight. Shaking her head, she said, “I can’t. That wasn’t the deal.”

“Deal?” Cosima shook her head. “I don’t care about whatever deal you made. I want you to come with me. They’ll understand.” Before Delphine could protest again, Cosima pulled her towards the door.

Delphine knew Cosima well enough to know there was no arguing with the stubborn clone. So she grabbed the suitcase, and followed Cosima inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT June 23rd 2016: As of today, there is a sequel: [The Privilege of Partial Perspective](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7281907/chapters/16534246)


End file.
